


Ricochet of Love

by petersgirl



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Bikers, Drama, F/M, Other Character - Freeform, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-03 02:13:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 35
Words: 192,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1727345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petersgirl/pseuds/petersgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Tara goes to jail; Jax is left to deal with the aftermath. The club takes action against potential threats while his family is coming undone. Jax's world is falling apart around him, needing someone to help hold him together. He meets them; has to make the hard calls. He has proven he can lead the club but, will his heart survive it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **********I do not own any of the characters; they belong to who they belong to. No copy right intended. This story is rated mature. It contains profanity, violence and adult situations.********

**Chapter1**

**JACKSONS POV**

 

Watching Tara being cuffed and taken away in the police car; the first thing I did was go to my sons room. Thomas had went back to sleep but Able was still wide awake. I carried him into the kitchen with me.

Her being put in this position is my fault and I know that all the blame falls on me and the clubs ways. My outlaw ways have been coming through more and more since I took the gavel. No matter how I try to rule uncorrupted it just becomes more that way. No one understands what you have to do to be King and stay on top, especially Tara.

It completely blind sided me tonight when she had papers drawn up giving custody of the boys to Wendy if anything happens to us. What in the fuck was she thinking? I tore them in half and tossed them on the kitchen table. That's what I thought of that fucken idea.

But what fucked me up the most is she took that job in Oregon when we still hadn't made a decision about it. Knowing that I can't just up and leave, she knows that.

Why Tara thought I would just let her walk out the door with my boys, my family, I don't know. You would think being my old lady and my sharing the club secrets with her that she would have an understanding of how shit really works with me. No one will ever part me from my boys, ever. Not Wendy and not her either.

Cross me once I beat down if I let you live. Cross me twice we don't talk about it anymore cause your six feet under. Tara is on about her third or fourth time now. I thought we were on the same path and she was strong enough to see this through with me.

No matter how much you do or don't like Gemma. She always sees it through even when she stumbles and falls. She dust her ass off and tries again. Not that I really trust her either right now.

Gemma no more than crossed my mind until she was standing behind me "I'm so sorry baby. I'll be here for whatever you need. I love you and my grandsons more than anything in this world." I think there's some truth to that but knowing Gemma, I know she loves Gemma the most. When her world is right she is strong and loves with all her might. When her world is upside down like it is now, you never know what she will do.

My cell was ringing and even though tonight I needed to be left alone I answered it "Jaxs you need to come to the clubhouse shits upside down with Galen." I told Chibs I would be there and ask mom if she would stay with the kids till I got back. How much damage can she do to them just watching them sleep?

**CHURCH POV**

When they walked through the doors. The table was starting to have empty chairs every where, two men shorter than last time they held church. Clay was arrested and Jackson was thinking may the son of a bitch rot in hell.

He saw Bobby's VP patch laying on the table in front of his chair. That was just one more person that Jackson was adding to the list of people that wronged him lately.

Chibs was giving Jackson the intel of what Galen had been up to "Someone must have tipped him off about the deal we've made with Lynn and the Cartel. He wants blood Jackie, your blood. He also wants to make sure that the Sons pay the price as a message of how strong they are and show the reach that the Irish still has."

Jackson knew Chibs was right about that, blood is coming but he was going to be damned if it's his.

Jackson was running down the pros and cons of retaliation "There is a snitch within the Cartel. They think were low lives but nothing compares to an agent with free rein to make a little cash money on the side. Taking into consideration that not only would we be taking on the Irish if we retaliate in anyway but an agent. A crooked agent that can steal with the law on his side."

With all the shit that's going down in Jackson's world right now, he kept thinking that he would catch a break sooner or later. But hell no, when it comes, it comes with a vengeance.

They threw some ideas out for discussion. None of them were good for the Sons in anyway. Jackson has to make the hard calls sitting in the sit he does, no matter the price that comes with it. Taking on cops or any of them for that matter didn't put fear in any of them. But getting the club into deeper shit and it having more damage done to it does.

After making some calls the agents name is Yule Daniels. He has been with Galen at several of there meets with the Irish. They took a vote. No retaliation just talk to him. Or make him talk if he is reluctant to. Beating him short of killing if that's what it took.

Discussing Tara and everything that is going on with her, they needed cash and a lot of it. Going back to the place where we made most of the money, guns. Right or wrong Jackson was doing this for her, she deserves that from him. He kept thinking we will get her out of this some how. He just wasn't sure how yet.

Everyone was very supportive and whatever they had to do to make shit right for Tara they would do. I f that meant starting war with the Irish and the Cartel, so be it. The only players that are safe right now is Lin. Don't think that Jackson wouldn't take him on too if Lin crossed him.

After the meeting Tig stayed behind to talk to Jaxs "When we rescued Wendy from Galen, Clay was talking about selling guns on the side for them. He was telling me that it wouldn't be to anyone that would be competition for the SOA. Do you think he had anything to do with this shit?"

Jaxs lit up a smoke "Who in the fuck knows with Clay. He's been trying to cut my nuts off since I took over." Jackson knew he fucked up and made the wrong decision not to kill him when he could of. But that situation has been rectified all ready with the murder of Pope landing on Clay. Jackson was getting the satisfaction of knowing that Clays days are numbered and Clay knows it too.

Juice was back at the door "Hey they called and Yule has a warehouse the next town over. Sooner or later he'll be hanging out around there. They weren't sure if that is storage for the Cartel drops or not."

That brought a smile to Jacksons face. He was getting a kick from that "Wouldn't that be the shit to find him there and take back the same guns we are already sold to the Cartel. Then resell them again."

**JACKSONS POV**

Taking Juice, Chibs and Tig with me to check out the warehouse intel we were given. Getting ready to ride "Chibs you take my right. Tig do you have a problem riding on my left tonight?"

Tig's bike was beside me "No boss. I'll protect you with my life." We'll see about that shit. I'm not sure that this is will be permanent positions but it's good for now.

Setting across the street trying to decide if anyone was in the warehouse or not we heard screaming "Tig take the front."

We busted through the back door of the warehouse and the screams were coming from one of the room upstairs "Chibs you come with me. Juice cover the stairs. Remember we take Yule alive, we need him right now. Were just gonna talk to him."

Juice was down at the bottom of the stairs and we were slipping up them quietly. When we entered the room "What the fuck?"

Yule was tied to a chair with three of his fingers laying on the floor. His face was covered blood and I wasn't sure that he was even alive.

"Welcome to my party boys." It was a female voice that had a gun pointed at us. She was a small woman with long blond curly hair. Dressed all in black just like we are when were going under the radar.

"Look, we don't wanna hurt you. We need to take the one in the chair and we'll be on our way. We have business with him." Hoping telling her that would make her back off and not make us kill her.

She laughed "Oh, I'm not afraid that you'll hurt me. You should be the one afraid right now." Is this chick for real?

Giving Chibs the nod so he knew what I had planned. We would get her to put her gun down then we would over power her "Were gonna put ours on the floor. Are you gonna put yours down too?" Chibs laid his gun on the floor and I was waiting till she did the same before I let go of mine. We don't wanna have to hurt a woman but I will if she leaves me no choice.

Not giving in to us and keeping her gun pointed at me "I can't do that stud. There's only two people I trust. One of them is me and the other one is not you. This has nothing to do with you. You leave and we'll just forget this meeting ever took place. How's that sound?"

She was all ready getting on my nerves "Were taking him. Don't make me use force." I was getting tired of this little game. I'm not questioned by many men let alone some tiny woman that has a big mouth.

Pointing the silencer at his head she pulled the trigger "That shit is not happening." She killed our goddamn lead and tie. Now I was pissed.

Chibs went to rush her and she did the splits to the floor. Punching him in the balls as hard as she could. Standing up she put her high heal black boot upside his head a couple of times. Now I was just down right fucken pissed off.

The last thing I remember was getting a boot to the face.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed reading me!**

 


	2. Chapter 2

**JACKSONS POV**

 

Going back to the clubhouse the ride was helping me clear my head. None of us was expecting to find what we did tonight. Yules dead and some woman took us on with a cause. There's something so off about her. No woman acts like that, hell most men don't. Especially against any of us.

Juice said she attacked him on the stairs and of course he didn't see it coming, none of us did. She better be glad she took us by surprise of her attack cause she can bet her ass it won't fucken happen again, woman or no woman. That kick to the face has earned her the right of putting herself in a mans position and that's exactly how she'll be treated too.

I'll show her no mercy next time our paths cross and there will be a next time now that she has shamed our patch. If word ever got out about a woman doing that to us everyone would want to fight against us. It's about the respect of who we are. Not to mention she shot the one that could connect all the dots for us about whats going on. Don't think I'm not gonna have to deal with that shit coming sooner or later.

"What the fuck happened to you guys?" That was Happy's greeting and no I didn't answer his question either.

Pulling into the driveway all the lights were off in the house. Gemma was asleep on the couch and I covered her up. I don't want to be mean to her or have to distance myself from her but she left me no choice. She keeps doing things and fucked up shit worse than it was before, putting even a bigger gap there. So that's on her. I know everyone thinks I'm being to hard on her but they don't know what she's capable of but, I do.

Checking on Able and Thomas; they were fast asleep. Going into our bedroom and moving Tara's robe off the bed, I sat down and done some soul searching. I needed to be up early and at the attorney's office early to see what we can do about getting her bailed out. Or at least find out what were gonna be up against.

Maureen was at the clubhouse waiting for me to get there. I didn't even have to go to her office. Nothing she had to tell me was good news either. Tara's bail was two hundred and fifty thousand dollars cash. If convicted she could be facing twenty to life.

If I pulled out all my personal money I could get my hands on and the clubs stash, it wouldn't be enough. There's places and ways to get it but, none of those options are good for the club either. Sometimes you have to dance with the devil with no remorse and that's what I'm gonna do.

Not even sure what shit went down to land Tara in jail when we were told that everything was handled "There is an anonymous witness that came forward and has agreed to testify that Tara went to the prison with the cross and had every intention of helping Otto Delany kill that nurse. It went from being an accomplice to murder to premeditated murder. I can't get any information at this time about the witness." Nobody even knew about Tara going there so how could there be a witness? It has to be someone that wants to hurt the club or someone has been paid off to testify.

Attorneys make a shit load of money and we keep Maureen on retainer. She is given bonuses where she had to stretch the law to make it bend in our direction "Find out now who the witness is and their address. Not knowing is not acceptable. I don't give a shit what you have to do. When can I see Tara?" All I really cared about at this point was find the witness and taking them out of the picture. I needed to get to Tara to let her know everything would be okay. That I'm here and I won't let her down.

Maureen said she wouldn't be allowed to see me until tomorrow but she was going to visit Tara this afternoon. I told her to pass a message for me "Tell her I love her and I'll figure out a way to get her out. We'll try to find her some protection until then." Last night when I couldn't go to sleep and was laying there thinking about all the people I've wronged that have came back to haunt me. The quickest way to get to me would be through my old lady. I don't want to scare Tara but if we don't get her out she's in danger of retaliation from people that wanna hurt me and SAMCRO. It's a little hard to find women that will help protect us on the inside like when were in lock up.

**CHURCH POV**

 

They were talking about options to raise Tara's bail at the table. Jackson had already decided what he had to do. Right now he wasn't going to involve the rest of the club on it unless he had to.

Since they have no intel on what the Irish are up to and they had no other way to really find out. Unless they could get their own Irish charter to get information for them. "That probably won't play out but, it's worth a shot."

Since all the shit went down with rescuing Abel while they were in Belfast, the Irish charter hasn't been very supportive to them.

Chibs was using some of his connections to put out feelers to see what he could come up with.

Juice was making some calls too. He's trying to step up and redeem himself with Jackson and the rest of the members since Jackson found out that Juice was a rat. He helped set Clay up to take the fall for Popes murder too. In exchange Jackson won't tell them that Juice was the one that gave info to the cops about reco.

Although Jackson was respecting what Juice was trying to do, Jackson still was not sure how far he can trust him. Jackson was thinking that Juices time was coming and he would be putting Juices loyalty to the test real soon. Jackson wanted to know that it wouldn't happen again and see how much Juice has learned about turning on the club.

Bobby finally showed up and took Clays old seat. That's his way of showing disrespect for Jackson's decisions and leadership. Everyone was paying attention to Bobby and Jackson. But Jackson can hide the truth and his feelings when he has to. Jackson let it go because this was one of those times having a score to settle is best left alone right now.

"Let me get this right. You guys got your ass kicked by a bitch?" Happy is never one to sugar coat anything and this was no different.

It was more than just some woman strung out on a rampage or having a PMS day from hell. She knew to use a silencer and mutilating his hand was more than most women could stomach. After Jackson was telling them all of this they agreed; something is definitely fucked up there. They needed to find out about her and the ties she has to the Cartel or if it's just to Yule.

Jackson was asking if there was any new club business that needed to addressed before banging his gavel Bobby stood "I resigned as VP. I don't feel that I can serve the club and it's needs right now. But I'll be more than happy to perform the duties until you appoint the new one."

Jackson was looking around the table and wasn't sure who he could trust to serve in that position. But he decided that he would deal with it later.

Jackson banged the gavel and Church was over.  
 **  
JACKSON POV**

 

Unser was sitting outside when I went out to smoke "I need a favor. I need you to find out about someone and as fast as you can get it for me."

He was laughing "Oh yeah, I'll have that in hour with all the information you gave me on her. A small blond with long hair and big tits. How many of those can there be running around?"

Taking Chibs and Tig with me to go start my dance with the devil and get the money for Tara's bail. Bobby asked me if I wanted him to come along too "Nope, your not my fucken VP anymore." At some point Bobby and I will settle our shit and make things right but it wasn't gonna be today.

Riding past a strip club Chibs got my attention "Jackie look who's going in there." It was her. Hard to believe that a stripper could just kill like that.

Walking in she was in the back with a guy until she saw us. Making a beeline to take the stage. Tig mouth was open "Is that her? Damn she could beat me and keep me for her very own. I think I'm in love."

The look on my face must have said it all "Sorry Jaxs. We've got to kick her ass that's just a given brother." Only Tig would stop and think of pussy when shit is going down.

She has to leave that stage sometime. So we took front row seats. She was doing a damn good job of pretending to ignore us.

When she was down to just her panties she came over right in front of me and straddled my lap. As she was grinding on me she whispered low "I have more people watching over me and protecting me than you could ever imagine. The best thing you can do is go home little biker boy before you get hurt."

Have you ever met someone that just pissed you off by them being in your sight? I have now and I wasn't waiting until she was done with her little routine. I didn't give a shit who was around either. Pushing her off my lap and grabbing her by the throat. Slamming her back down onto a table "Who the fuck are you? Do you even know who we are?"

Before she even had a chance to answer those questions I had a sawed off shotgun in my face "Let her go now."

Looking around the room there was guys with guns drawn on us. Letting her up from the table she ran to a big guy. She was sobbing into his chest "Thank god you saved me. He was threatening me and said when I left here he was going to follow me home and hurt me." Why was she playing this I'm a scared little girl shit now? She was being nothing like she was last night.

Turning her head to look at me she had a evil smile on her face. He was hugging her tightly to him "It's okay honey. Nobody will ever hurt you as long as I'm around."

When the cops showed up Tig, Chibs and me were arrested for disturbing the peace. That bitch hasn't seen mean until I get out of jail and then she's in for it. Cause were still on probation and this just means more shit is coming our way. But at least I know where to find her now.

Sitting in a jail cell wondering how Tara was doing in hers. This is nothing new to me but I'm sure she's really scared. Not being arrested in Charming is both good and bad. Juice was on his way with our bail.

A Deputy opened the cell door "Trigger, Teller and Telford you made bail. Let's go." They didn't have to tell us twice to get the fuck out of here.

Looking around for Juice but we couldn't find him. Standing outside smoking when he pulled up "I didn't pay your bail. I just got here."

If he didn't then who did? I went to talk to the front desk "Your sister paid your and your friends bail sir."

Not having a sister I asked what she looked like and her name "She was a short blond with long hair."

The lady went over and got our paper work "I really can't read the name on the signature line. Everything was prearranged when she got here. She handed me five thousand dollars and then left."

She put her glasses on "It looks like the first name says Shay... no Shag. The Last name is Goff maybe or Off." Shag off; means fuck off.

Getting our bikes out of impound and going back to the clubhouse. All I wanted to was sit down and have a smoke in peace. End this day so I can see Tara tomorrow.

When Bobby came through the door "I'm not in the mood for you right now. I meant what I said; if I get you alone I'm gonna take your head off." I gave him fair warning.

He leaned on a chair at the table "Jaxs, I didn't come in here to fight with you brother. But you need to know that Clay made bail."

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed reading me! With Clay out of jail you just know more chaos is coming Jackson's way!**

 


	3. Chapter 3

**JACKSONS POV**

 

 

Who in the fuck would bail that piece of shit out? Who would have that kind of cash just laying around to spend? The only family and friends Clay has is the club.

This is going to make hell rain down on us now. Whoever helped Clay to get out of jail will be coming for us too. Now I have to worry about my boys and Gemma. She lied just like I told her too. She gave the performance of her life when she told Roosevelt that Clay went out with the gun and was alone for a few hours. He will come after her and he will kill her if he gets the chance to. She double crossed him and used him just like she did JT, my father. It all comes around and it's Gemma's turn to face the devil now.

Gemma really wants me to believe that she had nothing to do with and knew nothing about Clay killing JT. I don't believe that shit for a minute. I know the ways of Gemma and how she lays the blame on who it fits at the time. But this time the blame lands on her with Clay no matter what she says.

The deal I made with Gemma was if she helped get Popes murder pinned on Clay, she would get her family back and could be around the boys again. But that was never gonna really happen. Tara had made it clear to me that she didn't give a shit, let Gemma do what we asked then Tara would deal with her. I'm trying to do the right thing, put my old ladys wants and needs first. It was only gonna be a matter of time until Gemma found out that truth too. But Tara had no problem being deceitful and being a user where Gemma was concerned. But Tara rides my ass about my outlaw ways and being a user.

I need to find a place to keep the kids. Where they can be protected at all times with people I can trust to give up their own lives for them if it came down to it. For now I needed to get to them and make sure I watch over them until then.

Wondering if this had anything to with Tara getting arrested. Was this part of the plan and already in motion? Clay could be using this part to get to me. But he was arrested about the same time she was. It could be the peoples plan that got him out. When you have so many people gunning for you at the same time it gets hard to decide who all the players are and what they'll do next. But right now it doesn't matter as long as I secure my boys then I'll do what I gotta do.

Not even wanting to discuss this with Bobby "I'm gonna go get the boys and get a couple of the Prospects posted here. It's better for the night that they are all watched over. We'll decide tomorrow what were gonna do about Clay."

Bobby didn't argue or even look at me "I'll make sure that happens to keep them safe. But you know eventually were gonna have to work this shit out between us and move on from it. Clay is gonna try to hurt us and with the power he has of the the people backing him, he just might get the job done this time. I told you what being weak and vindictive would bring."

Did he really just say that shit to me? I've had enough of everyone questioning me and tell me how wrong I've done. It was time to show them that I'm the one in control and their opinion doesn't matter shit. Grabbing him by his hair and having my gun pointed at his head "Yeah I know exactly what you told me. Cause you went behind my back and made a deal with Clay when I wanted to kill that son of bitch, I had to take another path to get the job done. You sold me out. The next one that crosses me won't live to regret it."

Chibs was trying to get me to let go of Bobby. All the others were watching too. I let go of him "We'll settle our shit another time. Everyone needs to be on watch tonight. Lock down your family and know where they all are. We don't even know who's coming for us but be damn sure that they are coming." I should have added thank Bobby for that but I didn't. Cause if I got my way about it Clay wouldn't be breathing anymore.

After getting the boys and Gemma to the clubhouse I made sure that the Prospects understood what was going down. I was gonna go home. My house or Gemma's house should be the first place they come to look. I'm packing a bag and going back to the clubhouse to stay there to watch over my family. What once was a happy home with a family is now empty and broken.

I tried to sleep on our bed last night but all I did was toss and turn. I missed her warmth and just knowing she would be there will a beautiful smile on her face when I woke up. It's true what they say; enjoy every second of life. You're on top of the world one day and everyone is trying to bury you the next, even though you're still alive and still breathing.

Gemma already had the boys fed and in bed when I got back. Nero was with her and he asked if it would be cool if he hung out for the night here too. I have no problems with him and think he's a pretty good guy. But Gemma will ruin him and take from him until he has nothing left in him to give to her. Maybe it's not her fault she's like that but, she will end up fucken up his world too.

I didn't wanna leave Lyla and the kids unprotected cause they have suffered enough heart aches already "Nero do me a favor. Call Lyla and tell her she needs to bring the kids here for the night to stay. But try not to upset her too much. She's been through enough."

I went in and sat down on the bed watching Abel and Thomas sleep. Maybe I should have listened to Tara and got out sooner or maybe it wouldn't have made a difference anyways. All I know is what started out being turning the club around and making something that my boys could be proud of being a part of; has turned into more mayhem and tearing my family apart. I was to tired to think anymore and curled up with them to try to sleep.

Leaving to go see Tara I wanted to make sure Gemma was okay before I left "I'm okay baby. I've been through so much shit over the years with the club, this is just one more thing that we have to over come and conquer. The only thing I don't think I could stand is loosing my boys. Because I'm dead without you, Abel and Thomas in my life." She hugged me and I hugged her back. Family is the most important thing in our world and that has been drilled in my head from when I was young. But Gemma drew first blood with me and even though I will protect her with my life, I won't forget.

I was sitting at the visiting booth when they brought Tara in. She looked worn out and without any emotions right now. The only way we could talk was on the phone "Jaxs why am I still here? You promised me that no matter what you would take care of this and protect me. I can't even be there to kiss my babies good night. Do you know how that makes me feel being separated from them and not knowing what is happening to them? Who is watching over them? You better not tell me your mother either. "

"I'm working on getting you out of here. I just need time to raise the money. I promise I won't let you down. I love you Tara and I would have never asked you to go see Otto if I thought anything like this was going to happen, I swear."

Now came the part I already know she's not going to understand "They boys are with Gemma but it's complicated right now. Clay made bail and I need to keep them all close to me."

She started crying "How is that even possible Jaxs? You said if we got Popes..."

I stopped her from talking. I've been in here enough to know they record all calls "This isn't the time to talk about that."

"I should have never came back to Charming. Look how my life has turned to shit since then. Not only my life but the boys too. The longer were here the worse it's going to be. I love you Jaxs but marrying you means I'm married to the club too. I'm begging you once I get out lets just go. Pack everything and get the hell out of here." I still don't think Tara is seeing the reality of who I really am and who she has become being with me.

"It's not that simple anymore Tara. With all this shit coming down on me, them charging you and Clay getting out; I can't leave now." By the look on her face that's not what she wanted to hear.

"Then you leave me no choice. I'm taking the boys and going to Oregon and getting as far away from SAMCRO as I can." That was not what I wanna hear from her. There is no way in hell that's happening either. That's the one thing that Gemma and I agree on; I can't live without my boys.

Our time was up and the guard came to take her back to her cell "I love you Tara and I'll be here tomorrow to see you." She hung up the phone without saying a word and wouldn't even look at me.

Maureen called me and she filed whatever paper work she had to so that she could find out who the witness was but, it would take a few days to get it. When I brought up what happened to us yesterday at the strip club and what she found out "All the charges have been dropped against the three of you. It was summed up as just a misunderstanding. It was the club owner that had them dropped a Mr. Roberto Mancini." At least something is going my way today.

Going back to the clubhouse I passed the strip club and turned my bike around. I was gonna put a stop to at least one of my problems.

Talking to the bartender "Hey, I'm looking for a dancer that was here yesterday. She's a short blond with long hair. She has a tatt on the small of her back." It was dark and I couldn't see what it was but I could tell she has ink.

"You are not welcomed here and I don't know what dancer you're talking about." I kept pressing him for something about her, anything.

A guy dressed in a black suit came out from the back "It would best if you left and now. We don't know anything about the girl you're describing and no one works here like that."

I remembered him from yesterday, he was here "Look, I don't wanna make any trouble. I just wanna talk to her. She was here and so were you. I would think you would remember since you had me arrested. Is Mr. Mancini here so I can talk to him?" More guys came out of the back and it was obvious that I've wore out my welcome.

The guy from yesterday "Boys why don't you show him out, please. You really need to take the warning and stay away from here or I will handle things my way the next time you come back. Do we have a understanding?" We have an understanding today but I'll come back and get what I want eventually.

Sitting at the table searching for a solution, some sort of plan of how to find Clay and put an end to this shit once and for all when Tig came in "Jaxs you need to see this brother. We have visitors."

There was a long stretched black Limo and four sedans parked behind it. Not exactly something you see in this neighborhood everyday. The guy from the strip club stepped out of the Limo and went around to the other side opening the door. An old guy got out dressed in a very nice Italian suit.

When the old guy got out so did everyone one else from the sedans; all packing heat "Mr. Teller I presume? I'm Anthony Mancini." He stuck his hand out for me to shake it.

I didn't shake his hand "What can I do for you?" Keeping a close eye on the guy from strip club and watching how he stood behind the old guy. He is connected to the old guy some way. Maybe his right hand man or his protection.

"I would like to talk to you. I believe we have some business to discuss."

I lit up a smoke "I don't think we do. Unless you can tell me where to find the girl." The younger guy tensed up. Just mentioning her gets to him you can tell.

Anthony asked the young guy to get something out of the car for him "Roberto please get what I brought for Mr. Teller." I slipped my hand inside my cut and left my hand on my gun not being sure what the fuck was gonna happen. Chibs did the same along Happy. But Happy just pulled his out and had it pointed at Anthony. Happy is one that handles his shit and never cares about the consequences to come.

"I can assure you there is no need for that. If I wanted you dead Mr. Teller, you would be already. Take a look around you." He was right about that. There was enough fire power in this parking to start a little war.

He opened his jacket to show me he had no gun on him. Roberto came over and opened the case. There was stacks of hundreds dollar bills inside of it "Is there somewhere we can have this discussion in private perhaps?"

Figuring it was safe to let Anthony come inside the clubhouse but I stopped Roberto at the door. Anthony told him to wait he would be fine. We went to the table and shut the door.

"I want to apologize for any problems that Lilyan has caused for your organization and I hope that you accept my peace offering." He was trying to buy me off. Which makes me wonder even more who the fuck she really is.

But I know everything comes with a price to be paid for it and to be throwing around that kind of money means the other shoe should be dropping anytime now "Who is she? Why are you offering this money? Please don't insult my intelligence either Mr. Mancini. I'm just a mechanic and a Harley lover. To earn that kind of money there has to be something illegal involved." I was letting him draw his own conclusions about SAMCRO. I don't know him and he don't know me. I sure as the fuck don't trust him either.

"Please don't insult my intelligence either Mr. Teller. I know what you do and who you are. You see nothing happens on the streets that I don't know about or can't find out about. You and I are not that much different we both just want to take care of our families and earn a good living. Lilyan is my grand daughter and she is a very good girl unfortunately; she has a vendetta to settle and no matter what I think or say she does whatever she wants to. The money is to make you back off from her. To receive that case that's all you have to do is just back off and let her settle her score. Word has it that your trying to make bail for your wife Tara and your step father has made bail. I'm sure that money would help in both those causes." He does know more about us then I gave him credit for. But still refused to give me any direct answers to my questions concerning her.

I wasn't even gonna ask how he knew all those things "I can't back off from her. Your right my step father is a club problem that I can't discuss right now but, your grand daughter killed the only lead we had that goes back to how to stop him. That shit is putting my family in more danger every day I don't know what the fuck is gonna happen or who in the fuck has turned on us. I just wanna talk to her and find out what information she knows about. But I can't promise anything if she gets in my way again. I won't allow anyone to hurt my family." Playing a poker move; I threw all my cards out there to see what his response was. If he's like me he will do what he's gotta do to protect his family.

"I'm not exactly sure what happened between you and her but, I won't allow that Mr. Teller. You will not hurt her in anyway. If I have to step in, I will. Now I don't think a bunch of Harley lovers would want to take on my organization but the choice is yours. I think your going to find that some of the same people might be on both of your list as a problem. But the only one that knows that for sure is you and Lilyan." He and I came to understanding and I was taking it to the table for a vote. I explained to him that yes I'm the leader but the rest of the club has a say too. He didn't understand that concept as he makes most of the decisions.

This new business plan was not one that I wanna put the club in but, it solves my problem with money and getting Tara bailed out. We even set up a meeting to talk about him buying guns from us. He was still being very vague about his organization and what role he played in it.

Anthony stuck out his hand again "Our families are good now, no?"

I shook this time "Yeah."

As we were walking out into the bar Nero was sitting out there with Gemma. He asked if he could talk to me "Jax man, do you know who that is that you're talking about doing business with?" No I didn't know all the details about them yet but I was gonna get intel on them before taking it to the table.

"They're Mafia and Pappy is their don. They're some bad ass mother fuckers. They are the eyes and ears of the streets. Nothing happens that they don't want to and they crush whoever gets in their way. They aren't from around here either at least not Pappy. I heard about him when I was running pussy up in New York." Now it's all making sense to me. Anthony is leader in the Mafia world.

 

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I **hope you enjoyed reading me. In the next chapter we will be meeting Lilyan and finding out why she is the way she is.**


	4. Chapter 4

**CHURCHS POV**

Sitting everyone down at the table Jackson was explaining to them the offer that Anthony had made them. Even though it wasn't going to be easy to explain "We have been offered money to give protection to Lilyan and keep it off the radar. Until Anthony closes a deal in two weeks he want's everyone to believe she's dead and gone. He doesn't care what we have to do to persuade her as long as we don't kill her. In return for that we'll receive a large sum of money to use for Tara's bail."

Jackson already told himself that he would do what he had to do to get Tara out. To him this isn't anymore shadier than some of the other deals he would have to make to get the money.

Happy spoke up "Why us?" He asked what a lot of the others wanted to know too.

"He told me that no one knows about us. They didn't until we crossed paths with her in the warehouse. He figures this is a good hide out and the last place they would come looking for her. Also he's offering man power to us to beef security around here. With Clay being on the loose and joining forces since we still don't know with who, I think it's a good idea." It's almost time for a lock down in the clubhouse but the problem was who should they lock down? Was it one of their own that has turned on the club once again?

Now came the part that he was sure the other had already figured out. Jackson lit up a smoke "They're Mafia and that would put us in the cross hairs for the next two weeks with their enemies. Part of the money he is wanting to give us is a fifty percent deposit on Lin's next shipment of Glocks and AKs. Not only would we have enough for Tara but it would put the club back in business again and gets us out of the red."

Since Jackson has been in control the club been operating more on a hope and a prayer than cash. He felt it was time to make SAMCRO what it once was, a business revenue of earning a lot of cold hard money.

They put out on the table to discuss pros and cons. The biggest con was getting out after the two weeks was over "I'll get us out of this I promise just like I did with the drug running and the Cartel." This one might not be as easy to walk away from but Jackson hasn't failed yet and he didn't plan on starting now.

When Jackson asked if anyone had anything else to add, Chibs did "Jackie, what in the hell are we going to do with her? I get giving her protection but where are we going to keep her?"

Lilyan just became Jackson's problem and he had to figure out what do with her. But he would because this was how they were going to get the money and he will let nothing stand in his way.

"Lets vote this."

It was five to two "Majority rules. Let's do this shit."

It wasn't a surprised to Jackson that Bobby voted against it. Bobby has been going the other way on all of Jackson's deals lately, always voting the opposite of what Jackson was trying to make happen. Making it harder on him than it really needs to be. Jackson was still trying to figure out something with him and what he needed to get it handled but for now Jackson decided to leave it alone.

Now all that was left to do was for Jackson to honor his word that he just gave Anthony Pappy Mancini.

Jackson banged the gavel and church was over.

 

**JACKSON POV**

 

It was time for us to go and get Lilyan to leave with us on her own or make her come around to my way of thinking. I really didn't give a shit which way it went either. I've got a job to do and I wasn't gonna let a woman stand in my way.

She was exactly where Pappy said she would be too. Coming out onto the porch to meet us "You know if your trying to be all stealthy, you chose the wrong ride because I could hear you coming from a mile away."

"Have you talked to your grand father yet?"

She put her hands on her hip "Yes I talked to him. I don't know what he's thinking that you can do for me. Your protecting me since I already whipped your ass seems kind of silly don't you think? I asked Pappy who he was going to hire next to protect the little biker boys from me."

She was trying to provoke me and I wasn't gonna allow it. I was sticking to the plan "It's time to go. So you need to decide how this is gonna play out. But I'm warning you this time I'll hit you back."

Jumping down from the porch "Thanks for the warning but, I'll take my chances."

Juice wouldn't fight her cause she's a girl but Happy did. When she went to kick him in the face, he caught her leg "Don't try that Billy Jack bullshit on me."

I gave her fair warning and we had her on the ground. I put the rag over her face and it was sleep time for Lilyan "It's about time you learn Darlin, I'm the one in control here."

Loading her up in the van "Juice take her back to the clubhouse and put her in my office. Tie her up and gag her. I'm gonna go see Tara before it gets to late and Lilyan should be out for about four hours."

I noticed Tig was getting in the van with Juice "Where do you think you're going?"

"I thought, you know, I would ride back with Juice just as back up in case she wakes up." Back up my ass. I already know what he has on his mind.

"She off fucking limits. You might wanna remember who she is and if anyone of you go near her, you'll deal with me when I get back." They've been warned now too.

Waiting for Tara to come out for a long time. When she finally did all she had to say to me was "Are you getting me out of here today?" When I said no she hung up the phone and called for the guard to take her back to her cell.

Tara has always known how to get to me and exactly what buttons to push when she needed to. Today was one of those days. I'm not sure where our relationship is gonna go when she gets out. She was giving me every signal that our future depends on what I do about getting her out and leaving Charming. But the problem is today, I can't do either one.

Sitting down in my office watching sleeping beauty tied up on the couch. It's hard to believe by appearance she is capable of doing the harsh shit she does and that she's even Italian for that matter.

Pappy talked to me on the phone for a long time this morning and in three days I'll have the cash for Tara from him. All I have to do is keep Lilyan from killing anyone, hide her out and stop her from interfering with his deals for the next two weeks. Then she can go on a killing spree for all I care.

When she started coming to "I'm gonna take the gag out. This is where I talk and you listen. For the next two weeks were gonna get a long and no more bullshit. If you try anything I'm just gonna shoot you." She understood the behavior I expected from her and if not she will be spending the next two weeks getting cloroformed over and over.

It came down to Pappy no longer being able to control Lilyan and he wouldn't turn his back on her like everyone else has. Him not wanting her to get killed or bring more chaos into his organization and having her protected at the same time. This is his last deal to be made then it's retirement and a new leader takes over. He's just trying to make it out and set himself up with money to live out his years on. That's always the goal when your an outlaw but most of the time you never make it out alive.

The rest of the day wasn't to bad. Lilyan seemed to make friends with Happy. She was behind the bar serving drinks when she bent over I saw her tatt "Where's your old man at?" It was ink of belonging to someone.

All I got from her after she set a beer on the bar for me was "Gone."

Then she walked away "Isn't Roberto your old man?"

"No he's not. Are you writing book or what?" She seemed a little snippy so I didn't ask her anything else.

Talking to everyone we could think of to get Clays location and any dirt that was on the street about him, turned up nothing. Happy poked his head in "Jax I'm gonna go to town and taking Lily with me." I noted he called her Lily and that shit is gonna end bad too.

It's not that I don't trust Happy, I don't trust her out of my sight "That's not a good idea. I don't wanna let her out of this clubhouse. No one needs to know she's here."

Happy was taking Gemma to town along with Juice. They were doing a ride a long with her and the boys. As much as it was against my better judgement Abel needed his medicine and I said it was okay if Lilyan rides along with Gemma. I had to go meet Mr. Marks he learned of Clay getting out and needed to talk.

Going to the car to kiss Able and Thomas goodbye I saw Lilyan talking to Abel "Don't be sad little one. Your Mommy will be home really soon. Do you know what I do when I'm sad?"

He had that pouty face and shook his head no "I think of a happy song and the more I play it in my head, the happier my heart becomes. Do you have a happy song?" Abel was telling her the song that Tara and him sing all the time, The Wheels On The Bus Go Round and Round. On the way out of the parking lot they were doing a loud version of that song with Abel. At least he'll be happy today.

Watching her be tender with him showed me a different side of her but, then again I have a side of me that few people see. If you're an outsider looking in you would never guess that I could be that way.

Marks was already here and pissed off you could tell "Are you hiding and protecting Morrow from us? If I find out the Sons have anything to do with it you won't like the outcome." I gave him my word that we had nothing to do with it. We are looking just as hard for Clay as they are.

When I was getting on my bike to leave "If you hear anything, I want to be the first one you call Mr. Teller. Let's not start our relationship out with me coming to find you. Because I will if I have to." I can't believe he even thinks were hiding Clay out. Nobody wants him dead more than I do. Marks and I got the same goal; mayhem delivered to Clay.

On the way back to the clubhouse Juice was calling me "Jax were out on the old highway. They are gunning for us. We need you." I was flying as fast as my bike could go to get there.

It was over when I pulled up. A van and five dead guys laying around. Lilyan had Abel and Gemma had Thomas. I didn't recognize any of them as locals "Were they after you? God damn it my kids were here and could have been killed. I don't give a fuck how much money I can get from babysitting you. Get the fuck out of my sight. I see you as a spoiled little rich bitch that brings nothing but bad shit down where ever you go." The quickest way to get me is my children and that's also the quickest way to piss me off too.

Lilyan handed me Abel "Yeah, I'm sure that's what you do see. Being an upstanding citizen and all that you are. You don't know shit about me." She started walking down the road.

Gemma put Thomas back in the car and went to take Able from me "They weren't after her Jackson. They wanted me and the boys. She saved the boys from being taken."

I shot my mouth off and now it was time to makeup for it. Pulling my bike up behind her "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have went off on you until I knew what happened."

She kept on walking and ignoring me. I grabbed her arm and my hand was covered in blood "It's a long walk back to town. We can have someone look at your arm."

She jerked away from me "I don't need anything from you. So why don't you fuck off." When Gemma pulled up Lilyan got in the car with her and gave me the finger as they drove by, oh she's real mature.

While Lilyan was getting her arm bandaged I got filled in by Happy and Juice about what went down. This hit was to get to Gemma and my boys which means it had to do something with Clay. These weren't the typical bikers either looking for them either.

Happy was looking at Lilyan with stars in his eyes "You should have seen her man. The way she fought them. When they were trying to get the boys out of the back seat she stabbed the one in ass and ball punched the other one. Damn it turned me on." I'm glad she's making things exciting for them but all I care about is keeping my family safe.

Happy was asking her where she learned to fight like that "Most little girls are playing with Barbies and having tea parties. I was brought up with all boys, very mean boys. I learned at an early age how to defend myself. Because of who I am, there was always someone that wanted to hurt me. So being small I learned to fight and fight smart."

A couple of the Prospects were doing clean up of their little shoot out. We don't need that shit blowing back on us with everything else going on "I don't want anyone leaving this clubhouse alone and without my approval from now on." I looked straight at Gemma and Lily. I was hoping they were picking up that I was talking about them.

I went up on the roof to be alone and write. It's the only time anymore that I get my mind to rest and just let the words flow. I wasn't up there long until I saw her coming up too "Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you about something."

So much for alone time and I told her to go ahead "Tomorrow I need to go somewhere either with you or one of them. I won't be gone long but it's a couple of hours away."

After the attempted hit today I thought she understood the importance of staying put "No. What aren't you getting about this shit? They are gonna find you and kill you. Do you wanna die?"

She was huffy "Fine have it your way. I'll just go and do what I want to. Then I'll come back here when I'm done. How about that plan?"

It was time to make an understanding between the two of us and find out a little back ground on her that she won't say nor does anybody else.

She stopped as she was going down the ladder "Well come on. If you really want to know all about me and my story let's go for a drive. It's easier to show you then sit here for hours trying to explain it. It's a couple of hour drive though."

Following her out the door and not sure why in the hell I'm even doing this. Or even care about what happened to her but, I really wanna know.

The drive was long just like she said it was "Lilyan are you gonna tell me or is this a pleasure drive?" She asked that I call her Lily too. This was an improvement from the start of the day.

"Being a part of the Family makes you a target and bulls eye for anyone that wants to hurt them or has a score to settle. When I met Gabriel I was still young and didn't want him to be a part of the world I belonged to. But he wouldn't stay away from me even knowing how dangerous it truly was to be with me. He knew everything bad about me and my family but loved me anyways. He always told me we would over come it together no matter what happened as long as we had love. That it wasn't my fault what family I was born into and that he only saw the good in me. Now that I'm older I know that's what true love really means; they know everything bad about you but love you anyways. They don't watch for your faults, they look for your strengthens and the goodness with in you." Isn't this love story starting to sound familiar. Not wanting to hurt them by who you are but, you can't let them go cause you love them.

"We ran away one night and got married. We moved around for the first couple of years as far away from New York as we could get. We never lived off the family or asked them for any favors. Gabe went to school and was an architect developer. He was a damn good one too." Mob queen and an architect, what a combination. Almost as good as a biker outlaw and a doctor.

"After settling down in Mendocino, California Gabe built our house and completed a few small residential development projects, he was making us a damn good living. Life was going great for us until he took on a bigger project and we got a lot of publicity because of it. It didn't take them long to find out who I was and they were leaning on him hard to get what they wanted from him. But he refused being the kind of man he was; he wasn't going to get involved with crime and dirty money." More similarities going on of my life and how it's played out.

She stopped talking for a little bit and asked if she could bum a smoke from me "I'm going to give the rest of the story in the short version. One Sunday afternoon Gabe along with our two year old son Addison was going to the store to get milk and a few other things. He always loved going with his daddy and cried until Gabe said he could go. My car was parked behind his so they were going to take that one. Gabe strapped Addison in his car seat and when he started the car..." There was tears running down her face.

"When he started the car it exploded. The bomb was meant for me, I was the target. I watched my boys die and to some degree, I died with them that day. You have asked me many times If I'm afraid to die and no I'm not. It's the fact that I'm the only one still living that I'm afraid of. I've watched and waited. Crossing off each one I kill and gaining a little more peace each time. They took my world and tore it apart and now I'm doing the same thing to them." I didn't know what to say to her. But I more than understood everything she said and where she was coming from.

An eye for an eye is how the club lives "There's something that I don't understand about you. Being who you are why isn't the Family seeking revenge on them?" She refused to tell them who did it. She knew if she did the Family would kill them and that was her way of healing, moving on from it. I understood that shit all to well too. Even though I got them gunning for Clay and the end result of his death is still the same if I did it or they do it, it's not as satisfying or healing. Revenge is what we do and how we live. It becomes a part of you and when it's not fed, you die a little from it.

"When we found you in the warehouse with Yule. You cut his fingers off, why?" I think that's what confused me the most about her kill was the mutilation.

"It's an Italian thing. I wanted his wedding ring so I could deliver it to another one of them that's responsible." Yeah we are more alike than I thought. The club has done some fucked up shit to survive and put the fear of god in people. That's what she did with the next one on her list. She wants him to know she's coming for him. She's toying with them.

Telling her my story too. After hearing hers I was comfortable with her cause we were telling the same story in a different version. When I came to the now and Tara wanting us to leave she gave her advise on it "Jaxs you can't ever run away, trust me. I snuck off in the middle of the night. Changed my name and thought no one would ever find me. You are who you are and that doesn't change by where you live. When they want to hurt you, there's no place that you can go that it's safe." I already knew what Lily was saying was true but, I wanna do right by Tara. There was a time when Tara almost had me convinced that moving a few states over would make a difference. But, Lily is living proof it doesn't.

Pulling up to a gated huge house, she punched in the access code to open the gate and so we wouldn't set off the alarm.

Inside the house was very nice and you could tell money wasn't spared here "Have a seat. I keep files and other information about all my prey. I always do my homework first and wait patiently until the time is right."

She had folders on each one of them. Watching them getting their schedule down and where their families lived. She did her revenge the right way, she never involved the innocent that had nothing to do with her husbands or sons death.

The last picture I looked at, I knew them both "When did you take this picture? Which one of them are getting revenge against."

"I took it this morning. My target is Mr. Marks. I don't know who the old guy is. Marks met him outside of town. They were keeping things on the down low though. I wasn't able to get very close to them. Why? Do you know them?" I knew the old guy. It's Clay with Mr. Marks, Damon Pope's right hand man.

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me. How many of you saw the old double...triple cross coming with Clay and Mr. Marks?**

 


	5. Chapter 5

**JACKSONS POV**

 

Asking Lilyan to explain what the hell she was talking about "Marks worked for Pope. Pope was an investor in the new development property that Gabe was doing. There's all kinds of bids and proposals that are necessary to gather up for the total financial package to present it to the investors. Gabe discovered that there was about two million dollars in phony bids had been added somewhere along the way, it was Marks. They were stealing from Pope and wanted Gabe to help them. In exchange they offered him a kick back to wash the money clean once they found out who I was."

So, I'll be damned Marks was fucking Pope over the whole time "How do they wash the money?"

"That part is easy. Pope as an investor would be writing checks to different corporations for the trades of work performed. Pope never actually wrote the checks, someone else did it and then he would sign them. They set up a dummy corporation that would receive in the money and then a another corporation would take that money. Reinvest it in a prospering business. So not only would the dirty money get laundered they would make a profit on it too, less the kick back for washing it. Also making many different transactions with several companies while hiding under the corporate veil. No personal names are used so it takes a long time to trace it back to the original company and by then they are long gone with the money." What she's telling me makes sense, except how is Clay involved in all of this?

"Once they figured out Gabe wasn't going to help them and feared he would rat them out, they came after me. Only it was him and Addison that paid the price. The original plan was to kill Pope and for Marks take over. They were forming their own organized crime group and Yule was a part of that too. Pope was all strung out about his daughter getting killed so they kept him busy with that and used that against him. Then Pope was killed by some biker guy and ..." Yeah, I already know he was killed and by who, cause I did it. Does she know the truth and was she watching them then too?

"A member of your organization, right? That's why you asked me about the picture?" She is very smart with this shit. I gave her the short version of the story. Pinning the murder on Clay and never mentioning that I was there.

Then came the long talk about Clay and what he did to me, my father and the club. She took it all in and didn't ask me a lot of questions. I figure being who she is, she already knows better than to even ask.

"Can I use what you have on Marks to bring to the table show the rest of the club? Will you back me up on this? I've gotta take Clay out once and for all. If he's in bed with Marks, justice will never be served to him." I have her total support and she gave me all the stuff she had. Going to the club will only prove what I've been saying about Clay all along to them. Now there will be no doubt left in their minds that Clay has to meet Mr. Mayhem and I'm the one that personally gets to deliver it to him.

If Marks already had a plan to kill Pope, who in the fuck where they gonna say did it? "Can you prove that Marks was gonna do that?"

Getting a key that was taped up in the fireplace "Oh yeah, I can. I have copies of that stuff you have plus other things all around the country. Gabe had the last meeting between him and Marks taped. It was the day before he died. I didn't put all this together until after. We had a safety deposit box at the bank together and Gabe was putting everything in there for safe keeping. He knew if anything ever happened to him that I would go there to get the insurance policy information. Gabe kept everything to himself and now I wish that I had been more involved in the business like he always wanted me to be. Maybe if I had there would have been something I could have done stopped it. But, I was trying to live a normal life and just be a good wife to him and good mom to Addison. Believe it or not, I was really happy staying home and taking care of them." She's still carrying around all the guilt and burden of what happened even though it's not her fault.

"We should go it's starting to get late and the thing I wanted to do tomorrow, if you don't mind I want to make that stop tonight on the way back?" I agreed cause she was helping me out right now.

Lily went out back into the flower garden and was cutting down some flowers. She grabbed a bag of stuff and we left.

It was almost sun down when we came to a cemetery. She took the flowers she had cut and pulled out some small little cars "Do you mind waiting here for me? Tomorrow is Addisons birthday." If I'd known where she wanted to go I wouldn't have been so hard on her earlier.

Kneeling on the ground she placed all the flowers but one on the grave and sat there for a long time. Going to the next one she laid the one flower on the grave and put the little cars on head stone "Happy Birthday. Rest in peace my sweet boy." She was just staring off and it was getting dark.

I didn't wanna take this time away from her but she was tearing herself up inside. I know I've been there "Lil we need to go."

Looking at me she started crying and I bent down to try to comfort her "I miss them so much Jaxs. My every morning starts off thinking of them and they are the last thing on my mind at night." I held her until she cried it out.

I took the keys from her so I could drive back. It was so quiet that you could have heard a pin drop. She was in her own world and I was in mine.

When we got back to the clubhouse "Don't say anything to them about the info you gave me. I wanna check out a few things before I take it to the table tomorrow." She said she wouldn't and she was so fucked up right now, I don't think my shit really mattered to her anyways.

The boys were already in bed by the time we got back. I went in and kissed them good night. Making sure that they were covered up "Love you boys and always will."

Happy and Lil was setting at a table in the bar. I got a beer and just watched "There really isn't anyone that I'm close to anymore. There's only a couple of people that I talk to on a regular bases. Even they don't know how I really am." Happy was trying to get close with her and from what she just said, I don't think that shit is gonna happen.

"You don't want to get close to me, no one does. I will only bring you heart ache and pain. Get you hurt or even worse, killed." She's still feeling the weight of guilt over her husband and boy.

"I'm a big boy and can take care of myself." Then he leaned over and whispered in her ear "A very big boy."

Lil smiled "I know you are. Well it did take four of you to take me so I should say, I guess you are a big boy."

Happy stood up "Get up and come on."

She took a drink of her beer "Where are we going?"

"Outside to take me on unless you're scared." He was all cocky and taunting her. We all followed them out.

"Happy I've had a really hard day and I'm just not in the mood right now, Okay?"

He said okay but wanted her to show him how she can kick like that. She had her foot inches from his face "If you kick them in head just right , they go out like a light."

Lil brought her foot then to his rib cage "Kick them here and they can't breathe so they can't fight."

Bringing her leg up to his crotch and stopping "If you kick them here well they fall down."

He grabbed her in a death hold "What do you do if they do this?"

She used her legs to take his legs out from under him and when he fell she went with him "That."

They were face to face and I saw Happy's hands going down her sides to her hips.

"All right enough." I went over and helped Lil up from the ground.

Waking up to noises around 3:00 am, I got up to see what was going on. Lil was coming out of Happy's room "Thanks David." She kissed his cheek and went down the hall to her room.

When I was going to get coffee I passed Happy in the hallway the next morning "I asked you not to get involved with Lil. Are you fucken her?"

Happy was being all defensive "What fucken business is it of yours if I am?"

Gemma and Lil had a breakfast bar out for all of us. Lil seemed different than she did last night. Sitting by Happy they were all giggles with each. She was eating a strawberry, lick her lips and making a sucking noise "What the fuck Lil are you eating that damn thing or sucking it off?"

Slurping up the strawberry juice from her lips "Whats your problem Jaxs? Are you having a bad day?" I didn't even answer her. I took my coffee to my office where I could have some fucken quiet time.

Lil was knocking on my door "Can I come in?"

I don't know why she asked cause she didn't wait until I said yes "I thought after last night you and I were cool Jaxs. What's going on?"

I threw the file down on my desk "Oh yeah were cool. You're really cool with Happy though huh?"

She acted like she had no idea what I was talking about and changed the subject "Are you going to the table today and discuss Clay being with Marks?"

"Club business and I can't discuss that with you."

She knocked my feet off my desk "Well you didn't have any problems discussing it with me last night asshole."

Getting up from my chair and inches from her face "Don't push me Lil." I've had enough of her trying me already.

Shoving me as hard as she could "I'll push you. It sounds like someone needs to. You know you are the smartest dumb man that I've ever met. Your so blind fueling your own fight that you don't even see what's going on in front of your face with your club."

I opened the door "Get out. You don't know shit about how I run my club and things I've done for it. Considering were a lot a like maybe you should shut the fuck up."

Lil walked out all huffy "Were nothing alike. I don't fight for greed and power like you do Jackson. It's to bad. You're a good leader but, you could be a great one if you wanted to be."

 

**LILYANS POV**

 

I have watched the Sons and Jackson for the last few days. I think he is a strong leader but, has lost focus on somethings that are really important. You can tell he loves his boys and there is nothing that he wouldn't do for them.

But the Sons are a small fish playing in a big pond when it comes to taking the players on that they are wanting to. Here in Charming they are feared and the only huge fish that makes all the rules up everyone has to follow.

Some of them are great and I really like a lot. Juice makes me laugh with his boyish ways and the funny shit he says when he's being so serious too. He acts like he doesn't understand why you're laughing. That makes me laugh even more then.

Chibs is a good man and is trying his damnedest to hold Jackson together so the club will survive. His sexy accent is so cool, I love to listen to him talk. I think to some degree Bobby is trying to do the same thing but is going about it in a way that Jackson will never allow.

Then there is Tig and Gemma. Gemma I still haven't made up my mind about. She seems sweet and caring on the outside but I see there is some darkness there in layers. I wouldn't trust her very far. Tig, well I just try not to bend over very much in front him.

Of course they wouldn't be complete without Happy being around. He has became my friend and makes me feel like I'm actually alive again. He never judges me just like Gabe never did. Happy and I have talked most of the night away.

Before we realized it was almost time to get up. Telling me his story and me telling him mine. He did try to kiss me but once I said no, he was cool with that and didn't push any farther. Other than a kiss on the cheek and him kissing me on the forehead, nothing has happened. For now that's the way it needs to stay. My head is all fucked up and I couldn't give anything to a man right now.

There was a crow eater tonight that would have loved to have serviced Happy's needs in anyway he wanted and when I asked why he wasn't leaving with her "Don't know. I guess I kinda like just hanging out with you. Girls like her mean nothing to me other than pussy. But, I'm getting close to you and really trust you, that never happens with a woman. I'm not sure yet if that's a good thing or not." I have told him many times already, being close to me is a bad thing. But I noticed it doesn't seem to stop him from trying anyways.

Abel had to come hug me good night before he went to bed, it melted my heart. He gave me his Angry Bird to sleep with so I wouldn't be sad and lonely anymore. He's only three and can read me better than any adult can.

Making me have a weak moment I dialed a number that I haven't in a long time "Hey, I need to talk to you. I need a favor."

I could almost feel the smile that brought to his face because I told him along time ago I would never come to him again for anything. I never wanted to speak to him again or acknowledge that I belonged to his family. When they tracked me down here and he went to Jaxs to make sure I had protection, I wanted to be that eighteen year old girl again and run away from them.

"Whatever my beautiful grand daughter needs, you know I will give you. What is it? Is Mr. Teller holding up to his end of the deal?" Pappy tried to make a connection with me again and I still pushed him away. The only reason I answered the phone to begin with was because he used Roberto's cell to call me from. Then I had no choice but to talk with him. Now I was the one that wanted to talk to him.

"The favor isn't for me. It's for Jackson. I want the Family to watch over his boys. There is so much that I didn't know that connects me to the Sons in so many ways. Our enemies have joined forces. But I'm afraid that Jackson is taking on more than he can handle and his family will pay the price just like mine did. I don't want him to know that you're doing it either. I will be forever in your and the Family's debt if you will do this for me. I know how it works Pappy so let's not kid each other. You do this for me and when the time comes, I do what you ask." That is why I never wanted any favors from them. You have to do what is asked of you no matter what it is or when. Sometimes it's better to never have had the favor done to begin with. But this is for Jackson, Abel and Thomas. I can't protect Addison and Gabe or bring them back. Maybe this will at least give Jackson and his family a fighting chance.

"Watching over them is not a problem and I can have people there in hours. I will meet with you in a day or two to let you know what I want in return. You don't know how happy it makes me that you have come back to me. After your mother passed, you and Roberto are the only true family I have left. I love you Lilyan with all my heart." I believe that Pappy does love me but the Family dictates sometimes just how deep that love runs.

"I love you too."

 

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me.**

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**JACKSONS POV**

 

Getting everything ready to take the table. I still haven't pieced together what role Clay is playing in all of this shit. I can see his hookup with the Irish, gun running was always what he wanted the club to do anyways. It's what he knows and what he's good at.

But with Marks it still wasn't making any sense to me what the fuck he was doing. Why Marks would have anything to with Clay and why Marks has been lying to me this whole time?

I went into the bar to tell them we needed to hold church. It was time to put this Clay shit to bed once and for all.

Gemma and Lily have become real chummy and that really surprised me. Gemma doesn't like any female that holds a higher status than she does and usally she is the first one to throw a fit about them even being close to any of us in the club. Not sure what angle Gemma is running but you know that she has one "So Lily do you have any kids?"

Holding Thomas and feeding him. Lil looked down at him with sad eyes "No I don't." She didn't share her story or any details with Gemma and left it as no. If Lil only knew that Gemma could relate to her in so many ways with loosing a child too. I saw what Gemma went through when she lost Thomas, my brother.

Gemma took Thomas from her to get him dressed "Well you're still young and have plenty of time to start a family."

"I think that ship sailed for me a long time ago. I don't think I could having a child now." When Lil saw me standing at the bar she gave me pleading eyes to not say anything and I didn't. It's not my story to tell.

Chibs and Bobby went to check out a lead on Clay and wasn't gonna be back for a couple of hours. I could have told them they were wasting their time if I'd known they were chasing it down. I told the rest of them when they got back we need to meet at the table.

Happy sat down with Lil "Did you sleep okay last night?"

She smiled at him "Yeah I did. How about you? Did you ever go to sleep?"

Happy took notice that I was paying attention to them and I think it was for my benefit more than anything "After you left my room this morning, I tossed and turned for a while but, I caught a couple of hours before I had to get up. If you would've stayed with me I could have slept better."

He got up and kissed her forehead "I got go to work but I'll catch you later. Maybe we can go for a ride or something. Do you know how to ride?" It was the way he said it ,or something. He wanted me to know that he wasn't backing down from her.

She stood up and was standing very close to him "Oh, I know how to ride. I love to straddle... a bike."

Happy was all smiles going out the door "I bet you do baby." I hate to tell them but Lil isn't gonna go anywhere. I need to keep her out of the eye of everyone and just get through this shit a little longer.

My cell was ringing a number I didn't know "Yeah."

It was County calling me to let me know they put Tara in the infirmary. She was attacked in her cell in the middle of the night "Fuck."

"I gotta go they hurt Tara." I didn't know anything other than that right now. But I didn't need details to know why they did it. It's was my fault. No matter who ordered it or carried it out, it's my fucken fault she's in there. It's my fucken fault cause of who I am and what I've made her become.

Tig rode along with me and it was the longest damn ride of my life getting to her. When I went in a saw her face, I fucken lost it. I threw the tray they had out with medical shit on it across the room. The nurse called security in the room and they went to remove me "I'm fucken fine now. I just need to get some air."

Waiting outside her room for the doctor "Mr. Teller, I'm doctor Williams. I will be treating your wife. She has some severe bruising and swelling to the face and lacerations on her body. Those are nothing to worry about and will heal over time. But, I'm not sure of how much damage was done to your wife's hand. I'm still running test and waiting for all the ex-rays and the dopplers to come back. I sent out for her records too. I need to find out where she was with therapy progression before I can determine what has been done and what we need to still do for her. I'm sorry but on that there isn't anything anyone can do but wait."

"Yeah, there is." Retaliation is what we do best and I'll seek revenge on all the mother fuckers involved in it. It's just how we work and who we are.

Going in to tell Tara good bye. Stroking her hair "I'm so sorry baby. I let you down. But I promise, I'll make shit right. I love you Tara." I stood there as long as I could looking at what I've done to her. I know in my heart what I gotta do no matter how much it will kill me later.

Tig was trying to be there for me "Jaxs no matter what brother, we'll handle our shit and take out whoever did this to Tara. You've got my word that I'll do whatever it takes to make this shit right." There is only one problem with that. I can reap pain and damage on the one that ordered it from the outside. But getting into a prison of women to do retaliation was gonna be a problem.

When we pulled up Happy and Lil was outside messing around. Happy grabbed her from behind and was showing her a choke hold. Trying to do the same thing back to him. She was up on her tip toes trying to wrap her arm all the way around his neck but still couldn't. He was laughing at her "Maybe you should carry around a step stool with you to be tall enough to do that. Or maybe pray that they'll be midgets your trying to take out."

She rolled her eyes at him "You know that is so wrong Hap for so many reasons don't you?"

Telling the others what went down at the prison with Tara. Chibs was on the same track I was "How in the hell are we gonna get into a woman's prison with out being noticed?"

Watching her and Happy play fight put a smile on my face "We can't. But, she can." I wasn't sure how in the hell I was gonna convenience Lil to do this for me yet, but I would.

Calling Lil into my office I went through what they had done to Tara and did a run down of what Clay had done to her hand too "Wouldn't this be classified as official club business that you're not allowed to discuss with me."

She was throwing my words back in my face "Look, this morning I was just pissed off that Happy ignored a direct order from me. I've told them all that getting involved with you isn't a good idea. Nothing personal but after were done with our business, we need a clean break and part ways." I was being honest with her about shit. If I'm gonna bring her into play with everything she needs to know the truth on somethings and I'll decide along the way what those things are.

"What in the hell are you talking about Jaxs? Exactly what is it that you think Happy did?" I don't know why she's playing this innocent shit with me.

"I saw you coming out of his room. I know you two already hooked up." Even a dumb fuck could figure out what they were doing all night.

"Really and just how do you know that how? Because you are assuming that I am just like all the other biker whores that you know. Well let me tell you that nothing happened between me and Happy. I'm not like the whores around here. You guys don't get to take a ride, get off then tell me what to do. So don't even try that shit on me." Lil is so head strong about things and maybe I jumped to a conclusion about them to fast.

I was trying to be honest with Lil and all I ended up doing was pissing her off even worse. As she was leaving "And by the way. Just so were clear on this. If I was gonna fuck anybody here, it would be Happy and do you know why?"

I didn't even get time to answer that before she told me why "Happy knows exactly what he is and never has to put on a front or make you think otherwise. I think maybe you could learn a thing or two from him on that. When are you going to be honest at least with yourself even if you can't be with all of them?" I had no fucken clue what the hell she thinks I'm being so dishonest about.

Over her shoulder "Not to mention that boy has an ass on him that would make you just make you beg him for more." Always has to be a smart ass and tries so damn hard to put me in my place.

Tig passed her going out as he was coming in my office "Jaxs we got intel on who put the hit on Tara."

We got a name and an address of who it was. It was their old lady that headed up the attack on the inside. We were getting ready to ride and I left the Prospects along with Juice at the clubhouse to watch over my family.

Lil was setting with Happy when I came out "Lil come on you need to see this." It was my way of bring her in and getting her close to me. If she feels about family and revenge the way I think she does, she'll do what I ask her to.

Getting on my bike and taking out Tara's helmet for Lil "You're riding with me."

She took it from me and climbed on behind Happy "I'll ride who and with whoever I fucking want to." If nothing else she's consistent; consistently pissing me off and challenging me.

It was a drug house in Oakland and this didn't make any sense why they would have any problems with me or SAMCRO. We've never had any problems with them and hell they weren't even close to being on our territory "Tig are you sure about this? Something doesn't feel right?" The info came straight out of the mouth of Alverze. The word on the street was this crew has a beef with us and Tara paid the price.

Taking out my throw away gun, I handed it to Lil "You know what to do with it, use it. Stay close to me. I don't know what were up against inside." This wasn't her fight but, I needed her to wanna get involved. But, I couldn't leave her without a way to defend herself and be unprotected.

Busting in through the front door there was three of them in the living room. We all had them covered by fire power including Lil "Don't fucken move or I'll blow your fucken brains out. Which one of you is Spartan?"

They were all laying on the floor and none of them were talking. Checking their cuts, we had a VP. I didn't care if he was the one or not. Getting him up and taking him into the kitchen "Who ordered the hit?"

Spitting on me "Fuck you." That was his first mistake. I bashed him in the face with my gun.

Sticking his hand in the garbage disposal and turning it on. When I heard bones grinding and saw blood gushing "Tell me who it fucken was or I keep going til I get to your elbow." That's how shit works with us; a hand for a hand.

The name he gave me that paid them to do it didn't mean anything to me. But it would only be a matter of time until I track them down and kill them too. After putting a bullet in his head I went back into the living room. Tig killed the one but the other I wanted to let him live "You give them a message for me. I'm coming for them and I'm gonna destroy them." I beat the back of his head in with the butt of my gun until Chibs pulled me off him.

Walking by Lil "That's how I handle my shit." I was at that out of control place where nobody stopped me or could reach me. In evil darkness, revengeful and not giving a shit about who got in my way.

After getting back to the clubhouse I went into my office to get the stuff so we could hold church. Lil came in and sat down "That was kind of brutal today. What do you need me to do to make things right with your wife?"

 

**CLAYS POV**

 

Staying in the shit hole that Marks put me in and with no one around, I've got nothing but time on my hands to figure out what I wanna do next.

There was only a few things that I really had to do before leaving the country anyways. First would be getting to my lovely bitch wife and making her suffer the pain she's caused me. If that cunt hadn't turned on me and was willing to testify that I was the one that went after Pope then our plan would have worked out better than we even dreamed it would of.

Someone killed Pope and did the dirty work for us. The plan the entire time was to kill off Pope and make Jaxs pay the price for that kill. But that little fuck did it first and had all the Sons turned against me, even Gemma.

I'm not leaving til I know Jaxs has nothing left in his life. I'm taking it all away from him just like he did me. Taking out Tara and the kids is high up on the list. He won't be able to do shit after I do that. I know him, he's weak when it comes to them and then I'll put the rest of my plan into action against him.

Destroying him and the club will be a joy for me. They turned their back on a brother, the one that had lead them and made it what it is today. They are nothing without me and now I'll show them what kind of leader they chose over me.

One of Marks guys brought me some food "Did they carry out the orders against Tara yet?"

He sat the bags down on the table "Yes they did. I'm not sure how far they got because they were stopped by a guard that just happened to be walking by her cell. The last report we heard was they really fucked her up though. She probably will never be able to use her hand again." That was good news. I already knew Tara was never strong enough to hang with us and she will no doubt leave the club and Jaxs far behind now. The good doctor will never be able to operate again. That will crush that little fuck and then he'll start making mistakes.

"What about the rest of it. When are they gonna put the bounty on Able and Thomas head?"

As he was leaving "They already did. By tomorrow the children will only be a distant memory."

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Waring this chapter is a little dark. You may not find it to be but, I just wanted to give a heads up.**

 

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**JACKSONS POV**

 

Lil was just like I thought she was. Family means everything to her and you don't ever allow anyone to hurt them without hurting them back "I need you to get on the inside of the prison. Watch over Tara for the next few days until I can get her out of there. I need a woman that can send a message back to the ones that did this to her. I would do it myself but I don't have tits and I think they would notice."

"Just how would I get on the inside of a prison Jaxs?"

"I need you to get arrested and be there to protect her. Then I'll get you out of it. I promise, you have my word Lil. I wouldn't let you go down like that." I know this was a crazy plan and it wasn't fair to Lil. But who else could I go to.

She laughed so hard that she almost fell out of her chair "I'm sorry, I thought I heard you say to me that you purposely wanted me to get caught doing something wrong so I could get arrested then go to prison."

"Yeah, I kinda did." She stopped laughing then.

"Well you can forget it. I would have more enemies in there than I could start to count. I really want to help you out Jaxs but, there is not anyway in hell I'm going to get caught by the cops just to make you happy." Not that I could blame her. You really have to love someone to give up your freedom in exchange for them. In the club we have done it so many times. Opie not only gave up his freedom but his life for me in Stockton. He's really the only one of the Sons I call my true brother.

"I might be able to do something else though if you're interested. But, the help isn't free and comes with a price to pay." Since when did it stop ever coming with a price or doing a favor in return. I know all about that shit. That's how some of the shit has gotten so deep around here, pay back.

She called someone on her cell "Are you still planning on coming to see me today? I'll be there. I love you too Pappy." That answered the who she called.

"We talked last night and he was going to come see me anyways. But he has to leave to town and we need to go meet him. I can't promise you anything but I'll talk to him."

I took her by the hand as she was leaving "Thank you Lil. I'll do what I gotta do to keep Tara safe."

She took her hand out of mine "I know what it's like to hurt and think you're all on your own Jaxs. But I want you to know I'm here for you." I wonder if she was just making empty promises like I've heard before. Most everyone always tells me that they'll be there but in the end, but when I need them the most, their gone. But I really wanna believe her. She has that way about her that makes you wanna believe in her but I'm not sure how much shit she shovels yet either.

We was leaving to go meet Pappy, Happy didn't have such a happy look on his face "Where the hell are you two going?"

Lil acknowledged him but I didn't. I don't gotta explain shit to no one "Were going to meet my grand father before he leaves town. We won't be gone long."

Giving her a helmet "You're gonna have to ride with me this time since Hap isn't coming along." She just climbed on with me and didn't even comment. There is a first time for everything.

The way she rode told me she has done this before. You can always tell a first timer. Even when I was speeding like hell, it didn't bother her.

We were waiting for Pappy along a road off Highway 101. It was in his route to the airport and secluded "So who did you use to ride with?" I was making small talk cause since I've met her she's never quiet. She hasn't said a word since we left.

"When I was young I use to ride with Roberto all the time. He liked playing Hells Angels. Gabe had a bike too. It was for us to take weekend rides together. We would leave on Friday and stay where ever we landed at." I remember a time too when my Harley was a ride of pleasure and not what it's use for today.

"Who is Roberto to you? He seems pretty protective." She still hasn't talked about him even though I've brought him up a couple of times.

"He's my brother. His father raised me as his own and until my mother got sick; I never knew the truth that I wasn't his. I really believed that I was. Even though they all have the dark hair and I'm blond. He use to call me his little fared haired princess when I was little." That tells me who Roberto is anyways.

"Do you ever see your dad?"

She looked away and then finally answered my question "No. I don't even know who he is. My mother told me about him on her death bed. She got pregnant by him when she was young and the Family didn't think he was good enough for her. She never saw him again and he never knew she was pregnant with me. All I really know about him is that he was a modern day outlaw of his time."

Pappy and his entourage was coming. You couldn't miss that shit coming from a mile away. When Roberto opened the door for Pappy he went to Lil and kissed her on both cheeks. She did the same back to him.

"What is it that we need to discuss? And what we talked about last night, consider it taken care of." I kind of got the feeling that whatever they were talking about, they didn't want me to know.

"As you know Jaxs wife is in the county lockup. She was brutally attacked and needs someone on the inside for protection. She was previously attacked and they almost made it to where she couldn't use her hand anymore. She needs out Pappy so that she can get the best care and nothing else further happens to her." Lil was true to her word and was trying to get help for me.

"I also wanna get on the inside some how to send a message to the ones that carried it out. I've gotta get her out of there. I know we agreed that you would give me the money next week but, I need it now." She left that part out. I know he already knows all about this kind of shit and I didn't have a problem telling him.

He looked to Lil "How do you feel about this? What do you think I should do?"

"I think you should protect his wife on the inside and give Jaxs the money."

"What about seeking revenge on those that did it to her? How do you feel about that?" I couldn't understand why he was even asking her opinion on it.

"I don't feel anything on that. This has nothing to do with me." Pappy keeps trying to put her in the middle of my shit for some damn reason.

"I'll have my attorneys send the money by wire in the morning. You can claim the money Mr. Teller and get your wife out. Until then she will be protected under the Family. But, only until she is released. After that she's on her own. As far as revenging for what has been done, I can arrange something. The only way that I will do any of this; is if Lilyan follows through with it and seeks revenge on them." I wasn't sure what the fuck game he was playing with Lil right now. But why would he insist that she's the one to do the kill?

Lil had a terrified look on her face "I can't do that. They haven't done anything to me. I don't want any part of this."

"It's time Lilyan for you act as a member of this Family and be who you are. Stop fighting it and prove your loyalty to us. My word is final. You're all in or out for good. The choice is yours." She walked away from us and I guess that was her answer; she was out for good.

"Look, I still need your help. I can't control what Lil does but, I'm willing to do whatever you need me to do to make this happen." This is where dancing with the devil burns you. But I couldn't let Tara continue to burn in a slow hell cause of me.

"There isn't anything that I want from you. I suggest you find a way to make it happen with Lilyan. Your wifes well being is depending on it. I need Lilyan to come home where she belongs and take her rightful place . She has what it takes and the know how to do the job. The challenge will be getting her to realize that unless she does this she never will be truly free. I chose you Mr. Teller to watch over her because I see that she relates to you and wants to help your cause. That is as close to being one of us as I've ever seen her be." I didn't tell him but Lil and me agree on nothing. She fights me on every damn thing. I'm sure if he got her true feeling about me, we wouldn't be having this conversation.

"I'm an outlaw not Lils fucken shrink." He only seemed amused by what I said.

"You better become what ever it takes Mr. Teller if you want my help. I'll have it arranged by tonight. Call me after it's done and I'll have the money there in the morning." He got in the car and they all drove away.

Lil didn't say a word on the way back even when I tried to talk to her. It wasn't even an hour after we returned when Pappy called me.

It was done. We'll intercept the prison transport wagon. Two of them will never make it to there destination.

We had it planned. Tig, Hap, Chibs and me would hit the wagon. Making them stop then Lil would make the kill. She never said anything but she knew what she had to do.

With no cuts on and dressed all in black we waited at a cross section in a van we stole; we waited for them. We saw them coming and everyone pulled down their ski mask. With wearing gloves too no identification could be made. Making sure that none of this blows back on SAMCRO.

Tig was driving and when they came through the intersection he plowed the van into them from the side. Getting the guards out and handcuffing them to the bumper we took the two women. We needed a more quiet place for this to happen.

Going to an open field outside of Charming and taking the two women out of the van; throwing them to the ground "Check their ink. I wanna make sure we got Spartans old lady." One would pay the price and the other would deliver the message back for us when I make the call.

Taking off our ski mask and waiting for Lil to take charge "Take her cuffs off."

Telling Lil there was no way in hell the cuffs were coming off. Just get it done "Then I'm not doing it Jaxs. You do it."

I had Tig take the bitches cuffs off. At first she assumed we would just cap her and be done. But that's not how shit works with us. Watching her and Lil fight. I was understanding what it was Lil really needed, she had to fuel the reason to make the kill.

When the woman was beaten down, it was time to get this shit over with. I threw Lil my knife "Finish her."

"I can't. I'm sorry." She went to walk away and I wasn't gonna let that shit happen. Grabbing Lil by the arm.

Happy shoved me "Let the fuck go of her. Just kill the bitch and let's be done with this shit."

I shoved him back "Stay out of it. Lil has to do the kill."

"Come on man. She can't do it Jaxs." Telling Tig to shut the fuck up and stay out of it too.

Dragging Lil by the arm back over to the woman. I was screaming at her "You came here to get it on. Finish her goddamn it."

Chibs was giving me flack too "Jackie, stop this and I'll kill the girl. Were taking to long and need to get the fuck out of here."

Lil still just stood there and I let go of her. I had to find some way to reach her "It was you that told me we are what we are and we can't run from it. Finish her."

Picking up my knife from the ground she grabbed the woman that was on the ground by the hair and looked straight at the woman that were gonna let live to send the message that no one hurts our family "The beat down was from SAMCRO. This is from Pappy and the Family." Lil slit her throat.

Dropping the blood knife at my feet "Call Pappy tell him it's done. He just used us both to get what he wanted. To prove there is no where you can hide from them when they want revenge on you. Not even women are safe from the Family when you cross them. You both are about the same. I can't decide who I hate more right now you or him."

Everything was set for tomorrow. Pappy was wiring the money for Tara. But the shit that happened back there was still bothering me. What have I done getting Lil back in bed with the Family she didn't want anything to do with?

Looking around the bar Chibs held up a beer for me "She's up on the roof. She took a bottle and left. What was that shit back there Jackie? I know you're trying to get the money for Tara but what you did to Lil, was just wrong brother." I knew I wronged Lil and needed to make it right some how with her.

I didn't see Happy anywhere "Is she alone?"

Chibs smiled "I sent Hap to make a pickup for us. You've got an hour. Go talk to her and make it right." Chibs made up some bullshit errand for Happy. I guess everyone can see how close there getting to each other and it's just not me.

Climbing up the ladder I saw Lil just staring off "When I drink, I drink alone. I like to be alone so I can wallow in my own self pity without witness. Leave Jaxs, now is not the time for you to be around me."

Knowing that feeling all to well "Lil I'm sorry. I should have never involved you in club business. I'm just trying to do right by my family and the club. The more I try the deeper in I get."

"You got what you wanted from me and right now I'm feeling all used up. So leave me alone Jaxs." She got up to leave. Having had a lot to drink she wasn't walking well.

I took a hold of her waist "I understand why you hate me right now and I don't blame you. It's just that I see you stronger than any woman I've meet. You stand stronger than some of the men too. You told me today that you'd be there for me. Did you mean it?"

"How can you even ask me that. I just killed a woman that has done no wrong to me for you and your boys. So maybe your family will have a fighting chance. Maybe I should be asking you the same thing. But wait, I already know the answer to the question Jaxs. As along as it fits your needs, you'll be there for me, right?"

She was pounding her fist against my chest "Answer me you son of a bitch."

I'm not sure if it was the weight of the world crushing me, my family coming unraveled. Or if it was pure need and wanting that I kissed her. Pulling her little body into mine our lips were hungry and hot for each others. Our tongues touching and licking when we would end each kiss and start another.

My hands running down to her hips pull her closer to my already hard cock. Feeling how warm her body felt pressed up up against me. She broke away from me.

She walked over and picked up her bottle. Went down the ladder without saying a word. As much as she had to drink I was kinda worried she would fall before she got down to the bottom of it.

Following her down the ladder and to her room. I knocked on the door. She didn't answer so I walked on in. She was already getting undressed "Why did you leave?"

"Have you felt like there was a part of you that if it got released you couldn't control it? Once the animal has taken over you're no longer a person." I told her I've felt the same way for many years.

"That still doesn't tell me why you left without saying anything?"

Putting on a tank top and shorts "Because." That was it. That was her answer.

Happy was knocking "Lily are you okay babe?"

I went over and opened it. He looked a little surprised to see I was in here with her. Lil came over to and looked at me "Hey Hap. He was just leaving."

Juice was coming down the hallway to get me "Jaxs there's cops here and a social worker to see you."

When I saw Wendy with them I knew why they were here "What do you want?"

The social worker was taking Abel out of Gemmas arms "I told you Jaxs I was coming for my son. He is better off with me right now and you know it."

There was no way in hell that I was gonna let that crack whore take him. Abel was crying and I went to take him away from the social worker. The cop stepped between us "Sir you need to step away. I have a court order that states Ms. Case has been granted temporary custody until the hearing on Monday. If you don't move away now I will arrest you." Like the threat of jail would stop me.

Lil took a hold of my arm "It isn't the time to fight hard Jaxs. It's the time to fight smart." Knowing she was right I watched another part of my family being taken away from me.

 

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me. So much going on for poor Jackson.**

 


	8. Chapter 8

**LILYANS POV**

 

Waking up not feeling so well. My head hurts from drinking too much last night. My side hurts from where that woman punched me in the ribs. But my biggest hurt was in my heart. I crossed the line of no return when I delivered the message for the Family. The messages was; I was one of them now.

Going to Gemma to see if she has anything I could take for my head I over heard a conversation between her and Nero "Jaxs won't survive this. Loosing Abel to Wendy. He was already all torn up inside because Tara was gonna walk away from him and take the kids with her too. The club is already questioning any decisions he makes and it's only a matter of time until they turn on him too. Just like they did JT and Clay. It's just more than Jaxs can take right now. My family is falling apart slowly and I don't know what to do about it." Tara was leaving Jaxs? He made it sound like everything was fine between them, all sunshine and rainbows.

I've heard some on the Sons talking about Jaxs when he's not around. They think he's loosing it and they are not sure how much longer he can hold everything together being like he is now.

Nero saw me standing in the door way of the kitchen "Good morning. We didn't think you would be up this early cause we thought you'd still be sleeping it off."

I told them I would have but I was hurting and wanted to know if they had anything I could take. Gemma went through her purse and found a bottle of Alieve. I was holding my side and she gently lifted up my tank top "What happened to you? Nero look at this."

I'm not sure why they were making a big deal about it. It was just some bruises. I've been hit harder than that before. When Jaxs came in for coffee Gemma showed him. He took a hold of my tank from Gemma hand and pulled it back down "She's fine. We were all just fucken around last night and she got hit a little hard." He has an explanation for everything even if it's not the truth. For the most part he keeps Gemma on the outside of the circle. He's really careful what he says around her. I wasn't understanding what caused the riff with him and Gemma but, he doesn't trust her.

Jaxs was wanting to talk to Gemma alone "Can you and Nero give us a minute?" We both said yes and went out to drink our coffee in the bar.

Nero is really a nice guy. He is so into Gemma you can tell. It's the look that he gets on his face when he says her name. That silly dopey look of love. But he is one tough ombre any other time. Gemma keeps him grounded and going I think.

Jaxs went straight into the table with a pissed off look on his face when he came out of the kitchen. Gemma sat down with us. Nero was squeezing her hand "You okay?"

"Not really. Jaxs called the attorney this morning about Abel. With everything going on around here and with Tara right now. He is in for one hell of fight to get Abel back. Jaxs can't even see him until after the hearing. He's talking about doing some irrational shit. I tried to tell him but he wont listen to me." Jaxs Teller not listening? Sounds normal.

I was going to have to call Pappy. That's the last person I wanted to talk to today. With Abel being somewhere else, he's unprotected. I'm praying that they don't know where Wendy lives. Maybe being with his mom will keep him safe and out of harms way.

Gemma smiled at me. I didn't care too much for the way she was smiling either "Would you talk to him?"

Leaving the table because I didn't want to go there "No. He won't listen to me anymore than he will listen to you Gemma. You're his mother."

"You'll get farther with him than I will. He shut me out a long time ago." I've noticed that is how they handle a lot of things around here. If you don't want to hear it or deal with it, just pretend the problem doesn't exist but it never does go away.

Stomping towards the room where Jaxs is "Fine. But I'm only doing it once then I'm done with it." Jaxs is so damn stubborn and he thinks he's always right.

The doors were shut and I didn't want to just go in there, it's a place for members only. I always want to make sure I show them the respect for that and never over step my bounds. I knocked and asked if he could come out and talk to me. He walked down the hallway and I followed behind him.

We went to his room and he sat down on the bed "You wanna talk today cause you didn't wanna talk to me last night." I ignored his sarcasm and did what I came in here to do.

"I was wondering if you found out anything about Abel yet?" I didn't want to say; well Gemma already told me and wants me to talk some sense into your stubborn ass.

"Cut the bullshit Lil. Gemma sent you to do her dirty work for her. She told you everything didn't she?" I wasn't sure if I should say yes or no at this point. Not knowing if she did or didn't tell me. So I stood there waiting for him to say something. When your not sure what the hell is going on sometimes the best thing to do is nothing.

"Well now you know don't you? My life is fucken upside down just like the club. My old lady doesn't even love me enough to stay and stand beside me. When I need her the most. Once I get her out we both already know she's gonna run as far away from me as she can get. Not that blame her for it but, she took the vows. For better or for worse and with me she knew it has to get bloody and worse before I can make it any better. I've already lost one of my sons and Tara will try to take Thomas from me too. Great fucken father and old man I am." I didn't know if I should feel sorry for him or shake the shit out of him. Tell him to wake the fuck up and see what was going on around him.

"I'm falling and can't even start to climb out of the hole with the club. Since Opie died I stopped believing in or having any brotherly love. Op was right the gavel corrupts. You can't set in that chair without becoming a savage. That's what I am too; no emotions, no heart and don't give a shit about who I gotta hurt anymore to get shit done. Look at what I did to you last night. That's never how I meant shit to turn out." Jackson was in that place where I've been so many times with myself. This is his way of life and all he knows. Whatever it was that flipped that switch inside him must have been really bad.

"I've been there before too Jaxs. Arguing with myself that I'm doing the right thing by avenging Gabe and Addison by spreading more death. It's like I breathe in new life with each inhale and only exhale death and darkness. When the animal is released within us you can't always put it back into it's cage. I don't know everything that's happened to you. But I know the path your on and it's taking you straight to hell because I'm on the same one too." That was the first time I said those words out loud. Even though they have ran through my mind since I tortured and kill the first one that hurt my family. Because they took away from me the only people I've ever loved.

"I have no place left to turn to. They all do shit behind my back and when I'm not watching and waiting for it, they stab me in it. Don't let Gemma play on your sympathy Lil. Cause she'll use it and then twist that knife harder in your back when you're not looking. I can't even count on one hand the people I trust anymore. But I'm starting to trust you. You've done more for me than you ever had to do and got nothing in return for it." I wonder how much Jackson is like his mother? It's even possible that's where he learned it from. That's part of the problem, I'm waiting for the knife to the back too.

"After you get the money from Pappy you don't need me anymore Jaxs. I don't need you to watch over me either, never really did. Let me know when it's done and I'll be on my way." This way there was no more waiting for it. It was time for my ending with Jackson Teller and SAMCRO.

He got up from the bed and was stand close to me. To damn close "So that's it. You're leaving?

Taking a few steps back from him because there are a lot of trust issues still there between me and Jaxs "You told me we needed to have a clean break when our business is done. It's time, what you wanted is done that's what this is. A clean break and our ending."

I kept stepping backwards and he kept moving forwards. Pushing me up against the wall "Are you sure that's what the reason is? Tell me you didn't feel anything when we kissed last night."

I looked away from him "I didn't feel anything Jaxs and won't ever for you. Or anybody again for that matter."

"Why won't you look at me when you say it? You're lying." Then he kissed me. This was hotter than it was last night. Lifting me up from the floor and wrapping my legs around his waist. We were to into it to even notice that someone had come in.

"Oh shit I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. I wanted to know if Lily wanted to do a ride along with me?" Lyla stood there looking really uncomfortable.

Jaxs put me down and kissed Lyla on the cheek "You doing okay Darlin?" She was the one person he was still putting his heart and soul into. Maybe it was because she was Opies old lady when he died.

I told Lyla to let me get dressed and I would love to get the hell out of here for a while. Before I made it to the door Jaxs took my hand "Don't leave. We've got some unfinished business to handle between us. I'm ready to fight smart and I need you for that. You said you'd be there for me. I'll be back this afternoon and were gonna go to the table about Clay. I need you to back me up on this." I never said if I would or wouldn't be here when he got back. He got what he wanted from me and what he needed.

 

**JACKSONS POV**

 

Nero has proven to be a good avenue for the club to earn. The Lodge was pulling down good money and he can run pussy like it's nobodies business. Part of the reason he's so good at it is he never mixes business with pleasure. Lyla is my eyes and ears there and she thinks he's great. He treats her good and with the respect she deserves.

In return were giving him protection and helping to keep his crew whole. The club owes Nero a lot of money and I owe him a debt of gratitude for what he's done for my family. There is only one thing standing in the way of that relationship growing stronger, Gemma.

She hasn't pushed to be in control of anything with him yet, but she will. It's only a matter of time until Nero is blind sided by the Queen herself. I still haven't figured out what game she's running with him yet.

Nero came into my office and brought me a bag. It was the clubs cut of pussy profits "You doing okay Jaxs? You seem a little off track lately man." A little wouldn't even start to describe it.

Nero's phone went off and there was trouble at the Lodge. Lyla said some of Dante's old crew was there busting up the place and harassing the girls. But there was one girl that wouldn't take it, Lil.

"We need to go. Dantes old crew reformed with a new leader that stepped up for it."

Tig was the first one to step up. Petting that dog that he just had to rescue and keep from Dante's dog fighting ring "Let's go brother. I'll gut those sons a bitches." That was one thing I could always count on from Tig. He was always ready to fight and didn't matter who. That's the one place my back was safe from him. He's a fighting mother fucker.

Lyla and a few of the other girls were driving down the highway from the Lodge when we caught up to them but there no Lil "She wouldn't leave the other girls in there with them Jaxs. I tried to get her to leave with us but she refused."

"Goddamn woman." Making another problem for me today that I had to go handle.

Guns drawn when we went in, we heard Lil screaming "Get off me."

We were at a stand off with four of them. They had two of the girls on their knees with guns pointed at their heads. Two of them were holding Lil down and had torn off her shirt. They hadn't hurt her yet and I wasn't gonna let them either "It doesn't gotta end like this. Let the girls go and we'll let you live. Just walk the fuck away."

"Fuck you white boy. We want our money back. If we don't get it, I'll finish what I started with her then I'll kill her." He lifted Lil up by her hair off the bed and put his gun to her head.

Nero was trying to rationalize with them "Come on now. Let's calm down. I've got the cash. You let the girls go and I'll go get it Mono. There no reason to hurt them." He always protects his girls first over money. He's earned my respect the way he is.

They let the two girls walk away but not Lil. Nero had the money in a bag "Now let her go." He opened the bag and showed them the cash.

The one took it from him and they were backing out of the room "Don't move, I'm taking her as my little insurance policy. If you follow us, I'll kill the bitch."

Pointing my gun at him. Lil was screaming at me "Pull the trigger Jaxs. Don't let this piece of shit walk out here. I'm dead either way and you know it."

I froze, what if I hit her? What if he pulls the trigger on her before I take him down? Everything else was blocked from me right now. Except her screaming "Pull the fucking trigger Jaxs."

Not thinking about it anymore. I shot him in the head. The rest of the Sons took care of all of them but one. He was the one we were gonna make an example out of not to fuck with Nero or us. We all had our guns pointed at him and he dropped his piece on the floor.

It was Happy that Lil went to. He was hugging her tight to him "It's okay baby. I've got you."

Happy took his T-shirt off and gave it to her. In mix of all the shit I wasn't even thinking about her being topless. The rest were to fucked up to notice too, except Tig. Nothing stops him from seeing tits.

The other girls went and got Lil some clothes of theirs for her to wear. She asked if we could all leave so she could change. Everyone walked out but me "What the fuck were you thinking? You could of got yourself killed?"

"I wasn't thinking Jaxs about anything but those girls that couldn't defend themselves. Do you know a couple of them have kids? They have something to live for and I don't. So what the fuck difference does it make? What I'm doing isn't living anyways." I knew the truth to that statement. Just cause your breathing and have people around doesn't mean that you're taking in life.

We called Lyla and told her it was over. It was safe now for them to come back. She came back grabbed some stuff and took off. I've been doing everything I can for her and the kids. Hoping she'd stick around and stick it out with us but after today; it's only a matter of time until she's gone too.

Waiting for Lil to come out so we could leave. We still had to do something with this fuck. We took him out back.

Lil came out wearing a short black halter top and very short pair of jean shorts. But she was still wearing those goddamn black boots of hers.

Taking my gun from me and standing over him. Kicking him in the balls repeatedly "That was from me. This is from Nero and SAMCRO." Then she shot him in the dick.

Handing me back my gun "That's how I take care of my shit Jaxs." I've done more damage to her than I thought I did. My outlaw ways has been bleeding all over her. I needed to make it stop and heal her somehow.

Nero's crew was gonna make an example out of him. Taking him to the streets as there message, if he doesn't bleed out first.

Nero was kidding Lil I think "You know if you're staying in town. I sure could use someone that would help watch over my girls."

Lil smiled at Nero "Thanks for the offer. But I don't think I'll be here that long."

Happy put his arm around her "Madam Lily. I fucken love it." I bet he does.

The rest were riding back to the clubhouse. Pappy kept his word, the money was there. Doing business with him makes me a little nervous. I don't trust him but I still need him. I'm gonna get Tara out then start handling the rest of my shit.

Getting all her paper work signed and officially done. A ambulance was gonna transport her back to Saint Thomas, she'll get the care she needs there and it's where she'll feel the most comfortable.

I wanted to see Tara before they left with her but she didn't wanna see me "I don't want you, your mother or SAMCRO anywhere near me or my children. After I get my hand operated on again. I'm done with this shit. You've taken away from me everything that I stood for Jaxs. All reasons to feel good about myself. Healing others made me that way. With the damage they did to me, I'm going to be lucky to have fifty percent usage left in my hand. You and SAMCRO killed all the shit I love and poison everything you come near."

To some degree I know she's right. I've tried to make changes and do shit the right way. But I can't and still have the club survive. When I looked into her eyes I didn't see that happy girl I married. I saw spite, hate and disgust. It was all of the feelings she has for me now.

Keeping a couple of the Prospects near her at the hospital to protect her is all I can do right now and wait it out to see what's gonna happen. There's not that many of us left in the club anymore and with all the shit that's going down, were spread pretty thin.

I went back to the clubhouse. I didn't see any point hang out and fighting with Tara. I needed to finish putting everything together so I could take it to the table, there was one thing that was repeated over and over. She always followed each of them to a place outside Oakland. It would have been easy for them to keep it off the radar from us. It's no where near our territory.

I wanted to get some answers from Lil on it and she wasn't out in the bar. Happy came in with Tig "Where's Lil?"

Shrugging "I don't know. I thought she was with you."

Juice came over "She left with before you got back Jaxs."

Going into her room all her stuff was gone. Knocking on Lyla's door but no answer. I opened it and her stuff was gone too "Fuck, she left and took Lyla and the kids with her."

Calling the one person that would know "Where is she?"

"Everyone at the table now." Taking my chair I waited until they all came in.

When Chibs went to set down, I stopped him "No brother you take my left. You're my new VP. Your seat belongs to Tig now." I just did what I said I wouldn't do, trust Tig with my life and my secrets.

It's time for a change and to fight smart. I was gonna start now.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me.**


	9. Chapter 9

 

**CHURCHS POV**

Jackson was laying out all the folders to show them the proof that Lilyan had given to him on Clay "Clay has been near us the whole fucken time."

Jackson threw the picture of Clay and Marks in the middle of the table for them all to see "He was hooked up with Marks before he got arrested and that's probably how he got the money to get out of jail too. They were stealing funds without Pope knowing about it, hooking up to a money laundering scheme. Clays been in bed with them for while. Making deals behind the clubs back to fund his own greed just like I tried to to tell you he was doing."

They were passing the picture around. "How did you get these pictures and that information about Clay Jaxs?" Jackson knew once he told who gave it to him, Happy would be all in. Happy would do whatever it took to protect Lilyan. And Jackson was right with it being Lilyan; Happy was ready to kill, lie or cheat for Jackson, actually Lilyan.

Bobby wanted to know what role Lilyan played in all of this. Jackson told them a brief version of her story. Bobby acted like he didn't believe him "Hap you wanna help me out here?" Happy told them the same thing. Now there was two of them saying it.

Bobby still wasn't convinced "You don't know that Jaxs. This picture could have been taken at anytime. It doesn't make sense that the same one that put a ten million dollar bounty on Clays head would be helping him. You're just looking for an excuse still for us to take Clay out. When are you gonna let this shit go?"

They all took note of what Bobby had said. They all knew Jackson hated and wanted to kill Clay. But not everyone sitting at the table knew all the details as to why.

Jackson wasn't able to control his temper anymore "Shut up. This is how shit is gonna go down. I'm gonna go find Lil and find out about this place that they all meet at. Clay won't be far from them. They're keeping him close to watch over him right now. One of those places Clay will be at or will make an appearance. When he does, I'm gonna kill him."

The last time Jackson was going to kill Clay. Bobby made a deal with him behind Jacksons back. If Clay came to the table and confessed about his role he played in the nomad home invasions; Bobby would vote no to Clay meeting Mr. Mayhem. Clay knew by doing this his patch was gone. That he would be drummed out of the club, but without an unanimous vote the club wouldn't kill him. Jackson viewed it as betrayal from Bobby . Bobby viewed it as saving Jackson from turning into what he hated the most, Clay.

Bobby was challenging him "You can't do that Jaxs. We already voted on this shit. We don't kill Clay. You can't go off on a personal crusade against him. He hasn't surfaced against the club and we have to leave him alone." That's where Bobby was wrong and Jackson knew it. Clays coming for them, he just didn't know when.

Jackson got up from the table "The hell I can't. I don't give a fuck how many times we vote this shit. Democracy is over rated." To him there was no wrongs with him bringing Clays ending.

Bobby got up from the table too "You're fucking up brother. The whole point to this organization is doing it the clubs way. Not your way Jaxs. If Clay was a threat to us I would back you up. But I can't and I won't go along with this shit. I thought you were the one that was gonna heal us not tear us further apart. You have the chance to do things different than Clay did and be different than he is."

Jackson was walking out the door to go find Lilyan "Maybe I'm not so different."

If the club wouldn't stand behind him and help, he knew she would.

**JACKSONS POV**

Nero told me where Lyla went to. She might not feel the need to tell me where they were going but, I knew Lyla is loyal to Nero.

They went to stay at his old house outside of town. They both needed a break from the club. Lyla felt she was safe as long as she had Lil with her. Nero said he was gonna go check on them and I told him I would handle that myself.

Lyla answered the door with a surprised look to see me "Jaxs I was...um...was gonna call you..."

"I need to see her Lyla. Go get her."

Walking into the living room, all the kids were spread out watching a movie and having popcorn. Lyla has done a good job with Op's kids. Making them feel loved and wanted. Most women would have turned their back on them. But she didn't and I was grateful for that.

Lil crossed her arms in front of her "You just don't give up do you Jaxs? What do you want? You wanna take me out for a movie and maybe a drive by shooting you need done after?" I guess I deserved some of the shit she was serving up to me.

Taking money out of my pocket and handing it to Lyla "Will you take the kids to get something to eat? We got some business to handle." She gathered up her stuff with the kids and they left.

"We don't have a goddamn thing left to handle Jaxs. Why don't you tell me why you're really here and what you want?"

Taking a hold of the waist band of Lil's shorts "I want you."

Putting my arms around her "I need you Lil." 

She was moving away from me and I kept asking her what the problem is. She took a hold of my wedding ring and was turning it on my finger "That's the problem. Do you really think she will understand? Even if she doesn't find out you'll still have to live with it. I can't..." Then she touched her own ring.

"It's never been about Happy has it? It's about Gabe and you not letting him go. You've gotta or it will eat you alive. I know, I live it every fucken day." From her reaction I was right but she wouldn't admit it.

Going down the hall with her hand in mine until I saw her stuff in a room. I took my ring off and threw it down on her dresser "Now it's not a problem anymore."

I wanted her to come to me but she wasn't gonna do it. I pulled her to me with my hand on her neck, but she refused me. She was gonna fight this all the way. But I kept trying. When she finally kissed me back I felt the need she has coming from her and it was just as much as mine.

But I still needed more from her. I wanna feel her burning and yearning, the way she makes me. She's reached me like no other woman ever has and now I was reaching out for her. If she would just put it all out there for me, I would take it.

Taking my cut off I threw it in the chair. While licking and sucking on her neck and ears, lifting her shirt up and I stuck my hand under it over her breast. Massaging her large tit in my hand . Using my thumb to flick over her hard nipple that I could already feel coming through her bra. They were calling for my mouth and tongue to be on them to make her nipples even harder.

Lil relaxed enough to let me take her shirt off. I reached around her to unhook her bra and she grabbed my hands and was holding on to them "Let me love you Lil. Give me what I want."

Unhooking her own bra and letting it fall to the floor. She always makes me go to her and now was no different. Getting her back close to my body again; I wanna get her to the point she shows me that she wants me back.

Putting her hands on my shirt, it was in the way of having her skin on mine. She was unbuttoning it and letting her little hands explore my chest. The warmth was coming over me where her hands had been. When her hands came to the bottom of my abs, she stopped. Putting kisses on my pecks and sucking on my nipples, flicking them with her tongue.

Setting down on the bed. I took her shorts off and her panties came with them. Running my hand over her bruise she got cause of me, just another reminder of what I've become. I kissed it all over trying to tell her I was sorry for what I did to her without saying the words.

Letting little gasp out and moans while I touched her made my cock throb more. Throbbing to be inside her. Pushing my head lower to where she wanted it to go. Playing with my hair while I kissed her bare mound licking it but never going on the inside. She was pushing my face harder into her. Trying to make me do what she wanted, it wasn't happening yet.

I wanted to feel her body before I had her. My lips, tongue and hands were all over her. Sucking on her stomach and tonguing her belly button. Rubbing my hands down her back going to her ass cheeks massaging them and squeezing them. Licking then kissing her inner thighs stopping just when I would get close to her pussy "Please Jaxs." She was getting closer to where I needed her to go and what I needed from her the most.

Putting her leg up on my shoulder I went down on her. Licking her juices up with my tongue and fingering her pussy at the same time. Moaning that she was liking it when I sucked her clit. She threw her head back and closed her eyes "Fuck don't stop doing that."

Standing up from the bed and letting her leg go back down to the floor. We stood together touching, groping, kissing and letting the desire build with in us.

Lil unbuttoned my jeans and was pushing them down. I helped her out and got them all the way off. She kept walking me backwards to the bed. She wanted to straddle me, take control, always fighting me for dominance. Ride me the way she wanted to, as hard as she wanted it to be and control when I'd cum. But that shit wasn't gonna happen either.

Rolling her to her back and pinning her arms down to the bed "You didn't think this was how this dance was gonna go did you Darlin?" I wanted to be in complete control of this and her. I needed her to surrender to me.

Feeling the pulsing on my cock from her wet pussy as I pushed myself through her folds. Pressing harder into her so she could feel how much I wanted her. Lifting her ass up from the bed she was trying to get me to enter her but, that wasn't gonna happen right now either. Cause that's what she wanted me to do.

Sitting up on my knees. I took a hold of her hair "Suck me. Make me feel good baby." Going up and down my shaft slow at first with her mouth. Sucking me harder and at a faster rhythm. Swirling her tongue around the head of my dick was driving me crazy.

Fondling my balls with one hand while she stroked my cock with her other. Then licking up the cum that was already oozing from me. Looking up at me with a little smile on her face knowing she was getting to me. But it felt so goddamn good and she' right, she was getting to me.

When Lil would get me close to cumming, I would make her stop. Then shove her head back down on my cock for her to do it again. After so many times I had to make her stop for good or I was gonna cum.

Pushing her face down on the bed. She kept her head down but had her ass up in the air waiting for me. But I wasn't ready for that yet and she hadn't said what I wanna hear.

I stuck a couple of fingers into her from behind and she already was so fucken wet. Grinding her pussy on my hand. Rocking that pussy back and forth wanting more, needing more "Say it Lil." She still refused me.

Rolling her over on to her back and grabbing her by the throat "Do you trust me?" She never said anything so I squeezed her harder.

Fighting me to get my hand off of her, I squeezed even harder "Let go of my hand. Stop fucken fighting me. You've gotta trust me." She did as I asked her to and let go. Breaking her down a little at a time.

She finally gave me a very quiet and breathless "Yes."

I let go of her for a few seconds to let her breathe and catch her breath. I grabbed her throat again "I need to be inside you." Sticking my cock into her at the same time.

Moving inside her and controlling her every breath of life was not only fucken hot but bonding some trust between us.

I don't care what Lil says, she liked it. She was cumming on my cock within just a few pumps into her. I was moving so slow that it was torture for me too "Will you just fucken say it. Tell me you want me."

She was trying to set up and I let go of her throat. Kissing me and sucking on my tongue "I want you Jackson and I need you." Wrapping her arms around my neck pulling me down to her, she surrender to me. Loving me back with everything she had to give.

Feeling her nails cutting into my back as they scraped down my tat "I'm so close. Goddamn it fuck me Jaxs. Make me cum again."

Grabbing a hold of the head board to thrust harder into her. I was giving her everything that I had too. Fucking her pussy as hard and as fast as I could. When she started screaming. I wasn't gonna last much longer. I wanted to keep the feeling going and not stop, so did my cock. But when her low moans became screams of pleasure and passion with each thrust I made in her, I was done for.

Putting my body down on top of hers. Pushing in as far up in her pussy as I could go, I shot my cum inside her. We kissed and I moved in her until I was limp. Still kissing and sucking on each others tongues, necks and shoulders.

Laying in the quiet with Lil in my arms. She was already out and I was thinking about a lot of shit. Tonight in this room we loved away old ghost and current problems. They'll still be there when the sun comes up but for now, I felt good. Closing my eyes I was gonna try to get some sleep with peace in my heart for once. Even if it's only for a few hours.

Waking up I felt for her and she wasn't in bed. Getting dressed I went in the kitchen where noises and dishes rattling was coming from. The kids were out back playing and Lyla was mixing up some pancake batter. I went over and got a cup of coffee "Morning."

She smiled at me "Morning Jaxs."

Looking around but I didn't see Lil "She just went to the store to get some milk and she'll be back."

"You're really doing great with the kids. I locked down some subsidize housing for you and them. You won't have to worry about paying rent anymore." That was part of the deal I made before getting Pope killed off.

"Thanks for everything you've done for us. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you."

Lyla went on telling me about how great Lil is with the kids and her "She doesn't judge me. I like that about her. To her I'm not Lyla the whore or hooker, I'm just Lyla. A single mom that's trying to make it work. What she did for the other girls was great too. Not to many people would do that for us. They pretty much treat us like were trash or beneath them. I can see she's pretty great handling a lot of people." Like I couldn't take that hint she was throwing at me.

"Yeah, she is."

Every time I would change the subject to something else Lyla would change it right back "I've never really cared for Tara that much, as you already know. To her I was never up to her standards and she's always was kind of that way around all of the club too. When Opie was still alive he always made me feel like I belonged and didn't matter to him what people thought of us. He never treated me like I was just a piece of ass. If anyone was treating me like that, he demanded they give me some respect. I would give anything to do it all over with him again. The right way this time. In life you don't always get a second chance at what you wanna do over." That's no shit. If I could do over just parts of my life I might not be so fucked up right now.

Lil came in with an arm load of groceries. Threw a pack of smoke on the table for me "I smoked a couple of yours this morning."

Getting herself coffee she brought over a another cup for me "With two sugars right?" That made me smile for some damn reason. It's been along time since someone brought me coffee.

Lil kept her distance from me. I had to get back to the clubhouse. Getting on my bike she stopped me and put my ring in my hand. Wrapping her hand over mine until my ring was grasped tight "Do the right thing Jaxs. Make your family whole again. I would do anything to have mine back. Don't piss it way." I went to kiss her good bye but she didn't want me to. Opening my hand I wasn't ready to put my ring back on, may never be. I stuck it in my pocket.

This girl was fucken with my head big time. Loving me the way she did last night then pushing me to go back to Tara. I know she's still in love with Gabe and the guilt is dragging her heart down. Maybe another time or another place; Lil and I would have been good for each other.

Pulling my bike up behind a truck that was parked across the street from Wendy's apartment building "You seen anything?"

"Nah. She took Abel to the park down the street a couple of hours ago. But they're back home now." Thanking Phil for keeping an eye out for me. I told him to call me if anything felt or looked off to him. I don't trust Wendy with Able and no matter what, I'll get my son back.

Making the last stop I needed to make. Tara made it through her surgery okay and was still out. I sat in the chair beside her bed and did some heavy thinking about life. What it really meant, others lives that you touch and things we do just to make it to another day.

Lyla, the kids and Lil were already back at clubhouse like they promised me they would be. Gemma and Nero were sucking face in the parking lot. Chibs was cleaning up his bike. Tig was playing fetch with his dog. Happy and Juice were getting stoned. Bobby was ignoring me "Finally. Maybe I'll have a normal day today."

Trying to piece together everything on Clay with Lil. Nero wanted to talk to us. He tracked down the name I didn't know. They were the ones that ordered the attack on Tara. We needed to get intel out of him, get him alone some how. Find out who was calling the shots on this shit and hiding behind other small gangs to get it carried out for them. Then I'll kill him slow and painful.

"His crew is pretty quiet on streets. Getting him alone is almost impossible. There's only one thing that separates him from his protection."

Tig and Happy said it at the same time "Pussy." Pussy tell all about the man and is sometimes the weakness that gets you killed too.

We wanted Nero to get his girls to tear his crew apart. Once he was off guard, we would take over "I don't know about that Jaxs. That's kind of risky man. Leaving the girls unprotected like that." Lyla was in and would do whatever I needed her to.

I reassured him that we would be there and nothing would happen to them "What kinda girls is he into?"

Nero looked straight at Lil "He likes blonds with um...big tits."

We all turned and looked at Lil setting at the bar "Why are you guys looking at me for?"

Putting my arm around her and touching her hair "I don't know Madame Lil. You got any ideas?" She was perfect for this.

Lil rolled her eyes "Oh shit. What now, you want to pimp me out?"

**TARAS POV**

Still feeling groggy when I woke up. It was so cold in here. I rolled over and my whole arm was feeling the pain. Reaching down with my other hand to find the covers. Someone was pulling them up for me.

"What are you doing in here? Get out." Getting the nurse call button close to my finger tips just within reach, he picked it up from the bed.

"I don't mean you any harm Mrs. Teller. Just a friendly visit to see how you're doing. I was really shocked to hear about the attack on you. Being someone that lost a love one to an inmate attack, I'm just concerned for your well being. Funny though, I haven't seen your husband around here anywhere."

"You better leave. There are club members here watching over me." I'm using that as a threat hoping he would just leave me alone.

Setting a vase of flowers down in front of me "Yes there is actually. As a matter of fact they are right outside the door. But he is a little busy speaking with police at the moment. The club can't protect you anymore let's not kid ourselves. That's why you're in here. You're also kidding yourself too if you think you're rough and tough enough to serve time. We both know it wasn't you that masterminded the whole Otto reco plan. It was your husband. I don't want you, I want him."

I did it for the club and to protect my man. To show Jaxs that I was strong enough to be his old lady and I could handle it. I didn't kill Pamela Toric, it was Otto. If I would of known what he was going to do with LuAnn's crucifix I would have never taken it to him.

Tossing my call button back down on the bed "You can cooperate with me against SAMCRO and your husband. Or don't and I will just make things harder on you. But I'm not leaving this town until justice has been served on them. Your husband keeps very interesting company these days. Before you think he is going to be by your side and waiting for you when you get out of prison, you should see what's been keeping him warm at night. I left you something in the card with the flowers that I think just might help you to reach your decision. I'll be in touch."

Closing the door Lee Toric, the brother of Pamela and a US Marshall, left my room.

Trying to get the envelope opened with my one good hand. What I saw broke my heart.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me.**

 


	10. Chapter 10

**JACKSONS POV**

Nero was hooking it up for us to meet up with the ones that ordered the attack on Tara. Finding out what they know and who would wanna hurt us will stop anymore shit from coming down on us.

Gemma needed me in the office. Lil was still keeping her distance from me "Are we good? Can we talk later?"

"Yeah were good. Do what your mom wants and I'll see you then." She said we were good but kept moving away from me so I wouldn't be anywhere near her.

Nero was leaving the office when I went in "I'm gonna run back to the Lodge and grab some clothes. You don't mind if I hang out here with Gemma tonight do you?" I told him no and I'd catch up with him later. I would do anything for Nero. He's proven his loyalty to me and the club. There are times that he runs interference for me with Gemma or , I don't know what I'd do with her.

There was some papers that Gemma needed me to sign. I just wanna get it done and go without having to talk to her too much. She acts like I should run everything by her and make sure she knows what I'm gonna do first. She was looking down at my hand "Where is your ring? That was JT's did you lose it?"

I wasn't gonna go into any details with her about shit "It was getting a little to tight." Everything around me was, it felt like most of the time I was fighting to take my next breath. Feeling like something was wrapped so damn tight around my neck cutting off my air supply.

Gemma and Nero were keeping Thomas in their room tonight with them. Since Wendy took Abel; Gemma has held on to Thomas for dear life and so have I. When she's with Nero I know she's on the straight and narrow path cause he sees to it. I don't gotta worry so much about her having the kids then.

Nothing too much was going on tonight. Nero and Gemma already turned in. Lyla and the kids were playing the Wii in their room. Happy went to meet up with some nomad buddies of his. Tig was cuddled up on the couch with his dog. Chibs was shooting pool. Juice and Lil was at the bar having a drink and making small talk.

Going into my room Lil stayed away from me "Is this how it's gonna be from now on with us? You're gonna stay away from me like everybody else does. I thought you understood me and we were gonna at least be friends." I wasn't gonna push her to be with me again but I wanted that. With at least being friends we could help each other out.

"No I'm not going to stay away from you. I think that now it's better if we keep it as just business between us and don't sleep together anymore. After I help you find Clay, I'm gone. That will be the last one and last time, then our business arrangement is over. I'm done being involved with SAMCRO." It wasn't the club she was trying to get some distance from. It's me.

The more she was dancing around the subject of me and her the more pissed I was getting "You don't get to come into my life, rip me the fuck part and leave me damn it. I've asked you so many times to stay and not to walk away from me. Stay with me and help make me be whole again. I gotta get right with myself and I need you for that Lil."

"I'm not the person you think I am. You see me as strong and I'm not. I'm weak most of the time. The only thing that keeps me going is Gabe and Addison. I don't have room for anyone but them in my life right now. After you find Clay you can start to heal and you'll get stronger, better. Even after I have killed them all, I don't think I'll ever completely heal from it. You can reunite with your family again and make things right. Trust me, with me gone you'll forget in time that I was ever here."

Cupping her face in my hands "I don't wanna replace Gabe. I won't even try to cause I already know I can't. I just need you to be a part of my life. Stay with me tonight and share yourself with me."

This time was different. Slower, sweeter and with emotions. Being inside Lil, I couldn't get my cock deep enough in her, even though I was in balls deep. I couldn't taste her enough and she was all that was on my tongue. I couldn't stopping myself from cumming then wanting her again.

Letting her ride me this time. Her ass was rubbing against my balls every time she moved on my cock. I felt the cum from her pussy making my balls wet. Reaching back she was rubbing her pussy juices on them. I was close again but I didn't wanna cum and loose this connection I was having with her.

Sitting up and holding her next to my chest when she was slamming herself down on me. Sweat coming from both us making our bodies slide against each other so easy.

Being closer and closer to cumming again I grabbed her hips in my hands so I could set the pace. Lifting her up and helping the force of her pussy meet my dick "Fuck baby take me there. Make me cum." Being the little cock teaser she is she stopped moving all together so I wouldn't cum.

Lil went to her all fours. Wanting me to take her from behind. Grabbing a hand full of that long silky hair of hers, I took her. Pulling her head back by her hair and pounding her pussy until I was ready to cum. I finished stroking my cock off on her ass. She sat up and was rubbing my cum all around on her ass cheeks with her hands while I watched.

We talked about so many things tonight. I shared with her my truths that I normally hide. The hardest one was about Opie when we were in Stockton "I watched them beat him to death and there was nothing I could do to stop it or to help him. It was supposed to be me in box and he took my spot. I think he was tired and needed a way out. Pope ordered that attack. It wasn't Clay that killed Pope, I had it done and set him up to take the fall for it. I'll never forget the look on Op's face when he took his last breath." That look still haunts me when I'm awake and sometimes asleep. I think about it a lot and every time I do, I figure something else out about life. It's like Op is trying to send me a message that I'm not getting.

Lil wouldn't promise me that she'd stay. I needed so much more from her. More than she's willing to give me or may never be able to give. After telling her the truth about the things I've done; she only held on to me tighter and understood.

I woke up to the radio playing Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Op and I use to wear this song out. I covered Lil up and lit up a smoke. Going over to the crib to check on Thomas before I remembered that he was with Gemma and Nero tonight. Wondering if Abel is okay or not with Wendy.

* * *

_**Mama told me, when I was young** _

_**Come sit beside me, my only son** _

_**And listen closely, to what I say.** _

_**And if you do this** _

_**It will help you some sunny day.** _

_**.** _

_**Ohh take your time... Don't live too fast,** _

_**Troubles will come, and they will pass.** _

_**Go find a woman and you'll find love,** _

_**And don't forget son,** _

_**There is someone up above.** _

_**.** _

_**And be a simple kind of man.** _

_**Oh be something you'll love and understand.** _

_**Baby be a simple kind of man.** _

_**Won't you do this for me son,** _

_**If you can?** _

_**.** _

_**Forget your lust for the rich man's gold** _

_**All that you need is in your soul,** _

_**And you can do this if you try.** _

_**All that I want for you my son,** _

_**Is to be satisfied.** _

_**.** _

_**Boy, don't you worry... you'll find yourself.** _

_**Follow your heart and nothing else.** _

_**And you can do this if you try.** _

_**All I want for you my son,** _

_**Is to be satisfied.** _

* * *

Sitting in the dark listening to the words even though I know them by heart. There was certain ones that I was taking hard; _**Troubles will come, and they will pass. Go find a woman and you'll find love, And don't forget son, There is someone up above. Forget your lust for the rich man's gold. All that you need is in your soul. Boy, don't you worry... you'll find yourself. Follow your heart and nothing else. And be a simple kind of man.**_

Troubles have always came to me. But now I can't seem to get past them no matter how hard I try. I've been caving under the weight of the lust of money for a long time now. That's what the club was turned into when it was ran by Clay. A place to feed his greed and he used all of us to do that.

As far as my soul goes, I feel like I've already sold that out. I've done some soul-searching the last few days and maybe there's a chance that I'll find it again. Cause without having your heart and soul, your dead on the inside already.

I know and if there's someone up above watching over me, it's Opie. Maybe this was his way of talking to me from the grave.

If I follow my heart right now I'm only gonna bring more pain down on myself. There's nothing simple in my life, especially the kind of man I'm turning out to be.

I laid back down but, I couldn't sleep. Throwing on my sweat pants I was gonna go out into the bar to see if anyone was still up. There wasn't anyone around. This is as quiet as I've heard it be in here for a long time.

Pulling the old boxes down from the shelves, I found the members photo books that Gemma has made over the years. Flipping through the pages I saw faces and thought about things I hadn't in a long time.

Piney with my dad from the war. Putting their cuts on for the first time and riding as the members of the original nine of SAMCRO. Both of them lived for this club and died trying to right it too.

Half-Sac in the boxing ring. Dieing so young and as a hero trying to save Abel from being kidnapped by Cameron Hayes. Then I came to Op.

Tons of pictures of me and him when were young. I flipped through them all having a different good memory with each one. Then I came to the last one of him in the book, the day he married Lyla "I don't know what you're trying to tell me brother. Since you've been gone, I've lost my way and I'm not sure how to find it anymore. If you're hearing me, I love you Op and miss you being a part of my life. Cause anytime I think of anything good in it, you were a part of it."

Standing in the doorway looking all sexy in my T-shirt was Lil "Hey. Do you want some alone time right now?" I told her no and she sat down on the arm of the chair beside me.

Telling her about some of them in the book and stories to go along with it. I was getting out some shit I needed to. Putting my hand on her thigh "Opie would have liked you."

When we came to some pictures of me "Whew, look at you Jaxs. You was really hot back then."

Grabbing her off the arm and on to my lap, tickling her "What do you mean was hot?"

That just led us to kissing each other. Lil stopped "Hi Gemma. Do you want to come in and set with us?" Lil went to get up from my lap but I stopped her. I don't give a shit what Gemma thinks about it. She was fucken around with Clay when JT was still alive. So I won't listen to her preach to me about right and wrong.

Gemma was holding Thomas in her arms "I was getting Thomas a bottle. I heard something back here. I'll go so you can get back to whatever you two were doing."

Lil got up and took Thomas from her "It's okay Jaxs was just showing me some pictures. I'll feed Thomas and you can look at them with him."

"No, I should go." I don't think she was sure if she was welcomed by me or not.

"Mom, do you wanna come set with me?" It's been a long time since I called her that.

It wasn't like it use to be spending time with her but, this was the best time we've had since I took the club over "I have missed our time Jackson. No matter what you think of me, I do love you son." She gave me a hug and I hugged her back.

Nero joined us too. Gemma and Lil was talking about making food since none of us could sleep anyways. We all went into the kitchen and turned on the radio and just talked. About nothing serious and nothing bad.

They were making steak and eggs for us all. Nero was holding and playing with Thomas telling me stories about when his son was young.

Juice came out and didn't say anything at first. Lil was talking to him and handed him a plate "Thanks Lily for being so sweet and always including me." She gave him a big hug.

That was what Juice was lacking within right now, knowing he still belonged. I pulled out the chair beside me "Come sit with me brother." Juice sat down and I nodded at him, letting him know he still a part of this club too.

Tig was the next one to join us "What the fuck man? You guys having a party and nobody invited me?"

Gemma got him a plate too "Oh no Darlin. It's not a party until Tiggy shows up."

Watching all of us come together and actually enjoy being around one another was the way it use to be before everything went to shit around here "It turned out to be a good day after all."

Waking up to my cell going off, it was the Prospect I left at the hospital to watch over Tara. Rolling over and looking at the clock it was already nine in the morning "Jaxs you need to get down here man. That Marshall showed up with a couple of cops. They were questioning me about what I knew of the illegal shit SAMCRO was into."

"What did you tell them?"

"Nothing man. I told them that I just joined and didn't know shit." That was the best answer he could have given them. Not that he does know that much. We keep the Prospects in the dark as much as possible about club business.

Kissing a sleeping Lil on the forehead and getting dressed. I thought that fucken Marshall had left town after Tara got arrested. His hanging around still only means more shit is coming my way.

Taking Chibs and Juice with me. Tig wanted to know why I didn't wanna let him ride along being my new Sargent Of Arms. It was time for him to prove to me that I made the right decision and he was gonna play shit out my way "Take Lil with you. Keep it on the down low. No bike and no cut. She'll know where to go. Only watch and see if you find Clay there, call me. Don't do anything unless I say to and don't let the others know anything about this. Keep this shit between me and you."

"No problems Jaxs. I'm gonna be the best goddamn Sargent you've seen." I hope he's right about that.

I know I shouldn't say this but I did anyways "You need to remember that Lil means something to me and respect that. Are you hearing me Tig?"

"Loud and clear boss. Loud and clear."

Getting off the elevator at the hospital Wendy was waiting for the elevator with Abel "What the fuck are you doing here?" Causing more shit for me that I'm sure of.

"Tara called me and asked me to come."

Abel was squirming in her arms "Daddy, daddy."

I went to take him from her "You're not allowed to be near him until Monday when we go to the hearing. I'm not afraid of you anymore Jaxs. Besides after you see Tara, I'm going to be the least of your worries." I kept asking what the fuck she was talking about.

When they were getting on the elevator Abel kept calling for me and it was ripping my heart out that I couldn't go to him and hold him "I love you and I'll see you on Monday. I'm gonna bring you home son where you belong."

Tara was getting some medicine from a nurse when I went in her room. I went to touch her hand and she yanked it away from me "Why didn't you tell me Wendy had Abel? As soon as I'm out of here I'm coming for Thomas too. Have you just been using me for the rico case to get to Otto? Because it took you a really long time to get me out there. Who is the nasty biker trash hanging out at the clubhouse?" Wendy must have told Tara about Lil being at the clubhouse when she came to get Abel.

"I did everything I could do to get you out. You've got no idea what I had to do to come up with that kinda money. I didn't even know her until after you went in and she's the reason I could raise the cash I needed to get you out.I tried to talk to you yesterday and you didn't wanna see me or I would have told you about Abel." There was no fucken way her or Wendy was gonna take my sons away from me no matter what I gotta do.

Tara was yelling at me "I'm the mother of your children and you can't even tell me the truth."

"You can't handle the truth and never have been able to Tara. The more shit I share with you, the further you wanna push me away from the club. As soon as something doesn't go your way and at the first sign that trouble is coming, you run. That hasn't changed over the last ten years either. I must have been a fool to believe that you were gonna stay this time and be by my side no matter what happens." I was getting pissed off and I need to leave before I said some shit I wasn't gonna be able to take back later. After I've cooled off, I'll come back and talk this shit out with her.

"That Marshall came to see me. Wanting me to give information to him about you and the club. If you don't get the charges dropped that are against me; I'll tell him what I know. If I go down, I'm taking you and SAMCRO with me." I can't believe she's stupid enough to threaten me. Knowing what I am and how I handle shit. That was the last thing I was expecting to happen with Tara, her turning on me and ratting like that.

Grabbing her by the throat "If I ever hear you say to me again that you'll rat on me, I'll fucken kill you myself."

Chibs was trying to get me off of her. Tara just pushed that line of no return with me "It's not the place or time for this shit Jaxs. Let go of her, we need to leave now."

Going out the door "You better remember what I said. Don't make me hurt you cause I will if I gotta." I meant those words I just said to her and she's been warned what will happen.

Before even leaving the parking lot Nero was calling. Tonight was the night and he had it all set up to go.

They gave Dorun and his crew a special invitation to the Lodge. There would only be a few girls there with Lil. The ones Nero chose to stay would do what we needed them to and would be compensated to keep their mouths shut afterwards.

We didn't bring our bikes. It would spook them if they saw a bunch of Harleys parked out front. The girls were out in the lounge dressed in hardly nothing waiting for Dorun to get there.

They had Lil all painted up. Wearing a short red dress that was split up the side past her ass and plunged down in the front to her stomach. I've never seen her like that before. Her hair was up with just pieces hanging down and her lips were as red as her dress was "You look real up town."

Nero took me back to his office. There was a two-way mirror looking out over the lounge. You could see everything and hear every word they were saying. Lil came in and Nero left "Get him alone. Lock him down and I'll take over. I don't wanna make you any part of this. You take the girls with you and get out of here."

Lil knew what she needed to do. But I was still worried "You need to be careful. Are you packen?"

Bringing her knee up to my dick and rubbing against me "Are you?" That was a conversation we'd save for another time.

Nero put a gun in the night stand in the room so if she needed it, it would be there.

Dorun's crew was enjoying themselves and as I thought they would, they were blinded by pussy. Lil went out into the lounge "Welcome gentlemen. I am Madam Lily."

Lil walked over to the girls. Placing a kiss on one of the girls cheek. Running her hand up another ones thigh raising her dress up and fingering the bottom of their panties. Letting her fingers go down Lyla's breast and body "These are my girl and they are here to make all of your wishes and fantasies come true." The girls were putting on a good show and they were getting lost in them. Not even thinking anymore about their crew business and that's what I needed to happen.

We were all standing at the mirror, watching and waiting. Tig was to close to it "You're fucking fogging up the mirror man." Nero was wiping it down.

"Sorry. You know after this shit is over, I'm getting laid right Jaxs?"

"Have at it Tiggy." It wasn't uncommon for the club to come to the Lodge for free pussy when they needed it. There was only one girl who was off limits to them; Lyla. To her taking dick up the ass was just another nine to five job but it was to show respect for Opie.

Lil was working Dorun. When she took him down the hallway, it was all most time for us to take over. When she sent the text we went. Tig and Nero went with me. The others went to handle the rest of his crew and get the girls out safe.

She had him naked with his hands cuffed to the head-board. His legs tied down to the foot board and a he was gagged. It's to bad not all of my enemies are delivered to me like this.

Lil was straddling him slapping the shit out of him and he was loving the rough play. Until he saw us that is. Helping her off the bed and waiting until she left the room to do anything to him. I've done enough damage to her already.

"Let me help you out." Driving my fist into his face over and over until he was a blood mess. Well he does like it rough.

Tig took the gag from him "Who hired you for the attack?"

Spitting up blood from his mouth "I don't know man. It was this dude. I only saw him once. Please you gotta believe me." That wasn't the answer I was looking for.

"Don't beg, it just makes you sound weak. Get him up." It was time to use a little more force to get him to talk.

Lil came back in the room and she looked scared. That was the first time I've seen that in her "We have to go right now Jaxs."

I was in the middle of it and I wasn't gonna stop until she told me why "Pappy just called me. The word on the street is there has been a bounty put on Abel and Thomas head. Everyone will be gunning for them."

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me.**


	11. Chapter 11

**LILYANS POV**

Sitting at the bar with Gemma while they were holding church. They had been in there for over an hour. I was getting really worried about what was going to happen to Abel and Thomas.

I don't know anywhere we could hide them that would be completely safe with every pro and a fly by night hit man trying to get to them to collect the money. None of this made sense to me. Whoever was backing it has money to burn to offer up that kind of cash for two children. They would also have to be a cold heartless bastard to do it too. There wasn't a good reason that they could be so valuable to anyone.

Talking to Pappy did me no good either. If I wanted anymore help out of him, he would own me. That was not an option right now.

What started out as just a little chat went to her asking questions about me and Jaxs. I just blew it off and went on talking about something else. Gemma was being very coy "What, you think I don't know what's going on? The stolen glances you two share when you think nobody is looking. The way you can't keep your hands off each other. Not to mention I'm in the room next to Jaxs. Why do you think Nero and I was awake last night? We could hear you screaming your little head off and saying his name over and over." If they heard me, I wonder how many of the others did too and know about me being with Jaxs?

When I looked up she had a camera in my face "I decided after last night after looking at the old photos that I needed to get some new pictures taken." I wasn't sure why she would be taking pictures of me. I wished that she was going to take my picture she would have waited until after I changed out of this dress.

Jaxs may not value her opinion on things. But she's been around and knows about everything that has gone on here over the years. I could deny it but she already knows about me and Jaxs. I just wanted to know what she thought "Where do you land on this Gemma?"

"You may not be what he needs. The verdict is still out on that but, you are what he wants. I see a glimpse of my old Jackson when he's with you. Not the man who took over the gavel and stopped giving a shit. So I don't think that makes you all bad." That's what I've heard from most of them. Jaxs has changed since taking over the gavel and stopped caring about the important things. He does so much shit under the table without them knowing about it.

They came out after the doors opened except Jaxs. I kept watching and waiting and Gemma must have noticed it "Go to Jaxs and get him through this. You're the only one he's letting in and close to him."

Hesitating "I shouldn't go in there. It's a place for members only."

"It's also a place for the ones that hold them together too. I've set in there many a nights trying to keep JT and Clay going. Not let them break down from the shit going on. Do you care enough about Jaxs to fight for him?" That was a good question but I won't fight for him because it's wrong.

"I know my Jaxs. When the shit gets too deep he'll push even you away to protect you. I just hope you're strong enough not to let him do that. Cause that's when he'll need you the most."

I'll be there for him as much as I can without getting myself any closer to him "That's Tara's place to hold him together and keep him going. She will be home soon and I'm sure she can handle it." I know once Tara gets out of the hospital it will be time for me to go. There is no way she'll want me around here and Jaxs will have no choice then but to say good bye.

Gemma doesn't like Tara, you can tell when she talks about her "I'm sure with being who you are Lily, you know how that shit really works with their women. They do who they want when they want to and their old ladies have no say in that. Besides Tara doesn't want Jaxs holding the club together. She wants him out and as far away from me and Charming as she can get him." I've learned something new everyday from being here, more pieces to the puzzle. I completely understand why Tara would want Jaxs out of the club but, I don't see him ever giving it up.

"I know exactly how shit works. Even the Family has the decency to keep the indiscretions at least fifty miles from the flag pole so they won't humiliate their wives by flaunting their mistresses in their face. I don't want to come in between Jaxs and Tara." I should have never been with Jaxs. Now I would be labeled as his whore on the side, the one he's flaunting in his wife's face. I was weak when I was with him. I haven't been with anyone since Gabe died. I am a woman who still has needs and desires. But I should have known better than to go there with him and there is no excuse for what I've done.

"I hate to tell you sweetheart, you already have." Knowing what she was saying is some what the truth.

Standing at the door watching him. Jaxs was off in that place again. The place he was in when I first met him. When he saw me, he motioned for me to come in. I asked again to just to make sure that it was okay for me to come in here. He motioned me again "Yeah it is. Come in and shut the door. I wanna talk to you."

He was cold and distant with me "I'm not gonna be on the outside of what's gonna go down. I'm gonna be in the middle of it. It's gonna get bloody and real messy around here. You need to have an exit plan made."

Turning his chair so his back was to me and lighting up a smoke "You should go."

Not letting him get away with that shit. I stood in front of him with my hands on his chair so he had to look at me "You didn't think this was how this dance was going to end did you Jaxs? If you want me to leave because you don't want me here, I'll leave now. If it's because you're scared, I won't leave you until I know your boys are safe. I've seen enough blood and death to know exactly what's coming. You seem to forget how much a like we are. We both stopped living a long time ago and only keep our focus on making shit right with our families. If you think you can do this alone and survive it, you're crazy."

Jaxs was all outlaw right now "I'd rather die on my feet then spend the rest of my life on my knees begging for mercy."

I knew where he was coming from but it wasn't changing the fact that a handful of outlaws could take on the world and live to tell the story "I'm here Jaxs if you need me. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me you don't want me around anymore. One mans excessive force is another womans excessive persuasion. I'm not scared to die for what I believe in either. If getting bloody is what it takes to protect your babies then so be it."

Taking me in his arms and leaning his forehead to mine "I gotta take a step back from you right now. I need to focus on keeping my family safe and I don't know how. If you stay I'm gonna drag you in more shit and down with me. You need to be sure this is what you wanna do."

Giving me a long slow kiss "I'm here Jaxs and I'm not going anywhere."

"Don't make me promises you aren't gonna keep." I wouldn't want it to be any other way.

Tig came in "Jaxs she's here and she's pissed brother."

Not being sure who Tig was talking about until we went out into the bar "Really Jaxs? This is the second time I've been kidnapped because of the MC. You're falling part and losing your mind if you think this is going to stop me from getting custody of Abel. You can't even protect him anymore. Him being taken from you and then ending up in Belfast proves that shit."

"We do this in my office." Jaxs started walking there but Wendy wasn't budging.

"Why you don't want everyone knowing what the great Jackson Teller is capable of doing? What are you gonna do? Knock me around and shove another speed ball in my arm? Then tell everybody I'm using drugs again? I might have been a junkie but I'm sane and sober now. I have my shit together and I won't let you or anybody else take that away from me. You can threaten to kill me all you want too. I'm not scared of you anymore." She might not be scared of him but she should be.

Jaxs was a different man than I've seen him be before. Jaxs was screaming at her "I said we do this in my office. Now." His eyes were wild and his expression was that of a wild animal. The animal that once you let it out, you can't control it anymore.

Knowing it was wrong to eves drop but I was really concerned for Wendy. He has no love for her what so ever. She is standing in his way of Abel. Not just getting custody but protecting him from getting killed too "You need to call this off until I figure out what the fuck is gonna happen. I'm not trying to hurt you or Abel. I'm trying to protect you." She wasn't buying that for a minute even though everything he was telling her was true.

They kept arguing over a Marshall. This is the first time I have ever heard of him. From the sounds of it he had went and talked to Tara and Wendy about turning on Jaxs and the MC. Jaxs gave her a warning about what would happen if she rated "Oh please. I know exactly what would happen if I opened my mouth. I might be a lot of things Jaxs but I'm not a rat."

Wendy and Tara had discussed me too. I guess Tara somehow knows that I've been with Jaxs or at least suspects it. But it didn't affect Wendy "I don't care how many whore you fuck Jaxs. That's Tara's problem now. I'm having a little trouble having any sympathy for Tara in that area. She thought it was okay to sleep with you when we were still married. You moved on with Tara before you finished things with me. It all comes around. But you keep your whore away from me and my son."

Wendy made the biggest mistake when she was arguing with him "I had a real long talk with Tara at the hospital. I know everything that has gone on here. She was planning on leaving you and taking the boys with her. Even if I don't get custody of Abel don't think I won't help her too. I would rather see him with Tara than you. Maybe with her he would at least have a chance to grow up the right way. If he stays here and around the club he'll end up being just like you."

I heard things crashing in the room and I had to make him stop before he really hurt her. Using the only reason I could think of to barge in the room "Jaxs my informant called and they saw..."

He had Wendy pinned down to the couch and was choking her with both hands. When he finally realized that I was in the room or maybe he was brought back to the reality of what he was really doing to her, he stopped.

Wendy was trying to get up and I helped her. She hurried out the room and I don't blame her. Jaxs sat down on the couch and lit up a smoke "You shouldn't have interfered with me and Wendy."

I was right. The animal inside him has taken him over. If he would have killed her no one here would have even tried to stop him. They would have helped him cover it up just like they do everything else.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know Wendy was still in here with you. They think they spotted Clay at the warehouse. I just wanted to let you know." It was a lie but Wendy was safe for now.

"Can you do a ride along with Tig to check it out? Make sure it's real. I've gotta stay here right now." I told him I would as soon as I changed.

This would be a wasted trip because Clay wouldn't be anywhere near there. But I took precautions anyways. Taking my gun with me just in case someone else was.

**JACKSONS POV**

Nero's crew picked it up from where we left off with Dorun "Yeah we got him to talk. It all started real high up Jaxs. It was ordered by Salvator Rossi."

Calling Juice over to the table "I wanna know about Salvator Rossi. Everything you can find out about him and his organization."

Nero was acting a little nervous right now "You should ask Lily about him. Cause she's gonna be able to tell you a lot."

It was Tig calling me "Yeah."

"Clay is here brother." Telling Tig to set tight. Don't do anything until I got there.

Telling Chibs what I wanted him to do while I was gone "Lock everybody down. Have them call their families and bring them in. I wanna make sure Tacoma is here by morning." The war was just starting.

I rode for almost two hours to get there. With nothing on my mind except righting the wrongs. All of them. When I ride it's like a clearing of my head. The road is where my heart belongs, it's my home. This ride was sending my head and heart in a new direction.

Pulling my bike up beside Tig and Lil where they told me to meet them at "They left with Clay about an hour ago. We got the licenses plate number and waited like you said to."

Telling them that we all needed to put our heads together and talk about shit. They got out of the truck and I drew on her. When she turned around and saw I had my gun pointed right at her "What the fuck are you doing Jaxs?" She drew hers too. It reminded me of the first time we met.

Tig drew his too "What the fuck is going down here Jaxs?"

I knew he was confused about all this but I wasn't anymore "Leave Tig. You never saw any of this."

"Jaxs man why are you doing this?" I know Tig likes Lil and she's gotten close to us all.

"When I say to do something you fucken do it." Tig finally lowered his gun and drove away in the truck.

"I'm only gonna ask you once Lil. How do you know Salvator Rossi? Have you been playing me this whole time? Cause there's no fucken way he ordered that hit on Tara and you're not apart of it."

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me.**


	12. Chapter 12

**JACKSONS POV**

"Salvator is another Italian gangster that has tried to push Pappy out of power for years. It's been an ongoing feud. Just like you pushed Clay out and all the other enemies you've made over the years. Did it occur to you at the time that there could be more than one mob family out there? "

She slowly lowered her gun and started walking towards me "Don't." I warned her cause right now she could still be the enemy.

"If you think I would hurt Tara after what I did to save her or help out that piece of shit in any way, you are losing it. I don't see how I would be playing you. I have never asked you for a damn thing." I really wanna believe her but the other side of me just won't let me.

"How do I know you're telling me the truth?"

She tucked her gun in the back of her pants "Because I said so. That should be enough for you. I was all in after that first ride I took with you. You know what, I am done with this shit. You're on your own."

She was walking down the road "Where the hell do you think you're going?"

She stopped but never turned around "Anywhere you are not at. Are you going to shoot me and in the back too? Do it. You would be doing me a favor by putting me out of the hell I live in everyday."

She laughed "That's what I thought you would do Jaxs. You still can't be honest with yourself can you? When you hunt and out wit the ones that have done the most damage to you, you have to get in their heads. Fighting not to become what you hate the most only pushes you closer to them. Do you know why I killed that woman in cold blood that had done no wrong to me?"

I lowered my gun "You did it cause I needed your help." Saying those words out loud made my outlaw side have to take a step back. Look at the big picture.

When she turned around to look at me she was expression less "Yes I did it for you and your babies. But I also did it to remind myself of who I'm not. I'm not like them no matter if I am related to them. I threw up from my stomach being upset while it twisted me up inside. I wept for her soul. But most of all begged for mercy on my own soul Jaxs for what I did to her. Killing for Gabe and Addison I have no remorse and no emotions when I do it. When's the last time you did that after a kill? Wanting mercy on your soul for someone you have wronged. I know you've done wrong just like I have. But at least I can admit it."

She called Roberto to come and get her. Keeping her distance from me. I told her I would take her anywhere she wanted to go but she wouldn't answer me.

Roberto and his flunkies were coming down the road "I know your truths. Everyone thinks you're so brave because you fight and aren't afraid to die. But I think you're at that same place Opie was. Just tired and looking for a way out. Because you and I could never shame our families by ending it ourselves, we have to go out as martyrs for our families sake. No matter how much we hate them. No matter how much we have to prove that we are different from them. We still fight for what's right."

When she was leaving with Roberto "The world is not plotting against you. Until you realize not everyone wants to hurt you or use you Jaxs, I can't help you anymore. No one can."

I thought about what Lil said on the ride home. I feel like I'm losing it and can't keep it together. I'm getting deeper into that dark hole. My demons and ghost are coming back haunting me and taunting me. Pushing the killer in me more to the surface everyday. Maybe it's too late for my soul.

Her being a part of it made sense at the time. If she hasn't turned on me yet maybe I'm still waiting for that time to come. Just like everybody else has. But why would the mob be after Tara? What purpose would it serve to them to hurt her? There is no way in hell this just connected up this way.

When I got back to the clubhouse I didn't say a word to any of them. I went into the bathroom and took a look at the man in mirror. Not recognizing the man staring back at me anymore. I splashed cold water on my face trying to get a grip on myself to go face them knowing she was right about some of the things she said.

Going in and sitting down at the table I needed to think. Tig was standing there and I finally asked him what he wanted "Is everything okay Jax?"

"Yeah"

"Where's Lily I didn't see her with you?" He doesn't usually show much concern for anyone outside the club. Maybe bringing her in and them getting closer to her is my own fault.

"I didn't hurt her if that's what you wanna know. But I wouldn't expect to be seeing her around here anymore."

Tig closed the door "I'll protect you with my life and do everything I'm suppose to do brother. Cause that's my job. But you can't keep me on the outside of shit. You gotta trust me and start telling me the truth or this isn't gonna work." He was right. I told him everything that I knew about the hit on Tara and how I thought Lil was responsible for it. I really believed she was getting close to us to use intel against us. I've already told her so much shit that she could hurt us with it if she wanted to.

"Wait did you say the guys last name was Rossi?" Telling him that Nero told me that and Lil confirmed it. She knew who he was.

"Juice ran the plate number that I brought back. It was registered to a corporation but Rossi was part of the name." Tig was yelling for Juice to come in.

After talking to Juice the vehicle belonged to a Rossi Funding Corporation. The same vehicle Clay rode away in "Goddamn it. I was blaming and chasing the wrong one."

Remembering what Lil told me; _Making many different transactions with several companies while hiding under the corporate veil. It takes a long time to trace it back to the original company and by then they are long gone with the money._

"I know who Marks and Clay are in bed with, Rossi. I just don't know all the details yet. But, I bet I know who will."

Calling Lil's cell several times but she wouldn't ever pick up "Tig I need you to do a ride along with me."

Starting at Roberto's club. It's the only place for sure that I know we can make contact with the Family and her. It didn't take five minutes after getting there until Roberto surfaced "You need to leave now."

He snapped his fingers and there was six of them on me and Tig "I need to talk to her."

"That's not going to happen. You just don't get it do you. She sold her soul to protect you and your children. Putting a gun in her face is how you repay her for that? If you come near her again I will personally cut your goddamn heart out. Escort them out of here."

His goons were shoving us out the door "Is the Rossi Funding Corporation ringing any bells with you? I don't know how they are coming into play on this yet but, I will. We all have a common goal here. Let me talk to her."

Lily came out into the bar "It's okay Roberto. I'll talk to him. This conversation should be taken somewhere private."

Going to the back of the club there was a huge room that was almost like a small apartment. The goons wanted us to give up our weapons at the door "If you want to talk Mr. Teller this is how it is."

I finally told Tig to give up his too "He waits outside." Tig didn't wanna do that but, deep down I know she wouldn't hurt me.

Roberto excused himself to take a call. Understanding how parts of this shit worked "How is this club used for the Family?"

"Prospering business Jaxs to wash the money. Pussy equals cash in and cash out. They run drugs through here and use it as a meeting place from time to time. It is a legitimate business that is thriving on paper for all the investors." Just like she told me. We use the Lodge as a legitimate escort service for cash for the club too.

"I'm really sorry. I thought you were just using me Lil. We need to work this shit out between us." She went over and sat down in chair. Not acknowledging what I said to her.

They were having a conversation between them in Italian I would assume when Roberto came back. I didn't know what they were saying but the tone was getting a little intense "Do you mind I'm in the room and wanna know what the fuck is going on? I can't understand a damn thing you're saying."

Roberto gave me a hard look "That was the point."

"The Rossis have been a problem for our Family for sometime now. Salvator is getting ready to step down like Pappy and give it to his son. His son is no more than some common street thug so Salvator is wanting to make a name before he gives it up. The order could have come down from either one of them. He has let his son make some of their decisions recently. I will eventually have to face his son and kill him or the Family will be seen as weak. Only the strongest survive in this game. " I knew all about the survival shit.

Taking a gun out his desk drawer and laying it in front of him. I wasn't sure if that was his way of intimidating me or protecting himself "I'm sure that you can understand Mr. Teller what happens to your organization when they think you're no longer in control. You become a target for everyone that wants to take your power away. Lilyan told me about Rossi ordering the attack on your wife. I am truly sorry for that but we had nothing to do with it. If I wanted to get to you. I would have killed you already. Not been a pussy by attacking your wife. There is nothing for the Family to have gained by hurting her."

"Clay Morrow a man who I'm chasing down that has hurt my club and my family. He was with the guys at the warehouse. How does the corporation come into play on all of this shit? When it's time to make the kill on him, he's mine. We all need to have that understanding."

Roberto looked to Lil to answer that question "The corporation is just one more of the companies to add to the list that was scamming money on Gabe's project. There are many others involved in it. I didn't recognize who came to the meeting with Clay. They have never been at the warehouse before when I was watching it. I already ran the plate too. It's looks like we do have a common threat and enemy Jaxs. How Clay got involved with the money scheme I have no idea. The one I want is Marks. I know he is responsible for Gabe and Addison's murder. You need your revenge on Clay to make things right. I am willing to share any information that I have with you. But I won't help you anymore."

Lil got up and opened the door "Good bye Jaxs. It's time for you to go now."

"Lil I was wrong. I'm sorry and I wanna make it right with you. I do care about you no matter what you think of me. I feel sometimes like I'm loosing it and can't keep myself in control anymore. You know I still need you and want you." I really was trying to make shit right and admit it to her.

"I think our little tryst was over Jaxs when you put that gun in my face. Tara will be home soon and it will have to come to an end anyways. We both know that. Tara is the one that needs to be there for you, not me. But if you ever point your gun at me again; you had better be ready to use it."

**LILYAN POV**

After Jaxs left we talked about what our next move should be "What do you want to do Lilyan? I promised that I would go along with any decisions that you made for Gabriel and Addison. They deserve that much. But the biker, I would just as soon cut his heart out as look at him." Roberto is stuck somewhere between me and Pappy. He still seeks approval from the Family. But he still has enough of himself left within him to do the right thing most of the time.

"I gave him my word and we need to make sure that Abel and Thomas are kept safe from harm. Even if Pappy doesn't go along with it. When I look at Abel he reminds me so much of Addison. His blond hair and the adorable innocent way he has about him."

Roberto filled me in on somethings that I have missed while I was gone. Pappy is doing things that none of the Family seem to approve of. But he doesn't give a shit and does them anyway. I know he used me "Pappy made me make that kill not to bring me back to the Family but to send the message to Rossis. The Family is still in control and always will be."

"I'm so sorry Lilyan. I didn't know at the time or I would have stopped it. You have my word that no matter what story I have to make up for Pappy, I will see this through with you." Roberto seems to be the only person I can really trust. He covered my tracks for a long time before they found out what I was really doing and where I was.

We still had to discuss the other problem we had where Jaxs was concerned "Are you going to tell him the truth?"

"No. Jaxs doesn't need to know. Not now anyways." This would be the one thing that I would never share with him. It would only bring him pain to know.

I laid down on the couch to try to get some sleep. One of the guys was at the door letting me know I had a visitor "There is a woman here to see Lilyan. She said her name is Gemma Teller." Roberto wasn't happy that I was getting so involved with all of them, especially Jackson.

Gemma started off with small talk. But I told her to get on with it "You know you can come back to clubhouse with me. He wants you back like the rest of us do. Do you enjoy staying in a strip club?"

Snapping back at her "Do you enjoy staying in a brothel?"

Gemma ignored that comment or maybe she was just letting me win this one. She talked about Jaxs, his father and the club life he's had. I think she was more than anything trying to get me to feel sorry for him as an excuse for what happened "Look Gemma we have all had a hard life. I'm sure you have as well. But I can't help Jaxs anymore."

"I think you will wanna help when I tell you what I came here to say. I'm gonna tell you things that even Jackson doesn't know. I'm taking the chance that you will help him with this and not go running to him repeating what I've said. My grand children need you to Lily." Gemma has a love for them all. I've watched her with them. To some degree I think she's just lost her way too.

When she was done talking; I was speechless "Why are you telling me this?"

"Cause I think you're gonna be Jaxs savior Lily."

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me!**

 


	13. Chapter 13

**JACKSONS POV**

Tig tried to talk to me about Lil. This was something new for him, giving a shit about my love life. We've never talked about life or our women before "She just needs some time brother. I listened to her talk about you when we was staking out the warehouse. She cares about you like you care about her. She's still hurting over her old man and kid." I couldn't believe she shared that story with Tig of all people. They must have talked about some deep shit.

"Did she say that? Cause Lil is a little on the crazy side with the shit she does. Most of the time she acts like she doesn't care about me like that. She's pushed me way. I don't think there's any going back now cause I fucked that up." I know what went down the blame falls on me.

"She didn't have to say it. It was the smile she had on her face when she said your name. Lily is a little on the crazy side but so are we Jaxs. That's why you're perfect for each. Don't give up on her cause I would give anything to have a woman that understood what I am. That would stand beside me in the way I live. Cause you know they don't come around often."Coming from Tig that says a lot. But he's right. Not to many women wanna stay once they get a taste of the real kind of life we have to offer.

Tig was laughing "Have you ever noticed that the crazy ones always seem to have the best pussy?"

"Amen to that brother."

Everyone noticed Lil was gone and was asking where she was. But I ignored it. Setting down in my office where I could be alone. Gemma wanted to talk about Lil and I wasn't getting that at all "You two belong together. She's the one Jackson. I've never said that about any of them you've been with. You need to talk to her and make shit right. She is keeping you and the club whole right now even if you don't see it." No she hasn't said that before but I can't help feeling Gemma has an ulterior motives to all this too. The way she was talking about Lil was almost scary with all the love Gemma was throwing her way.

I needed to get my shit together for tomorrow and come up with a plan when the Tacoma charter gets here. Trying to get away from my crazy mother and needing a drink, I went into the bar. Happy was in my face "What the fuck did you do to her?" I don't know what they told him and I didn't really care either.

"It's none of your business. Stay out of it and you might wanna remember what the fucken order is around here and who you're talking to. Show a little respect." I was getting real tired of being challenged for everything I do by one of them. Always wanna throw input into everything. Even things they don't know shit about.

"You might wanna remember there's other members in this club besides you. We're all suppose to have a say and that shit doesn't happen anymore. Without that going down what we've got is pointless. You do what the fuck you wanna do. It's all about showing us how big your dick is and not for the good of the club anymore Jaxs. I'm not gonna stay out of shit when it comes to Lily." It was time for me to step up and put Happy in his place. I knew exactly what Roberto was talking about showing any weakness to them. If you back down they pick at you, taking away more control from you each time you do.

"I don't have to show how big my dick is. Lil knows that already, every inch of it." Low blow but he got the point. He hasn't been in the clubhouse for a few days and it's time he knew. I didn't give a fuck who knows about me and her.

Phil was trying to separate us "Shouldn't we do something about this shit. Are you gonna help me Tig or what?" Phil was getting hit as much as we were hitting each other cause he got in the way.

But Tig stopped him "Nah I'm not gonna do anything about it. They need to settle their shit. Go get me a beer so I can watch." That's more like the Tig I know.

After we beat the shit out of each other and destroyed the room. We were both laying on the floor trying to catch our breath. Looking around "Damn the Prospects are gonna have a lot of shit to clean up."

Happy looked too "Yeah we just fucked some shit up." And that was the end of our little disagreement. At least for now. But I know he'll come back at me again. If not about Lil about something else.

Chibs followed me into the table and shut the door behind him "I've stood beside everything you've done. But they are all starting to notice Jackie that you take it upon yourself to make more decisions than is voted on. I love you kid and I wanna serve by your side. But if it doesn't stop none of them are gonna follow you anymore. They'll lose respect for you." Nobody said it was easy being in control and find the right way. Now was one of those times for me too.

Going up to the roof to be alone. I've had someone up my ass since I got back. I started writing in my journals for Abel and Thomas. I write all the shit I can't tell anyone. The truth about me and the club that only they need to know about.

When I thought about the conversations I had with Lil; I was pouring my heart out on paper to my boys. Hoping they'll learn from my mistakes and not make the same ones too.

After reading the last entry I made it hit me. Taking out my cell to call her "We need to talk. I know you're hiding shit from me. If you don't wanna come here then I'll come to where you are. Were gonna talk one way or another Lil. So don't ignore me." She didn't wanna come here and Roberto didn't want me there. I told her where to meet me.

When I was leaving the clubhouse they wanted to do a ride along with me but there was no way in hell that was gonna happen. This was one ride that was meant for only two people. They kept asking where I was going but I didn't answer.

Lil was waiting for me outside of Charming. I made sure no one followed me too. This was something I had to do and get out of my mind. She was all dressed up in a black tank dress that was very short and those goddamn black boots. One night when we were laying in bed she told me the story of those boots. The reason it feels like you got kicked with a steel fist is cause the toes are loaded. She says that helps make up for her small size "Where are you going? Got a hot date for tonight?" I was half kidding but was kinda serious too.

"I'm going to hell. Wanna go with me?"

Opening the door and shoving her over in the seat so I could drive "Yeah I wanna go. I'll drive us there. I'm pretty sure that's our destination anyways." She gave me a strange look but never said anything.

We drove around and she hadn't said a word. So I started this conversation off "Tell me how dirty I gotta get to become this reborn clean you keep talking about. I can't walk that line Lil. I'm on the other side of it. Once you cross that line you're still on the other side no matter what the reason is." She's still on the right and wrongs of what she's done. I know I'll burn in hell for a lot of things I've done already. You can't be a saint and an outlaw at the same time.

"You almost had me convinced that you weren't hiding shit from me. Then I thought about all the shit that was said. Roberto said you sold your soul to protect me and my boys. Wanna tell me what the fuck that's all about?"Still nothing. She kept her eyes forward and pretended like she didn't hear a word I was saying to her.

Lil kept checking the time on her watch "Do you got something you gotta do or what? Are you meeting somebody?" She wouldn't answer the question. Maybe I've got no right to ask her that. But I was getting tired of the silence.

Pulling her truck over on the old dirt road that we were on "Are you gonna talk to me? Is it cause your still mad at me?"

When I took her hand I didn't feel her wedding ring. I ran my thumb over her finger and it was gone. She took her hand out of mine "I didn't feel it was right to wear it anymore since I've been with..."

It's was guilt eating at her "We haven't done anything wrong Lil. This isn't wrong. I don't even know what this is between us but I know I don't wanna let it end."

"Really. You don't think we've done anything wrong? Have you looked into your wife's eyes and told her that?"

Her cell went off and I don't know who she was talking to but it was a guy cause I could hear his voice "I'm just running a little late. I'll be there."

She finally told me about asking Pappy to watch over the boys and it didn't come for free. When I asked her what she had to do in return for it; she said she did it when she took care of the girl who hurt Tara. But there's something she's not telling me still. I think she only told me that was cause she wanted to go and get away from me.

Going back to my bike cause trying to talk to her now was pointless and wasn't getting me anywhere. But I won't let this go and you can damn well bet we'll be having this conversation again later. The only thing she wanted to talk about, I didn't "What happened to your face?"

"A disagreement." I left it at that.

I tried to kiss her good bye but she didn't want that "Come back to the clubhouse. I miss you being with me." She never commented on any of that. Usually she has something to say about everything. At lease a smart ass comment. But tonight she was different with me and distant. Not like the loving girl I've been around. She drew that line between us and wasn't gonna cross it.

"I'll see you around Jaxs."

Riding around is when I do my best thinking. I don't know where any of this shit is gonna land. Everything is changing around me. I can't contain the fire anymore in the club. I sure as hell haven't figured out a way to put it out yet either.

I saw a vehicle I thought was behind me a little to long for my liking. So I slowed down and they went on past me "Maybe I'm just becoming paranoid." But in this life you can't be cautious enough. When you've got as many enemies as I do, you never know.

Tacoma came and gave us their full support for what we needed. The clubhouse was getting pretty full. All the guys gave up their rooms for ones that had families. We would sleep where ever we fell. I moved into my office. The couch will do for me.

Gemma and Wendy were gonna stay in the same room so they could keep Abel and Thomas together. I will give it to Wendy that she was better with Abel than I thought she would be.

I tried to tell Wendy I was sorry for losing my temper with her but she didn't acknowledge that I was talking to her. She's been keeping out sight as much as she can. She did drop the custody suit but let me know it was far from being over with. She knew once we did a lock down in the clubhouse and called in our charters, shit was real serious. That is one way that Wendy and Tara are different. Wendy knows when it's time to go with the flow of the club and not fight against it. That's something Tara hasn't learned yet.

Chibs said Lin called and we could set the gun drop with Pappy. I called his cell but he didn't answer. So I called Lil. He needed to get his hands on the rest of the money and I wanted to make sure he had enough time. I needed that connection with Lin to stay good right now and there was no way I was gonna piss him off cause he's supplying the Cartel. But she wasn't the one that answered "Is Lil there?"

"She's asleep. Can I take a message?" I didn't leave one with him. I knew it wasn't Roberto that answered so I just hung up. That must have been who she was meeting up with. She spent the night with him too cause he was still with her this morning.

"You okay Jackie?" I needed to put my personal feelings on the back burner and focus on business. That's easier said than done.

"Yeah I'll call Pappy again?" I didn't have to. Pappy returned my call. We're meeting him outside Charming. Then he'll follow us to the drop place. He insisted that the drop be late at night. He said he didn't want a bunch of attention drawn to him on this meet. I could understand where he's coming from with that.

This will give us a little operating cash that we desperately need right now. Cause were fucken broke again. We spent the money we got from Pappy already on Tara's bail. Lin was okay with us taking our cut from the deposit Pappy made but now he wants his money.

Some of Happy's Nomads came too. Quin told me whatever it took he was here for us. When we went to make the drop with Pappy I asked that he made sure to keep watch over everyone for me "With my life brother." I know I can count on him for that too. He's the President of the Nomad charter and he knows what it's like to be in the position I'm in.

We were waiting at the spot we were suppose to meet Pappy and he was fucken late. That always makes me a little nervous that bad shit is coming our way.

Seeing it was Lil calling me kinda surprised me a little. Maybe he told her I called "Yeah."

"Listen to me very carefully. You have eyes on you and have since you left Charming. Keep it general conversation I don't know if there is someone with them on the inside too. What the fuck Jaxs? You're suppose to make sure everything is secure before you meet up with Pappy."

I knew she was some where close. "Where are you?"

"Walk outside like you're talking on the phone and coming out for a smoke."

I lite up one and casually glanced around "Look to the parking lot on the left. Black Ford F-150 sitting under the street lamp that is broken. He's a male with long hair. That's all I could make out. Pappy will not be here by the way and not very happy about this either." I saw who she was talking about.

Business still needed to be conducted even if it was gonna have to be another time "We had a deal. The rest is due. That still needs to go down. Mine and his business don't have shit to do with you. By the way Darlin if you wanna date me, you don't have to stalk me. Just ask me real nice."

She chuckled a little "I'm not stalking you or admiring from a far even. I don't want to be interfering with your business. I have what you're looking for and will deliver it when I know it's safe. As long as you can deliver on your end still. I only came along to make sure Roberto didn't kill you like he wants to."

"That's comforting to know you care about me so much Lil. I've been feeling so much love from everyone lately." What was one more person to add to the list of people who wanted me dead. Telling her we would lead them to the place where we met Pappy, out in the middle of no where. She needs to stay behind them so they don't get away from us.

"Your welcome Jaxs." Then Lil hung up.

Going back inside to the table "We have a tail on us. Lose anything you're carrying before we walk out the door. We'll run them up the old highway. Take them by the surprise on the curve. Lil will be behind them. Then we'll find out who they are and what the fuck they want."

Juice, Happy and Tig went to the bathroom to get rid of what they had. We all walked out the door as though we didn't even notice the truck.

They fell back from following us when we got off the highway on the deserted road. Or maybe we lost them or spooked them off. We parked our bikes and had our guns ready. Whoever was coming after us won't ever do that shit again when we're done with them.

Lil was calling again "Yeah."

"Get the fuck out of there Jaxs. He's got friends coming for you too."

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me!**

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**LILYANS POV**

More trucks joined the one that was after the MC. I called Jaxs to let him know it wasn't safe. They would be out numbered. I don't know who this was after him but they wanted him pretty bad.

Roberto was not going to get involved in this. He basically said it's his problem and we should let him deal with it "We can't just let them get hurt like this Roberto. It's not right. They could get slaughtered with all those guys coming for them. I can't just sit back and watch it."

"Better he gets killed than us Lilyan. Do you know what would have happened if Pappy would have met with him? If Jackson would have put him in this position. Pappy would have his head delivered in a bag separated from his body." I know that's true too. Thank god Roberto and I came early. Pappy would have killed Jaxs for putting him and the Family in jeopardy like that. You cross the Family or cause a problem from him once and only once.

Watching what was going on didn't make any sense to me. They had shotguns and vest on when they got out of their vehicles. From what we could tell the MC surrendered to them, that's the part that was so confusing. They don't surrender to anybody. Roberto was starting to get freaked out too "They are goddamn cops. That stupid little fuck would have got us all busted. I thought you said he was smart."

They looked like cops but they didn't act like it. Beating some of the MC when they already had them down on the ground and unarmed. But it was Jaxs that he wanted. The guy was brutally beating him. The others that came with this guy had the Sons held down at gun point on the ground. It was hard to tell everything that was going on. We could only see by their headlights.

Dragging Jaxs to one of the trucks he was going to take him "We have to do something. That isn't what cops would do."

Roberto wasn't going to "Fine then get out and I will do it on my own." Even when he doesn't agree with me I still get his support. Just like I give him my support when I think he's wrong. Calling the others to come in along with us too. This was one more time that the Family was helping out SAMCRO but there's nothing I can do about it now. If Jaxs has to repay the favor then he will. At least he will still be living to repay the debt.

Them being cops or not being cops we would still out number them. So it really didn't matter. We started firing before we ever made it to them. They made the right decision and took off. All but one. Which told me my gut feeling was right, they weren't cops.

I didn't want more blood shed but I couldn't let the MC go down like that either. I've got close to most of them. You don't let people hurt the ones you love no matter what you have to do.

There was one that hadn't got away yet but was trying to. I did the only thing I could think to do to stop him "Roberto I hope you have your seat belt on."

I floored it and we were going as fast as we could "You've gotten crazier Lilyan since you have been hanging out with him." That could be somewhat true. As we crashed the SUV into the side of his truck.

We stood back and let the MC handle their own business. They drug him out of the truck and beat on him now. Happy took something out of his pocket "He's a fucken US Marshal. I say we cap this little bitch and roll on." Happy explained to me how he got those smiley face tattoos on his body. I think he was ready to add another one for this kill.

Jaxs finally got up from the ground "Don't Hap. Not yet. What the fuck do you want with us? Who was with you?"

After persuading him into talking and not the easy way either. It looks like Mr. Lee Torric has put together a special little élite force team against the MC. That was the one I heard Wendy talking to Jaxs about. I am certain they have not heard the last from Mr. Toric either as much as he wanted Jaxs.

From what the guy was saying this is something Mr. Torric was doing this on his own and off the grid. He is paying them cash for their services. Which means the rule book gets thrown out the window. That wasn't what anyone wanted to hear especially Roberto. Happy took care of the guy and never blinked while doing it. Sign of a true killer at heart.

They put his dead body in his truck and set it on fire. No body would be left for evidence of what happened to him as we watched it burn. I must have had that look on my face while I watched. Happy put his arm around me and it looked like his face had been beaten. But I didn't see them hit him "What happened to your face?"

"A disagreement." They have a funny way of putting shit sometimes. That was the same thing Jaxs told me.

Jaxs face and body was bloody. He was having trouble breathing but, he would live. He went to shake Roberto's hand "Thanks bro for helping us out. I'm hoping we can make peace between us. Get down to doing business. Put the other shit behind us."

But the kind gesture wasn't returned by Roberto "You might be big shit in the little town of Charming. But you mean nothing in my world. You're fucking around in my business now. You just killed a Marshal. What if they put the MC with the Family now? Do you know what kind of heat that is going to bring down you stupid fuck?" Striking Jaxs as hard as he could in the face.

Everybody drew their guns on each other. That seems to happen to a lot. Roberto told his guys to put them down. He wanted to settle it on his own "Come on biker boy get up. Let's see what you're really made of."

Jaxs got up from the ground "I guess we can't make peace yet." Jaxs tackled Roberto and I was done watching them. Neither one of them will back down from the other. They both have to prove they are still on top. Just like stubborn men always have to do.

I had enough watching them beat the piss out of each other and went to stop it. Jaxs can really fight well with his fist. He street fights and does it by those rules too. Roberto can fight like that but, he has the side of him to fight smart like we were both taught to.

Happy grabbed me around the waist before I made it to them "Nope you're not getting in that." He carried me like I weighed nothing away from them.

Roberto's guys and the other Sons decided it was time too. All Robert's guy were loading up to leave and Roberto went to the car. He was bloody but he fought for his and the Family's honor. It was something he just had to do. I knew he would be okay and sore in the morning.

As I passed by Jaxs he didn't look so good. I couldn't tell anymore who did what damage to him anymore "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks it seems like I'm always saying that to you. I'll see ya around Lil."

Watching him slowly walk to his bike and ride a way. He was hurting in more ways than one. There was so much pain in his voice when he spoke to me. I couldn't help him with any of his hurts nor pain as much as I wanted to.

Roberto was bitching about Jaxs all the way back. I only heard some of what he was saying to me. Part of it was because I didn't want to. The other part was my mind was somewhere else, on someone it shouldn't be on.

I had a bag full of money and thought about running away again like I did all those years ago. Disappearing quietly into the night. I know what hell that would bring down on my life if I did. But I can't let myself do what I did back then. Ruining more lives by them being any part of mine. Never knowing when their life will be taken because of who I am. I couldn't live with another Gabe and Addison ending. I just can't do it again.

Roberto told Pappy what had happened and we both got an hour lecture from it. But mostly me. Pappy will end his relationship with the MC now. Which I consider a blessing for the MC. He said they carry too much liability to do business with "Lilyan you make the drop and explain to Mr. Teller why there can never be anymore business between us. Make sure he doesn't leave your sight with my money until he delivers. Roberto you meet them tomorrow and get our cargo. And Lilyan if he doesn't come through with what he promised, I will kill him." Roberto argued that he wanted no more to do with anything dealing with the MC. But Pappy got his way. Just like he always does.

Pulling up to the clubhouse, the parking lot had bikes everywhere. I looked around for that truck on my way in but didn't see it. I wasn't sure how this Marshal came into play with everything. With them you're only guessing until they connect the dots for you.

**JACKSONS POV**

After I took a shower Gemma cleaned up my face and wrapped my ribs. I wasn't gonna go to the hospital like she wanted me to. I've been hit harder than this before. Being a mom is the only reason I can think of she drives me nuts and acts like I'm dyeing. You would think after all these years she would be use to seeing us get fucked up. Cause we all do.

Chibs came in and tossed a duffel bag on the floor "Lily brought the other fifty percent. I'll set a time with Lin." I told him to lock it up in the safe and we would deal with it tomorrow.

Everyone was still up. Some were drinking, shooting pool, playing cards and others were just hanging out. I was surprised by the responses Lil was getting by everyone.

Tig kissed Lil on the forehead "It's good to have you home Darlin."

Mom went and hugged her for dear life. Gemma confuses me more with everyday that goes by. Lil went over with her, Nero and Lyla. I get Lyla and Lil's friendship but not Gemma's new-found love going on.

Happy hugged her too. That one wasn't a surprise. He wasn't giving up on her yet.

I went to set down and played some cards. The bar was full of laughter and everyone having a good time. That's something new too. Hasn't been much going on to celebrate around here lately. I decided I should have a good time tonight cause tomorrow was gonna be filled with some bad shit coming down on me.

Quinn said it low "Who's that little piece of heaven over there? Does she belong to anybody?"

Before I could answer Hap did "Nah she don't belong to nobody." He said it with a smile on his face. He's right I can't say that she does.

Happy called Lil over and introduced her to Quinn. He was flirting with her and she was being polite but wasn't overly friendly with him. She gave Hap a kiss on the head then went back to where Lyla and Gemma was.

They were all doing shots and it was good to see them smiling, having a good time. Gemma was more like her old self. Center of attention, working the room and really happy. I know she hasn't had a lot to be happy about lately.

Lyla has had her heart ripped out and trying to raise the kids on her own. But tonight she was just Lyla having fun. Lil has too much going on in her own life to let shit go. But even she was loosing up a little. I was getting loaded with them cause I needed to let some of my own shit go too.

They got Juice in the action some how. Feeding him shots to get him to shake his ass for them. Taking dollar bills and shoving them down his pants. That goofy bastard was loving it too. Until Tig did it and then it was all over with.

Lyla and Lil was up at the bar getting another round for the group that had gathered in the back. They were having a party of their own . Quinn was trying to get Lil to talk to him.

I finished my drink and went up to the bar too. Taking a hold of her waist from behind "Hey." Quinn didn't say anything but he backed off from her.

She removed my hands cause she didn't wanna let me touch her "How much have you had to drink Jaxs? You're not looking so good."

"Some where between not enough yet and I should have stopped an hour ago."

She wanted to talk business and for the rest of the night I needed to escape that shit "Tomorrow I'll talk about Pappy all you wanna talk about him. I'll explain everything about the Marshal too. Tonight I would rather talk about me and you. Can't we let the bad shit just rest overnight."

Lyla got the drinks loaded up on a tray "I think I'll leave this conversation now. Are you guys coming?"

"Not yet but I hope to later if Lil will let me." I was being a smart ass and Lil rolled her eyes.

Lyla laughed "I'm not going to even comment on that one."

"Do you wanna go back over there or go outside with me? I need to get some air." I was feeling the liquor and I think she was a little too.

I grabbed the bottle to take with us. We sat on the picnic tables. Having a smoke and drinking. We didn't really talk but with her I never have to. We have conversations with a touch, a look at each other or some times by not saying anything at all. It wasn't long until they were looking for us. I give up on trying to get any fucken alone time around here.

When we went back inside the lights were turned down low in the back of the bar. Gemma and Nero were slow dancing. Lyla was with Juice and some others were too. I was gonna do something I never do. I sat the bottle on the table "Dance with me."

I tried to hold her close to me but she wanted there to be some space between us "It's just a dance Jaxs. Don't read anything in to it."

"Yeah that's what you keep telling yourself Darlin. It's just a dance going on between us. But you know it's more than that."

Gemma had a camera almost in our face "Smile kids." She was taking pictures of us and everyone in the bar. So not getting her lately.

When she touched my side I flinch a little "What's wrong?" She lifted up my shirt and ran her hand lightly over it. I felt her body a little closer to mine. Her eyes were looking into mine for the first time today. She's been avoiding eye contact with me at all cost.

Have you ever heard that song that summed up what you where feeling? This one was for me and I was singing along to it "Come and lay down by my side. 'Till the early morning light. All I'm takin' is your time. Help me make it through the night. I don't care what's right or wrong, I don't try to understand. Let the devil take tomorrow. Lord, tonight I need a friend."

Touching her face softly with my hand "Anything that feels this right can't be wrong Lil. Are you gonna help me make it through the night baby? Cause I need you."

She stopped dancing before the song was over "I can't do this with you Jaxs."

Going over and tapping Quinn on the shoulder "Do you want to dance with me stud?" Of course he did.

She was being seductive with him while they were dancing. Basically throwing herself at him. Showing me that she didn't care about me. Throwing it in my face that she could have him if she wanted him.

Quinn looked over at me cause I don't think he was sure of what she was to me. I nodded to him it was okay cause what else was I suppose to do.

Watching them get real friendly with each other up at the bar. I'd had enough of that bullshit "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

I was fucken pissed when we went into my office. Slamming the door behind us "What was the purpose of that little show you were putting on out there? To push me farther away, hurt me, put me in my place?"

She wouldn't look at me. Grabbing both of her arms so she had to "Tell me damn it. Is it cause of the guy you spent the night with? Did you get too much dick from him last night or what?" Realizing that I grabbed her too rough I let go of her.

Slapping my face "Don't you ever talk to me like that again Jaxs." Stepping back and taking in a deep breath so I didn't completely lose it with her.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have hit you. You've been hit enough today." That was no shit.

She was gonna leave but stopped "How do you know that anyways? Did you follow me?"

"He answered your phone this morning when I called you. Said you were still asleep."

"I don't have to explain shit to you. But that was my brother-in-law. Gabe's brother Corbin. He was passing through and I went to meet him a couple of towns over. We shared a room so I wouldn't have to drive back. We keep in touch and try to help each other through the hard times of losing someone we both loved. He's the only piece of Gabe I have left." I felt like an ass after saying what I said to her. But it showed me how I care about her too. Cause it bothered me thinking she was with someone else. Even though I know I don't have the right to.

I was gonna be honest with her and hope I wouldn't be sorry for it later "I've tried so hard to let you go. But it's like some kind of madness has swallowed me whole and won't let me do it. Don't push me away anymore."

"I need to know if this is real or just madness that is keeping us a float. Fate keeps pushing us back together for a reason. Deep down Lil, I think you need to know too or you would've never been with me."

Rubbing my hand over her heart "Let me in. Make love to me, to me Lil. Show me I'm who you're thinking of and want."

"It won't change anything Jaxs. When we walk out the door in the morning it goes back to where we were when I walked in here."

"Then give me now if that's all you can give me."

We weren't just using our bodies to love with. She opened up to me. Our hearts were having a conversation all of their own while I was moving inside her. Beating together as one rhythm. Loving each other without doubts and worries. Our eyes telling each other what we couldn't say.

Having trouble breathing I had to stop and let her be on top. I was trying not to cum. I didn't want it to end but it felt so good I couldn't stop it. She laid beside me with her head on my shoulder and was gently running her finger tips over my chest. Maybe it was the liquor talking, me being caught up in the moment or maybe it was just time it was said "I love you Lil." She never said anything back and I didn't think she would.

We talked for a little bit. For the first time I understood why Clay told Gemma everything. All the dirty secrets flowed when he was with her. He couldn't help himself just like I can't with Lil. When we lay down together I feel that connection with her like I've never felt before. I find myself telling her shit I said I wouldn't ever tell anyone.

There was something that she needed to know and I still don't know how it will play out yet "Tara gets out tomorrow. I've gotta bring her here to keep her safe. She's all fucked up because of me and I've gotta make that right." She told me I was doing the right thing and Tara needed me. But Lil wouldn't say she needed me.

"Would you ever rat on me?" That was weighing on things that I've done that could be told. It was hitting me pretty hard cause I still don't know what Tara will end up doing. Or what I'll have to do to make sure that doesn't happen.

"Of course not. You know about things I've done too Jaxs. You never turn on the ones you care about no matter what they do to you. Why would you even ask me that?"

I listened to her heart beat fainting and her breathing soften. Holding on to her with everything I got left in me that's good. Closing my eyes to end one more shitty day in the hell I live in.

Juice had the lights on and I was trying to cover Lil up "What the fuck Juice? Get out."

"There's cops everywhere Jaxs. It's a raid."

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me!**


	15. Chapter 15

**CLUBHOUSE POV**

Everyone was putting away or trying hide anything that would be incriminating to them or the club. Before the police came busting through the door. They all knew what the drill was for this because they have been raided many times before.

Roberto's guys that had watched the clubhouse did what they were suppose to do as well "There are fucking cops everywhere. I think some of those same trucks were at the drop site from last night too. It's probably been brought on by the Marshal kill. What do you want us to do about Lilyan? She's in there with them too."

Roberto knew what he would have to end up doing to protect his business. That was contradicting of what he would have to do to protect Lilyan "Stay out of sight and keep me posted. I will make sure she doesn't get hurt from this."

"And the biker. What about him? Pappy said nothing was to happen to him or his children. Those were the direct orders we were given. I think I should call Pappy and ask what he wants done about this. He said if we failed he personally would make us pay the price for it."

Roberto's voice went very cold "I will handle that problem when the time is appropriate. You need to remember who you work for and will only be working for here shortly when Pappy steps down. Do as I told you to or you will face the consequences by me. Have I made myself clear? Do not involve Pappy. I will make that decision of when it's time for that too." This is when it was time for Roberto to start taking control. If he ever allowed someone to question him or the decisions he was making, his leadership would never be taken seriously.

"Yes sir." They knew when it was time to just do what you were told to or end up dead. Unlike the Sons that do some what get a say in things, Roberto's guys don't have any say in nothing.

Jackson and Lilyan were scrambling to get dressed when they were invaded by the police too. Jackson had gotten a pair of pants on at least and his shoes. She did get his shirt on and a pair of shorts when they were taken out into the bar where everyone else was.

Some of the kids were crying and the old ladies were on one side of the bar being held. They had the rest of the club along with the ones from the Nomad and Tacoma charter held down on the floor at gun point. Doing a body search for weapons and paraphernalia.

Lee Toric was heading up this head hunt for Jackson so well. He used his old contacts from when he was still active on the force to find out intel on the club and Lilyan too. But Toric was smart as he only acts as a concerned citizen while bending the rules of the law to get revenge for his sister's death.

Nothing was going to stop Toric from making this right either. He had nothing left to lose. He lost his badge from the excessive brutal force he's used on the job. Now he lost the only family he has left; his sister. Due to the MC trying to kill the rico case and Otto wanting to hurt Jaxs like he had been hurt by the MC. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and was an innocent victim, a casualty of making reco go away.

There was only one thing on Toric's mind and one thing he had left to do in this world, hurt Jackson and the MC. This is what he was going to do if it was the last thing he did. Taking what they had left from them and making them feel the same pain he was feeling. What makes him dangerous is that he doesn't hold his own life as any value nor anyone else that was involved in his sister's death.

They sat Jackson and Lilyan down in a chair. In walked Toric into the bar looking them both over "Why am I not surprised Mr. Teller that adultery can be added to the long list of things that you are capable of doing." Lilyan dropped her head in shame but Jackson never took his eyes from Toric.

"There was a Marshal killed last night that was a really good friend of mine. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you Mr. Teller? Your face looks like you might have gotten into a little scuffle. Where were you last night? Other than screwing your mistress that is." They all knew the truth about what took place. But Toric couldn't exactly tell his truths either without incriminating himself too.

"I fell down. I don't know shit about a Marshall. I was here in this clubhouse all night. I've got witness to that." They both knew that was a lie because they had met at the drop site when he beat the shit out of Jackson.

"Of course that is what they would do for you. Swear that you were here all night and cover up anything that you do wrong. Is there anything you would like to say before we shred this shit hole?"

"Yeah, suck my dick. If you need my follow up statement to that just ask me for it." Toric bashed Jackson in the face just like he had last night. Jackson spit blood on the floor in front of Toric. Jackson would never allow someone to disrespect him in front of his club or on his own turf.

"What about you Ms. Mancini do you have anything you would like to say?" Toric did his homework on Lilyan too. He pulled everyone she could be in contact with in the Family. He could give a shit less about what she's done or mob connections she has. It wasn't them he wanted. But he would use whatever he could against her too. She obviously means something to Jackson.

"Denison. My last name is Denison. I have nothing to say because there is nothing to tell you." Jackson smiled at her response because he knows she will never turn rat against him.

"My apologies Ms. Denison. But it doesn't really matter what last name you go by. You still are tied to the Family isn't that correct? It would seem to me that you are lowering your standards to run with the MC now."

"What part of my family are you talking about? I don't really associate with my relatives much. You know that old saying you can pick your friends but not who your family is." Toric knew more than he said about Lilyan. He will save that to use at a later time.

Getting really close to Lilyan's face "I bet if I could get inside that pretty little head of yours. I would find out a lot about the dirty deeds that you know about everyone. Some I bet are even about Mr. Teller too. The crimes that have been committed that you were a witness to. Rumor on the street is that Roberto is ready to take over now. It would be a real shame if I had to go pay him a visit and get him involved in this. All because you want to fuck around with white trash." Toric meant his threat. By hounding Roberto over the MC, it would start war for them with the Family. That's what Toric wanted to happen. He was going to start hitting the MC connection too. He needed to make sure that no one will want to do business with them.

"You do what you think you need to with Roberto. But he isn't as kind as I am and he will handle what ever comes his way. It's your own death warrant you're signing so I wouldn't recommend it. Or is that what you're looking for a way out, an ending. Because believe me they will give you the ending you're looking for." This is where Lilyan was honoring her brother and warning Toric at the same time.

Jackson saw Lilyan in a new way, this is what she had already talked to him about. Honor your family even if you hate them for what they've done to you. His girl was all gangster when she said that to Toric with a smile on her face.

Lilyan didn't care what Toric thought about what she had said. Because it was the truth and by saying it she was showing the leadership respect for Roberto. Fucking around in the Family's business get's your head detached from your body and if you're lucky they make it a quick kill. That is how she learned about torturing your prey before killing it.

Jackson stood up and was not afraid to stand against Toric. No matter what consequences he would have to suffer from it "Leave her alone. She ain't got shit to do with us." Two cops grabbed his arms and threw him back down in the chair. Jackson still was hurting from his ribs. That knocked the wind out of him.

While the cops was holding on to Jackson, Toric grabbed him by his hair "I'm going to take you and the whole MC down by using the law on my side. It's only a matter of time. But I will make your miserable pathetic life you have a living hell until then. That's a promise I made my sister the day I had to bury her. While I watch her children having to grow up without a mother because the MC killed her. It will happen Mr. Teller no matter what I have to do. That's a promise I am making to you."

Throwing two pictures down on the table of Jackson and Lilyan together. One was her riding on the back of his Harley with him. The other was a picture of Lilyan holding Abel with Jackson holding Thomas out in the parking lot "You can keep those if you like. I had a very interesting chat with your wife, Tara. She has copies of them as well. I was truly sorry to hear about the attack on her. I know how that feels to have a love one hurt by low life prison scum. I'm still assuming that you do love your wife or has she already served her purpose to you by helping Otto Delaney kill my sister." Toric was toying with Jackson now. Letting Jackson know that he's been around watching and waiting. Using the ones that knows about a lot of the dirty little secrets that could come out against him.

There now was the matter of Tara that Jackson could no longer hide from the club. They all heard it that Toric talked to her. The question was what information did she give up to him? It doesn't matter who you are or who you're married to when it comes to ratting on them. They deal with them all the same, death. This was a another game Toric was playing too. Turning them on each other would only cause more chaos within the club. Weakening their strength to stay one and fight as a whole.

They destroyed the inside of the clubhouse. Caught a couple of the MC from other charters that had arrest warrants and was taking them into custody. The only thing they found was a few joints that didn't get taken care of before the cops got inside.

Jackson laughed "You look like an idiot right now man. The only thing you came up with on this little raid of yours is a couple of joints. Wasting tax payers money to not do dick."

Taking them both to the squad cars handcuffed. They made sure Jackson and Lilyan were going to be given different transportation so that they didn't have a chance to talk before questioning. Toric wanted them separated so that he could put pressure on them hoping that they would give different answers.

The rest of the MC was surveying the damage they had done to the clubhouse and trying to figure out what they needed to do to get them all out of jail. Gemma took it the hardest watching Jackson being taken away from her again for who knows how long.

Roberto's guys called him with an update just like they were told to do "They took the biker and Lilyan out in cuffs. What do you want us to do?"

Knowing what had to be done even though Roberto didn't want to "Nothing."

Roberto made the call he said he would never make to the one he didn't trust at all. But this was for his sister and he couldn't let her go down "I need a favor. Lilyan has gotten herself involved with the Sons of Anarchy. She has been fucking around with President of their club, Jackson Teller. They have a bunch of US Marshals on them and I don't know why yet. But I'm working on getting those details. I can't keep this contained within my own organization anymore. They just took her out in handcuffs with Teller. I can't let her take the fall for whatever that stupid little fuck did. But I can't let the Family get involved in it either. So my name has to stay out of this or the repercussions could blow back on Lilyan when Pappy finds out. I will try to make it so that he doesn't know anything about this. We need to set aside our difference to help her. You have the reach for it and can maybe get her out of it or at least slow down what is happening until I can figure out something."

He asked where they were taking them to "As soon as I know I will call you with the location."

**JACKSONS POV**

They have a twenty-four hour hold on me and Lil for questioning of the Marshals death. They will get nothing from me and I know she'll never tell them anything.

Sitting here with nothing but time on my hands, I was thinking about some of the things that we talked about last night. I was pretty honest with her on everything but she didn't return that trust back to me. I would love to know what goes on in her head like Toric said, she has seen a lot of shit go down. It would probably scare me and intrigue me at the same time. Maybe someday she'll trust me enough to share that.

Toric is just fishing right now and trying to find anything he can use against the club. I was gonna have to answer a lot of questions when I get out cause I'm already prepared for what the club will have to say. Some I don't know the answers to and others I don't wanna admit that I already knew about.

I've been sitting here for I don't know how fucken long. Roosevelt said there was nothing he could do to help me cause they haven't told him shit about what's going on. He did say he would let the club know we were on a hold and as far as he knew we would be released at the end of the twenty-four hours.

Some guy I've never seen before that was dressed in jeans and a nice button up shirt came to my cell with a deputy. He tipped his cowboy hat to me "Evening." What the fuck is up with this asshole? We don't get a lot of cowboys in Charming.

"Cut him loose." The deputy open my cell and I wasn't sure if this was gonna be more bullshit coming my way or not. Or what they would want from me next.

"Follow me Mr. Teller." Doing as he asked me to but watching his every move. He doesn't look like a cop but he ain't just a local either.

"Do I have a choice?"

He stopped and turned around "No actually you don't."

Telling me to sit down on the bench outside of an interrogation room. I could hear this guy arguing with another guy, they were getting kind of loud. I was surprised to see Lil coming out with the cowboy. But he had Toric hot on his heels.

"Lee is it time for another psych evaluation for you? I know the others weren't very pleasant for you and were really hard on you. You are not a Marshal anymore so stop acting like you have any authority. If you don't stop this bullshit, I won't hesitate to have you locked away again."

Toric was up in the face of the cowboy "Do you know what they did to my sister? I would think you of all people would understand what I'm going through right now. And would help support me to take the pieces of shit down."

The cowboy took his attitude down a little. There was some bad history between them "I heard about Pamela and you have my sincerest sympathy for what you're going through but nothing will bring her back. Just like nothing will bring back my brother. The best thing you can do is leave Charming and take a vacation. Take the time to grieve your loss. Get your head on straight again. Because if you don't you will have to deal with me. Let the authorities deal with the ones responsible for Pamela's death."

Toric walked out but warned the cowboy "I think I will take a vacation. Right here in Charming. There's nothing you can do about that."

The cowboy was shaking his head "I figured you would want to do this the hard way."

The drugs found were considered an illegal search and seizure made by Toric. The deputy wasn't gonna just drop it but the cowboy was throwing his weight around "What part of this are you not getting? The joints weren't found on a person's body. They will all swear it wasn't theirs and we would have to prove who's it was. That seems like a lot of trouble to go through to me for a couple of joints. "

The deputy asked if he thought they should just trash the report. The cowboy was being a smart ass "I don't know why I didn't think of that an hour ago when I told you that is what needed to happen to it."

They were still holding the two members they arrested and that was gonna be what it is. When I get back we'll figure out away to get the money for bailing them. I feel like this is my fault. If they hadn't come here to help us they wouldn't have got caught.

When we got outside "Who the fuck are you? Where are you taking us?"

Opening up the trunk of his car "Corbin. Corbin Riles, Special Forces team of US Marshal. Brother to Gabriel Riles." More twisted shit that I didn't know about. He's Lil's brother-in-law.

He tossed me a shirt from his bag "I think that will fit you. You know some how I pictured you being bigger."

"Yeah I get that a lot."

We went out of Charming. Neither one of them had much to say on the ride. A ride to where ever in the fuck we were going. The only thing I gathered is that Lil used the last name Denison as a way to not be tied back to Corbin. She used that as her maiden name when she married Gabe, to be untraceable. Cause Corbin knew who she really was and it would have ruined his career if they found out his sister-in-law was part of the Family.

He pulled up to a diner out in the middle of no where "They have the best pecan pie here."

"That's great to know. But I don't want any fucken pie. I wanna know what the fuck just happened back there."

"Do you have something against pie? You know a little bit of respect would go along ways right now. Considering I just saved your hyde. Now get out of the fucking car and have a damn piece of pie. Before I call Toric and tell him where you are and let him shoot your scrawny ass." I wasn't trying to be disrespectful to him or ungrateful for that matter. But I'm getting in deeper every day with someone or something without even knowing it.

After we had a fucken piece of pie that he wanted us to have, he tossed a folder in front of Lilyan "You have three days. After that I'm bringing them in and handling it my way."

She went through it and closed it "You knew it was me the whole time?"

"Yes Ma'am I did."

She looked really surprised by whatever he gave her "By giving this to me, you won't get the chance to bring them in Corbin. You know I'm going to kill them. I'm making things right for Gabriel and Addison."

This guy is calm, cool and collected. Nothing seems to really change him "I'm counting on that. But you have to promise me something. After you do it's time for you to let Gabriel go. Let him rest in peace and you make peace with yourself too. He loved you more than anything. I know he was taken young but, you two had a love between you that most people will never get the chance to experience. You made the forever, until death do you part with him Lilyan. It's time for you to start living again. You know he would have wanted it that way."

She excused herself from the table to go to the bathroom. She needed a minute alone more than anything "I don't care that you're banging Lilyan but I do care that you are twisting her up on the inside. You need to pick being married or not being married. And you certainly don't need to be getting her involved in anymore of your shady business with the MC. I ran you before I got you out. I know what you do for a living."

"Did she tell you about me?" I know they spent time together a couple of days ago. But I wasn't sure how honest she was with him or what she told him about the MC. Maybe I won't even like the answer to the question.

"She said you were just a friend but I know better. She took off her wedding ring and feels guilty about Gabriel. That's one of the reasons I told her it's time to let him go. She can't be married and not married at the same time either. Roberto confirmed it about you and her when he called me to tell me they took her with you. By the way he really seems to hate you a lot. His dislike for you is stronger than his dislike for me."

"Yeah I get that feeling too."

He threw down Lil's statement she gave on the table "She's protecting you because she cares about you. I hope you are going to return that same protection and caring back to her. Because what I'm doing right now is for her. I've never used my badge for the wrong side of the law before and it won't happen again either." I hated to tell him once you're on the other side, there is no going back.

* * *

_**Where were you last night? "I was in the clubhouse all night with Jackson Teller. He never left my sight. We were in bed together when we woke up by the police showing up."** _

_**Are you aware that Mr. Teller is married? "Yes I am."** _

_**Please explain your relationship with Mr. Teller? "I'm..I'm... I'm just a friend of his that he has a sexual relationship with from time to time."** _

_**Have you ever been a witness to any crimes that they have done or know of any wrong doings of the Sons of Anarchy? "No. I know of nothing they have done wrong."** _

* * *

I stopped reading after that. She did protect me just like I thought she would. I needed to make sure that I do the same for her too.

He told me a lot of intel about Lee Toric too. I would have to take it to the table and let them know what we we're up against. This would not be something that I would hide from them. They all needed to know what's coming our way.

When it was just me and her setting at the table when he went up to pay the bill "Would you believe me if I said I'm sorry for all the shit I've been dragging you into. For my bleeding all over you."

She slightly smiled "It's okay Jaxs. I'm sorry for a lot of things too." But she wouldn't tell me what they were. I was getting the feeling one of the things she was sorry about was ever getting involved with me period.

I went to hold her hand but she wouldn't let me. Cause I don't think she wanted Corbin to see it. I understood where she was coming from but he already knew about me and her. Maybe she doesn't realize it yet.

Corbin could give two shits less who we are or what the MC does. He's gonna run interference with Toric for a couple of days then were on our own. He was doing it for Lil and not me. He made his feelings about me very clear.

But there was one thing he did care about, Lil. When he dropped us off at the clubhouse he hugged and gave her a kiss good bye "You take care of my girl for me. Because if anything happens to her, I will hold you personally responsible for it." So what else is new, I'm always responsible for something. I already know I've done a lot of damage to Lil and I owe her more than I could ever repay back to her.

Everyone came out of the clubhouse to welcome us back including Tara. She had Thomas in her arms and I could tell by the look on her face that it was gonna be a fight to the finish coming between me and her.

Abel came running up to Lil to give her a hug. She has become close to him but Tara was pissed about it "Don't you ever come near my children again."

Lil told Abel she would see him later and went to walk away. I picked up Abel and went to hand him to Lil. Abel is my son and I will choose who he can be around or not. Lil wouldn't take him from me "No it's okay Jaxs. Tara should have a say about her children." She went into the clubhouse without saying anything to anyone that was trying to talk to her. That's nothing like the Lil I know.

Lyla walked away too "I'm gonna go talk to Lily." Lyla was always on the outside of the circle of old ladies. They never treated her like she belonged. She knows all to well what Lil is feeling.

Taking Thomas from Tara and giving him to Gemma "We need to talk."

She started ranting in front of everyone about what a bastard I am and how she will make me pay for what I've done to her. Not just my paying but the club too. They all took notice to the last threat she made about the club.

Then she asked me what I was trying to avoid right now "Are you fucking her Jaxs?"

"Yeah I am."

She slapped my face and went to hit me with the hand she had the cast on. Everyone was watching and shit was gonna go bad if I didn't stop her. Slamming her down against a car hood. I whispered it and she better be fucken listening to every word I'm saying to her "You need to play shit cool between me and you. They are all watching and I'm gonna try to make sure that you get out of this shit alive. I'm gonna let you up and you need to shut that big fucken mouth of yours. Cause I can't protect you if they think you've rated or are gonna rat." When I let go of her she walked away and went into the clubhouse too.

"Everybody in the chapel now." It was time for them to know what the fuck is going down.

Gemma kissed me "Are you okay baby? I tried to keep Tara quiet since she's been here. But she ran her mouth a lot in front of the club."

"Yeah I'm fine mom." I didn't even ask what Tara had said when I wasn't here cause I didn't wanna know.

Before I ever made it into hold church Tara threw her wedding ring at me "If that bitch is what you want then go. But you will lose your family Jaxs. I hate everything that you are and everything I've become because of you. You better chose what it important to you. Keeping your family and club together or having a whore that sucks your dick." I didn't even comment back to her. I went into the table.

**CHURCH POV**

Jackson started off by welcoming and thanking the Nomad and Tacoma charter for their support they've given to SAMCRO.

Everyone wanted to know what the fuck was going on and what they were going to do about the Marshal. Some of the visiting brothers were not aware of the things that have taken place. Jackson gave them brief details without pointing the finger back at Bobby. Which is why Otto turned on the club and gave them reco to begin with; Bobby was fucking his wife Lu Ann. Then she was killed and Otto thought Bobby had something to do with it.

Jackson explained this was the reason that Tara was facing jail time, she helped the club reach out to Otto. He told them about the attack on her when she was locked up and everything about Lilyan too. How Lilyan had helped the club and how the Family got involved in the first place.

Bobby was waiting for those words to come out of Jackson's mouth but they didn't. Jackson protected Bobby's secret from the ones that didn't know already. No matter what problems you have internally you always protect your brothers and your club.

"Lee Toric wants blood from us for his sister's death. I was released cause of Lil's brother-in-law, Corbin. He is a US Marshal too." That was not what the club wanted to hear. They couldn't understand how someone like Lilyan could be tied to him in a good way. What was going to come back on the club because of it?

"Toric is smart and we've not gone up against someone like him before. He's not acting above the law, he's acting with the law on his side. Corbin has agreed that he would keep watch over Toric for the next couple of days. Then he's out. Corbin doesn't care about the club so we don't have to worry about any shit blowing back on us from how we handle him." Jackson was again going to owe Lilyan for more help being given to the club.

Jackson filled them in on Toric's background. He has a Harvard education and is an ex member of the Special Forces team of the US Marshals. He had made many high-profile arrest that he received accommodations for.

But there was a dark side to Toric too. He served under Corbin when he was still active before they forced him into taking an early retirement for misconduct. Toric has had some severe mental issues and has been locked up for them in a mental institution a couple of times. He has anger that he can't control. He was using excessive force, intimidation and racial profiling. Corbin had told Jackson that he is afraid that losing his sister has pushed Toric over the edge this time.

"I know you all didn't come here to take on that problem. There's high risk involved no matter how we handle Toric. I appreciate you guys coming here to help protect my family. But I won't ask that you get involved in this. If you wanna walk away I'll understand. No repercussions or judgement will be passed on you. Talk it over and give me your answers."

Both charters were in. Quinn spoke up on his crews behalf "We're in this until the end brother." Jackson thanked them then asked if they would step out so he could discuss something with his crew.

Jackson already knew what they were all think about having Tara and Lilyan in the same place at the same time. Also he knew that Tara running her mouth would have to be discussed too.

Bobby stepped up to defend Jackson on this one "We've all had our own indiscretions that have come back to bite the club in the ass one way or another. Jaxs is not the first one. I think this should be handled the best we can handle it and roll on with what we've gotta do." Part of that was guilt talking from Bobby but the other part of it was him trying to patch things up with Jackson. Bobby needed to make shit right with him again.

They threw solutions out on the table to solve the problem. Jackson didn't like any of them concerning Tara or Lilyan. But he knew what he had to do to protect his club and his family. Jackson explained the plan he came up with "We don't know what the retaliation will be on us from any of this. There are so many parts to my plan. If any part of it doesn't happen then were all fucked. I'm trying to keep everyone alive and get us whole again. Stop anymore retaliation from happening and keep everybody from serving time again. I'm running out of options here so if you guys gotta better plan let me hear it. Otherwise you guys are just gonna have to trust me." Jackson took their silence as they don't have any input.

One of the women in Jackson's life won't like the outcome of this meeting. The other will have to do what the club wants her to or else. He knows in his heart they both will end up hating him but it was just the way shit was. He would do it no matter how much it was going to hurt him to do that to her. It would be their ending together.

Jackson started it around the table "All in favor."

They all voted yes except Jackson. He was fighting back the lump in his throat when he gave his vote "Yeah."

He lightly banged his gavel and church was over.

**JACKSONS POV**

Needing a toke and to think I went outside. Quinn set down with me. Looking at the women divided and they were all giving me death glances for their own reasons. "I see your fan club isn't sending any love your way man." That was no shit.

The women had formed their own alliances and the lines have been drawn between them too. Tara was setting alone with Thomas. Gemma, Abel, Lyla and Lil were setting together. Wendy just rolled her eyes and went back into the clubhouse. She wasn't getting in to it and could give a shit less about anything that had to do with me. But she did give me the same glare the others did before going inside.

We talked about what happened with Lil and I told him I was sorry about getting him involved in my fucked up shit last night "It's okay. Hap gave me the down low on that shit. Pussy will never divide us Jaxs. We have too much history for that shit to happen. But I don't think she's just pussy to you brother."

He looked back and forth between Lil and Tara "It takes more than a ring to make the ties that bind."

"Yeah it does."

I asked him if he ever considered trying to settle down and have any kind of normal relationship with a woman. He laughed at that "Hell no. The road is my life. I'm less settled than you are Jaxs. I've got no permanent place to call home. When I get that urge for an old lady; I find one that I know will never stay with me and will leave in time. Cause you know they will once they know what it's really like to be with us. It takes more than just love to make a gold wedding ring. It takes loyalty and a strong woman to walk by our sides. I've just never found her yet."

Confiding in Quinn, I told him what we just voted on and what I've gotta do. I wanted his input on it "It may not be right Jaxs but it's what you gotta do man. That's what we do. We ride shit out and see where it lands. That's about all you can do on this one. Whatever it is gonna be between you and her will be." That's what scares me the most. It will turn out the way it's suppose to.

Tara approached me but seemed be to unsure about it. She handed Thomas to me and seemed really nervous about what she was gonna say "When you do things that hurt me, you hurt them too Jaxs. Look into Thomas face and tell me you want to do that to them, our family. I still love you and want to work things out. I want our family to be together again. I was just angry and hurt when I said those things to you. How could you have her around our sons?"

"I'm carrying your unborn child. When they took me to the hospital is when I found out. It was completely amazing that our baby survived the beating I took for you and the club. So I figure this child is already destined for big things to come and is already a survivor. You have to get these charges dropped against me so that I can raise our children and be there for them."

"What, you're pregnant?" Talk about dropping a bomb shell on me.

"Yeah I am. So the next time you even think about being with your whore you need to remember that. You also need to remember that if you do anything to hurt me, you're killing your own child too. I don't think you can live with that Jaxs. Hurting your child or never being able to see it because you can't be faithful to me. Because if you don't get rid of her, I will make sure that you will never get to see or ever hold our child in your arms." She's right I couldn't live with not being with my children. I couldn't ever forgive myself if I hurt one of them. Cause they are what I live for.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me! There will be more secrets coming out that will be hard for poor Jackson to handle in the next few chapters. He just thought the weight of the world was on his shoulders before.**


	16. Chapter 16

**JACKSONS POV**

Tara was sitting at the end of the bar when Lil walked out "Aren't you going to tell us congratulations? Jaxs and I are having another baby. We are going to work things out between us so we can be together to raise our children." The news traveled fast to everyone. Tara made sure of that. Just when I think I've gotta grip on something, more shit gets thrown my way.

Lil looked at me when she said it "Congratulations. I wish you both the best." Then she disappeared back to her room.

Wendy was laughing at that news "You knocked her up again. Really Jaxs? It's all worked out so well for you having more kids hasn't it. Throwing more innocent children into this life of chaos."

"At least I'm not gay." Wendy told Gemma she recently discovered she liked women. It was the only thing I could come up with to say back to her. Cause part of me knew what she was saying is right.

"You're the one that turned me gay Jaxs. After having a relationship with you, I love women. I got my tubes tied too. At least I'm smart enough to know I shouldn't have anymore kids." She seemed pleased to tell me that too. I let it go. I know when I'm not gonna win.

Even Tig got a snicker from that "Sorry man."

Gemma came over and sat down with me. She has made little comments to Tara since we came inside "Tara is not anymore pregnant than I am Jackson. She is using it to keep a hold on you. Don't you let her do this shit. Lying bitch."

"Mom not now, please." I got up and was trying to find somewhere, anywhere to have a minute alone. I ended up going into the table and shutting the door to find some peace. It's the only place I've got left to go that's just mine.

But that didn't last long either. When Chibs came in to tell me that Lin couldn't meet at the time we had set up "Do you think Lily could buy us some more time. We need until tomorrow to make the delivery?"

I gave him the are you kidding; she hates me now look "Oh yeah right. Do you want me to try to talk to her about it?" I told him no it's something I should do. I 've gotta face her sooner or later.

I knocked on the door and Lyla answered it. I went to walk in and she stepped in front of me "I wanna talk to Lil."

"Let her know when the drop time is and she said she would be there. But she doesn't want to see you Jaxs. I'm sorry." She shut the door in my face. I guess I deserved that shit too.

Knocking again but they wouldn't answer it "Oh come on, I know you're in there."

This time it was Lil that answered it "What do you want me to do for you now Jaxs?" It's the way she said it. Like that's the only time I wanna be around her is when I want something from her. But that's not true and she knows it. All though I do want her to do something for me.

"I need your help. We can't drop the guns to Roberto until tomorrow. Do you think you can get him to push that back for me?"

"Sure if you want to end up like Jimmy Hoffa. Other wise I suggest you come up with that shipment or all of Pappy's money to return to him. I can't help you this time Jaxs. You're on your own for this one." Then she slammed the door in my face too. I guess I won't be getting anymore support from her.

The club doesn't have his money anymore. It has already been given to Lin minus our cut of it. Calling Lin again and telling him I don't give a shit what he's gotta do he better come up with the guns today. He said he was working on it. To give him a couple of hours and he would let me know.

There were to many sets of tits flying around in here for me to stay. I went to leave but Tig wouldn't take no for an answer that he couldn't come with me "It's not safe to ride alone now with all this shit happening and you know that. I'm coming with you so don't fight me on this Jaxs." I finally surrendered. It was better to spend time with Tig than the women.

We rode to the cemetery and Tig said he would give me time to do what I needed to do. But the problem was I have no clue what I needed to do.

Setting down in front of my dads head stone "I know it's been a while since I came to see you. I'm so fucken lost about who I am and what I'm suppose to do anymore. I don't know how to hold it all together without hurting someone I love. I can't let my family down or the club. I use to think that maybe you wanted out at the end so bad that you just went weak. Now I think that you were strong seeing this shit through until the end. A lot stronger than I am. I miss you and wish you were here with me. Cause my ending maybe coming soon too." Wiping my eyes cause there isn't anybody I've got left that I can tell this too or that would really care if I did. There's only one I've trusted enough to show this side of me to and now she doesn't care either. That's my own fault.

Op wasn't buried here. But I hoped he could hear me and would forgive me someday "I miss you too bro. I'm so sorry I didn't let you get out and walk away when you wanted to. It's my fault cause I talked you into staying. I'm to that point that I would walk away if I could. But I can't. I've got to see this shit through. I know I'll see you again on the other side. I just don't know how soon I'll be there."

Tig pretended that like he never saw my little break down out there but I know he did "Is there anything you wanna bounce off me Jaxs? I'm here to listen if you need to talk."

"Nah, I'm good." I wasn't gonna pour my heart out to Tiggy.

"We don't get to talk to shrinks or priest about our sins. If you don't wanna talk to me that's fine. But you need to talk to somebody brother before this shit eats you alive inside. After I watched my baby be burned alive by Pope. Dawn was all I thought about. I got down on my knees and prayed for my death to come. Cause nothing was worse than my living with that shit. I didn't think I could ever take a breath again that I wouldn't regret who I was and what I am. But you know what, it wasn't because of me that she died. It was because it was just her time to go. Lily told me that the day we sat around talking. She says that's how she thinks about what's happened to her family so she doesn't drive herself crazy. Believe it or not it has helped me sort shit out in my head and heart. Even though I know it's still my fault." I guess Lil hasn't touched just my life and helped me get right with myself. For Tig to be saying it too, I know I'm right about what I think about her.

"I've tried to find some kind of balance. The right thing for my family and the club. Every time I think maybe I'm heading in the right direction. I end up in a place I never knew I could feel so bad at. It only gets worse each time I try. How do I choose between family and love? What do I do about that man?" I was feeling weak and showed that side to Tig. Not something I want nobody seeing. But he showed me a side of him today too.

"You're a decent person and love the right things Jaxs. We never know who we really are until we connect with somebody. It makes us better human beings when were with the person we're suppose to be with. I think we're a worse person when we hold on to what we know it isn't gonna work out of guilt." When I stopped and really thought about what he said. I know he's right. That's what my dad did. Held on to what he knew wasn't gonna work. It ended up killing him.

Wanting to bring this conversation to an end I grabbed my helmet to get ready to ride "There's nothing I can do about it now. We voted and it's been decided."

"Fuck that shit. We'll vote it again with a new plan. Do you really love her Jaxs?"

"Yeah I do."

"Then you have my vote and support brother. I'll always have your back cause I love you man." When Tig went to hug me I wasn't sure about all his new-found love he has for me either.

We rode back the long way so I could think about the shit running through that was in my head before I had to go back and face everyone. Tig knows all to well how the road helps heal us.

Lyla was waiting for me at the door in the bar "Jaxs can we talk?"

"As soon as I go stop that shit that's going on in there."

They were all ready at it when we got back. I went into the kitchen where they were going at each other. If I had to guess it was Gemma and Tara "I've had it with your little power push you lying bitch. There's no goddamn way your pregnant. It's just so you can get your way with Jaxs. And I'm not gonna let that shit happen. Do you hear me?"

But what I found surprised me even more. Lil was standing in between Gemma and Tara, protecting Tara. I would say it was Tara's lucky day. Cause I've been hit by Gemma and she don't fuck around "What the fuck is going on?"

They all just stood there looking at me "Well don't everybody talk at once. What the fuck is going on?"

Gemma and Tara both gave me a different versions to the story. That didn't surprise me. Lil just wanted to get out of here. She wouldn't even look at me. She was breaking my heart like I have hers already in some ways.

Tara hit Lil in the face with her cast as she went to leave. I figured the cat fight would be on but Lil didn't even react. I wasn't understanding that at all. I know Lil can defend herself.

Happy stopped her at the door cause they all wanted to see the fight too "Are you gonna take that shit from her? Tara sucker punched you. Kick her ass. Kid or no fucken kid."

"I deserved that for being with Jaxs. I wouldn't want someone fucking around with my husband either. I would like to think I'm above having to hurt her back." Lil went back to her room.

Gemma grabbed Tara by the hair "I'm not above it." The cat fight was happening but with Gemma and Tara.

We had to separate them cause Gemma was kicking her ass. Tig was trying to drag Gemma out of the kitchen "Let go of me. I'll scratch that bitch's eyes out." And she would too.

Wendy was leaned up against the door watching and taking it all in. To use against me later with Abel I'm sure. She gave me the thumbs up "Good job handling your women Jaxs." She was starting to really piss me off. She hurried away when I gave her that look of I've had enough of you now.

"We need to talk about this Tara. How far a long are you?"

She tossed down a home pregnancy test on the counter "Proof that I am really pregnant. You need to call off your crazy mother because she doesn't believe me. I'm about eight or nine weeks along. By not defending me with her, you're letting her hurt your baby." As cruel as this seems I was hoping that she was wrong. I was counting backwards the weeks but fuck I couldn't remember when the last time was. Now I have more shit that's gonna be coming down on me from this too.

Speaking it so she knew I meant what I was saying to her "Enough of the I'm hurting my own kid speech all ready. I'll talk to Gemma. But you need to stop instigating shit too." She didn't like what I said and acted like she hadn't done anything which is bullshit. But what does she think is gonna happen when she starts shit with them?

Lyla was the only one left in the kitchen with me "Jaxs there is something that I need to tell you."

Chibs came in holding up the prepay for me to take it "Lin wants to talk to you Jackie."

"We'll talk later okay Lyla."

"Okay but you really need to know this. Come find me when you're done." I promised her as soon as I had business handled we would talk.

Lin said there was no way he could make the drop until tomorrow. One more fucken thing that was gonna blow back on me no doubt. I was gonna try to talk to Lil again. Roberto isn't gonna listen to me. But, I know he will Lil. Sitting at the table thinking of how the fuck I'm gonna make all this shit work.

I went to talk to Lyla but she was already asleep with the kids. I'll catch her tomorrow and find out what's going on with her.

Lil was sitting at the bar with Juice. I wasn't sure what to say to her but I sat down by her "Hey."

Ignoring me she kept talking to Juice "I'm sorry about Toric coming in here and dragging you out in the middle of the night the way he did. I'm sorry that it was an embarrassment for you the way it went down. I'm sorry for the way Tara treated you. But most of all I'm sorry if I hurt you by any of this."

"It doesn't matter. Everybody already knew we were screwing around." She didn't mention anything else that I said to her.

"Actually I didn't know. I kinda suspected it. But until I walked in on you guys naked I wasn't sure."

We both looked at Juice. He shrugged "What? I was just saying. Oh you guys weren't asking that as a question huh?" We both shook our heads no and he decide he had somewhere to go. There are times that boy just ain't right.

Lil agreed to talk to Roberto to see what she could do to help the club. She wanted to make sure I knew that too, it was for the club and not me. I'm not using her but I needed her. In ways she doesn't even know about. Cause I still can't bring myself to tell her. Or maybe admitting it to myself is the hardest part.

Tara brought Thomas and Abel out "Say good night to daddy." I hugged and kissed them both.

She was rubbing her stomach "Soon we will have another little one to put to bed together. Maybe it will be a little girl. You know how I've always wanted a little girl." I needed to talk to Tara alone but I wasn't gonna do it right now. Cause everyone was watching. Waiting for me to do what I had to do.

Lil went to get up to leave and I grabbed her hand but she pushed me away "I'll talk to Roberto and let you know what he says."

Tara was running her hands over me and tried to kiss me just to hurt Lil or mark her territory. Hell I wasn't sure which one. But I ignored it and I picked up Abel. He wanted me to carry him back to put him down for the night. When I turned around Lil was there "Roberto will give you until noon tomorrow. If you are not at the drop site he will come here for you Jaxs. He's not playing around either."

Thanking her for doing that for me and the club. She told Abel good night and he hugged Lil too. Tara didn't like it but I didn't give a shit.

"Good night Jaxs." Lil gave me a long kiss. Which surprised the hell out of me. She's never given me any kind of affection in front of nobody.

Smiling at Tara "You know your man will be thinking of me when he's with you tonight." She was daring Tara to say something back to her. But Tara didn't. Watching Lil twist her ass off to go sit with Happy and Tig.

Gemma hugged Abel too and told him that she loved him. She had a huge smirk on her face "What?"

"I knew Lily would come around. It's about time she started fighting for her man. Deep down Jackson you know you want that too."

After laying the boys down I went to leave. Tara crossed her arms and was standing in front of the door "When is that bitch leaving?"

"She's not. We still got business to handle between us."

Looking over at Wendy I wasn't gonna say a lot. She is now sharing a room with Tara to keep the boys together. It wasn't fucken safe to keep Gemma and Tara in the same room "After they go to sleep come talk to me. I'll be in my office."

Lighting up a smoke and waiting for Tara. It was time to put part of the plan in motion. I don't wanna hurt nobody but I've gotta do what's right. Sometimes you have to choose what is best for the group as a whole and not what's best for each individual.

On my desk was the pictures that Toric had of me and Lil. Lil wrote on the back of the picture of me and her with the kids; _It's just ma-mad-madness. Not love Jaxs._ She was twisting that knife a little harder in my heart.

When Tara came in I asked her to sit down. Cause we had a lot of shit to talk about "I'd rather stand. I can't believe after finding out that I'm having your baby you still haven't got rid of her yet."

"This ain't got shit to do with Lil. So don't blame her for it. I should have never brought you into this world. You've never belonged in it and never will. After we ride out this storm, I'm done. I'm gonna get the charges dropped against you. I don't know how yet but I will. You always wanna leave and throw that shit in my face constantly. So now you can have what you want and leave. But you need to wait until shit dies down. If you leave now you'll be dead in a couple of days without the club protecting you. I'll work out something with you about Thomas too."

I don't think she was expecting that to come from me. I always beg her not to leave me every fucken time she wants to run away. She decided that she did need to sit down after all "You're giving me up for her. What about your children? You're just going to walk away from them?"

"No, I'll never walk away from them. I walked away from Wendy when she was pregnant with Abel. But I've always been there for Abel. You're no different. I'll be there for Thomas. This shit between me and you should have ended when I took care of Cone. That's the only reason you came back here Tara. I'm not stupid, you ran away when shit went bad with him too. You knew I'd do your dirty work just like I've always done."

"What about this baby Jaxs? I belong here and with you. I'm not leaving you or my children. I promise I'll never say that again to you. I'm going to hang tough to stay with you, you'll see. I love you and just want my family back. I'll do what ever you want me to." I wished that I could believe that. But she's proved time and time again, she won't stay and this will be to do all over again.

Holding up the pictures that Toric gave me "When did he give you copies of these? Why didn't you tell me he's been watching us? Do you know what kinda hell that brings down on the club and our children? You wanna act like everything is my fault and some of it is, I know that. But when do you stand up and take the blame for what you do?" That's the part that she just doesn't get. Half loyalty to someone is like no loyalty at all. She could have told me about Toric when it happen instead of strong arming with it. Tara is not in a position to do that with me and never will be.

She started crying "He gave them to me when he came to see me in the hospital. It's the only time I've seen him. I didn't tell him anything. You have to believe me. I was so hurt that you had that whore around my sons Jaxs. Do you know how betrayed I felt when I saw her with you and our babies?"

"Do you know how betrayed I felt when you thought you were just gonna take my children away from me and leave here without even as much as getting my input on it? Threatening me you're gonna rat if I don't do exactly what you want me to. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Don't think the sting of that betrayal is gonna go away anytime soon. But if you even try to take my kids from me; I will hunt you down. There is no fucken place you can run and hide from me Tara. You already know what I'll do to you." This was going to be that last time we would talk about her taking the kids from me. The next time this needs to be addressed, it won't be talking about it.

Opening the door for her cause it was time for her to leave "If that's my baby then I'll take care of it too. Get out."

She tried to get me to change my mind by pulling on my heart strings. That's something Tara has always been so good at with me "Jaxs we've loved each other since we were kids. You're just trying to push me away again like you did when you screwed that porn bitch Ima. This whore is no different. She'll end up leaving you when somebody else better comes along. Don't do this to us or our family."

But not this time, she wasn't gonna get her way and I'm done begging "Yeah we have and it's over now. You bailed on me then too. Get out." That was the last time I was gonna say it before I lost my temper with her.

Setting down and having a toke trying to think shit through. Taking in a deep breath cause it was time for the talk to the other one. Looking around the bar for Lil. Happy pointed up. Climbing the ladder I was almost out of breath from my ribs when I reached the top.

Lil was setting up on the roof with a stew pot in front of her lighting some papers on fire "What are doing?"

"Burning my past and letting shit go. I'm not that girl anymore. Trying to decide what direction my future is going to go in. I guess I'm finding some closure in this present day." I understand all too well about needing closure and knowing that you're not the same person you use to be.

Picking up the pile of pictures she had laying beside her. They were of Gabe and Addison. One was of Gabe and Corbin too "Good looking kid. He looks like his dad." From the looks of everything she had out, she was having her own bad trip down memory lane.

She talked about them for the first since I've known her with a smile on her face. I wanted her to know it's okay to talk to me about them. I don't want her to forget about them. Just make room somewhere in there for me too.

"I'm sorry for what I said to Tara. I should have never done that. She's your wife and I should have respected that. I was just... oh hell it doesn't even matter."

Asking her what was gonna makeup my mind what I had to do next "Do you love me Lil?"

"It's getting really complicated Jaxs."

"It's really not. It's a yes or no question."

"I know I shouldn't because your married and I'm not foolish. I know where this is going and the end is coming. They are getting me an address and time for a meeting with Marks and Clay that's being set up. You'll get what you want the most, Clay. Then this ends just like we agreed to." She might wanna let it end but I don't. And she still refused to give me an answer to my question.

"When I met you that was what I wanted the most. It took me a long time to figure out it was never Clay I had to face to be a man and make shit right with myself. But my own ghost, demons that I've created in this life of chaos for my future. You've helped me figure that out. But I still gotta kill him. To make shit right with my family. Just like you have to make your shit right for your family." I knew she understood what I said cause she's at that same place right now with her past.

She wrapped her arms around my waist and looked into my eyes when she said it "I need you tonight Jaxs. I want and need to feel you more than anything. Love me and kiss all the hurting from this world away. Hold me so close that I hear your heartbeat and never wander away from me. I don't really give a shit about your marriage right now. Selfish I know, but I don't care. I want you."

"My being untrue lands on me and not you. But I hope that you know it's never been to you. You're the only real truth I've got left. There's so much shit I'm not even suppose to think about. Let alone talk about it. But I do with you and I can tell you anything. My dad believed you either have to tell an old lady everything or tell her nothing. Anything in between that and they fall apart. You fall apart with them. I've been searching for that one I can do that with and found her in you Lil."

Laying together under the stars holding on to each and not letting go. Not caring what was wrong or right. Cause it doesn't fucken matter. She wouldn't ever say the words that she loves me. But she said she needed me and that was enough. Cause I know what it takes to admit it out loud that you need them.

Rubbing the small of her back over her tatt "You never did tell me what that means."

"It means the same thing that yours does Jaxs. It's part of who we are." Yeah everything is always a part of who we are. Even all the bad shit.

Holding her a little bit longer before we had to go back down to the clubhouse. Things are gonna get real complicated between us "The next few days it's gonna seem like I've lost my mind. I'm gonna do some things that you'll think are cause I don't care about you but, I do Lil. I love you and I always will. I'm kinda hoping you'll just let it pass and not wander away from me either."

She gave me a strange look but never asked me any questions "I already think you've lost your mind Jaxs. So what's new about that. I might have even been accused of being a little crazier since I met you." Then she smiled.

When I woke up the sun was shinning down on us bright and my body was killing me from sleeping on the roof all night. I went to roll over to get my smokes and saw a pair of boots standing there casting a shadow over us "Morning Chibs."

"You two should get dressed and go down one at a time. Everybody is looking for you and they are assuming that you're together." Lil got dressed and went on down.

Hell I needed a smoke but Chibs wanted to get down to it "What are you doing Jackie? This wasn't part of the plan."

"It is now. The clubs broken and been bleeding. I know that but, I'm doing everything I can to make it stop. I'm trying to fix shit. But this ain't got shit to do with the club. This is about me. Making my bleeding stop and fixing myself. If you had the chance to make it right and be with Fiona and Kerrianne wouldn't you?"

"I won't ever get that chance." That came out with sadness in his voice. Cause I know how much he still loves her after all these years. How much it hurts him not to be with his kid.

"I can still have my shot at it. My plan will work just stick to it. I need your support on this Chibs." He told me I had his full support no matter what I decided.

"Did Lily agreed to it?"

"Not exactly. Every time I try to talk to her we end up naked together."

"Well we need to talk about our next problem. Go look." Great that's what I really wanna hear the first thing in the morning, another fucken problem to deal with.

Toric and some Marshal friends of his were parked down the street. Watching and waiting for us to leave. Not much we can do about that. They have the right to park on a public street. Toric was just wanting to intimidate me "We'll create a diversion before it's time to meet up with Roberto. We can split up in different directions and meet up later. We'll make it work some how." This Marshal wasn't gonna stop and was gonna make me have to kill him too.

**CLUBHOUSE POV**

When Lilyan came down the ladder Gemma was waiting for her "Is Jaxs awake yet?"

Lilyan tried to shrug it off as though she didn't know what Gemma was talking about "Baby stop the bullshit act of you are not in love with my son. I know he spent the night with you. I just didn't know where until I saw you come down from up there. If you don't step up here pretty soon Tara is gonna guilt him into stay with her. She's not the one pregnant. But I think you know that already."

Jackson and Chibs came down too. He saw his mom having Lilyan in a conversation it didn't look like Lilyan was wanting to have "Mom will you get me some coffee please?" Gemma kissed his cheek and went off to get it. It was making Gemma happy that Jackson wanted her doing things for him again. Like he use to.

Jackson kissed Lilyan "Sorry, Gemma can be a lot to take sometimes."

Tara was coming down the hall about then and saw Jaxs and Lily together. She wasn't going to let this one go. Jaxs was throwing her in Tara's face. Tara wasn't going to give him up either without a fight. Tara went to get up in Lily's face but Jaxs stopped her "Enough Tara."

Tara wasn't going to stop. They were getting louder and louder. But Jaxs had already had his fill of this. He was screaming at her while everyone watched "You wanna know what it's really like being an old lady. Then shut the fuck up and do what I tell you to do." This was something that Jaxs had never done to her before. But he wished he had started it a lot sooner than he did. He had given into Tara too many times.

Lilyan knew it was time for her to handle her business but wasn't wanting to fight with Tara. If she didn't do this, the thing with Tara would only go on and on. She got up in Tara's face "I let you have the first hit and I didn't fight back. Because I deserved it. But if you come at me again, I'll rip your fucking head off. Don't make me do that. We'll play this shit out however you want to." Lilyan left because she was having trouble separating her feeling for Jaxs when she was talking to Tara. Any of the other old ladies would have already kicked Tara's ass for talking to them that way. The only thing that kept Tara protected from them was being with Jackson.

Gemma was standing there with Jackson's cup of coffee "Well I guess you know where you stand with her Tara. So you might want to leave her alone now. I wouldn't want you to have a miscarriage or anything bitch."

Gemma went to find Lily. She made Lilyan take a look around the room "What do you see?"

Lily told her that she saw the club and their families being together. She wasn't exactly sure what Gemma wanted her to say "That's right. This club is a family. A family that you are a part of now Lily. Being with Jaxs means that each one of them would lay down their life for you too. Maybe outside these walls that don't mean shit. But in here you're Jackson Tellers old lady. You need to decide if that's what you really wanna be and start acting like it."

Jackson just wanted to have his damn cup of coffee and a smoke in peace. Lyla was waiting for him "Hey. You were asleep when I got done last night. What's going on? Is everything okay with you and the kids?"

Before Lyla could even open her mouth Tig was calling Jackson into the chapel "Jaxs we're waiting on you man."

Lyla blew up as Jackson was walking away from her "Goddamn it Jaxs. Can't you give me just five damn minutes of your time. This is for your own good. I've been trying to tell you..."

Before Jackson could even make it back across the bar floor bullets were coming from every direction of the clubhouse walls. It was like a slow motion movie playing out before his eyes.

Watching people scramble for shelter around him. The walls showing daylight through them where the bullets came in. The sounds of glass shattering. Seeing some fall to the floor with blood gushing from them. Children's cries ringing in his head. Not being in control of himself Jackson kept walking to the door even though he could hear them telling him to stop and get down. But he couldn't.

Opening the door to go outside the light was shinning and Jackson was following the light. When he finally came to his senses of what just happened around him. He saw other members had a guy down on the ground. He had a picture of Thomas and Abel with him. It was the only shooter that didn't get away.

The Family had stepped in or it could have been much worse. Following their orders to make sure that Jackson, Abel and Thomas was not harmed.

There was no ink. This wasn't gang retaliation on the MC. He was there to collect the bounty on Abel and Thomas's heads.

Jackson was embracing his outlaw side and it was coming to the surface. It was taking him over. He grabbed a hold of his head and was beating it on the concrete over and over "You piece of shit." They came for his boys, his family and his club. All the things he lives for.

Jackson wouldn't stop. When they would drag him off of the guy; Jaxs would break free and started all over again beating his head into the concrete. Happy and Tig both finally got him to stop "He's dead Jaxs it's over."

Jackson spit on him "It ain't over. It's just starting."

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**CLUBHOUSE POV**

Jackson slowly walked back into the clubhouse looking around for his kids and to see who else had been hurt. There was a few that had taken bullets. But only one that was critical.

The only place that wasn't effected was in the back rooms where most of the kids were at the time of the shooting. They were all assessing the damages that had been done. Jackson yelled to Juice "Go get Tara."

Tara was so shaken that she was having trouble trying to focus on anything right now. Jackson was trying to calm her down enough so that she could look over the wounded.

Jaxs went to make sure that Lily was okay too. But she pushed him away like last night hadn't happened between them "She needs you Jackson. I'm fine. Go be with Tara and take care of them."

Lilyan went to Happy because he was bleeding but he insisted that he was okay. He wanted everybody to stop fussing over him "I'm not a pussy. Help somebody that needs it."

Everyone gathered around almost in silence as one of the old ladies was holding her child in her lap crying. The boy had taken a bullet in the chest. She was rocking him in her arms with his blood all over her. They were all saying a prayer for him. The ambulance had already been called and they were hoping that he could hold on until then.

Tara did everything she could do to try to save little six-year-old Adam. This was the one thing that no one could ever question her on or default her for. Her heart has always been on healing children. When the boy took his last breath, Tara started crying "I'm so sorry he's gone."

After watching that boy slip off from this world he lost it. Jackson was tearing up the rest of the bar that hadn't been destroyed all ready. Throwing chairs against the wall. Smashing everything in his path. He threw a bottle of liquor threw the bar glass hanging on the wall before he finally got himself under control. Jaxs felt that boy dying was on him. That little one's blood was on his hands because of choices he's made. He knew that could just as easily have been one of his own children it happened to.

He disappeared into his office and was off in his own little world. Chibs went to the door "The cops are here and they wanna get your statement."

"You're the goddamn VP handle it. Cause I don't care anymore." Then he slammed the door shutting the rest of the world out.

Going over to his desk there was a picture of Abel and Thomas. The frame was shattered from the shooting. He held on to the picture thinking of all the wrongs he's done. All the wrong's that will someday be taken out on his children because of who he is. They are the ones in the end that pay the price for it.

They went in one by one asking Jackson what the next move was and what they needed to do. When he would even acknowledge them it was brief and short. Not a real answer was coming from him. Happy tried to talk him out of the downward spiral to hell that Jackson was heading to. When Jaxs wouldn't respond he went to find the one person that he thought could still reach Jaxs.

"Jaxs is past just being broken Lily. If he want's this club and his family to survive this, he's gonna have to do something about it. He's more of a danger to us than any of our enemies are right now. If you really love him you better help him get there or this shit will end up killing us all."

Jackson was having that break down that everyone has seen coming for a long time now. He was still sitting at his desk staring at his boys picture when Lily went in to talk to him "I can't do it anymore. Maybe I was never supposed to take the gavel. Cause I get buried a little deeper in it everyday. It was my own arrogance to think that one man could change all this shit. That I could take all this on and make a difference. I've tried to change but even I can't. I know how evil I am and how much more I'm becoming. My dad wanted out before Clay killed him. He saw all this shit coming that were going through right now. Instead of writing about it; he should have taken me and Thomas and got the hell out of Charming. But he didn't. Now I'm bringing that same hell down on my kids."

"Jesus Christ and now I'm having another kid that I don't even want and I can't protect that one either. Do you know how bad I feel saying that? Admitting that I'm failure as a father and their protector. But you know better than anybody Lil that people like you and me shouldn't even have kids. We bring them into the shitty world that we live in. Put them in the path of our destruction cause of who we are. They spend the rest of their lives trying to either survive us or trying to get out."

"Yeah you're right Jaxs. People like us having a child doesn't give them much of a chance. Most of the time they won't survive being near us long enough to even get to grow up." Lilyan was reliving her own nightmares and her ghosts that has haunted her too.

Lily went to set down on the couch and was thinking about everything Jaxs had just said to her. He went over and sat down beside her "I'm tired."

Jackson laid his head down in Lilyan's lap. He just needed comforting from her "I'm just so tired." It was killing her to see him like this. Because she's been there before herself.

Lilyan knows all to well what happens when everything falls apart and you stop trying to live. It was time for her to help him get there just like Happy said. Making Jackson set up "Look at me. You need to reach deep down. Find the strength and the will to get up and be a man. Be the man that they all need and expect you to be. They are not going to do shit until you tell them to, until you lead them there. By keeping everyone here they are setting ducks just waiting to be picked off one at a time. Do you want that? Can you really live with any more blood on your hands because you're unsure about the life you've chosen? The life you still have control of if you make it that way." Jackson didn't answer her but shook his head no because that was his problem and the reason he was breaking down. Living with the life he chose and everything that comes with it.

"We'll do it together. We can do anything together Jaxs. I need you to be that man baby. Abel and Thomas needs you to be that strong man who doesn't care what he has to do as long as his family is safe. Your family and the club needs you, everyone needs you. It's who we are and what we do. We wait to have our mental break down until later. We take care of them and worry about them first." That was the only thing that could sway Lilyan into doing anything she didn't want to do, children. It was the same for Jaxs too.

Getting clothes to change out of the bloody ones he was wearing. He went out into the bar "I want everybody in the chapel in fifteen minutes." Going to take a shower to wash the blood away even if he couldn't wash it away from his soul. Then he would do what he had to do.

Lilyan followed Jaxs into her room and was waiting for him to come out of the bathroom. After wrapping his ribs back up and he got dressed; she was holding his cut for him to put on "It's time Jackson. It's time to do your outlaw thing baby. What you're so damn good at doing."

While they were holding church Lyla went and sat with Lilyan "You have to promise me that you won't tell him Lyla. They will never allow me to be with him. They would kill him first. Besides he just told me that he doesn't want anymore kids. He's all spun out at the idea of Tara being pregnant and bring another baby into this life. I'm not going to tear him a part like that and make him feel like he owes me something. It's my problem and not his to handle."

"He's just upset right now Lily. You know if Jaxs knew you were pregnant that he would want to be a part of its life." That is the same argument that Lily had been having with herself. But the only solution that she could ever come to was always the same one, he doesn't need to know.

"That would only make it even worse if he wanted to be around the baby. If Roberto has no children then mine will be the next in line to take over if it's a boy. There is no damn way the Family would ever allow my child to be a part of a MC club. Jaxs would have to decide between this life he has now and making a new one with me. It would kill him to leave the club and his family behind. You know it would Lyla. This is who he is and who he will always be." Lyla knew what Lily said was true. Opie was the same way. He lived for the club no matter what it cost his family. He ended up dying for it too.

"Jaxs was right, people like me and him shouldn't even have kids. I'm trying to protect him, not hurt him. This won't hurt him if he doesn't know anything about it. You have to promise me you won't tell anybody. I've been down this road before and it didn't end so well. I'm not even sure that I'm going to have it yet. Because I would be fucking up it's life too. But I'm not sure that I can do the alternative either."

Everybody today had something that was haunting them and Lyla was no different "I had an abortion when I first got with Op. I didn't tell him I was pregnant before I did it. When he found out he hated me for it. It was our ending together. I regret that decision everyday. Especially now that he's gone. I killed a part of him when I aborted the baby. A part of me has died from it too."

Lily shared her story about what had happen to her husband and child. How she had to run away to be with Gabe because the Family wouldn't have excepted an outsider like him into their world. Just like they had decided for Lilyan's mother that the man she truly loved wasn't good enough for her. When she became pregnant they made her mother decide, sever the ties with him or it would mean his death. The same man who was Lily's father that she was never allowed to know. Lyla finally promised that she wouldn't tell Jaxs. But felt shitty about doing that to him after everything he's done for her and the kids.

"What about Tara? Aren't you afraid she will tell Jaxs?"

"She doesn't know for sure if it's me or you. She just knows it's one of us. Trust me it's the last thing that she would ever want. For Jaxs to know that it is me having his baby. And for some reason if she does tell him, I'll just deny it." Tara found the pregnancy test in their bathroom when she went into get Abel's things. Neither Lily or Lyla would ever confirm it was theirs.

"By the way where is Tara?" Lyla told her she was in the back patching up the wounded.

Lyla was talking about Opie and how he always kept her on the outside unless the club needed a favor from her. How she was never close to Opie when it came to the club. Lily was closer to Jackson with that side of him, his outlaw side. Because she understood that side of him and could rationalize with it. It was the regular man side that she had difficulty dealing with.

Jackson was telling everyone what was going to go down. They had an hour to be packed up and ready for it. He was being their leader right now and that man she knew he could be. His words were their law and they would follow them even if it meant death was coming. It's how they justify the way they lived.

Lilyan's heart was melting watching Jaxs "Look at him. He sure can outlaw when he wants to."

Jaxs handled Roberto on his own. Roberto was furious but even he understood and knew when it was time to give his support to Jackson too. Jaxs never told Lilyan the details of the arrangement he made with Roberto. To be honest she really didn't want to know. But Jaxs did finally tell her what the club's plan was.

They paraded the women and children out in the front parking lot for everyone to see. Then one by one all the old ladies and their kids went to the garage behind closed doors. Jaxs was sending them all away. There would be no more of them getting hurt on his watch.

"Are we good now. Everybody ready to do this."

Lilyan was going straight for Tara. After she thought about what Gemma had said. How upside down Jackson's world is thinking that he was going to have another baby. She knew what she had to do, she had to do it for him. Maybe she couldn't set everything right in his world but she could this "Not yet. There's something I have to do first."

Grabbing Tara and shoving a gun in her face "Tell him the truth."

Jackson knew they had to settle their shit but he really didn't want this to happen either "Lil put the gun down. Don't do this shit. Not now, we all need to stay focused on getting everybody out of here alive."

Tara wasn't just going to give in easy either "I don't have shit to tell him. You're just trying to get Jaxs to turn against me and hate me so you can have him."

"Wrong answer bitch." Lilyan banged Tara's head off the hood of the SUV.

"You wouldn't dare shoot me. Not in front Jaxs. I am the mother of his children. He won't let you do this to me."

Lilyan laughed "Wrong again. I was going to shoot him the first time I met him. I killed a woman who I just met to save your sorry ass. So killing you will mean nothing to me." Jackson could see that side of Lilyan coming out. It's the same one he has too.

Opening the door of SUV and putting Tara's good hand in it. Lilyan put her foot up against the door and started applying the pressure to her hand "How much do you value that other hand Doc?"

Everyone else stood back and watched but Jackson. He was trying to get Lilyan to stop. Tara was screaming and saying she would tell Jaxs "I just said I was pregnant so that you wouldn't leave me. I wanted you to get rid of her . So I used that because I know you can't live without being around our kids."

Jackson face went expressionless and he couldn't believe that Tara would use his own children against him "Why would you do that to me? Why would you hurt me like that Tara?"

Tig tossed Tara a rag for her hand. Nothing was broken but she would be sore for a while and was bleeding "Because you hurt me first. This shit with the club always tears us apart Jaxs and always will. The last time it happened to us; I was pregnant with Thomas. Having him fixed everything between us. I figured that I could get pregnant for real and make everything right between us again."

"Jesus Christ. I don't even know who you are anymore. That you could use your own children just to get back at me. You made me feel like shit about them and like I was the one hurting them. You were using them this whole time to get me to do what you wanted me to. You fucken made up having a baby to put a guilt trip on me. And you wonder why I'm done now."

Jackson had to walk away before he did something to Tara that he would regret later. Because it would be much worse than what Lilyan had done to her. Then it hit him "Where did you get the pregnancy test from then?"

Before Tara could answer the question Lilyan did it for her "It was an old one she had in her bag from the hospital. Isn't that right Tara?" Tara wouldn't say anything. She went and got in the SUV. Knowing since Jaxs now knows the truth; she will lose him. Unless she can think of something else to keep him close to her. And that's exactly what Tara was going to do too.

Lyla was stand there watching with huge eyes. Jackson asked her if that was what she was trying to tell him "Um.. yep that was it. Because I don't know shit about anything else." Lyla gave Lilyan a reassuring glance before getting into the SUV too.

With her hands on her hips Lilyan stood in front of Gemma "How's that for stepping up?"

Gemma smiled "Not bad. It's a start." Gemma kissed Nero good-bye and went to leave too.

Tig gave Lilyan a little advise "Next time sweetheart, take your gangster down a little bit. Just a hair."

It was time for them to do what they do best. Play shit out and hope it works in their favor. Jackson whispered in Lilyan's ear "You stick to the plan no matter what happens. Do you hear me? After this is over and we get them to safety. We take it to the next step. But if this shit goes south you find Tig. He'll know what to do." Kissing Lilyan one more time before they all tried to play a game of cat and mouse with whoever in the hell was watching them today.

Lilyan was starting to doubt that she could do the role in this that Jackson wanted her to "What if I can't do it Jaxs?"

He took Lily's face in his hand "You can. I know you can babe. You're the only woman I trust enough to do this with me. If you get a hint of a tail when we leave you abort and switch to the other plan. I know how hard this gonna be to pull all this shit off. But you told me together we can do anything. I've gotta believe in that and so do you." This was when she need reassurance from Jaxs. He was giving that to her too.

Lilyan called out his name and Jackson turned around to face her "Ti Amo Jackson." That means I love you in Italian.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that you were right and it was more than just a dance to me too." Jackson smiled as he went to ride one of the most important ride of his life. To protect his children from the harm that his life style of chaos and mayhem has brought down on them now.

Chibs asked Jackson when they were getting ready to ride "Do you think the ladies will make it out-of-town before they kill each other?"

Nero pulled down his sunglasses so he could get ready to drive with his crew too "Not a chance with Gemma in the car." They all laughed but knew he was right.

Nero knows how she is when she is pissed off. There is very little that makes Gemma back off when she wants something. It was part of the reason he loves her so much. He feeds off her strength and determination of making shit work when he feels like there is no hope left in doing what he does.

Jackson rode in the lead of about forty bikers. All the Sons and the Mayan's that came to helped them out too. When it comes to harming a child the outlaws from every side all come together as one to protect them.

Next was the six SUV's that came out of the garage when they opened up the doors. Everyone loaded up in them when the doors were still shut. They had dark tented windows so that no one knew for sure which one had Abel and Thomas in it. The ten Sedans filled with the Family were following those.

Bringing up the rear was Nero's crew. As Jackson and the bikers rode past Toric and his buddies they all gave them the finger. When the time came they all split up and went in different directions. Each having a different destination. Jackson went off with two other riders of his own "Figure that shit out mother fuckers."

**LILYANS POV**

We've been driving for a few hours and there was a song playing on the radio that kept repeating the words of a typical cheating song. Tara wasn't ready to let this shit go with me yet "This song should have been dedicated to Lily while she was spreading her legs for my husband."

I ignored the next few comments that Tara made. It's almost like she wants to provoke me into hurting her. But when she started talking about me being pure white trash, I finally had enough. Slamming on the brakes. Pointing my gun at her head "One more word Tara. Just one more fucking word." Lyla was trying to move as close to the door as she could to get out of the way. Because she was the one that was sitting in the back seat with Tara.

Gemma leaned over on the arm rest that was in between us "Now that's some straight up old lady shit. That's the way to step up sweetheart." This was going to be the longest ride of my life.

Going off road. Gemma knew something was up "Where the hell are we going?"

After going across the field their bikes came in sight "To meet them."

Jaxs was careful not to tell anyone where the exchange was going to be made but Tig, Nero and me. He said he had to start trying to trust again and he started with us. The TM van soon got here too. Phil, Abel, Thomas and Wendy had left in it. Before we made the big production that was just for show. Nero met up with them just as more protection.

Jaxs was sending Nero and Gemma off in the van with the kids. Nobody would be looking for it. There was some of the Sons and the Family that would be waiting for them so they could watch over them. Phil would take Lyla, Wendy and Tara to where ever they were suppose to go.

Tara was the one arguing with Jaxs about it "I can't believe that you're handing over our children to her and a thug. I should be with my sons."

Hearing Tara talk about Nero like that angered Gemma, a lot. Jaxs had to stop that one too "Mom please go get in the van. I will handle it." Gemma did it with a cold stare at Tara all the way there.

"They will be looking for me and you to be with the boys. I don't want them coming after anybody but me. I'm trying to keep everybody alive." He shut the door while she was still bitching because he had enough. Phil drove off in a different direction than Nero did.

We rode up to a cabin for the night. In the morning we are riding somewhere else. The point was for them to come after him and leave his kids alone. Keeping them confused about where the boys would be at and who they would be with.

It was late when we got there. They were all going to take turns on watch throughout the night. Tig was taking the first one, Juice next and then Jaxs.

"We should try to get some sleep." He was better than he was earlier, more stable and more in control. But very quiet. I know when he's being that way he is shutting everybody out.

When I came out the bathroom Jaxs was sitting on the bed opening and closing the lid to his lighter. The thing he does when he's pissed off or deep in thought about something.

It didn't take him long to fall asleep either. I watched him for a while. Wondering if I was doing the right thing. But I know what I'll have to do in the end. There was no way I was going to get any sleep so I got up.

Tig was setting out on the swing on the front porch with his gun in his lap. Juice was passed out on the couch snoring already. Searching around I found some coffee in the kitchen and made a pot. It was going to be a long night.

I took a cup to Tig too "Thanks sweetheart. Why aren't you sleeping?" That was a question that I couldn't tell him the answer to. We talked for hours about nothing really. Until it was time for Juice to take his shift. I still was wide a wake too.

Running a hot shower I hoped that would help. Maybe I could still catch a couple of hours of sleep before it was time for Jaxs to get up.

Letting the hot water run over me and trying to not have my own melt down. But it didn't work. I was officially in full crying my eyes out melt down. I cried for my family that I lost. What Jaxs family was going through. For Jaxs being so messed up about life right now. For our unborn baby that wouldn't stand a prayer in hell of making it with me as their mother and Jaxs as a father.

It startled me when I felt him behind me "Come here babe." Jaxs held me while I cried it out until I couldn't cry anymore. He didn't ask me what was wrong he just held on to me and didn't let go.

Going back to bed after we finished showering. He was still holding on to me and kept telling me everything would be okay. It would all work out. I don't know how many times he told me that he loves me. As much as I wanted to tell him the truth I couldn't bring myself to.

Riding to another out of the way place hotel for the night. It was so we could see them coming before they got to us. Jaxs and Tig had to go meet someone and I was tired. I really didn't want to go and Jaxs thought it was safer for me to stay here "I won't be gone long. I'll leave Juice with you. Just stay put and out of sight until I get back."

I thought it was cute how he could just tell me that and think he could order me around like he does everyone else. Like I would just do as I was told to. So I was being a smart ass back to him. In my best submissive voice "Yes my lord." Tig and Juice both got a chuckle from that.

"I'm serious Lil. Stay fucken here. I don't need to be worried about you too."

"Yes my lord. I shall do as thou commands me to."

Jaxs was mumbling as he got on his bike "If that was only true. You're the most hard-headed woman I have ever met."

"Juice you don't let her leave."

Pacing in my room waiting to get what I needed. Sweat was starting to pour from my body. My mouth was getting really dry. Turning the AC down as low as it would go to help cool me down. I drank two glasses of water but, it wasn't satisfying my need for that fix. That fix that should be coming my way anytime now.

Getting up on my tip toes so I could peek out the peep-hole to see who was at the door. I took the chain down so I could let him in. When I opened the door he just stood there looking at me. I guess I should have answered it in more than just my tank top and panties but I didn't care. I just needed what he had for me "I'm not really comfortable coming in your room. What if Jaxs finds out if I was in here? What am I suppose to tell him?"

Getting really impatient, I grabbed him by his cut and yanked him inside the room "Will you just relax Juice. He is on a ride and won't be back for a while. Did you get it for me?"

Taking out a small brown paper sack out of his cut "Yeah I did. But I don't see what the big deal is Lily. Why do we have to hide this from Jaxs?"

Snatching the bag from his hand and shoving money in his pocket. What was in here was better than gold to me right now "Because I said so. Don't give me that shit either. I know you guys hide stuff from him all the time. Just keep this between me and you. Jaxs won't ever find out so it won't be a problem for either one of us." Juice was looking at me like I had lost my mind. I think Jaxs has had that effect on me.

Practically shoving Juice out the door. I dumped the bag out on the bed. I could feel the rush coming. In my hands I held three king size Butterfingers candy bars. Opening the first one of them "Oh come to momma." Then I ate most of the next one too.

**CLAYS POV**

I've been waiting for the call to tell me it's done and over with. Packing up my shit to get the hell out of here but nothing has happened that's been according to the plan. I was supposed to be out the country by now living large on the money from the bounty on my head. That's the only reason I agreed to this shit.

I don't know how that little fuck has pulled off getting the protection he has got. But I don't care who's watching his ass it's time to take him out too.

When the last one failed to do the job and left Jaxs with the rest of them still alive; it was time for me to take this mission over. So I can can get on with life and get the fuck out of here.

Finally they were calling me "Yeah. Do you got the location for me yet? Are you sure that Gemma is with them too? Perfect I get her and her lover at the same time. I'll give you what we agreed upon as soon as I know the intel is real."

I was gonna be handling this one personally. Won't Gemma be surprised to see me again. The fucken whore has to die to cause she crossed me. I trusted her with my everything and she used that against me.

There is one thing that Jaxs forgot about that out weighs brotherhood and loyalty, greed. The power of cash and a lot of it.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me!**


	18. Chapter 18

**JACKSONS POV**

Lil was already asleep when we got back. I took my clothes off and got in bed behind her. She jumped a little bit when she felt my body near hers "It's just me babe." I've noticed that she's been real nervous.

"How did it go?"

"Everything is in place. They won't see it coming just like we talked about." That was the plan anyways. For us to take them all by surprise.

Feeling her body shaking while it was pressed up against me. This is the first time she has ever shown any fear since I've been with her "I'm not gonna let anything happen to you Lil. I promise. We'll get through this. When were finished with all this shit, they won't be able to hurt you or me anymore. In a couple of more days they will all be out of our lives and my boys will be safe. Our scores will be settled and we can have a normal life again. At least as normal as we can be. We can have a fresh start at it."

"I'm going to do everything you want me to Jaxs. But it doesn't work for me the same way it does for you. I don't get to scrape my ink and say I'm done then get a free pass out. There is only two ways outs for me; my death or all of theirs. Including Roberto and you know I can't do that. You didn't tell the club what we are doing did you? When I talked to Tig last night. He has no clue what we are really planning. What is going to be coming their way."

"No, I didn't tell them. They don't need to know until it's time. If they knew it wouldn't get played out like it needs to. People would start getting real skittish and then they would get tipped off. Did you tell Roberto?"

"Of course not. Roberto would kill you if he knew the truth. But you have to promise me that no matter what happens, you won't hurt him." I promised I wouldn't hurt him as long as it doesn't come down to me or him. But if it does, I can't guarantee her anything. She understood and I know that she'll do everything she can do to protect him, even from me. Just like she tries to protect me from him. Lil is at that same place I'm at. How do handle love over family?

Lil has been so emotional the last couple of days and as messed up about everything as much as I've been. I've got my own doubts and fears about what were gonna do. But it's all been set in motion and we can't stop now. Stopping it would only hurt the ones we love more.

She kept telling me she was sorry for breaking down. I know she's strong and doesn't wanna let anybody see her weak side. Hell they've all been seeing mine lately. Gemma was right, it's Lil that's been holding me together so I can try to keep the club whole. Without her walking by my side I don't think I would have been able to keep doing it. We've come a long ways together since the first time I met her. Nobody is gonna come in between us either. Cause I won't let that happen no matter what I gotta do.

Holding her like I'll never let her go, cause I won't "We all have bad times when were not sure about life or what's coming at us next. That's what were suppose to do, get each other through it. You've gotten me through a lot babe. I wanna help you too. But I can't do that if you don't tell me what's wrong. What's going on with you? "

She wouldn't ever tell me anything. I wasn't gonna push her now but I will later. I needed her to know that she can trust me as much as I trust her.

The shower was running when I woke up. I went into the bathroom to take a piss when I noticed her long wet hair she was raking her fingers through. Just watching through the shower door as she ran her soapy bath sponge over her body. I put the seat down on the toilet so I could set down and enjoy the little show she was giving me.

Giving me that sweet smile of hers when she saw me setting there. She knew I was watching and liking it. That was obvious from the tent in my boxers. Leaning back against the shower wall she was running her sponge back and forth between her legs. Closing her eyes and lightly moaning. The blood was rushing to my cock and my head thinking of all the shit I wanna do to her.

Lil opened the shower door but didn't say anything "Is that an invitation?"

"Only if you're up to it Jaxs."

Oh I was up to it all right. Stripping out of my boxers and getting in behind her. Letting my hands roam down her waist, rubbing over her stomach. Giving her ass a hard squeeze while pulling her into my cock harder.

She leaned her head back against my shoulder and was licking my lips with her tongue teasing me every time I would try to kiss her. Grabbing her face so she couldn't do it again. I had my lips pressed against hers until she kissed me back.

Lil put some body wash in her hand. Grabbing my cock gently and letting it slide through her small soft hand. Her hand moved down lower cupping my balls, squeezing them gently and massaging the base of my cock. The more she fondled me the harder my cock was getting. My cum was starting to drip from the head of it.

Her other hand went to her pussy, fingering herself. The faster she would finger her clit the faster she was stroking my shaft. When she stopped I thought she wanted me to be inside her but she didn't.

Lil opened the bottle and squeezed soap in my hand. I went to wash her body. She guided my hand down to my cock "Jack off for me. I want to watch you."

She stuck the shower massager in her pussy. The water pressure was directly on her clit. She was riding against that like she does me. Massaging her breast and pulling on her nipple as I stroked my dick for her. It was an exciting thrill for her to watch me stroking myself. More of thrill for me to watch her pleasure herself. When my cock would start tingling I would stop and reach for her. But she would put my hand back on cock wanting to watch me jerk off some more.

Taking the shower head from her and putting it back up on the wall. I pushed her body up against the cold shower tiles and entered her from behind. She pushed her ass into me. I could feel her wet pussy was getting tighter and pulling me deeper into her.

With the water raining down on us, I could feel her pussy juices running out of her. Her juices covering my cock when gripping it like a vise. Grabbing a hold of her hips; pulling her body on and off my cock. My balls were slapping off of her ass with the water streaming down between our bodies. I wasn't gonna last much longer.

Pushing her down to her knees, I jacked off until I shot my thick creamy cum all over her face. Looking up smiling at me Lil was licking my cum up from her lips "Good fucken morning babe. I think we should start off everyday like this."

We went to meet Tig and Juice to get something to eat before we took off again. Lil was all cuddly affectionate with me. It's not that I didn't like it but she never does that especially in public. I felt the palm of her hand rubbing my cock under the table. My dick was already starting to get hard pushing against my jeans. I grabbed a hold of her hand and held on to it. This wasn't the time for this conversation to be taking place .

Lil whispered in my ear "What's a matter Jaxs? I thought you were a bad boy. Don't you wanna be my bad boy?"

Throwing money down on the table for what we had to cover our part of the bill "We'll meet up with you guys in a little bit."

Passing Juice as he was coming out of the bathroom. He went and sat back down with Tig "Where are they going?"

"Well when mommies and daddies love each other. They have certain urges. He's gonna go fuck her what the hell do you think they're gonna do."

We didn't have to ride long until she was ready to stop. It was just an open field and I parked my bike up in it. Hell she was out of her shorts and shirt before I even got my cut off.

Pushing me down to the ground she was pulling off my shirt over my head acting like she couldn't wait anymore. Her tits were in my face and I latched on to one with my mouth. Shit she was in over drive pushing her pussy down on my stomach trying to rub herself off when I bit down on her nipple. Her wet pussy was making my skin wet "God fuck me Jaxs, please."

Laying in the grass I lifted her legs up on my shoulders and was pounding my cock into her. She was begging me for more and for me to do it harder. I've gotta admit I loved listening to her beg me.

Lil wanted to get up from the ground so I let her. She tackled me to straddle my dick. Riding my cock, bouncing so hard up and down on me. The sun was shining on her hair and her skin was glisten from the sweat. She threw her head back "Come on bad boy. I need you to help me get there. I'm so close."

Grabbing her to hold her down on my chest. I fucked her with all the strength I had to thrust into her with. When I felt her pussy tighten and her screaming was finally over "Now bad girl. Get me there."

Sitting up she took a hold of my cock and slowly sank her ass down on it. Just the small movements she was making on it was driving me crazy. It felt like she was gonna rip my dick off from being so tight. She was screaming, some of it was from the pain of my being in her ass and some cause she liked it. Filling her ass with my cum felt so damn good.

I could have laid around here with her on the ground today and been happy. Cause I was exhausted and I just wanted to hold her. But I heard them coming off the road and so did she "Damn it is that Tig and Juice. I wanted to fuck again." Seriously again?

Stopping for gas before we called it a night. We've got the location set up for tomorrow and this was the halfway point. I gave Lil money to pay for the gas for our bikes when she went into to go to the bathroom.

We already pumped our gas and was waiting on her to come out. I decided I would get a smoke in until I looked through the store window "Shit."

There was man with a gun in Lil's face at the counter. Another one had three people on the ground with a gun to the one's head. I only left her alone for five minutes and she walked into the middle of a goddamn robbery.

Tig took the back. Me and Juice went through the front. When he saw us walking in he grabbed Lil and put her in front of him "Drop the guns or I'll kill her. Get down on the floor now."

He was screaming at the girl who was behind the counter "Hurry up and get that fucking money out of the register." That girl was frozen in place scared shitless. She wasn't gonna move either.

"Look bro this shit is just gonna be a lot easier if you just let her go. I don't give a shit if you take the money. Let's not hurt anybody."

We saw Tig coming around the shelf. I went to lay my gun down so he wouldn't hurt her. But I didn't see the other guy that was by me. He had been behind the counter. When I bent down he kicked me in my ribs I'd already hurt. I fell to my knees not being able to take in a breath.

Tig had the one and Juice the other. But the one I didn't see when we came in was standing over me with his gun drawn. He got within inches of my face with it when his body fell lifeless on me. Then I saw Lil standing there with Tig's bloody knife in her hand. She had stabbed him.

They were trying to help me get up off the floor "Come on Jaxs we gotta get out of here man. Juice get the security tape." I'll hand it to Tig. He had thought shit through on this. The camera would have all of our faces on it committing murder. Even though it should be considered self-defense for people like us it won't be. Even when we are doing things to protect other people or the ones that we love they still see us as evil.

The girl behind the counter was shaken up and not responding to anything Juice was saying to her. Lil was trying handling the girl "They stopped those men from doing really bad things to you. I need you to give me the security footage and put a blank one in. You never saw any faces when they ask. It all happened so quick you can't remember shit other than they were driving a blue mini van."

With shaking hands the girl gave Lil the disk "Go home tonight and let your family help you deal with what you saw here today. Be a smart girl and don't make me come back here. Because if you tell anybody about us, I will." I think that was just an idle threat to the girl. But how Lil's voice sounded when she said it, I don't know.

Lil was being that strong woman that she is. I know loving that side of her would make no sense to anybody else. But when she acts like who she really is, I couldn't love her more.

Lil grabbed three little race cars out of a display box "And I'm taking these too." After everything that girl had been through today I don't think she gave a shit about that.

We got the fuck out of there. I was hurting but I was taking in short breaths. Before we even made it to the next town Lil was telling me to pull over to a rest stop.

She went to the ground on her all fours and was throwing up. I held her hair back for her. I wasn't sure if she was sick or if it was the guilt starting to eat at her "Are you okay?"

"I just need a minute." She went and laid down on a picnic table. I think it was everything getting to her. It catches up to us no matter how we justify what we do.

"Are you feeling better? Can you ride yet?" We were all getting nervous sitting still. We don't know what that girl told the cops and they could be already on their way after us for all we know.

Laying on the table with her hands over her stomach I went to put my hand on Lil stomach too. She pushed it away "Don't."

She was so angry with me. The only thing I could figure out was she was reliving old shit. And the new shit today of stabbing that guy. Maybe she was associating what happened with the guy from what I made her do to that girl to save Tara. I wish I could take it back but I can't.

"That shit that happened back there didn't have anything to do with SAMCRO. I didn't even know those guys." I just wanted to remind her that not everything that happens that's bad and fucked up is because of me.

"It always has something to do with who we are Jaxs, always." She got up and walked away from me.

Tig came over and sat at the picnic table with me "Are you two okay?"

"I don't know bro. Sometimes she acts like she wants to be with me then the next second she pushes me away to put distance between us. I know since I've been with her all my shit has been coming down on her. Maybe she can't take it anymore."

"Nah, Lily is a tough girl. She'll be fine." No matter how tough you are, you have a breaking point. Maybe I'm pushing hers to that limit. I'm everything she ran away from before. Grew up to hate and doesn't want to be a part of anymore.

We didn't hang out anywhere near there we kept riding. When we were an hour outside the meeting place we found a place to stay. Lil was out already and I went out to have a smoke and to think.

Watching Juice sneak away from us again. He's been doing that a lot. I know what happens when you get fucked up in the head. You feel trapped and start making decisions that you wouldn't normally make.

Tig was outside smoking too. He's been different lately but I'm starting to trust him. He's been stepping up a lot and handling shit. But I'm just not sure how deep that trust can run with him yet "Have you noticed Juice has been a little off? Does it seem like he's acting strange to you?"

Tig laughed "Juice always acts a little strange to me. So you're gonna have to be a little more specific than that."

Juice slipped off through the woods. I was waiting for him to come back. He was on his cell when I opened up my lighter and lite up a smoke "What's going on? Where have you been?"

"Shit man you scared me." He ended his phone call pretty quick. Trying to shove something in his cut so I wouldn't see it. I don't trust him. He's ratted before when he was put under stress. It can't get much more stressful than it is right now. Maybe that was my mistake thinking that he could ever set at that table with me again. That I would ever be seeing him as anything else other than a rat.

"What are you hiding from me Juice?"

"I'm not hiding anything. I swear."

Drawing my gun on him "Give me your piece." He took his gun out and laid it down on the ground.

"Now what have you got in your cut." He hesitated and I was done playing with him.

"Now Juice. I'm not gonna say it again." He took out a brown bag and laid it on the ground too.

"What the fuck is this? Why would you hide this from me?" It was goddamn candy. I searched the rest of his cut and he didn't have anything.

"I told you Jaxs. I'm not hiding anything from you. I went for a walk and I was just putting it in my cut when I came up on you that's all. I needed some alone time to get my head straight. I was talking to my ex. I just needed to hear her voice. She's been the only thing in my life that has ever been normal and real outside the club. Check my phone if you don't believe me." After checking that is who he was talking to.

"I know you don't trust me yet. But I'm gonna earn that back again. I would do anything for you or my club. Even some fucked up shit that you might find really strange and probably won't understand. Sometimes you might not even know about it." Not completely understanding everything he was rambling on about but I told him I was sorry. But he better not be fucken me around again. I'm still not sure he's being honest with me.

Tig was holding Lil when Juice and I walked back "Lily I don't understand crying crazy girl talk. You're gonna have to slow down." She was clutching on to his leather and crying into his chest while she trying to talk to him at the same time.

She walked in the room and slammed the door shut. She wouldn't even look in my direction "What the fuck happened?"

"I have no idea. Were standing here talking and then that happened. The only thing I understood is she's sad about something."

"Jesus Christ, I wish she would pick one of her personalities and stick with it for the rest of the day." I've seen her be so damn hot and sexy. Showing me I'm her man. I saw her taking control and kill to save me without even having to think about it. Nothing less than I would do for her. Being vulnerable and letting me in even if it was just a little. Angry very angry with me.

She was sitting on the bed rolling the wheels of the little car with her finger "Don't worry Jaxs I'm over it. I'm better now and focused on what we need to get done." She didn't wanna talk about it. I think it was Addison on her mind right now. I just wanna go to bed. I was tired from this long fucked up day we had.

We laid in each others arms in the silence. I wanna get tomorrow over with so we can move on to the next thing. I think the quicker we get this shit over with the better it will be for both of us. It just keeps ripping open old wounds that we can't get to heal.

Getting to the meeting site and waiting. It always makes me nervous when they don't show up on time "I'm getting a real bad feeling about this shit."

I was right to feel that way when they came over the hill with semi automatics blazing. We ran all into the old barn for cover.

With bullets zinging around our head "What the fuck happened Jaxs? Only four other people knew about today other than you and me."

"It doesn't matter if they're a Son or not. That bitch is dead." One of the those four people did some talking.

"Yeah if we live through this killing them should be the first thing on our list." This is one time that Tig and me couldn't agree more.

We kept firing trying to keep them rushing us. Juice fell to the ground bleeding from the bullet he took. Lil was trying to keep pressure on his wound.

They kept telling us to come out that we were completely surrounded. Like we couldn't have figured that shit out for ourselves.

"I'm almost out of ammo." Checking my clip so was I. We both had more on bikes that we couldn't get to.

"Come out Jackson so nobody else has to get hurt. Bring the girl too. She is just as guilty as you are." I still had no clue by the voice who in the hell these guys were. But they were angry very angry with me too.

They only wanted us for some reason. If we surrender they said they wouldn't hurt the others. You can't exactly trust the word of someone that's trying to kill you, now can you "I'll come out if you leave her alone and let the rest of them go. She don't have shit to do with the club."

Lil was about to have another melt down I could see it coming "This was never part of the deal Jaxs. Nobody was supposed to get hurt because of us. If we don't get Juice out of here he is going to die. Fucking do something."

Doing what I've always done. Making an exchange to save someone from what we did wrong before. When I look at my day I realized that most of it is always spent cleaning up the damage done from the day before. I agreed that we did it at the same time. They let the others leave and then they would get what they wanted, me. But not Lil. I wasn't gonna take her down with me.

Everyone protested but there was no other option left. We were almost out of ammo and Juice was gonna bleed to death. We were to far away to call in reinforcements. A captain always goes down with his sinking ship and I've been drowning for a while. This might be the one time that I get taken completely under.

They did let Tig get Juice out of the barn. Tig knew what he was supposed to do. He argued with me that he should stay but this wasn't his fight to have. Tig was trying to balance Juice and ride at the same time. But Lil was still standing at the door with me and she refused to leave.

Lil held out her hand for me "I'm not leaving you. If this is how we end up going out, then fuck it we do it together. We knew we would get taken out someday. I'm just so tired to baby. This day is as good for me as any other one. I love you Jackson. I love my Harley man."

Hand in hand we both went out to face what we knew would come our way someday, our death. Just like the way we have always lived our lives; strong and not giving a shit if today is our last one.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me!**


	19. Chapter 19

**JACKSONS POV**

"What do you think they are going to do with us Jaxs?" Neither one of us knew who these fucks were or what they wanted from us for that matter. When we surrendered they made us lay face down on the ground and tied our hands behind our back.

"I don't know. If we're lucky they will make it quick." If we're not I would say me and Lil are in for one long fucken day. We have been waiting for them to do something. They are just hanging back. But who knows what in the fuck for.

I no more than said that when one of them came over and kicked me in the side "Shut the fuck up. I don't like you anyways. So don't make me kill you before it's time." At least he kicked me in my good side.

Lil was talking low so we didn't get that treatment again "Jesus Jaxs does anybody like you?"

"Well I kinda recall you liking me a lot the last couple of days. So much you couldn't get enough of me." She just smiled but didn't say anymore. That was at least a pleasant last thought to have.

They were making a phone call and they said the names Morrow then Rossi. You wouldn't think shit could really get any worse but I knew when they said those two names it was gonna. The people that hate me and Lil the most.

Side by side we laid waiting for what fate was gonna bring our way. Staring into each others eyes. I guess it really doesn't matter what the out come was gonna be. I would die beside the one I love. The one that has made me feel more alive inside than I've felt in a long time.

A car pulled up and when the guy got out Lil knew who he was from the look on her face. I could only assume he was one of the Rossi. As young as he was he had to be the son "Lilyan my love. It has been so long since I've seen you."

They got Lil up from the ground and I already didn't like where this was gonna go.

"How's that leg doing Dominic?" You could feel the sarcasm coming from her voice.

"I think of you every time it rains. From the pain I feel with the three pins I've got in it from you hitting me with your car." I chuckled at that a little bit. I'll try to remember to not piss her off when she's behind the wheel.

Lil shrugged "It was an accident."

"It was an accident too that I just happened to find someone that you care about very much on the way here." One of his guys went over to the car and threw Roberto out of it to the ground. His hands were tied behind his back like ours were. From the looks of his bloody face and shirt, he was having the same kinda day me and Lil was. Fucken shitty.

Lil spit in his face "You piece of shit."

Rossi back handed her across the face and I lost it "You son of a bitch. Leave her alone."

I was struggling to get free but I couldn't, there was two them holding me down. Wanting to make sure that I saw everything that's gonna happen. I was having that same feeling now that I had when I watched Op die before my eyes.

I should have never let her stay here with me. Just like I should have never let Op go on the inside of County with me. I won't make it through seeing that again. Getting someone taken from me that I love while I have to watch it. Not being able to do anything about it and having to live with it after wards.

Rossi grabbed a hand full of my hair "I'll get to you soon enough. So shut the fuck up." Then he slammed my face down in the dirt.

"You better kill me. Cause I'm gonna enjoy every second of your slow and painful death." That was a promise that he could count on from me.

"Clay was right about you. You think you can still win even when there is no chance that you will. So fiery and a tough guy. You should be glad he's not here right now. All the sick twisted shit he wants to do to you." That was a mutual feeling Clay and me both have. All the sick shit that has ran through my mind of ways to kill him for everything he's done.

"You humiliated me and took every thing from my family. Now I'm going to take everything from you. You will learn to respect me Lilyan. How else will we make this relationship work between us?" She spit in his face again and he hit her harder this time. Goddamn why does she have to be so hard headed?

Pointing his gun at Roberto first then to me "Which one do you pick Lilyan? One of them is going to get a very long torturous death. They will feel the same pain that you made me feel all these years. The other one I will let live knowing they could do nothing to save you. Then I will kill them too but I'll make it quick. Is it going to be your brother part of your family or your lover the biker? Will you choose love over family again? I think you would have already learned that little lesson of how that story will end. I really never understood your taste in men when you chose Gabe. By the looks of the new one your taste has gotten even worse." She was looking at both me and Roberto with love in her eyes.

"Just kill me and we can be done with this. You will end up killing us all anyways. This is just some sick game you want to play with me. Get on with doing what you came here to do." It was like Op was saying those words in my head along with her. They made a game out of killing him too. Cause he knew that they would kill him before he did it. Just like she knows what's coming now. Both of them not afraid of it either almost welcoming it in.

"I can't kill you. You are to valuable to me or I would. I am even willing to forgive you for everything you did. It's time Lilyan for our reunion together."

"I'll never do what you want me to. I would rather be dead than ever be with you." That was the part that was really fucken me up. It was like he wanted her as his own.

"You will do exactly what I tell you to. Or this is not going to be a very loving relationship between us." He was trying to hold her up against the car and kiss her.

Roberto finally came to and was trying to get up "Leave her alone. Come on you son of bitch I'll fight you." He probably couldn't even stand up to fight. But I'll give him he's a tough fucker and he sure was trying to get up. Wanting to make sure what comes down lands on him and not her.

"You never loved me Dominic. All you ever wanted was the power and the money that came from being with me."

Bullets were starting to fly around us again. The guys that were holding me down let go of me and started firing back. Rossi took off like the little pussy that he really is "This isn't over."

That I was sure of. All three of us have a target on our back now by either Clay or Rossi. Not being sure of what in the hell was going on but I know it's coming down to a bloody battle of survival.

I went to Lil trying to cover her from the gun fire. Only to be met by Roberto that was doing the same thing. I guess we would both take a bullet for her.

They killed some of Roberto's men but they killed more of Rossis. But I was never happier to see those Italian mother fuckers show up. After cutting us loose the first thing I did was made sure she was okay.

Holding her to me both of us giving a sigh of relief from a typical day of a mob queen and an outlaw. Her face was gonna be bruised up but I think she was okay other than that. When I asked what the fuck Rossi was talking about she said she would explain everything to me later that she just wanted me to hold her.

Roberto and Lil was talking about what the fuck just happened. It was time for Roberto to make his kill of Rossi and show the world his power that he has. He had to send a message or his empire would crumble down around him. But what he wanted from Lil wasn't gonna happen "Lilyan you have no choice now. Dominic drew first blood. You have to fight as one of us and come home. You know Teller can't protect you and eventually they will get to you."

"She's not gonna go anywhere. She's staying with me."

Roberto shoved me "Stay the fuck out of it. This is not for you to decide. Ever since you came into our lives you have done nothing but rip it apart."

"She's my old lady and I said she stays with me." Shoving him back cause I was getting just as tired of him as he is of me. There's no way in hell I'm letting him take her anywhere. I don't give a fuck what he thinks about me or about what I just said.

Lil took Roberto off to talk to him alone trying to end the little disagreement going on between us. I don't know what she said to him but he was fucken pissed and screaming "How could you let that happen Lilyan? Goddamn it."

Hearing the sound that I live for. Bikes were coming. My calvary finally showed up. It was Tig, Happy and some Nomads they scraped up. They would have been out numbered but like everything else we do; they didn't care. When a brother is in trouble you go. You die trying to save them if that's what it takes.

Telling them what I knew that had went down so far. Clay was a part of this. But I don't think anyone knows how he's connected to Rossi or why it started in the first place. Clay did so much shit that none of us knew about we could set around and guess at it all day.

Which ever one of them that's been talking to Clay has turned on the club. I will be making sure that mother fucker meets Mr. Mayhem and I don't give a shit how much they wanna vote on it. As soon as I know which one turned rat he won't live to see a vote.

They took Juice to Happy's mom's house. It was the closest friendly place. We have to keep him hid away in the basement so we don't freak her out. Hap said she can't go up and down the stairs anymore by herself so Juice should be safe down there.

Rat Boy stayed with him until the doctor they called gets there. He wants a lot of cash under the table to keep his mouth shut about it. It's not like we can take Juice to a hospital without having to explain how he got shot. They always report any bullet wounds to the police. Hap said the doctor was good and he will do everything he can to save Juice.

Roberto and me finally came to an understanding. He has been getting probed anally by the Marshals for intel and his connection to SAMCRO. They have been watching him too off and on. Causing shit when he has customers in the club by harassing them. We are gonna turn that around in our favor. Knowing all the illegal shit he does there's no way he would ever rat.

Rossi's guys went in and busted up his club. They killed several of his guys this morning when taking Roberto. I told him that I've gotta rat that is working with Clay. I'm not sure who it was yet. But we are gonna use that in our favor too and help one another out.

Roberto gets to kill Rossi, Lil get Marks and I get Clay. We'll feed fake intel to the same four people and they won't see us coming for them. We'll set it up and all be there to take their asses down. If killing all those mother fuckers it what it takes to keep our families safe then we're both on board with it.

Roberto stuck his hand out to me "Really you wanna shake my hand? I thought you hated me."

"I do hate you Teller but I hate Rossi more." We shook hands on our deal we just made. I've been making so many deals with the devil himself lately. I don't know if I can completely trust Roberto or not. But I know he would never do anything that was gonna bring harm to Lil.

"How did your guys know where you were?"

He took his cell out of his pocket "GPS is a beautiful thing." Maybe I should get one of those fuckers.

"Oh by the way Teller. If anything happens to my sister or you hurt her in anyway. I will stick my forty five up your ass and empty the clip." That was being kinda dramatic I thought. I took it as idle threat but not at the same time. If he thought he was getting a cherry to be the first one that wanted to do that to me, he better think again.

"Yeah I get that a lot." Roberto just shook his head and walked away. He wants Lil to check in with him every day so he knows that she's alright.

Lil explained what Rossi was talking about. She was promised by the Family to marry Dominic when they were teenagers. It would have brought the two together as one and ended a long time feud between them. Making them very powerful and fucken dangerous joined together. They would be controlling almost all the corners of the under world.

Dominic then would have stepped up to serve by Pappy's side and would have been the one taking over instead of Roberto. But Lil met Gabe and ran away. Leaving Dominic far behind. That started a bigger feud between the Mancini and Rossi clan. Needless to say the Mancinis were stronger and took over part of the Rossi turf too.

Now that it's time for Roberto to take over. The only way to change the course of action is for Dominic to kill Roberto and marry Lilyan. Making Dominic in control of both families power and wealth. But I won't let that shit happen and neither will Roberto.

"So is that why you ran away with Gabe? To get away from Dominic."

"No I did it because I truly loved Gabe. He was the one and I knew it the first time I met him. Have you ever met anyone that completes your world and you just can't live without them? That's what Gabe was to me."

"Yeah I have met someone like that."

"Dominic just wanted the money. There was no love there between us. He is just a little bitter with me about leaving. I don't have the energy to want to hurt him back. I'm not even sure that I have one more kill left in me Jaxs. Sometimes when you kill you're killing a piece of yourself too. Are you ready to get outta here?" I wasn't really getting what she meant by that. But it doesn't matter I will kill whoever I have to get to the end of this shit.

"Did you really try to kill Dominic by hitting him with your car?"

"I was young and not very creative back then. I hit him so hard that he dented my hood and broke my windshield. But that son of bitch still lived. Can you believe that?"

They were almost done when we got to Juice. His mom seemed excited that Hap had friends around. She said she doesn't get many visitors and never goes anywhere. She took a liking to Lil. They were setting on the couch talking like they were old friends.

We heard Juice screaming when we were talking to his mom "Do you kids hear that?"

"Um.. no I didn't hear anything." Lil helped her outside to sit on the porch swing until they were done down stairs.

His mom has been sick for so long and we don't wanna do anything that would make her upset. I think knowing we had a guy that had been shot in her basement would do that too.

The doctor was bandaging Juice up when I went down to see what was going on. He's lost a lot of blood and will be weak. There's no way he can ride "We'll have him out of here tomorrow Hap. Thanks for everything man."

No matter what happens Happy is all MC. He would do anything for his club or his brothers "No problem. I wanna spend sometime with my mom anyways." Calling for them to bring the van so we can move Juice. We're gonna stay here tonight and leave tomorrow.

Lil came down. She helped his mom to go lay down cause she needed to rest "Happy did you know your mom really wants to go to the church?"

"I love my Momma. I would do anything for her. If she needs a kidney or needs me to kill someone for her, I'm there. She wants to go every time I come to visit. But I don't do church."

"I will go with her if you guys don't want to go. She just really needs this Happy. You should have heard her talking about how much she missing getting to go. She only wants a few minutes there so she can have the minister say a prayer for her." I'm not sure how in the fuck it happened. But Lil convinced us all that we needed to support his mom and go along too. As sick as she is this might be the last chance she ever gets to go.

When they went upstairs to eat. Lil sat down by Juice and was holding his hand. They gave him enough drugs he finally passed out "Juice wants your approval so bad Jaxs. He wears himself out trying to please you and to make sure that you know he's all in. He was just lost and made a bad mistake. But all of us have at one point or another. You can't keep him on the outside forever or eventually he won't be a part of what he loves the most, the club. Even if he stays in it."

"Yeah I know. But I'm not sure that I can trust him again. Do you trust him Lil?"

"Yeah I trust Juice. Sometimes it's not about right and wrong. Getting even or making them pay for what they have done. It's about finding it in your heart to forgive them to get past it. That is what ends up healing the wound between you." From everything she has been saying today it's almost like she is thinking of going straight. No more revenge.

Lil was driving with his mom and we rode our bikes. I wasn't sure this was a good idea after thinking about it. But when I saw his mom's face when Happy said he was gonna go with her, I couldn't say no then.

Lil was helping Happy's mom inside the church and we all stopped before going up the stairs. Looking at each other not being really sure how to handle this one. We know we are sinners and shouldn't even be here. The chapel that means anything to us is the one with our table. Where we decide who lives and dies sometimes.

This was suppose to be a holy place. Place that you come to confess your sins and ask for forgiveness. Somewhere that sinners and saints were suppose to be equal in his eyes when forgiven.

Ever since I got out of Stockton it's felt like I've still been doing time where a man can never be forgiven. That only made me think about Opie again and the time I'm doing for his death too. Reliving when Abel was kidnapped and the priest gave his life for my son. Seeing all the blood on my hands from the things I've done. Going in here means more to me than just going along with them. But how do I tell them that shit.

Lil came back out where we were "What are you guys doing? What are you waiting on?" She must have know by the look on our faces.

She walked back inside just over the threshold "Look you're not going to burst into flames or anything. I'm just as bad as you guys are. We will only be here for a few minutes. This is for Happy's mom. So suck it up and get in here." Happy went in to be with his mom.

Tig was laughing "Do you know who she just reminded me of?"

"Don't even say Gemma." Even though she really kinda did remind me of her. But I still didn't wanna hear it.

"No man. I was gonna say a good strong old lady. That makes sure we do what she wants." That did put a smile on my face. Hearing someone else refer to her as my old lady too.

Lil held out her hand for me "Come on Jaxs we will do this together too. It will be okay."

Me and Tig took the empty pew in the back of the church. They were all looking at us like what in the fuck are you doing here. To be honest I had no fucken idea what I was doing here.

Happy and Lil was with his mom waiting in line to see the minister. Watching Lil being comfortable here was amazing to me. I know all the bad shit she is capable of doing and some of what she's already done. But she looked so sweet and like she belonged. How can someone that can be so bad and evil be so good at the same time? Maybe it's part of that reborn clean she keeps telling me about.

There was a time I could have walked that line between good and evil with her. When Clay was still in charge of the club. My good was still there and I knew it. But I don't feel that being a part of me anymore. I had my evil side under control. It only raised it's ugly head when I wanted it to. But now I'm on that other side and I don't think I'll ever be able to come back from it. I've become everything that I hated and fought so hard against.

Everything was affecting me right now. The loud music playing about rejoicing and letting god into your heart. By letting him in they say you will spend the after life in the promise land. I wondered where outlaws go other than straight to hell.

They were all saying prayers that god would have mercy on their souls. Even the slightest whispers they were doing sounded like they were screaming it in my ears. I know I don't belong in a place like this cause I don't feel I still gotta a soul anymore. Or maybe cause it's one that's just not worth saving.

My body felt clammy and I got that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was making me so nauseated like I was about to throw up. When I went to stand up, I was as dizzy as hell trying to make the few steps to get to the door to get the hell out of here. My feet seemed like they were miles away from my body. With every step I tried to take it was an eternity to make another one.

I had to get away from this and get some air cause I thought I was gonna pass out. The breeze blowing on my face was like air conditioning to me when I walked outside and felt it.

Hearing a bike coming but I never saw anybody. I went to lite up a smoke and plopped down on my bike. I wasn't gonna go back in there. I'd just sit out here and wait until they were done. If I was lucky I wouldn't end up passing out. I went to lean my head against the handle bar when I saw what looked like a man riding in the field across the street on a Harley.

He stopped in the middle of the field and was revving up the engine. Sitting there letting it idle and just staring at me. I wasn't sure who in the fuck it was but I wasn't gonna take any chances either. Reaching inside my cut, with my hand on my gun I started walking towards him. If this becomes a shoot out I didn't wanna be near the church door. When you become the hunted you're always on guard even when you don't need to be.

The sun was at his back shinning so bright in my eyes. But the closer I got to him the more I was sure I knew who he was. His image was a little distorted to me but it was him. I had to be seeing shit cause I swore it was Op. I think I've finally hit that place where they all said I was head to and lost my fucken mind.

"You gotta finish this ride brother for me and you. You can't quit or give up no matter how bad or how deep the shit gets. Without you setting shit right everything we have all lived and died for will have been in vain. You need to do this for my kids and don't let them ever forget about me. Just as much as you need to do it for your own boys too, all three of them. They will let our legacy live on and we will always be alive as long as the club stays alive too. Stop being sad for me. It was just my time to go and you need to let me go now. I'll be waiting with your Harley on the other side. It's so fucken cool up there man. It's almost like being a rider of the storm. When it's your time you will have that too but, that's not now. You gotta whole lot more living to do so stop trying to force it. And your right I do really like her. She kicks your ass when you need it and truly loves you for what and who you are. So don't fuck it up."

**LILYANS POV**

It made me smile and feel good that Happy's mom was having such a good time. Feeling like my doing something good for someone in some ways was helping me cancel out some of the bad things I've done. I know it doesn't really work that way but it was today in my mind.

There are minsters and priest that have done worse things in their lives then some of the MC has ever done. But trying to get them to come inside this church took some doing. This is safe haven for all of his children even the bad ones.

After the minster had talked to Happy's mom and he said a healing prayer for her, she was ready to go home. It was wearing her out getting out of the house and she wanted to lay down so she could rest. If she left this world today she would leave it in a good place and be ready for it. After watching her maybe I need to get right with myself and find that good place in my heart too.

The way she handles life is braver than most healthy people I know. She knows just how precious life really is with each difficult and painful breath she never know when it will be your last day on this earth and you should try to enjoy each one of them as though it could be your last one. I can see a lot of her in Happy. He is such a good man. Much better than he thinks he is.

Thinking about life made me think of some really crazy things. I ran my hand over my stomach just needing to touch what life really meant and what's important in it. There is no feeling in this world that can compare to the first time that you hold your child in your arms. The one that you gave life to.

I almost told Jaxs about the baby when were laying there waiting for whatever was going to happen to us. But I decided that it wouldn't make a difference then just like it won't make a difference now either. It would only cause more problems and stress on him if he knew. I would never want to hurt him or put him through that when I already know what the ending is going to be. I don't think he can take much more before cracks.

Happy was helping his mom out and I was looking in the back for Jaxs but he was gone. I went outside looking around for him. His bike was still here but there was no sign of him anywhere. Tig was yelling from across the street that he found Jaxs passed out.

We kept trying to get Jaxs to wake up. He had opened his eyes but didn't say anything. Trying to get up from the ground but he was still very disoriented. Tig grabbed Jaxs by the arm to help him up but he shoved Tig away "I'm alright."

Jaxs wouldn't listen to us about how he needed to rest and wait to try to ride. Kissing me so long and tender before he went to get on his bike "I'm not gonna fuck it up. I promise." I had no idea what in the hell he was talking about. I don't think he was with it enough to know himself.

Following them back to the house I watched him ride with pride in the lead just like he always does. But this ride seemed different for him. I was getting worried that this was all coming down on him so hard that he wasn't going to make it through it.

When we got back Jaxs went in and checked on Juice. He told Tig to start making phone calls. It was time to start shuffling people around so he knew that they were going to be safe. We are heading out in the morning to get Juice out of here and drop him off at one of the places he has people stashed at.

We watched Jaxs for hours sitting alone outside writing in a notebook. His facial expression changing with each page he wrote. Tig was getting that same feeling I was. Jaxs was on another down hill slide to hell. He didn't want any of us around him when he got back from church. None of us had any idea what was going on with him either.

"Maybe I should go talk to him." I told Tig that I thought I should be the one to do it.

With Jaxs it is all in how you approach him I've noticed. I was going try to handle him with kid gloves and try not to upset him. Because he was definitely losing his shit "Are you okay? You never told me what happened today. You have been under so much stress Jaxs. Maybe it's time we take a step back and slow down a little bit. I think you are just on over load and the shit is starting to get to you."

"I haven't lost my mind Lil. So stop looking at me like that. If anything I found today what I've been looking for. That sign telling me what my path is and what I gotta do now. I know where that line is and I just gotta figure out a way for me to get back across it again to be a true leader. There was time when I thought I could just walk away from my club but I'll never be able to do that. I'm gonna die with this leather on my back. Being who I am and what I am. If I lost my patch I would be dead inside anyways. My club will survive this shit and those that died won't have been in vain cause I won't let it end that way. Especially my dad, Piney and Op. I've never been more sure of what I needed to do than I am right now."

My god I don't know what has fueled the passion with in him. But he was in the middle of it. Jackson was the Aristotle of outlaws when he was telling me everything. Talking his biker shit in a poetic way. I didn't really understand it all or why he was being that way. But I got the general idea of it. He's at the cross roads of hell having to make a decision. I felt it was best if we all just left him alone. When he's ready he will come find me to talk about it.

Feeling drained I went to bed and it woke me up when I felt Jaxs getting in beside me. He was kissing my shoulders and my neck "I wanna make love to you Lil."

His movements inside me was so loving and slow. He never stopped kissing me. Telling me that he loves me over and over. I was getting so lost in him. So lost that my heart belongs to him and he will end up crushing it too "I love you Jaxs."

Holding me so tight to him I felt his cock throbbing and growing larger inside me until I could feel his cum starting to run out of me "I love you too Lil."

I knew something was bothering him. But he didn't want to tell me. Jaxs was setting on the side of the bed lighting up a smoke. Clicking the lid of it open and shut just like he always does when he's deep in thought about something "I don't want you to think I'm crazy too. But just before I passed out today I saw Op and it was so real. I swear it was him and he was talking to me. Everything he said was what I already knew in my heart that I had to do. But I lost my way on that somewhere. He wants me to let him go and I'm not sure that I'm ready for that yet."

I held on to Jaxs when he finally broke down and cried. He put his head on my stomach and I stroked his hair telling him it would all be okay. I wanted to cry with him but he needed me to stay strong for him.

I don't think Jaxs is lying about seeing Opie or that he is crazy either. There have been many times I thought I would catch a glimpse of Gabe in a crowd or wake up with that feeling that he was there watching me sleep. When you hold on to them it's perfectly normal to think of them as still being here with you. So it's really easy to get confused about seeing them even when you really don't.

"Op said I gotta finish this ride for his kids and mine too. But he said for my three boys. That our kids will continue the club and they would keep it alive." Now I was completely freaking the fuck out. My heart was trying to beat out of my chest and I felt sick. How could he even know that? But his cell phone went off and I was saved by the bell. We can stop talking about this subject.

It was Gemma calling him back. Her and Nero took the kids swimming in the lake in the back of the property and that's why she didn't answer the phone when he called. Jaxs just needed to hear that they were all okay. I think more than anything for a peace of mind "Tell my boys daddy loves them and I'll be there to see them in a couple of days."

We rode until we got to the first place Jaxs was keeping people at. We have done nothing for the past couple of days it seems like but ride in circle. Watching the pavement zoom by was making me feel sick again.

Juice will stay here with them until they make the move tomorrow. Then we would go where Gemma and the kids are being kept. To move them to a different location too.

I wasn't feeling very good when we got off the bike "Are you okay?" I told him yes even though I felt like I could hurl at any moment.

**TARAS POV**

Jaxs has completely ignored me since he's been here. Walking around me when I entered the room. Pretending like we were never in love with each other. That we are not still man and wife. That I am not the mother of his children.

All of this was for her. He didn't do any of that kind of shit for me. He wouldn't ever give up anything to be with me. I was the one expected to give in and make the sacrifices to make our relationship work. She doesn't have to sacrifice shit to be with him.

Jaxs was sitting at the table talking to the guys and she was sitting on his lap when I walked into the kitchen. They were talking about packing us up and moving us tomorrow in with some of the other old ladies and their kids. Jaxs stopped talking when he saw me "Tara can you give us a minute? We're almost done."

"Why do I have to leave and your whore gets to stay? I'm your wife Jaxs not her. I should be the one with you out trying to protect our boys."

She went to get up but he held on to her "No Lil you don't gotta leave. Tara is not gonna get her way this time." I couldn't believe that he was showing me so much disrespect. Addressing her instead of me when I was the one talking to him. They all were staring at me waiting for me to move but it wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to go and make this simple for him because he told me to.

"Stop talking about Lil that way Tara. She doesn't talk about you like that. We need to make this as civil as possible between us." Yeah right, like I would believe that one. I can only imaging all the shit she says about me. Poisoning his mind into not wanting to be with me. Making him want to leave his family behind for her.

After some heated words got exchanged she was leaving. They got up to leave too but I wasn't just going to let Jaxs walk away from me this time "I'm not gonna do this with you right now Tara."

"Do you love her Jaxs? Do you love her enough to bail on your family like this?"

He was being a prick and yelling at me "Don't you see that I'm getting buried here. I will deal with this when I get finished with all the other bullshit I've got coming down on me."

"Do you love her? You at least owe me that much. To tell me to my face."

"Yeah I do. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. But this is the way shit is." He just walked out after that. He had no remorse what so ever when he said it to me either.

Watching Jaxs out the window. He went straight to her. Holding on to her like she was something special. Kissing her and he was telling her that he loved her. I had to look away when I saw him rubbing his hand over her stomach. She had to have told him about the baby. It will only be a matter of time until that baby replaces my boys. Just like she replaced me with him.

Staring at the wall until I thought I was going to drive myself crazy with image of him with her together in my mind. He's only keeping me here to have me out of sight and locked away to be forgotten. While he's off doing whatever in the hell he wants to do with her. I don't think things are as bad as he makes them out to be. He's only using it as an excuse.

Rummaging through my purse. I took out my phone "I'm ready to do whatever you want me to. As long as you make sure that Lilyan is dead." I may not get to be with him but neither will she.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me! The plot thickens!**


	20. Chapter 20

**LILYANS POV**

We moved Gemma, Nero and the kids to the new house. The Family has empty houses everywhere for many different reasons. Jaxs wanted to keep them on the move. Every few days they will have to move again. It would make it harder for anyone to know exactly where they are at this way. The houses are all protected so they should be safe. Or everyone will die along with them trying to keep them protected.

It was actually Roberto's idea doing it this way. He tried to talk me into staying with Gemma and the kids so I would be safe too. Out of sight out of mind is his theory. I won't do that though. I've spent to many years trying to hide out and it still didn't work. I plan on seeing this to the end with Jaxs no matter how bloody it does get. With Dominic lurking I know just how bloody that really could be.

They were all impressed of the size of it and the amenities that came with it. From the outside looking in; living with the Family's money and power appears like a palace full of fairy tales. But the reality of it is on the inside; it's a just a fancy prison cell. Especially for their women.

It's a trade off. The women are pampered and treated like royalty by society. They are always given more money than they could ever spend. That's to keep them amused and to occupy their time with. Furs, diamonds and all of the fancy things money can buy. Some women would kill for that, to get to live that way. I'm killing to try to get out of it.

But by their men, they're completely controlled. Never allowed to speak out against anything he does nor does he care what you think about it either. Used for any purpose they desire. If you fail to play their game their way, you stop breathing. That's just how it is.

After watching Gemma there is no way that she would ever make it in their world. The club would at least allow their women to walk away from them without harm. But not in the Family. If your wife even thinks about trying to leave knowing all your secrets, she ends up dead. That has really kept the divorce rate down among them.

Jaxs needed to spend some time with his kids. I hung back and just watched. I didn't want to interfere with their time. Abel has not left his side since we got here. You can tell how much Abel misses having Jaxs around.

The property had a small pond stocked with fish. I think Tig and Happy were having as much fun messing around down there as Abel was. Jaxs was hooking up a kids pole so Abel could try to fish. It was adorable watching them together. Whatever Jaxs did, Abel tried to do it too.

It was kind of hot out today and when the guys took their shirts off so did Abel. Jaxs was flexing his muscles at Abel. But watching him doing it back to his dad was priceless. Abel is a just a little Jaxs.

Jaxs is a good dad even though he doesn't think so. His life is just so messed up that he can't spend the time with them like he wants to. Fearing that someone will come after your baby is a bad feeling. I lived in that fear for almost two years with Addison. The only thing worse is when they end up finding them and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

Seeing them all being together and having fun like they didn't have a care in the world is what I miss the most about living a normal life. I haven't felt normal since I lost Gabe. Kind of on the lost side looking for a place to call my home again.

Gemma took them all down a beer and a juice box for Abel. She came over to set down with me "Did you tell Jaxs?"

"I haven't told him anything you told me Gemma."

"I didn't mean that. I meant about the baby."

"What baby are you talking about?"

"I have seen enough pregnant women to know Lily. It's the glow that gives you away. Your face might have some bruises on it but the glow still shows through it. If you don't tell him, I will. There is no way in hell I'm gonna let you walk off with my grand baby. Jaxs would never allow that either. So you might wanna keep that in mind sweetheart."

"If there was a baby which there isn't and you were to say something to Jaxs about that. I might be forced to tell Jaxs some dirty truths too. Truths that he would kill you for if he knew about. So I would suggest that we think this through Gemma before we go off and do something that we both will end up regretting. I don't think either one of us wants to hurt him." Nero came and sat down too. She never said anymore but I know she won't give up.

I wanted Gemma to believe that I would tell Jaxs. But I won't because it would rip him and his world apart. He has been on the boarder line of no return for sometime now. Long before I ever came around and I don't think a lot of them even see that. What Gemma has done would be that finally push for him to go overboard and not to resurface again.

Jaxs and I were standing at the side of the house after we loaded up our guns. Watching and waiting for the right time to attack "Are you ready for this Lil?"

"Yes I'm ready."

"You don't look ready girl."

I was ready and let's see how ready he was. I shoved Jaxs out from the protection of the house so they would get him first. Super Soakers were going off. Abel was running around the yard trying to catch up with someone so he could squirt them but he never did.

Happy, Tig, Nero and Jaxs were battling it out. It was the damnedest thing to watch. Killers running around like a bunch of kids trying to squirt each other with water guns. Jaxs was laughing "Abel go shoot Grandma."

He got Gemma right in the face "Damn it Jaxs." I don't think she appreciated that too much.

I was trying to go over to the sidelines to sit down with Gemma and Thomas. But they weren't going to let that shit happen. Happy grabbed me and they fucking soaked me. Jaxs and I were rolling on the ground trying to get the squirt gun from each other "Okay I give. I give."

Sitting on top of me with my arms pinned down to the ground "Oh does that mean you're surrendering to me? Cause I know how hard that would be for you to admit defeat with me. So I need to hear you say it again before I let you up Lil." Jaxs can be such a smart ass sometimes.

After our water fight was done. Gemma and Nero went inside to put the kids down for a nap. Happy and Tig were hitting the stocked bar. We walked down by the pond and laid on the ground under one of the big trees. Just watching the world pass us by.

It was so damn pleasant. We have done nothing but hang out and play around today. Since I've known Jaxs there has not been one single day that has been calm without something going on. The best part of it was we haven't killed anyone yet today and nobody was trying to kill us either.

Jaxs was more relaxed, content and I seen him smile so many times. That's not something that he does do very often "I could do this forever you know."

"I need to go in soon and help your mom with dinner. But I could keep laying out here too. Enjoying the peace and quiet."

"I meant us Lil. When I met you I was on guard all the time. I didn't let anybody in. The ones I have always hurt me or used it against me. There's no way in hell I could ever give you all this cause I could never afford it. But I'll give you what I got. I know what kind of man I am. The life of chaos I've got to offer you. But I'm trying to make it better. Being with you is making me to want to be a better man. I know it won't change over night but I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay with me."

"I should go help Gemma."

"You can't keep avoiding this conversation."

"Your life is as upside down and unsure as mine is. You're still married to Tara and there is always a chance that you two will work it out and reconcile. I want you to be happy Jaxs and do what you need to do. Until we finish this shit and bring an ending to the ones that want to hurt us there is nothing to talk about."

"Don't even bring Tara in to this and use that as your excuse. This is not about me and Tara. That shit went south before I ever met you. She never wanted this kind of life and I can't walk away from it. She threatened to rat on me and the club. I still don't know for sure that she won't end up doing it to save her own ass. When push comes to shove I can't count on her for shit and I know that. I couldn't ever trust her again with all the shit she would know being around me or the club." That knife really had to hurt when Tara stabbed him with it. I may not be able to avoid talking about it forever but I was today. I gave him a kiss and went to help Gemma.

When we sat down for dinner. Gemma was getting drinks for every one "Would you like some wine Lily?" Telling her no thank you. But she just wasn't going to let this go.

"Jaxs said you haven't been feeling well. Is your stomach bothering you again?"

Now everyone was looking at me "No it feels just fine. Thank you for your concern."

"I think Jaxs should take you to a doctor and have that looked at. You know just as a precaution."

Corbin was calling me back and I was never happier to have a reason to step away from this fucking conversation.

"Is Corbin gonna help us out?"

"Yes he said he would but not if you're involved Jaxs. He doesn't like you. So I am going to go meet him alone and get it."

"Then no. I'm not gonna let you go alone Lil. So call him back." I did and Corbin said he would meet me with Jaxs but really didn't like that idea.

Standing at the mirror I put some makeup on to try to hide the bruises on my face. I really didn't want Corbin asking me anymore questions. He already thinks that I'm in over my head being Jaxs. I think it's the other way around.

**JACKSONS POV**

When we walked into the bar to meet Corbin, all eyes were on us. Especially me and Tig "Oh fuck Jaxs. This is a goddamn red neck bar with a Deliverance feeling to it."

"Yeah I can see that." That fucken Corbin. He was wanting to make this shit as rough on me as he could make it. Knowing that it wasn't gonna be a place that we would be welcomed at. But he was helping us set up Toric and I wasn't gonna leave until I had what I came for.

Corbin was out on the dance floor with a girl. We made our way to a table to sit down and to wait for him. Some cowboy sent a beer over to Lil. She told the waitress she didn't want it. He winked at her and tipped his hat. Maybe he was blind and couldn't see that she was here with me.

So I made sure there was no doubt in his mind who she was with. Picking up the beer and looking over his way "Thanks man I was thirsty."

When I started drinking it he was getting good and pissed off. But I didn't give a shit. Him and his buds came over to our table "Look boys we have a funny tough guy. He probably bought his leather on the internet and can't even ride a bike."

"Yeah he doesn't look like a real biker to me either. More like a pretty boy." Me and Tig both knew what was coming. More cowboys were coming to help their buddy out. Lil must have known too cause she grabbed the beer bottle.

"I think they're talking to you biker boy. In case you haven't noticed you're really out numbered in here." I always seem to be out numbered anywhere I go so this fucken time was no different.

Corbin was standing in between me and the guy that's gotta big mouth "But if he's such a pretty boy you should be able to take him on your own without all of them helping you out."

Corbin sat down with a big smile on his face. Of course he had a smile he fucken fits in here. He was waiting to see what I was gonna do. So I decided fuck it. It was time to fight. If it wasn't this asshole it would be one of the others in here.

This was a big good old boy. I don't know what the fuck they fed him but he was all muscle. He had me down on the pool table and I had enough of playing around with him. I was already having trouble breathing and if I didn't get this big fucker off me, I was gonna get fucked up. I hit him with a one of the balls from the table in my hand until he finally fell to the floor. Fuck why can't anybody just make shit easy on me for once?

"Can I have what I came here for now Corbin? Or do I gotta fight my way out of here first to get it."

"Come on Jackson set down and have a beer with me. We won't ever be friends but we don't have to be enemies either. Or do you have something against beer too?"

Tig went up to the bar to give us some privacy. Lil gave me a kiss before she left and she did it in front of Corbin. I guess at least we're making some progress at being together.

The girl that was with Corbin went with Lil "Is that your old lady?"

"I guess you could call her that. Megan and I have been together since high school. I'm making an honest woman out her and asking her to marry me. I just worry that someone I put away will try to hurt her when they get out because of me. It doesn't matter what side you play for Jackson. It's always the same kind of shit." I never really thought about it like that but I guess it really is.

Corbin gave me what I needed to take Toric down. He told me that I better be damn sure that I'm ready to use it when I do. If we get caught we're on our own. He won't allow this shit to blow back on him.

We reached some mutual ground tonight. We can't be friends cause we play for different sides and that shit just doesn't ever work. But I found some respect for him like he did for me.

When we got back Gemma had Abel and Thomas out on the deck eating popsicles. They were a mess when they were done. More Abel than Thomas. He would just stick his tongue to it then stop.

Giving them both a bath and wanting to be the one to put them to bed. It seemed like forever since I had done that. Just watching them sleep and thinking how innocent hey really are in all of this. I've got a lot of wrongs that I still need to right with them too. Kissing them both again and turning off their light. I went to find Lil.

She was standing by the sink in the kitchen running an ice cube down her neck. If cooling off was what she needed I was gonna help her out.

Taking a popsicle out of the freezer "I'll scream if you scream after I fuck you with my ice cream. "

"Um... no Jaxs."

She was trying to get away from me and my popsicle by going to the other side of the table "Really Lil you're gonna make me chase you down? You know you want me." It became a little chasing game around the table. Her giggling and me not giving up.

But I caught her and pushed her up on the table "What if they get up and come in here Jaxs?"

"I guess you better be quiet then and not wake them up."

Rubbing it across her lips then licking the juice up. We were both licking it at the same time then sucking the cherry flavor from each others tongues.

Laying Lil back on the table making a red trail of popsicle from her neck down to her breast. Her nipples were so erect from feeling the cold against them. Her body felt so warm as it melting quick. Letting drip into her belly button for my tongue to lick it off her body. She would shiver when I put it on her skin and let out a moan when my tongue would go to that same place.

Rubbing it on her pussy lips made her arch her back off the table and she was getting kinda loud. I put my hand over her mouth and whispered in her ear "Shh babe. You're gonna get us busted."

Going back to what I was doing. Teasing her with it and licking up her pussy juices with the popsicle. Squirming around and she was begging me to fuck her "After this goes inside you I will."

Lil was screaming when I slipped that cold popsicle inside her hot pussy. I covered her mouth again. It sounded more like loud whimpers coming from her now. I only did it a few times until I stuck my cock inside her. She was already clinching down on my cock to cum on me. Feeling the cold chill on my cock from her pussy for the first few thrust that I made inside her.

Helping her off the table. I sat down on the kitchen chair "Suck me off babe."

I love it when she's really is in to sucking on my dick. She sucking me like you would a popsicle. Her moaning on my cock felt like a viberator on it. When she took my cock deep in her throat, I was gonna cum. I was trying to get my cock out of her mouth but she pushed my hand away. She swallowed all my cum then licked the head of my cock clean not wanting to waste a drop of it.

We were more of a sticky mess than Abel was when we got done. After taking a quick shower we went straight to bed. This is one of the better days that I've had in a long time.

I felt a little hand on my chest "Daddy."

"Hey buddy what are you doing out of bed?"

"I had a bad dream."

I put him in bed with us and held him to me. I couldn't remember the last time Abel went to sleep in my arms either. His bad dreams are only ones that come to him in the night. My nightmares come to me both night and day.

Waking up Abel and Lil were both gone. I heard them all in the kitchen "Good morning sleep head." Hell it was noon already. I couldn't remember the last time I slept in like that. But I woke feeling so damn good.

After having some coffee we were gonna take the kids outside to play. Tig got a popsicle out of the freezer "Do you guys want one?"

Me and Lil both started laughing "No thanks man we already had ours."

Tig tossed one to Hap "I don't get it. What the fuck is so funny about that?"

"I don't know. I think they've hung around each other so much that they're both starting to lose it." That just made us laugh even harder as we went outside.

Holding Thomas while Lil and Abel was blowing bubbles. It was the simple things in life I've forgotten about and stopped embracing. Being so caught up in my own shit I've missed watching my kids grow up and how much they change everyday. When I look at Abel his life is a blur to me that I can barley remember being a part of.

Gemma sat down beside me on the ground with a bottle for Thomas "Lily is really good with them."

"Yeah she is."

Gemma has been trying to close that gap between us and maybe I needed to find it in my heart to start trying too with her "Did you ever really love JT? Or was he just a pacification for you until you found something better?"

"I loved your father more than any man I ever have. But it wasn't just me that fucked up our relationship Jackson. He played a role in that too. I was young when I met him and only thought I knew what love meant. We were both kids still really trying to figure out life and make it work. I know how much you hate me for being with Clay when I was suppose to be with JT. As much as I want to say I'm sorry for that, I can't. JT and I grew apart and chose a different path to take."

Gemma got up to go play with Lil and Abel "How much do you think Abel and Thomas will hate you for not ending up being with their mothers when they're grown up? Sometimes going down a different path from them is wrong but, the best thing you can do for everyone involved. No matter how much you try to justify that decision someone will always think you're wrong for doing it."

Putting Thomas down for his nap in his crib. He was out already before I ever came inside to lay him down. I tried to remember the last time he went to sleep in my arms and I couldn't. It only proves to me that I've been letting my family side suffer too for the choices that I've made.

I went in to get Abel. Lil was gonna give him a bath cause he was as dirty as hell from running around outside. He was wrapped up in a towel laying as close to Lil as he could get on the bed. They were both out too. I covered them up and left them alone. They were at a peaceful place of rest. A place that I only wish I could get myself to.

Happy was outside sitting with a cooler and toking. Having a party all of his own. We haven't been talking much lately. I decided it was time to close that gap too. Lil has had no problem letting us get in her way of being friends with Hap. If anything they have gotten closer.

"Hey shit head." He held out a beer for me.

"Are we good man?"

"Yeah we're good."

"I'm sorry about being such a dick. You were right I lost focus on somethings that was for the good of the club. But I really wanna right that wrong. Like a lot of the wrongs I've done. If you stay and fight with me I'm gonna do everything I can to make that happen." Happy felt like I do we're gonna die with our cuts on our back. He was all in just like he always is.

Since I was on a roll I went to find Tig. This talk wouldn't be as easy as the one I had with Hap. Tig was hanging out down at the pond. I think being here has been good for us all. We never get to be away from the shit long enough to catch our breath from it.

"Hey Jaxs. I talked to Chibs and Bobby. They'll be here tomorrow. I called Juice too. He said he's sore but he's okay."

"After I watched Op be beaten to death all I thought about was getting revenge on the ones that were responsible for it. One of them was you Tig. When I first made that deal with Pope. I was gonna let him kill you and I wanted him to. Every time I looked at you all I saw was Op's face taking his last breath. Thinking of all the shitty things you ever did for Clay. It wasn't until I needed a way to take Clay out that I came up with the plan that let you live. I used you to get what I wanted." I had to get that out before I changed my mind that this was a good idea. This was my way of making shit right with Tig and starting to try to let Op go.

"What the fuck Jaxs? Why would you say that shit to me?"

"I'm healing that wound between us Tig. We both have doubts about how deep our trust can run with each other. I'm trusting you with my secrets and telling you the truth like you wanted. For there to be complete trust between us I needed to do this."

We had a very long conversation. Tig came clean about some shit too. Some of it I knew and some was shit I didn't wanna hear either. But we got it all out and now we can move on to a better place. Or at least that's what I'm hoping for.

In the living room was Lil and Abel playing cars with Nero and Thomas. She got three cars. One was for Addison on the next visit she made to him. She always leaves a little car on his head stone. But the other two was for my boys. She thought of them too.

Abel was ready for a switch "Grandpa can I sit on your lap now?"

"Sorry man. He's been doing that the last couple of days."

"No it's cool." Nero will probably be as close to a grandpa as my boys ever get. He plays with them and watches over them as his own. I have no problems leaving them with him cause I know he would give his life in a heartbeat for them.

Lil was taking a shower when her cell went off. It was Corbin calling but it wasn't Corbin talking when I answered it. I took the phone into Lil and pushed the speaker button. Cause she had to hear this.

"Lilyan my love. I've missed you so much."

"How did you get this number?"

"I got it when I searched through Corbin's cell phone. I don't know why you make me take these measures and do these things. It would be so much easier for the both of us if you would just do what you know you need to and what is the right thing to do."

"Don't hurt Corbin he doesn't have anything to do with this. This is between me and you Dominic."

"He has everything to do with it. Just like his brother did. Corbin is very noble though. I can't get him to make a decision between family or love either. I've given him a choice. To tell me where you are or I'm going to kill his pretty girl friend. It's time Lilyan for you to come back to me and be what you really are."

Hearing a gun shot "I just made that decision for him. I guess he didn't think I was serious. But I'm very serious that I won't stop until I've gotten my point across to you. You are forcing me to kill them Lilyan. You know how you can stop this from happening. The next one on my list is your lover. If Clay doesn't take him out first. Then I'm going to kill Roberto. After that there's no one that will stop me from getting to you." The phone went dead.

Riding to Corbin's house I feared what we would find when we got there. How it could send Lil over the edge. The edge of the cliff that I face everyday. With just one more little push you're falling to the point of no return.

We took a couple of the guys from the Family and left some to watch over Gemma and the kids. Nero was driving with Lil. As fucked up as she was after getting the call I don't think she could've rode with me.

Being grateful that we showed up first. We found Corbin and Megan shot to death in bed. Blood was scattered around the room. On the walls, the carpet and the sheets were soaked with it. There was a big bloody red R drawn on the dresser mirror. They marked their kill wanting to make sure the world knew they were responsible for it.

Dominic had no mercy on them. Just like I won't when I find him. Roberto better kill him cause now I have no choice left either. As long as he is still alive Lil will never be safe. She would always have to live looking over her shoulder waiting for Dominic to come for her. We do that enough as it is being who we are. Always waiting for something we've done wrong to catch up with us.

When Lil and Nero came in I was blocking the stairs so she won't have to see what we found "Corbin didn't make it."

That's the only thing that I could come up with to say. Being strong willed she kept fighting me to get up there. Even though I didn't wanna let her, there was no way to avoid it. It was something she had to do and wasn't gonna stop until she did. I finally stepped aside so she could.

When Lil walked into the bedroom. Looking around the room taking everything in. Going over to the rocking chair and slowly sitting down in it. Rocking and looking at their bloody dead bodies laying on the bed. She never broke down and never said a word.

It was breaking my heart watching her. I know the place she's at right now all to well. Running down the list of all the shit you've done that caused it. All the things you could have done to stop it but didn't. It always comes back around to who you are is why they're dead. They didn't deserve what they got and you know that you should have been the one in their place.

"Jaxs we need to get her out of here man." Tig was right. It was time to end the hell she was living through. Tig has had his own share of hell he's lived in with the club. He knew where she's headed to and so do I.

"Lil come on. There's nothing that we can do now."

"You should go Jaxs." There were no emotions coming from her voice. Her eyes were glazed over. She was still in there but there was nobody home right now.

Opening up one dresser drawer after another searching through each one. She was calm at first then she started pulling them out throwing them on the floor or up against the wall "Lil what the fuck are you doing?"

She wouldn't ever answer me and just kept searching for whatever in the fuck she was looking for. I told the rest of them to leave and I would deal with it.

Out of the night stand she took out a small jewelry box "Corbin was going to ask Megan to marry him. He bought this for her and she is going to get to wear it. He was going to surprise her next weekend with it. He had it all planned out how he was going to do it too."

Lil was shaking so bad when she was putting the ring on Megan's finger. Joining Corbin's and Megan's hands together "You made your forever together."

Washing the blood off her hands in the bathroom. Lil was practically trying to scrub her skin off as hard as she was washing them. I've been there too. Nothing can really wash that feeling away or ever will once you have it.

I finally got Lil ready to leave. She stopped at the door and gave them one last look then walked away. When we got downstairs I thought it was over with for her but it wasn't.

Going to the hall closet she took down a duffel bag. Corbin's no doubt with the guns and amo in it. The way the others were looking at her was the same way they look at me when they think I'm losing it too.

"Lil come on babe. We've gotta go."

Picking up the bag she walked past me and she was on a mission of going straight to hell "Lil don't do this. Let's stop and catch our breath. We need to come up with a plan first."

"That was my sign Jaxs of what my path is. I've never been more sure of what I gotta do either."

I kept calling her name but she ignored me. Stopping at the door of the SUV before she got in "Roberto was right it's time that I fought like I'm one of them. Because that's who I am and who I will die being just like you Jaxs. They all wanted me back and now I am."

"Lil where in the hell are you going?"

"I'm going gangster."

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me!**


	21. Chapter 21

**JACKSONS POV**

Nero was headed to the SUV too "Where the fuck are you going?"

"With Lily. Gangster is what I do best esse."

Happy was already on his bike ready to ride "Aren't you gonna try to stop her Jaxs?"

"Do you really think it would do any good if I tried to?" I knew the answer was fuck no it wouldn't. So we followed along behind them. I tried calling Lil's cell a couple of times on the way to talk some sense into her. Always the same response, no. Then she would hang up.

We were going up town. To some fucken loud preppy ass night club. Walking down the alley behind Lil and her new crowd of Italian friends that met up with us here. There was a guy that was at the back door waiting for us "Roberto said we need to wait until he gets here before we do anything."

"I don't give a fuck what Roberto said. Is he in there?"

"We don't work for you Lilyan. We work for Roberto. So we're waiting until he gets here."

Lil put her gun to his head "Really are going to stand there and tell me that shit? Do you know who the fuck you're talking to? The last time I checked I'm the only Mancini here."

Lil was in the middle of it. They gave her that final push that turned her into everything she hates too. Since I've been with her never once, not even by accident, has she ever admitted to being one of them. Let alone acted like it. There wasn't anybody that was gonna stop her either, not even me.

When the ones that met us here drew on Lil we drew on them. I was starting to get a good idea how she felt rolling with us all the time. We put her into the middle of our shit and she's always getting some body drawing on her when around us.

"My guys lower your weapons. We'll do it your way Lilyan. But the consequences of it will fall on your head for whatever happens after." They lowered theirs guns so we lowered ours.

"I'll handle Roberto. Where is he?"

"He's downstairs playing in a high stakes poker game. A couple of women are in there but no one else." Going down a dark hallway then down a set of stairs. It was so fucken loud in here from the music coming from upstairs you couldn't hear if they were coming for you or not. Italian mother fuckers made a line from the back door to still following behind us. At least they have good formation skills.

Stopping at the door a couple of Italians kicked it in. They weren't afraid to rush right on in either. Nero hasn't left Lil's side since we got here. This was his true crew to roll with and I know he's got her back.

They were real surprised to see Lil "What the fuck is this shit? You better think this shit through Lilyan. You're starting a holy war between our families by coming in here. Dominic will kill you now."

"I didn't start this shit your brother did. Where is Dominic?"

The guy refused to answer but was trying to slip his hand down to go under the table. Nero stopped that shit when he brought his gun across the back of the guys head "Don't even think about it punto bitch." He had a gun stuck up under there. Nero tossed it on the floor.

"I don't know where he is."

"That's bullshit. Maybe I need to refresh your memory."

Lil pointed her gun at the woman sitting beside him. From the look on his face she meant something to him "You don't have the tits to pull the trigger. You've never had that killer instinct in you Lilyan."

Fuck Lil shot that bitch in the head and never took her eyes off of him "How big are my tits looking to you now? The next one goes into you Paolo. I'm not going to ask you again. If I need to I'll have the Family roll up to your house to burn it to the ground with all of your loved ones inside of it. Where the fuck is he?"

There was a young girl setting at the table by one of the other guys. From the looks of her she was a hooker or he was her sugar daddy. She started screaming when the dead woman's body fell against her shoulder "How old are you?"

She told Lil she was only seventeen "Go on. Get out of here." That girl couldn't get out fast enough. Lil still had enough reality left with her to know that hurting that girl still would have been wrong. You never hurt innocent ones to get your revenge.

"I really don't know. You know how it's work. We're always on the move and if I did know, I wouldn't tell you shit."

Lil came over and took my knife from me. Sticking it deep in his leg "When I pull that out you're going to start bleeding out and I'm getting really impatient now. Where the fuck is he?"

"The last I knew he was staying down in the flats. That's all I know."

Using the tip of her gun she pushed Paolo's cell close to him "Call him."

"Guess who I have sitting in front me Dominic, your little brother. Paolo for Corbin, that sounds fair to me. I'm even going to let you listen to him beg me before I kill him. I know how much you enjoy listening to their fear and get off on it. Let's see what this does for you." She put it on speaker and tossed it back on the table.

Lil was twisting the knife deeper in Paolo's leg "Beg me. Beg me not to kill you like the pussy bitch you are. Just like Dominic made Megan beg for her life before he killed her. I know he did. He loves to feel their fear before he makes a kill. She was innocent in all this and so was Corbin. Corbin wouldn't never beg that piece of shit for nothing no matter what he did to him. But I know you're weak just like your brother is." He was screaming and begging but she never stopped twisting it in him. She was torturing her prey before she killed it.

Screaming into the phone "Did you hear the shrill in Paolo's voice when he begged for his life Dominic? I decided our relationship could never be a loving one. So now I'm coming for you next." Lil closed the phone and tossed it back on the table.

"It's time to make her stop Jaxs. She's gonna be all fucked up from this if you don't." Hap knows as he is our brutality enforcement.

"Lil stop we gotta get the fuck out of here. Kill him and be done with it." I was trying to get her to stop. She had done what she came here to do and the revenge has sent her off in a new direction. But I'm afraid that direction of darkness will send her farther away from me too.

Robert came in and never said word. Putting a bullet in Paolo's head and putting an end to this shit "Let's go now."

After Lil pulled my knife out of his leg she wiped Paolo's blood off on his shirt and handed it back to me. She was scary as hell right now being a killer that had no feelings while doing it. I saw myself in her, the way I must really look and act when I'm at that same place. It only makes me love her more as fucked up as that really is. I love her for who and what she really is just like she does me. Op was right. She's the only women that could ever be my equal and walk this shit with me.

Lil drew a big M in the middle of the card table with Paolo's blood. She not only marked her kill wanting the Rossis to know but the rest of the world too. She took part of his family away from him just like he did her. But she just started a war between the two families. A bloody fucken war.

Picking up the stacks of cash from the table Lil gave some to Hap, Tig and Nero. Nero was confused "What the fuck is this for?" Lil never answered him and just kept walking.

"What do we do with the rest of them Sir?"

Roberto looked at the guys sitting at the card table "They're Rossis or work for them. Kill them all. No survivors and no witnesses." As soon as we walked out the door they were riddling the room with bullets.

We made our get away or at least that's what they were calling it. I just call it time to get the fuck up on outta here. Following them to a place that was out of the way and by the looks of it something owned by the Family. It was time for Roberto and Lil to make a plan of what they gotta do next to hit Dominic. The quicker and harder you hit them, the less they expect it or have time to react to it.

Roberto was pissed that Lil took the lead without him "Goddamn it Lilyan. You can't start this shit unless you're going to see it through. I'm sorry they got to Megan and Corbin but you have to think about the long haul instead of going off on a suicide revenge mission. This should have been discussed with Pappy before we ever did anything."

"I am all in Roberto. I have never been more about my family than I am right now. I finally feel like I have a family again that I need to protect. We kill them all and I don't give a fuck what Pappy has to say about it. You need to remember little brother who gave you their interest in the Family so you can have control of it. You gave me your word that you would see this to the end with me so don't shit on that."

Roberto got pissy with me too "And you. Why in the fuck would you let Lilyan do that? You're suppose to be watching over her."

Before I could say anything Lil was up in Roberto's face "Jaxs does not make my decisions for me. Just like you don't. So stop bring him in this. Because he's not to be involved in our problem. This is not his fight to have." The hell it wasn't gonna be my fight too.

Lil went to the bathroom while we were getting shit ready to leave. She wasn't looking very good again. I kept asking her if she was okay and she said she was fine.

Roberto pulled me off to the side to talk to me. I wasn't sure why in the fuck he would want to do that for. I figured it was just to bitch some more but it wasn't "When we get through today. You need to make Lilyan set the rest of this shit out. I can't seem to reason with her anymore. She will end up hurting... hurting herself if she doesn't. As much as I hate you and you being in her life, you're the only one she even remotely listens to anymore." Hell even I got a good laugh out of that one. Cause she don't listen to me for shit.

"Lilyan is not like us Teller. Killing is something that we do to handle our business on a daily bases. I witnessed seeing the first person die before my eyes when I was thirteen. I watched him kill my father. When I was fifteen, I killed that same man and felt nothing but relief from it. But she has to be provoked to bring that killer to the surface. It's survival for her where you and I are just natural born killers."

What Roberto was saying is true and not true at the same time. Lil still has that good left in her and this could take that away from her like it already has me. But from what I just witnessed with her, she is a killer too. I told him I'd try. But we both know she's gonna do what the fuck she wants to do.

They made the plan of where to go next. I tried to talk to Lil but she told me not now. She was pushing me away again but, this time I wasn't gonna let her. With us it's ten steps forward and thirty steps backwards.

Lil went to leave and I put my hand on the door so she couldn't open it "Move your hand Jaxs."

"No. Did you forget that we're in this shit together?"

"Dominic will come for you. I can't live with seeing someone else I love being taken away from me. If we're not together then he will leave you alone because he won't be able to use it against me. I'm going to end up getting you killed Jaxs and you know I'm right."

"Then let him come. I'm not gonna let you go and if you really love me Lil you won't let me go either. I've had to many people I love taken away from me to let you just walk away. You promised me that you would stay and see this shit through to the end with me."

"Please just move your hand."

"No."

"I'm doing this for you and our children because I love you Jaxs. It is killing me at the thought of walking away from you. But I would rather lose you this way than lose you to death. Abel and Thomas needs you. So please take your hand off the door."

"Our children?"

"Yeah you know Abel, Thomas and Addison. Your kids need you Jaxs and they need their father to be there for them while they're growing up."

Taking Lil in my arms "Lilyan are you still in there enough that you're hearing me?" When I saw she was trying to not cry I knew she was still with me. It's when you have no emotions at all left that you have become totally unreachable.

"I love my gangster girl. We finish this shit and we do it together. If we end up dieing in the process then I made my together forever with you babe."

Holding on to each other just like we always do. Feeding off of the other what we need or what we're lacking within ourselves at that time. Lil is my check and balance in life. When I'm weak she's so strong for me. If I'm wrong she's not afraid to tell me either and won't back down from me. When I'm evil she's still by my side loving me.

Thinking about what Roberto said "You know what we are Lil? We're kinda like Mickey and Mallory in Natural Born Killers. The world didn't understand them but they understood each other. No one was fucken ready for how dangerous they were together. What they cared about the most was each other and being together."

"You know they were crazy and died in the end right Jaxs?"

"Yeah. But they did it together babe."

Roberto said if the MC was going to be a part of this. We played it out his way. When we got down to the waterfront by the flats, we all knew what we needed to do "Teller take these guys with you around to the side. Come up the stairs and meet us up at the top. If they try to get away, kill them. And try to not get your heads blown off." His confidence in us is overwhelming. I don't think he understands that we face death everyday.

We were standing at the side waiting for the signal to go in with some of Roberto's guys "You give us the word Sir when you want us to blow one down."

"Excuse me."

Tig was thinking what I was "I think they wanna suck our dicks."

Hap was being Hap. Getting up in that guy's face "Stay the fuck away from my dick. Or I'll blow yours off with my gun."

Nero was laughing "No man. He's saying give him the signal when you want them to go in for the kill. Blip off, bop, bump and blow one all means the same shit in this world." I'm fucken glad Nero knew what it meant. It was starting to feel kinda like a gay moment to me.

"Well they kinda talk funny." I learned so many new terms hanging with them today. They have their own private lingo code.

Lil came up to where we were "Really Jaxs you think we talk funny? Let me see if I can put some biker sentences together for you."

"I'm gonna use my prepay to call me up some crow eaters so that my old lady don't find out about me pushing up on that honey. I'll keep that shit on the down low getting my dick sucked before I hold me some church. How's that shit?"

"I don't talk like that Lil."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"Do you two think we could focus on this shit now?" Nero was already going in.

The search through these shit hole apartments didn't turn up Dominic. But for me it turned up something even worse "Teller you need to go up the top floor and see the second apartment on the left."

Walking in I knew in an instant who had been staying here. There were pictures of me, club members, Tara, Gemma, Nero, Lyla with the kids Abel and Thomas hanging on the wall. Clay had made a fucken SOA shrine of death out of them.

When Happy walked in he was as shocked as I was "Jesus Christ." Someone had been watching us and giving him these or maybe he got them all himself.

On the table there was a note pad with a list of all the wrongs he thought everyone had done to him. Maps of towns around Charming marking certain locations. A picture of him and Gemma that use to be up on the mantel in her house. He had scratched her face out of the picture. He's been in her house since he got out of jail. I folded up the maps and put those in my cut but I left the rest of the shit.

In his bedroom was Abel's Angry Bird that we had left at the clubhouse along with Thomas's little Sons hat that use to be Abel's "That son of a bitch has been in Charming since we've been gone." I wouldn't even want my kids to touch that shit again since Clay's dirty hands have been on it.

"Take pictures of all this shit. Maybe now we can get Bobby on fucken board with us. I knew I should have killed that piece of shit when I had the chance to."

Being pissed off more at myself than what I found. I was punching my fist through the wall until it was bleeding. Letting Clay live was the biggest mistake of my life. The biggest wrong that I still gotta right.

Rinsing my hand off in the sink I felt Lil hugging me from behind. She had already seen all the shit in here "Well Mickey it's time we show the world just how dangerous we really are together baby. I'm all in and we kill them all."

"Yeah Mallory it is. I'm all in too babe."

Going outside Roberto was outside barking orders "Burn this mother fucker to the ground. We keep searching and burning until we find Dominic." I was all in on that shit too.

Roberto was impressed with Nero. He even offered Nero a job "Thanks man. But let me think about it." I don't think Nero will ever leave Charming as long as that is where Gemma is gonna be. He loves her and I have no idea why.

We rode to where Juice and the women were being kept. We've been at this shit for almost twenty four hours straight. We all caught a couple of hours sleep at Roberto's place before we left.

We didn't wanna lead anybody back to Gemma and the boys. Now Juice, Wendy, Tara, Lyla and the kids weren't really safe from Clay either. We gotta new place to move them all in together tomorrow. Nero called Gemma to let her know. Once we got them secure we'll meet up with Roberto again and go back on the hunt for Dominic.

We came rolling up to the house. I saw Tara was sitting outside and she was giving me that same look she had when she got out of the hospital. The look of disgust and hate. But it wasn't just directed at me. It was directed at Lil too. Considering the kinda day we've had and the place we're both at; Tara should just leave us the fuck alone.

Chibs and Bobby was already here. I've really missed Chibs being at my side. Through all this shit and since Op has been gone I've gotten the closest to him.

I took Chibs to the side and showed him what we found in Clay's room. I told him everything that has gone on since I've seen him "Jesus Christ Jackie. This shit is all falling apart. How in the fuck are we gonna keep this one together? There's not enough of us for this fight." Chibs has finally reached that breaking point too. Since I've taken over Chibs is always the one that tries to keep shit together and keep everybody going.

"I see an end to this Chibs. I need you to stay strong and be in my corner. It's gonna get bloody brother and I'm gonna need you by my side." He gave me his word that he would and we gave each other our brother hood hug. If nothing else maybe this starts me back down that road of believing in brotherly love again or at least trying to find it in my heart.

After explaining everything that we found and all the shit that has gone down since we left Charming. I needed to know they were ready to roll with me on this. Bobby was hesitating and I had enough "If you can't get behind this shit and be one us; then turn in your goddamn patch."

Tig stepped up and I know I did the right thing by telling him what I did "I'm gonna go talk to Bobby. I'm gonna get him on board with us Jaxs." Yeah good luck with that shit.

They all left and I needed to take a step back and catch my breath from this shit. Leaning on the counter in the kitchen trying to fucken think this shit through. I felt two hands on my back and I turned around to take her in my arms but, it was Tara and not Lil.

Lil was standing there too in the door way watching me and Tara. I pushed Tara off me "Jaxs I'm your wife. Nobody knows how this makes me feel watching my husband being with another woman. Not even caring about me. You want to act like we were never married even though we still are."

"I do." That was not a voice that was gonna be helping me out either.

"I watched Jaxs and Abel being taken away from me by you Tara. Jaxs and I were still married when you moved right on in and didn't care that I was still around. Because I was junkie back then I guess no one thought about how much pain it brought me seeing you two together."

"That was different Wendy. You and Jaxs had already filed for a divorce by then. You weren't together anymore."

"Oh we were still together Tara. The night that Donna died. Jaxs and I slept together. Then the next night he went running off to you to fuck you like I meant nothing to him. It all comes around sweetheart." When those words fell from Wendy's lips I had all three women staring at me.

"Is that true Jaxs? Did you fuck Wendy that night?"

"Yeah." I no more than let that one word come out of my mouth when Tara picked up a knife off the counter and came at me with it.

It was Lil that got in between us. She had Tara on the counter with the knife in her hand now. I saw Lil's eyes and she was going to that place again. Lil tossed the knife in the sink "You're not worth it."

Following Lil out the door "Where are you going?"

"To get away from all of this shit. You have enough women fighting over you Jaxs. You don't need me to do it too."

Lil went outside and sat down with Nero. I thought about trying to talk to her but decided she needed some space. All her walls are closing in on her. Hell I needed to get away from all of this shit too.

Tara went into her room crying. Wendy went into her room since her work was done of creating more drama for me to deal with now.

"Jackie I'm gonna give you some good advise. You never put two women in the same room that you've fucked. When you put three in the same room you really are asking for one of them to stab you."

"Thanks Chibs. I'll keep that shit in mind for the next time."

Looking for Lil, the SUV was gone and so was Nero. I called her cell but she wouldn't answer it. I went into the bedroom and her stuff was still here. But the little car was gone from the dresser. I knew where she went to.

**LILYAN POV**

Feeling the need to get a fix. I was going to take a drive. Damn I have missed Juice so much. He always hooked me up.

"Lily where are you going?"

"To get some damn candy Nero. Do you want to go with me?"

Jaxs left a pack of smokes in the SUV when we were in it talking early. When I went to light up a smoke Nero was giving me that look "What.?"

"Smoking isn't good for you Lily in your condition. Gemma told me. I haven't had a smoke since I went clean almost ten years ago and I would love to light one up too. But don't worry I won't say anything to Jaxs about the baby."

Of course Gemma told him. But I bet she didn't share any of her dirty secrets with Nero though. Gemma was the one that ratted to the cops to set this whole thing in motion of Tara going to jail. God have mercy on Gemma's soul when Jaxs finds that out. Along with everything else she's done.

"I am being hunted to be killed by someone almost everyday. I have a family that I hate and don't want to be a part of. Let me just tell you that other than Roberto they have no love for me either. I lost my husband and my son because of who I am. Now I'm in love with a married man. And I am having a half gangster and half outlaw baby, that would make it an outster baby. I don't even know where in the fuck an outster baby would fit in this world at. I'm on the verge of having a fucking nicotine and sugar fit right now. So do you really think my having one smoke is my biggest fucking problem today?"

Taking one out of the pack too "Give me one of those fuckers too. I'm hooked up with Gemma I completely understand where you're coming from." I bet he does.

We stopped to eat. Jaxs tried to call my cell so I left in the car so I could just have a goddamn cheeseburger in peace. Nero and I really never had talked before today and I kind of got to know him a little bit.

"I'm a ex junkie and ex con. I appreciate your brother offering me a job. But I'm more a street kinda guy."

I took a hold of Nero arm and pushed his sleeve up "If you're just a street guy how did you get that tatt?"

"That was a long time ago Lily. I was a different person back then."

"Yeah I was a different person when I got mine too. But I still wear it today and we both know what that really means. Actually I went crazy enough today to carry the load that comes along with it."

There is so much more to Nero than I think any of us knows about. The way he handled last night and today; he served under one of the higher ups some where. He is such a good man that has never received any easy breaks in life. But he is a dangerous mother fucker that I would always want to keep on my good side.

We drove around for hours just listening to the radio and talking about life. I asked him if he would mind making a stop with me. This was something that I just had to do. Nero was very understanding and said he would wait for me.

Going to Addison first. Putting the little car like I gave to Abel and Thomas on his head stone. I touched Addison's stone and my stomach at the same time "I would love to have you both in my arms at the same time to have this conversation. But I can't and won't ever get to do that. I want you both to know that I love you the same and always will."

"Addison you were always Mommy's sunshine. Just seeing your sweet little face every morning was what I lived for. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. What you would look like now and how it would feel if I got the chance to hold you again even if it was for only five minutes more. Just know that I truly loved your father and I will never stop loving you."

Pushing gentle on my stomach "You. I don't even know where to begin with you. I don't know if you're a girl or a boy. But you and your father have given me a reason to want to live again. You're both are my broken heart saviors. I will do everything I can to protect you and love you. I have enough love that I can give you for two people just in case you never get the chance to know him. Just know I will never stop loving you."

Sitting down in front of Gabe's. This was going to be the hardest conversation for me to have "I'm sure by now you already know that I've been with Jackson and I'm carrying his child. I feel like I've betrayed your love in so many ways and I never meant to. I'm a complete mess and have been so lost since you've been gone. You are always what kept me grounded. There was nothing left but a huge hole in my heart that hurts day and night since I lost you. Jackson makes me feel better and I don't feel that hole in so many ways when I'm with him. I'm slowly starting to find my way again. I will always have you in my heart and won't ever forget about you. But I have to let you go now and let you finally rest in peace. I can't be with you and Jackson at the same time and that's what I've been trying to do. Just know that I will never stop loving you."

Walking back I saw Jaxs setting on his bike smoking. Waiting for me "Shit."

**JACKSONS POV**

I told Nero to go ahead and leave that I would hang out until Lil was done. He would have a long drive back. She's where I am with Opie. Having to let someone go that you can't yet and it only makes shit worse. After loosing Corbin and Megan I wasn't sure what direction it has sent Lil in.

"Hey."

"Sorry I didn't call you back Jaxs. I just needed to get away from it for a while."

"Look about what happened with Wendy and Tara I..."

Lil put her arms around me "I don't care about them. Just know that I will always love you Jackson. Even if you end up reconciling with Tara. I will always have a piece of you with me and in my heart."

We went for a long slow ride not wanting to go back to the house for people to make us crazier, if that is even possible. It felt so good as tight as Lil was holding on to me. Every now and again I would feel her lips on the back of my neck. She's told me she loves me more on this ride than she has since we've been together.

It was starting to sprinkle and we still had another couple of hours ride a head of us. Finding an old shack to get some shelter from the rain coming down. Shack was probably giving it to much credit. It was leaning to one side and the front of it was already gone.

"Hold out your hand Jaxs?"

She gave me a clear stone with a white porcelain angle inside of it. It was about the size of a quarter. It was cool but I didn't get what it was for "It's a guardian angel to watch over you. You can carry it in your pocket and it's suppose to bring you good luck. Nobody needs a angel on your side Jaxs more than you do." That was no shit. I kissed her and told her thank you for it. I stuck it in my pocket hoping that it'll do it's job.

Lil started taking off her clothes "Come on get up." I followed her lead and stripped down too.

Naked we took a slow walk out into the pouring rain. From it being dark we could barley even see where we were walking to "I want to make love to Jaxs." Lil has been pulling at all my heart strings today. This is the first time she wanted to make love to me.

With the wet grass under our feet we were kissing and rubbing each others wet bodies. The spot we finally stopped at no longer felt like walking through grass. The ground was becoming softer. I could feel Lil's lips turn into a smile against mine when she noticed where were standing "We are in mud Jaxs. Do you want to get dirty with me?" The answers was fuck yes I did.

Lil reached down and picked up a scoop of mud. Rubbing it across my chest and down to my stomach. The falling rain made the mud start sliding down my body. The mud felt warm from being on the ground along with her hands and the rain was given us both goose bumps. Smearing it all over the front of my body with her hands while her lips never left mine.

I grabbed a big blob of mud too. I started on her left cheek. Then slowly slid it down towards her chin. Trailing it down her neck. Kissing each other the mud was rubbing off on my face from hers. Her breast pushed against my chest was getting covered in it too. My hands went to her tits and was massaging them to a muddy mess.

With another handful she wrapped her hand around my cock and was stroking me with it. The combination of mud and rain made my cock so slippery in her little hand. My hand went between her thighs and gently rubbed my fingers against her lips and clit. Lil was moving against my hand at the same rhythm I was fingering her pussy. The more I heard her moaning the more my cock wanted to be inside her.

Everywhere our hands went on each others bodies left a muddy trail behind. Lil was kissing me and tonging my lips. We felt the rain coming down on to our face and a few drops of it would go in our mouths every time our lips parted.

We laid down in the mud together. The rain pounding down against our bodies. The same way or hearts were pounding for each other. Rolling around in it and not given a shit how messy it was. The mud between us that was covering our bodies only made every movement more sensitive.

Feeling Lil wiggling her ass under me in the mud made her tight pussy rub up against my dripping cock. We both stopped for just a second. Her legs came up over my hips and she gripped my body with them. Wrapping her arms around my neck. Her pulsing pussy was stroking dick with the movements she was making against it "I need to feel you Jaxs. Please put your cock inside me baby."

We truly moved our bodies together as one. Slow at first then Lil wanted it faster cause she speed up her pace. But I wasn't done yet and didn't want to cum. Helping her up so I could take her from behind.

She had her ass high up in the air waiting for me. Rubbing my cock all over her muddy slimy ass. Running my dick just around the outside of her pussy to tease her. Putting my hand on her head I slammed her back down into the mud. Just to the point that her face barley went down into it. Then yanked her back up out of it by her hair. It only excited her like I thought would "Are you my dirty girl Lil? Just mine?"

Her ass was backing up into my cock begging me to fuck it. Slowing pushing my cock into her ass a little at a time. In between moaning and screaming "Yes I am your dirty girl Jaxs."

When she said that I plunged the rest of my cock into her ass. As tight as it was I could only do it a few times until I let my load of cum fill her.

We laid together in the grass letting the rain wash some of the mud from our bodies "I will never bitch about riding in the rain again."

Walking into the house together we got all kinds of looks from everyone. Still covered in mud and with huge happy smiles on both of our faces. Lil's hair had big streaks of it still. Lyla was hugging Lil "Are you okay? Did you guys lay the bike down or something?"

Looking at me with the same look of love Lil has been all night "No. But Jaxs laid me down."

This house wasn't as fancy as the one Gemma was staying in. We shared a bathroom with some of the others. I let Lil go first and figured I better not even go in there and take a shower with her here. Cause all eyes seemed to be on us since we got back.

After I took mine I went into the living room and held my hand out for Lil "Come on babe let's go to bed. I'm exhausted." I got shitty looks for doing that too. But I didn't give a fuck.

I woke up and Lil wasn't in bed when I reached for her. After looking around I found her sitting on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet getting sick again and crying her eyes out.

I ran a wash cloth under the water so Lil could wipe her face off. She asked me If I would go get her bag from our bedroom so she could brush her teeth "I couldn't sleep. Every time I close my eyes all I see is Megan and Corbin. It's all my fault Jaxs. I should have cut all ties with Corbin after Gabe died. Corbin would still be alive if I had. How can I face their mother knowing I'm the reason her children are dead? I wiped out her entire family by just having them in my life."

Holding Lil to me and trying to make her see that it wasn't her fault. But I know no matter how much someone tell you that it doesn't make any difference in your heart.

Going back to our room so we could try to get some sleep. I don't know what the fuck happened when we went from being so happy just a couple of days ago to everything falling apart around us again.

When we went back into the bedroom Tara was setting on our bed "What the fuck Tara? Get out."

"Not this time Jaxs. You don't get off so easy and you don't just get to walk away from me again."

Pointing the gun at us she had behind her back. It was my own fucken gun too "This is the last time Jaxs that you will ever cheat on me. There's no way I am letting you go off with her to have that beautiful life that you promised me."

This bitch has lost her fucken mind. I pushed Lil behind me and tried to talk Tara down. But that shit wasn't gonna work. So I was gonna take it away from her.

Struggling to get the gun away from Tara it went off. I watched Lil sliding down the wall and blood was coming from her.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me! This is when shit will start to get really intense! I know my chapters are getting longer and I will try to keep the next one shorter so it's not such a long read.**


	22. Chapter 22

**JACKSONS POV**

The sight of blood has never affected me before, not even my own. But Lil's blood was making me feel like I felt when I first met her. The noose that use to be so damn tight around my neck was cutting my air supply off again. Just like before she helped me to start getting right with myself.

Sweat was starting to pour from my body and I felt alone again. I've been riding through this world all alone for so long until Lil came into my life. I've never had that connection with a woman in the life I lead or in my heart.

Trying to speak but I couldn't. I knew I was back at that same place again; where what I had to say no one else would care but her anyways. Or maybe it's no one really understands me but Lil. Her life is like mine and I never have to explain it to her. She never judges me for the things I've done. Just holds on to me tighter and always understands.

Not having no control over the movements in my body and no control over loosing Lil either. It was all slipping away from me again right before my eyes.

Tara let go of the gun and sat down on the bed. I let my gun fall from my hands to the floor and finally got control enough of my body to move. Taking a hold of Lil's body trying to get the blood to stop coming from her but, I couldn't. The more and the faster that her blood was running through my fingers, the more I felt like I was taking my last breaths of life too.

There was people around me talking to me, I could hear them. But I couldn't make out everything that they were saying. All I heard was; what the fuck happened, oh god and then what was ringing in my head "Oh god Jaxs the baby."

"Baby?"

Lyla was crying trying to hold her hand over Lil's wound cause I had let go with out even realizing it "We have to do something Jaxs. Lily is pregnant."

Jerking Tara up off the bed. I was screaming at her cause she just stood there "Do something goddamn it."

"I can't treat her here. By now her body has probably already gone into shock and aborted the baby. There's nothing I can do for her. "

Grabbing my gun off the floor and sticking it in the middle of Tara's forehead "You save her and my kid or I kill you."

Being a split second from pulling the trigger, a split second from my demon taking away what has been taken away from me. I had all of them on me. Holding me down to the floor to keep me from killing Tara, cause that's exactly what I was gonna do.

They were all moving around me but I had no idea what they were doing. All talking around me and saying my name. Nero was the one that finally reached me "You need to be there for Lily. Get up Jaxs."

Looking around Lil's body wasn't even in the room anymore. Her blood was on the wall and the carpet, my baby's blood. Trying to make myself get up from the floor but, I couldn't when I saw her blood on my hands. It's because of me that their blood was on my hands. Every kill I've ever made rushed me at once. Blood was all I saw.

Seeing all of their faces flashing through my mind and as I watched them die. I didn't feel anything, no remorse or fear when I did it either _"I know your truths Jaxs. Everyone thinks you're so brave because you fight and aren't afraid to die. But I think you're at that same place Opie was. Just tired and looking for a way out."_

I was half in and half out of the club when Lil came around. Tara was trying to pull me out and I tried to leave the club behind, I really did. I thought if I walked away I would be a normal man for my family and that was what I had to do. But there is no way in hell I could just become and live like a normal man would after the things I've done. I was trying to only convince myself, lying to myself that's the way it should be.

My outlaw was dragging me in deeper to the pits of hell, deeper into the club so I could never make it out. I was so tired of fighting with the demon inside myself of right and wrong. I lost any part of me that I had left. Maybe that's what I really did want, a way out. So I wouldn't have to choose between the club I love and my family. Lil knew that's what I was doing cause she was struggling with her demons right along beside me.

Nero was leading me out of the house and I don't ever remember getting up from the floor "Get you're shit together Jaxs."

They already had Lil laying in the back seat of the SUV. Getting in the back seat too and I was holding on to her lifeless body. And holding my baby, my third son. The son that Op was trying to tell me about. Now I'm sure that he was real. I saw him and he talked to me that day. Op is still walking this shit with me.

Holding on to them both with all the love I still got to give. Wondering if this would be the last time I got to hold her and the only time I would ever get to hold my son.

This was the longest ride I've ever taken. Everything about me and Lil was running through my mind; _"I can't do that stud there is only two people I trust; one of them is me and the other one is not you. I didn't feel anything Jaxs and won't ever for you. I don't have room in my life for anyone but Gabe and Addison. I think our little tryst was over Jaxs when you put that gun in my face. It's just a dance Jaxs so don't read anything in to it. I need you to be that man for me baby. It's time Jackson to do your outlaw thing; that shit you do so damn good. You were right it was more than a dance to me too. I love my Harley man. I finally feel like I have a family to protect again. I am doing this for you and our children because I love you Jaxs. Just know I will never stop loving you Jackson."_

"I'll never stop loving you either Lilyan. Just know that too."

They came out with a gurney to take her into the hospital on. I was holding her hand until we came to set of doors and they made me let go of her. Chibs was prying her hand out of mine. I couldn't make myself let go "Jackie they need to take care of Lily. Let go of her damn it."

It was the letting go part that was killing me. I won't survive it having to let both Op and Lil go from my life. Leaning against the wall looking at the doors she was taken though. I slide down the wall just like I watched Lil do when the gun went off until I was down on the floor.

"Get up and lets go have us a smoke Jaxs. You look like some air would do you good." I don't remember seeing Nero smoke before. Following along behind him not being sure how I was making myself walk. Or where I was following him too.

Every time I passed by someone they would stare at me with all the blood that was on the front of my shirt, her blood. Chibs gave me his sweatshirt so I could take off the bloody shirt I had on. When I went into the bathroom I looked in the mirror. I had blood on my face, her blood.

Bringing my hand up to my face to I saw more blood on my hands. Feeling so sick to my stomach. It was that same sinking feeling that I had when I saw Op the other day. I went to throw up in the toilet. But nothing ever came. Sitting here in the bathroom stall just trying to catch my breath. They were trying to get me up off the floor again. It was Nero and Chibs I think.

_"Get up brother. It's time for us to finish that ride. I know you can do it Jaxs."_

I'm glad Op was sure cause I wasn't that I could get up. But I didn't want them to see me like this and just how weak I am without her. I got up on my own this time and pushed them away "I'm alright."

They all followed me outside and none of them would leave me alone long enough to even catch my breath or think. After finishing my smoke I went back in and asked if they could just give me some space to be alone. Wandering around trying to get my shit under control.

Walking by a Chapel I stopped.

_"I wept for her soul. But most of all begged for mercy on my own soul Jaxs for what I did to her. Killing for Gabe and Addison I have no remorse and no emotions when I do it. When's the last time you did that after a kill? Wanting mercy on your soul for someone you have wronged. I know you've done wrong just like I have. But at least I can admit it."_

I didn't think begging for mercy on my soul would do any good but I was gonna start admitted some of the wrongs I've done. Flexing my hands into a fist so many times until they were tingling before I finally reached to open the door to go inside.

Looking at the large cross up in the front. I wasn't even sure what the fuck I was suppose to do or how to do it. I took the pew in the front and sat in the quiet trying to get my thoughts together "I've never done this before. But I know Lil must some what believe in you. I'm doing this for her cause I don't figure you'd waste your time with some body like me. I already know I'm not worth saving."

"I've cried a million tears down through the years searching for that special one, not wanting to walk through this world alone anymore. I've never told anyone that and wouldn't ever let them think I was weak. Endless hook ups with so many women that I can't even remember how many. I was still as empty inside after being with all of them."

"The vows I took before were suppose to be forever and no matter how much I've tried, they've come undone. It's not Wendy or Tara's fault, it's mine. They aren't to blame cause of my cheating ways. I was searching for what I was lacking in my life. That feeling inside that they couldn't give me no matter how much they tried or wanted to. Maybe I was still searching for the right left hand to put that golden ring on, along with all the ties that bind it forever."

"Then Lil came along. She knows all the bad shit about me but loves me anyways. Someone who believes in me and I've never had that before. Wendy and Tara wanted to change me and I can't. Even though when they took the vows they said they loved me but, they really hate what I am. I don't have to change to hold Lil and love her back. She tames my outlaw side and helps me to keep it in check. That's something that no woman has ever done."

"I could sit here and promise that I'll change if you let Lil and my baby live. We both know that's a lie, cause I won't. This is what I am and what I'll always be. But I promise that I'll try to be a better man and just her better man if you could help me out on this one. Maybe if you could give me a chance I could do it the right way this time."

Taking out of my pocket the guardian angel that Lil gave me last night. Holding on to it in my hand the way she has held on to me when I needed her the most "Please just don't leave me. I can't picture me without you Lil. I'd be lost without you and I need you."

Not being able to fight it back anymore. I cried for my boys; Abel and Thomas. The things I've done to fuck up their lives and the kinda father I am. For my baby that I may never get to hold in my arms and that blood shed falls on me too. For JT, how I don't even remember him being a part of my life growing up. The life he suffered through to hold the club together for just one more day. Opie and the hell he suffered here on earth cause of the club. They took all of his family away from him, the family he lived for. Sitting here now, I understand why he was just looking for away to get to be with Donna again. Lil laying in there fighting to take another breath cause of me.

I didn't even see Tig was in the Chapel too with me "Jaxs the Doctor wants to talk to you man." Wiping off my face I went to find out if the talk I just had with the man upstairs did any good or not.

They were all standing around with me to listen. It's not that I didn't appreciate it but I would of rather have done it alone "We have removed the bullet. It was close to the amniotic sac. There was a tiny tear that we repaired. The sac protects the baby and keeps it an even temperature for the child. But the fluid acts like a poison to the mother. The next twenty four hours is crucial to Lilyan. We will keep her in ICU and monitor her. Until then we have to wait and see what happens."

"What about the baby?"

"If Lilyan makes it through the next twenty four hours then the baby has about a thirty percent chance of surviving. Unfortunately with her being in the first trimester of the pregnancy the fetus isn't very strong yet. We have done everything that we can. I'm sorry."

They said I could go in for a few minutes to see Lil. Looking at her laying in the bed with all the shit they had hooked up to her, she looked so tiny, fragile and weak. Not the same strong girl that's been rolling with me.

Sitting down beside her I took a hold of her hand. A lady came in with a machine "Are you the baby's father?"

"Yeah I am." She said I could stay while she did whatever test she was gonna do.

I kept looking at the screen but didn't understand what I was looking at. She pointed to a small spot on the screen "Little baby Denison is doing just fine right now. We will be checking every four hours."

"Baby Teller." The spot was so small. It was the best feeling and the worse one I've had in a long time looking at it.

It didn't even seem like I had been here fifteen minutes when the nurse said I had to leave. I kissed Lil "I'll never stop loving you. This isn't the way our dance is suppose to end. Don't leave me."

Touching her stomach "I'll never stop loving you either little man."

The cops would be here soon wanting a statement of what happened. I'm gonna say I was the one that did it. It would revoke my probation and since I'm on parole I would be facing prison time again. But I didn't care. I'll deal with that shit when the times comes. Cause I'll be doing time for this one way or another. Especially if I've hurt my own baby.

They were all standing around talking when I came out "We don't even know if the baby really is his or not. That whore has slept around so much she probably doesn't even know who the father is." That's when I lost control. That's when I wasn't able to keep it check any longer.

Slamming Tara up against the wall "If you ever call Lil a whore again. I'll finish what I started with you and they won't always be around to protect you from me either." Wendy got Tara away from me. I think even Wendy was smart enough to know what was coming next.

Tig took me off alone "I'm sorry Jaxs. I tried to keep those two out of here. Tara has been telling every body that you were being mean to her and was trying to hurt her. That's why Lily got shot accidentally. What do you want me to do about our Tara problem?"

"Yeah I'm sure that's the bullshit that Tara wants everyone to believe. Poor little Tara is always the innocent fucken victim. If she thinks I'm mean wait until she feels the reaper from my old lady. Lil makes the call on Tara's fate. If it's just a beat down or mayhem."

"Jaxs you can't do..." I didn't know Bobby was standing behind us listening to our conversation.

"I swear to god Bobby if you're about to say; I can't do that, it's wrong or we gotta vote on it. I'm gonna make your fate decision right here. The right thing settles shit and you've lost site of that. Just like you did with Clay and we see how that shit has turned out. When someone hurts us we retaliate, it's what we do. Lil and the Family is no different from us. What do you think they'll want to do to Tara when they find out what she's done? Lil throwing Tara a beat down is the easy way out for Tara."

They were separating me and Bobby again. Nero was dragging me down the hall "Every ones nerves are just fried right now."

Lyla was reliving so much of her own shit tonight. She was sitting off to herself crying "I'm so sorry Jaxs that I didn't tell you. But Lily was trying to protect you. She didn't want you to know about the baby."

"Protect me from what?"

"Lily said the Family would never allow her to be with you and that her baby would be next in line to take over. She was afraid if you knew about the baby that would you never let her go and they would end up killing you." That was why Lil would never talk about the future with me. Would never say that she was gonna stay.

_"It doesn't work for me the same way it does for you Jaxs. I don't get to scrape my ink and say I'm done then get a free pass out. There is only two ways outs for me; my death or all of theirs."_

"Then it will be all of their deaths. Cause there is no way in hell I'm letting them take Lil or my baby away from me."

"What are you talking about Jaxs?" I kissed Lyla on the forehead and told her I had something I had to go do.

Nero was waiting outside by my bike "You don't know what you're getting yourself into Jaxs. There's no way you can take them all on esse." I was surprised that he already knew what I was thinking about doing.

"The hell I can't. If this was your old lady and baby would you just let them take them away and do nothing about it?"

"I've been there Jaxs. Believe me I have."

Nero talked me into riding with him in the SUV. I wasn't gonna let him talk me out of doing what I had to do though.

Rolling up his sleeve "Do you know what that means?" I told him no cause I really hadn't paid attention to that tatt before.

"I took a job when I was about twenty two with a mob family. I was rolling with them just like I was one of them. In a few years I worked my way up. My position was only a few steps down from what Roberto's is. I was suppose to protect his wife and kid at all times, that is a position of honor and trust with them. Only I allowed myself to get involved with her personally after we spent so much time together."

"Julia didn't belong in that world. She was kind and what I think of as good in this world. He didn't love her. She was just his possession. I would watch him beat on her and couldn't do nothing about it. Cause my loyalty was suppose to be to him. He would bring other women in their house and fuck them in the next room. She knew he was doing it too."

"She found out she was pregnant and it was my baby. We ran and took her other son with us too. I thought I was the shit and I could keep us safe. But he tracked us down. I watched him cut my baby out of her womb Jaxs before he killed her." Goddamn that was some harsh shit to have to see and live through. Nero has rolled with them. That's how he knew about their lingo and why Roberto wanted him to take the job.

We stopped at a gas station so Nero could get a pack of smokes. Hell I grabbed three packs cause it was gonna be a long night. When I was standing at the counter to pay I saw this little miniature Harleys. I grabbed four of them, for all of our children.

I didn't know this shit about Nero. But it explains why he is like he is. I asked him when did he start smoking "Since I've been rolling with you guys." Hell I could understand that one.

Nero was having a hard time trying to tell me the rest of it "I relived it over and over in my head until I was dead inside. The only time I got any relief from it was when I was high. So I was high all the time and that's why being a junkie was easier for me than it should have been. He let me live to torture me. That's what I went to prison for, I killed him. I could have roll over on them and ratted. I would have got no sentence for it. But I was doing my own time in my heart cause of what happened to her. So I served out my prison time with it."

"I don't ever want to every go back to that place Jaxs. I never want to be that person again. I've never allowed myself to get close to another woman since then, except Gemma. I wasn't even that close to Luscious mom. I see you making all the same mistakes I've made in my past man." I've made so many damn mistakes. Nero was gonna have to be specific of which ones we're talking about.

Telling Nero to wait for me. I put my gloves on and knocked on the door. I must have woke Roberto up cause he only had on boxers and t-shirt "What the fuck are you doing here Teller? It's in the middle of the night."

Taking my gun out of my cut "You're not taking my baby away from me."

**CLAYS POV**

Marks sent someone to come get me cause they said it wasn't safe and the club found out about where I've been staying at. They wouldn't even give me time to pack up my shit. So I grabbed the bag I hadn't unpacked yet and we hauled ass out of there.

From what they're telling me Jaxs has hooked up with some mob bitch. That's how the little fuck has been getting so much damn protection and I haven't got to kill him yet. We have some personal scores to still settle between us.

Meeting up with Marks he had some other guy with him "Clay this is Mr. Rossi."

"My friends call me Dominic. I understand from Mr. Marks that you and I have a common enemy, Jackson Teller. We talk freely and have been associates for many years. There are no secrets between us. I'm the one that will be taking over Pope's old clients and I'll be moving forward on that venture real soon."

"Yeah he is my enemy along with other club members. He took my club away from me and set me up for the Pope kill. I want Jaxs dead."

"I don't want to just hurt Mr. Teller. I want to crush him before I do. You see he has something that belongs to me, my love Lilyan. Now I need something that belongs to him. Mr. Marks has explained the revenge on him and your wife that you have the need to get satisfied. We will help you out to get that revenge. If you help us out, I will make sure that happens along with a lot more heart ache that will be brought down on him . Before I let you kill him. I will even make sure that you get out of the country and are set up with a good life. I need a man like you protecting my interests in business in some other countries. But under no circumstances is Lilyan to get hurt. I need her alive."

"She sounds like a hell of a girl. You must really be in love with her."

"You have no idea Mr. Morrow just how much love there really is between me and Lilyan. I would kill to be with her."

Rossi gave me a bag full of money, guns and all man power I needed. Marks called off the bounty on Abel and Thomas's heads. They're gonna fake my death so we can split that ten million dollar bounty three ways. Pope dieing has made us very rich men. Isn't it funny how shit works out sometimes.

We are gonna use the new plan to get to Jaxs and get everything we all wanted. This was gonna be better than I even hoped for.

They weren't at the first location we went to. But they we're at the second one. We killed all of the guys that were here protecting them. It served two purposes. Allows me to get to Gemma and helps settle some beef for Rossi.

I didn't understand why the SOA wasn't anywhere around. But that's okay, I'll get to all of them soon enough. Crossing each one off my list one by one. When I make them pay for the shit they've done to me.

With the silencers we used Gemma didn't even know a thing was going on around her. Watching her through the window and waiting for her to put Abel and Thomas down in bed. We all rushed through the back door. You should have seen the look on her face when she laid eyes on me.

"Hi bitch. I'm home."

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me! Well now we all know that some major shit is coming. Jackson will have to decide on which side of the line he truly wants to walk on.**

**Thank you to those that review, mark this story as your favorite or alert!**


	23. Chapter 23

**JACKSONS POV**

"What the fuck is this shit Teller? Where is Lilyan?"

"Did you know that she was pregnant with my baby?"

"Where's Lilyan?"

"Did you know?" I was screaming at Roberto now. Walking closer to him with each step he took backwards from me. Wanting him to give me a reason to pull the fucken trigger.

"Yes. That's the only reason I didn't kill you Teller. I promised Lilyan I wouldn't."

_"You have to promise me Jaxs that no matter what happens, you won't hurt Robert. Promise me..."_

"Goddamn you Lil." I froze on the kill and couldn't do it. I've never done that before. That's the reason I came here; starting with Roberto and working my way up until I took them all out.

Nero was in room too trying to talk me down. But it wasn't cause of him that I lowered my gun. I wasn't gonna make Lil chose between her family and me. With all the hell she has already been through from doing that before. She would end up hating me if I killed Roberto. Leaving me anyways if I did and taking my kid with her. I figured at this point I would lose no matter what I did.

Going over to sit down in the chair like the broken man I am. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I was surprised as hell to see it was Roberto "There isn't any love loss between me and you Teller. But I know Lilyan loves you. I seriously don't understand why she does but, she does. I'm not completely a cold heartless bastard. I get it. You love her too."

Of course the night took more of a turn for the worse when I had to explain to Roberto what happened to Lil and who done it "See this is the shit I have been trying to tell you about Teller. Lilyan doesn't belong with you. It's a toss up of which one of you is going to get the other one killed first. What are you planning to do? Keep Lilyan in your little clubhouse and play house with her on the side while you keep your wife there too." Like I didn't feel bad enough before we had this conversation. Now I felt like nothing but a piece of shit.

"What happens for revenge on your wife now? Because I can promise if you don't handle it I will. Your wife or not she shot my sister and has to pay that price." Telling Roberto that I planned on letting Lil make that call.

"And just what the hell are you going to do Teller if Lilyan doesn't make it?" I didn't have any answers to that cause I don't know what Im gonna do with out her. That was the one thing I didn't wanna think about, her not making it.

"I'll handle it if Lil don't." This one question I had the answer to.

Roberto is going to handle the cops with the statement. The less attention brought to Lil on this the better and he was making calls. I asked what he was gonna do so I would know what I was suppose to say. But he got pissy about it "I handled it. That's all you need to know. Do I ask you questions Teller about your business?" Back to being the same asshole as normal.

Asking Roberto so I could understand how the Family handles shit "Our children are the heirs to the blood throne and there's nothing I can do about that. It's traditions and I didn't write this shit. I just have to live it. No different from you Teller with whatever the hell bikers do."

"That's one of the reason Lilyan always feared that they would find out about Addison. He was meant to take over after me and was destined to grow up by my side serving the Family. She never wanted that life for him. Just like she is living in fear right now for your baby. That they will find out and it's fate then will be decided."

"What if we got married would they let them go then?"

"It doesn't work that way. The Family has to bless who Lilyan wants to marry and that shit will never happen with you. They would become a part of our world and know everything about us. They too would serve as one of us. Besides I think you should get rid of the wife you have now before you start worrying how to get your next wife."

"So you won't let me marry her but you'd let a piece of shit like Dominic?"

"How many times do I have to keep telling you it's not me that makes these decisions? Are you just slow or what Teller? Dominic wants me dead remember, so he has no one in the way of him taking over. So I really don't like him either."

"What if Lil got married without them blessing it and her old man didn't wanna be a part of it? What happens then?"

"It's not an option. It's who we are. It would be like you saying that your wife could be with you and have nothing to do with your motorcycle organization. They would kill you before they would ever allow you to be with Lilyan. It's just how things are. But Dominic can't ever know about the baby. He would claim the child as his own and your kid would be serving by his side then. That child would stand no chance at survival with all the evil shit Dominic does. We both have no choice but to kill him. If something should happen to me you have to promise me that you will make sure that son of a bitch dies." That wasn't a hard promise for me to make to Roberto. That bitch has gotta die no matter if Roberto pulls the trigger or I do.

"Besides Dominic, who do I gotta kill to change all this other shit? I'm not gonna let you, Dominic or the Family take Lil or my baby away from me. You need to help me figure this shit out Roberto. You know she doesn't wanna be a part of that life. I won't allow my baby to be a part of your world. No matter what I gotta do."

Roberto and I came to a few understandings tonight. Not all of them pleasant ones either. But he loves his sister enough that he will do what's best for her. I just hope when Lil finds out she will understand all the things we're doing and why we did this, we both love her.

Me and Nero was taking off. I wanted to get back to the hospital to check on Lil "Teller that promise I made you about sticking my forty five up your ass if anything happens to Lilyan, I wasn't kidding about that. And if you ever put a gun in my face again. That promise I made to Lilyan about not killing you, it's off the table. If it comes down between me or you surviving, you'll lose. Are you feeling me on this?"

"Yeah I feel the same way."

"Good then we understand each other. I will be there later to see Lilyan."

Me and Nero talked about the Family and the shit I gotta do to protect Lil and the baby from them. He told me he would help me out as much as possible but never said he would get involved in it. I understood where he was coming from cause he's suffered a lot already.

Telling Nero what I knew about Gabe. It really confuses me with the way we're so different "I don't get how Lil could be in love with somebody like Gabe and then be in love with somebody like me. He was a good man and well we all know what kind of man I am."

"You know Jaxs. Gabe was the kind of man Lily use to love but you're the kind man she loves now. It doesn't make you any less of a good man than Gabe, it just makes you a different kind of a good man that's all."

Nero dropped me off at the hospital. He was gonna go in with me but I told him to go and get some rest "Thanks man for everything that you've done for me Nero. I know shit has been crazy with us lately." I knew I was right about him and I can count on him.

Tig and Hap was still here. I know I can count on them too. Hap had been in to see Lil. He said she woke up for a few minutes but she never said anything and went back to sleep. I told them to leave too. I would see them tomorrow.

Sitting down in Lil's room watching her sleep. I thought about so many damn things. The last test they did showed the baby was still okay. The nurse on duty now said I could stay with her as long as I was quiet.

"I don't even know if you can hear me right now Lil. But I need to say this to you. I know shit maybe didn't start off the right way with us and you've felt bad about being with me cause I'm married still. But when I hold you. I'm a completely different man then I was when I met you. Everything about me and you feels right to me when you're in my arms. I married Wendy cause I was lonely and just didn't wanna be alone anymore. I think she married me cause of the leather on my back and who I am. With Tara I knew that shit would turn bad when I did it cause it always has with me and her. It always ends up going to the same place, that we don't belong together. Maybe I told myself that I could live normal with Tara but, I can't. We started growing apart before all the shit happened of her going to jail. Almost as soon as I took the gavel it all went south."

"God put you in my path for a reason. I know how fucked up that sounds coming from me. But if he takes you away from me, it's just to punish me for what I am and the things I've done."

Taking all the little Harleys out of my cut and putting them on the table beside her bed. I sat and looked at those for what must have been hours. Wondering if I'd live long enough to see my boys take their first ride. Wondering if they would live long enough cause of who I am to take that ride with me.

When Abel came into this world, I always thought he would be the one to take the gavel after me. Now I think maybe that won't even be the life that he wants to have or the life I wanna let him be a part of. Fuck I don't know when I lost control over my life and the lives of my boys.

This baby won't even get the choices that Abel and Thomas will. If they don't wanna patch into the club they don't have too. This one is all in before he's even born. He gets no say in shit. I will take my last breath changing that.

Lil finally opened her eyes. It made my heart stop for a second seeing her looking at me again. Knowing she was still with me. It took her a little bit to get completly awake and get with what was going on.

Raking the hair away from her face "Hey babe."

Lil gave me a half smile. She was slowly reaching down to her stomach "The baby is doing okay right now. We've got about ten more hours to get through before we know that he's completely safe too."

Looking away from me "So I guess you know now huh?"

"Yeah I do. I know why you didn't tell me too. But I don't give a shit about what the Family wants."

"Don't worry I can take care of this baby all by myself Jaxs. This won't become a burden to you in any way."

"What in the hell are you taking about Lil? He's my baby too."

"I know you don't really want anymore kids. You're still married to Tara and I don't think she is just going to let you walk away from her. Because I remember what happened. I am really starting to hate that bitch by the way." She wasn't the only one.

"When I said that shit about not wanting anymore kids I was just at a bad place. I don't want anymore kids with Tara. But I want this baby as much as I wanna have a life with you Lil."

She didn't wanna talk to me about anything . Not the Family, not the future and not about our baby. I wasn't gonna let her get away with it this time "Do you wanna be with me Lil?"

"I can't be with you Jaxs and we both know they will never allow that. It will only be more chaos and danger brought in your life. Not only just your life but Abel and Thomas too because of me."

"That's not what I asked you. Do you love me and do you wanna be with me? Try to make a life together."

"Yes." Holding Lil to me while she cried.

"Then we're gonna hold on to each other and not let go. Do you hear me? I can't help falling in love with you and I'll never be sorry for it." She didn't stop crying long enough to answer me. But she held on to me tighter and that was enough for me to know what I gotta do.

I crawled in bed with her when she asked me to. I was careful not to hurt her or to get tangled up in any of the cords that was coming out of her. It felt like going home when we just lay together.

Lil kept asking me why I kept calling the baby he. So I asked what she wanted to call him "I don't know. I just say you when I talk to it. Since I don't know if it's a boy or girl."

"I'm pretty sure it's a boy. Kinda have that one on the word of a higher up. We can't keep calling him you. How about Cain?" I was half kidding but kinda serious too.

Lil rolled her eyes at "Really Jaxs. Have two boys that are called Cain and Abel?"

"Why not? You know Darlin with him being our baby he's bound to be a little bit on the evil side."

Lil started crying again "I can't name him yet. We don't even know if he's going to make it. Even if he gets through this how long will he get to live with us being his parents?"

I told her that he is gonna make it and I'm gonna make sure he has a chance at life. A life with all of us being together. We needed to decide on a name for our strong little man.

"What is your middle name Jaxs?"

"Andrew."

"What if we name him Andrew Cain?"

"Andrew Cain Teller. I like it." Saying that made it even more real to me and put a smile on both of our faces.

We laid in the hospital bed holding on to each other just like we always do. Until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.

**LILYAN POV**

Since I've been with Jaxs everything that we do and about us has been lived on the edge. The shit going on with our baby is no different. If it really is a boy then he will be one strong man that can handle anything just like his father. If it's a girl... holy shit.

Packing up my stuff they gave me to take home with me. I have to make an appointment with an OBGYN and start my baby visits with them. Since they all know now I might as well do this the right way. After three days of this shit I was ready to get out of here.

Looking around to make sure I didn't forget anything I saw four little Harleys all parked side by side. Jaxs wrapped his arms around me "For all of our boys. Abel, Addison, Thomas and Andrew."

Jaxs was melting my heart today with all the little things he had done. I couldn't even get him to let me go to the bathroom by myself. I hate to tell him that pregnant women pee a lot. He will get tired of doing that real soon.

He doesn't seem to think that I can do anything for myself. I'm not dying at least not anymore, I think. I'm really sore but as long as Andrew is okay I don't care about me. Poking my stomach "Did you hear that Andrew? It won't be hey you anymore."

That actually made me feel really good. To let my sons name come out of my mouth and not feel any remorse or sadness when I did it.

We went by the house to get our stuff. We are staying with Roberto and then going to get Gemma and the boys. There is no way that I could stay where Tara is without killing her. I might have done wrong by being with Jaxs while he's still married. But I didn't do anything to hurt Tara and I could have so many times. But that is still an option left open for today. Even though I was still kind of on the weak side I could still kick her ass or kill her. Being so hormonal hell it could go either way.

When we walked in the house I saw Tara. The smug little look she had on her face that I wanted to just slap it off but, I ignored it. I didn't need to be getting myself worked up over her. They told me that I needed to keep as much stress out of my life as possible. That I could still lose the baby if I don't. I guess they don't know what stress comes from being Jackson the outlaw biker boy and Lilyan his gangster mob girl.

Tara was wanting to argue with Jaxs. He tried to just ignore her too but she wasn't going to let that happen. He finally gave her the argument that she was looking for "I've already called the attorney. She's drawing up our divorce papers. We're done Tara. You can have the house and whatever else you want. But Thomas will stay in Charming with me. You can see him anytime you wanna see him. I've already told you what will happen if you try to leave with him and I meant it."

"Thomas and Abel are my sons Jaxs. They need to be with their mother. How can you even say that shit to me? It's because of your whor..."

"I wouldn't finish that sentence if I was you Tara." From the look on Jaxs face Tara should just back off from him now.

I couldn't agree more with Jaxs. This has been a long time coming between me and Tara. The whore routine is starting to get really old and her always starting shit every time I'm around. I decided it was time that I did step up and showed her who in the fuck he belonged to. Even if it's only for today. He's my Harley man. Getting up in her face "You need to back off of my old man or I'm gonna fuck you up."

Tara acted like she really wanted to fight me and it was a fight I was more than willing to give her this time. Jaxs wanted me to stop because he's afraid I would hurt myself or the baby. He was trying to pull me off of her. He kept telling me I'm still too weak to fight. But he was wrong. I have things in my life to finally fight for and will never stop when it comes to them "That score will get settled and I'm not gonna stop it when your better Lil. I'm just asking that today you think this shit through and do what's best for Andrew."

When Jaxs said that all the rage and emotions that I was feeling were almost gone. I let go of Tara "You better keep a gun a close bitch because you're going to need it."

Going out the door together Jaxs put my hand on his cock "Feel how hard I am hearing my old lady talking that biker shit. Your old man loves you too."

Watching Roberto and Jaxs together it's almost like they formed an alliance. I'm not sure if I like that or not. But I guess it's better than them trying to kill each other. When I would ask what they we're talking about I would get the same response from both of them "Nothing." They both are so hiding shit from me.

Tig, Nero and Juice came with us. We are meeting up with the rest of them tomorrow where Gemma is staying. I was glad to see Juice up and moving around. He still can't ride right now but is almost as good as new again. I've really missed hanging out with him. We were comparing our bullet wounds when Jaxs came in the room. He just shook his head but didn't say anything.

Jaxs wanted to go for a drive. I still couldn't ride yet either so we took Roberto's car. He would never tell me where we were going. Then I realized where it was he was taking me to. I couldn't understand why he would bring me here though.

Opening the car door for me and holding out his hand "Come on Lil. We'll do it together."

Not being sure how I was suppose to act or why Jaxs wanted to do this. He put a little Harley on Addison head stone "I just wanna make sure that you know I love your Mommy a lot. Now I have four boys. I'll make sure that Abel and Thomas kicks Andrew's ass just for you Addison. You'll always be a part of our family too."

Jaxs gave me a kiss and told me he would give me a minute. The last time I was here with Gabe and Addison I was so emotional and unsure of what direction I was going to go in.

Jaxs has such a sweet side to him that he doesn't let come through very often when other people are around. But he shows me that side of him all of the time. He just won all of my heart. If there was any doubt in mind what direction I was going, there isn't now. I'm going where ever my Harley man leads me to.

For the first time since I lost Gabe and Addison I walked away from them with some peace in my heart. I can be with Jaxs and them at the same time. When I got in the car I gave Jaxs a huge kiss and told him thank you.

"Do you think Gabe would have liked me?"

"Um...no."

He just laughed "Yeah I get that a lot."

We stopped to eat because I was starving. But Jaxs kept trying to shove food down me. I thought I was going to pop and he just kept trying to feed me more "Come on Lil. One more bite. You're to tiny. Please for me?" Fuck one more turned into ten more bites.

Then he wanted chocolate ice cream. Hell you would've thought Jaxs was the one pregnant and with twins as much as he ate tonight. But I'll have to admit it was fun licking the ice cream cone together. In between licks he would give me a kiss "When your feeling better Lil I can see some chocolate love coming into play." Hell that makes two of us.

Getting really worn out from our outing I was ready to go back to Roberto's and lay down for a while. Jaxs was setting on the bed changing my bandage for me. When he was done he wrapped his arms around me "When I thought I was never gonna get to be with you again. I said I would be happy if I could have just have one more day together. But one more day is never enough with you Lil. I want so much more than that with you. I need to be with the right left hand this time."

Jaxs was killing me today and making my emotions jump around all over the place. When he holds me in bed and we talk, it's always my favorite part of the day. He kept talking and I was trying to stay awake. But I was sore and tired. I must have fell asleep on him because he woke me up "Lil you never gave me an answer. Are you gonna give into me?" Hell I didn't even know what the question was. I was just to sleepy to talk anymore tonight.

Waking up by myself. There was a little piece of paper on Jaxs pillow from the notebook he carries everywhere he goes in his pocket. I've seen him set for hours writing in it but never knew what the hell is was writing about.

* * *

_**I'm gonna wear you down and make you see that** _

_**we're suppose to be together. I'm gonna get to you** _

_**like you already get to me and you're gonna give in** _

_**to me. You fight me every step of the way but I'm** _

_**not giving up on you.** _

_**.** _

_**My heart is set on you. I don't want no one else.** _

_**And if you don't want me I guess I'll end up being** _

_**by myself.** _

_**.** _

_**Come on Lil just give in to me.** _

* * *

It's the sweetest note I have ever gotten, the way he is so cute about always trying to gain dominance over me. Even though that will never happen. But I had no idea what he wants me to give in to. With Jaxs it could be anything. He always pushes for more anytime I give into what he has already asked me for. He is one of the most determined man I have ever meet.

Going to find Jaxs so I could ask him what the hell the note was all about. Everyone was gone but Juice "Where did they go?"

"A friend of your brothers has intel on Clay . One of his guys called to set up a time to meet. Jaxs and Roberto went to do that. Tig and Nero went to help the others get packed up so we can go to Gemma's. Nero will be back later. Jaxs wanted me to stay here with you."

I never mind spending time with Juice. He is so sweet and makes me laugh. Making some coffee and just hang out was kind of nice for a change "What guy are they going to go meet?"

"I think Roberto said his name was Kyle. They were gonna meet up at Roberto's warehouse outside of town after Roberto handled some other business." This keeps getting stranger and stranger. Jaxs and Roberto are now spending time together, willingly. I never thought I would see that shit happen.

Taking a nice long hot relaxing shower and picking out a movie to watch. I heard Roberto's phone ringing in his office. I saw it was Kyle calling so I answered it "Hey Kyle they already left to meet you. You will have to call Roberto's cell."

"What are you talking about Lilyan? I'm not suppose to meet Roberto. I'm still out of town. I did find out some of the information he wanted on Clay Morrow though."

"Oh shit. I've got to go Kyle."

Trying Roberto's cell but he didn't answer. I called Jaxs and he didn't either "This is bad Juice. Really bad." I quizzed Juice on the name of the guy that said Kyle would be there. But he couldn't remember.

Getting dressed to leave. Juice was blocking the door "Lily I can't let you leave. Jaxs said under no circumstances do you leave here without him. Do you know what he will do to me if I fuck this up? So let's not make this complicated. There is no way in hell you're leaving here."

Juice was helping me hot wire Roberto's neighbor's car. They all took our wheels and we didn't have anything to drive except for Jaxs bike. We both decided that was a very bad idea "They are the sweetest old couple and hardly ever leave the house. We will just use it and then put it back in the driveway. They won't even know it was ever gone."

Juice even gave me a pair of gloves to wear so I wouldn't leave any fingerprints just in case they notice it's gone and report it stolen. It was almost like maybe he's done this before, a lot.

The warehouse had a lot of damn cars parked outside of it and Dominic's was one of them "Shit they set them up Juice. We've got to get them out of there."

Hearing gun shots which meant Roberto and Jaxs were in there alone against all of them "Juice."

"Yeah Lily."

"Do you have your seat belt on?"

"No why?"

"I would get it on if I were you." Because we were going in. Crashing in through the side of warehouse.

Juice was laying down rounds of bullets so that we could get to Roberto and Jaxs. We saw Roberto's and Jaxs heads pop up over some crates they were using for protection.

Roberto turned his head to one side "Is that who I think that it is?"

"Yeah it's my crazy old lady that I told to stay put." Technically Jaxs did not tell me that. He told Juice that and I chose to ignore it.

We were trying to haul ass out of there with them following us "Goddamn it Lil. Don't you ever listen to me?"

"Hi Jaxs. I missed you too honey."

"Is this my neighbor's car?"

"Yes."

"Me and Lily stole it."

"Thank you Juice. I wasn't going to tell them that part."

"Seriously Lil. You steal a car and the best you could come up with is a fucken Prius?"

"If you think that's bad then I won't tell you that we are almost out of gas. Maybe I should have stopped to fill it up first."

Juice was shooting out of the window from the front seat. Roberto and Jaxs was knocking out the back glass and shooting at the ones following us "We are so gonna talk about this shit later Lil."

"Okay. If we live through it we'll talk about it Jaxs."

Thank god out of the three of them one was a good shot and blew out the tires leaving them far behind "See this was a damn good car to steal. It gets excellent gas millage or we would have ran out before they stopped chasing us."

"Oh fuck Lilyan."

"Goddamn it Lil."

"I think we made a good choice too Lily."

All of their comments made me smile for some silly reason. As fucked up as we all are. It was almost like we were one big happy family, stealing cars and killing people together. One really super twisted fucked up family, but a family none the less.

Roberto and Jaxs were standing out in the front yard watching when me and Juice were trying to roll up quietly to return the car. I am really not liking them being together. They wanted to gang up on me as a tag team of all the things I am doing that they think are bad for me.

"I think they are gonna notice Lily." The front end was smashed in and it was creased all the way down one side. The grill was dragging the ground. Back glass was broken out and it had some bullet holes in it.

"I think you're right about that one Juice."

"Well are you done playing grand theft auto Lil? Me and Roberto need to talk to you."

Jaxs asked Juice if he could give us a minute to talk. I was proud of Jaxs for the way he handled Juice when we got back. Jaxs has that little vein in his head that automatically pops out when he gets pissed off, it was really popping out "The next time I tell you to do something you better fucken do it. But I'm proud of you for stepping up and not leaving Lil's side. Protecting her is the same as protecting me."

"Lilyan with everyone coming at us from all sides we can't trust anyone. Even one of our own could try to hurt us like today. Kyle's guy had to be bought off by Dominic. It is more important than ever for you to be protected by someone at all times. We also think you need to slow down before you end up loosing the baby."

"Roberto is right babe. It's time for you to sit this shit out and let us handle it. I know why you did what you did today and I love you for that. But with the baby you gotta stop doing crazy shit. You could've got yourself and him killed. Me and Roberto can handle our shit."

They were ganging up on me early just like I thought. All I heard from the both of them was we and us. Since when have Roberto and Jaxs been a we or an us. I had to have missed something that's happened.

After Roberto went over and opened the safe he gave Jaxs a small box from it. Then I knew I have missed a lot of shit that has went on between them.

Jaxs opened the box and took my hand "Lilyan Myria Denison will you be my old lady? Walk through this world with me." It was our mother and father's wedding rings. The family markings are on the gold band and they have been passed down over the years to the next one to take over their throne. Why in the hell would Roberto give these to Jaxs?

Looking over at Roberto because I was waiting for him to kill Jaxs. Maybe that was what Roberto's plan was on this. Jaxs must have known by the little smile that was on his face "Roberto blessed this Lil. It's just a matter of you wanting to or not."

"Um... you do remember Jaxs that you're already married right?"

"I'm not the marrying kinda guy. I think that's pretty obvious. These rings are more of just a promise between me and you."

Taking my Mom's ring from the box "Do you know what a ring really means Lil?"

Um...yes I do. Do you know what it really means Jaxs? Because I remember how easy your other one came off your finger."

"I guess I deserve that one for being with you and still being married to Tara. But a ring don't mean shit Lil unless you want it to. It's just a piece of metal."

"Dominic is gonna come for you and we all know that. He needs both of these rings to show that you belong to him and the Mancini power. If you put it on my finger it ain't coming off for him or anybody else. Until you want me to take it off to give it back to Roberto or tell you don't love me anymore."

"Then Dominic can't get to you without coming for me too. I don't give a shit how strong the Family's reach or his is either. We decide our fate Lil. No matter what we do it together. After this shit is over maybe we'll both be ready to replace these with the real thing. This is a bond between just me, you and the man upstairs. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me how much I love you."

"This is crazy Jaxs. We can't do this."

"Yeah it is. But we're both a little on the crazy side so why the fuck not."

"I pronounce you fucked up and really fucked up. Hell I have to be crazy too for even going along with this shit." I can't believe Roberto would go along with it either. I know what hell he will catch from Pappy for doing it if he finds out. But hell I guess we are all one big crazy happy family now.

The plan they came up with is the craziest shit we have tried to pull off yet. It makes me so happy that they both love me enough to do this but really nervous about doing it.

It was Roberto, Tig, Happy, Juice me and Jaxs. Happy whispered it to me "Are you really sure Lily that you wanna marry him?"

"We really aren't getting married Hap. It just for appearance more than anything. It's something that Jaxs thinks he wants but, I don't think he can ever live that kind of life."

Standing out looking over the water just before sun down. Jaxs put the ring on my finger "I promise with this ring to hold on to you and not to ever let go of us." Then he gave me a kiss.

"Oh and I'm gonna do my best to not fuck it up too." The look Jaxs gave me when he said that melted me.

We did all that pretty quick. I went into take a shower. I think I was either having a heated up hot flash or sweating badly from letting Jaxs put that ring on my finger. He wouldn't let me take it alone. He was holding me while we let the water run over us "I meant everything I said to you Lil. I really wanna get us to that place so when this is over with we can replace them with real ones." I never said anything. Even though I want to believe in that I don't see it happening.

After we finished our shower I went to the store with Juice. Jaxs insisted that I take someone with me. Actually Juice and I have the same candy fix now so I hooked him up this time "Thanks Lily for talking to Jaxs for me. He told me what you said about trusting me. You don't know how much it means to me that you do. I feel pretty close to you too."

"Juice honey we eat the same candy and stole a car today. I don't think you and I could get much closer than that."

Happy and Jaxs were setting at the table when we got back. Jaxs was getting another tattoo. He had Lil put on his arm by Thomas.

That means more to him than any ring could ever hold "Goddamn you Jaxs." Why does he keep doing this to me? Promising me something that I know I will never get to have with him or maybe I don't feel that I deserve it.

We laid in bed together and I had a better feeling tonight when Jaxs held me than I ever have had since knowing him. We just talked and laughed like we had no worries in the world "I would rather have one more day with you Lil even with all the shit we gotta go through. Then spend my life like I was living it before I met you." Listening to his heart beat with my head on his chest, it soothed me right off to sleep.

Getting up to get everything packed again so we could leave. Nero was really nervous when he got here. He's been trying to get a hold of Gemma but she wouldn't answer any of his calls. Jaxs called Chibs and told him that we were going to go ahead and leave. We would meet them all there.

When we pulled up to the large iron gates they were standing wide open. I knew something was wrong. Those gates are meant to keep the outside world out. The gates are never left open and you don't get in unless they are opened from the inside or you know the code. In the guard shake we found two dead bodies. Jaxs was flying up the long driveway on his bike to get to the house.

More dead bodies of Roberto's men were laying on the ground around in the yard. The front door had a piece of paper on it held by a knife stabbed through the door. Jaxs name was written on it.

Jaxs pulled the knife out and read it. Then he let the piece of paper fall from his hands "Clay has my kids. He took Abel and Thomas."

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me! Poor Jackson hasn't been catching a break and he won't for a while in this story either.  
**

**OHHH How many liked that; Cain and Abel names? I thought it was kinda cute!**

**Thank you to those that review, mark this story as your favorite or alert!**


	24. Chapter 24

**LILYANS POV**

Jaxs fell to his knees "Clay took my kids. I can't do this shit. I won't make it through it again. That son of a bitch took them. Just like he has taken everything else away from me." Clay was with Jaxs before when they took Abel. He knew what it would do to Jaxs, it would kill him on the inside.

Trying to hold on to Jaxs to keep him together but, I couldn't keep him with me. He was coming and going. I was loosing him to his heart ache of despair. I know how I felt when I lost my Addison. There is no keeping your sanity as a parent when you're fearing for a child.

Or when the worse comes, their ending. It's not suppose to happen like that. You are never supposed to out live your children. They should be forever young in your eyes until your last day when you don't open them anymore. Jaxs and I were living our own separate nightmares together.

Nero was almost as bad off as Jaxs was. Clay took Gemma from him too. Nero had the look in his eyes of wanting revenge, needing it. I have stared at that look in the mirror long enough to know it so well "I'm ready for that job Roberto. I don't want money for it. I wanna get Gemma back and to make Clay feel the pain for it. I don't give a fuck who we gotta kill, we kill them all."

What makes Nero so dangerous is he is not like the rest of them. He has tucked that demon away and has kept his animal at bay for so long. When he finally lets it out of the cage he won't have any kind of control over it. Anyone that gets in his way is in danger.

Roberto had a slap in the face of reality too. No one is ever really protected no matter who you are when they want to hurt you. They came in on Roberto's turf and killed his own men. That makes Roberto vulnerable as any common man. Only a common man won't have to get evil and take the revenge that he will. Because if he doesn't do it, he won't even make it through the first year he serves as the leader until someone will kill him.

Thinking it couldn't get much worse but it did when the rest of them got here too. Jaxs had Wendy on one shoulder and Tara on the other one when he told them what happened with the kids. They needed Jaxs so I backed off from him.

Standing off alone watching how much both of them were still clinging to Jaxs. Even though they hate what he really is, they still feed off of his strength. Wondering if he has any feelings there for them. Maybe he's still in love with them and I'm just kidding myself. Nero offered me a smoke and I really wanted it but, I didn't take it.

"Jaxs loves you Lily."

"How do you know that for sure Nero?"

"The same way you do. The way he looks at you." Nero has that quality about him of when life gives you shit, he still finds the sunshine in it. We hung out and kind of comforted each other. He is so much in love with Gemma and was hurting too.

After Wendy and Tara got over the shock of their children being taken they wanted to start playing the blame game instead of doing something about it. Wendy blamed Abel getting taken on Jaxs and Tara blamed it all on me "If you would have watched out for our kids instead of fucking around with her this wouldn't have happened."

"How the fuck is it Lil's fault?"

"Everything that is shit in my life now is all her fault. She has done nothing but destroy our lives and you let her do it Jaxs."

When Tara saw Jaxs ring is when shit really went bad "We're still married Jaxs. So I know there is no way in hell that you two can be. It's disrespectful of everything that being married means. Take it off." She kept going on but I stopped listening to it. We all had enough going on without her starting this now.

Jaxs had enough and finally pulled himself together enough to ride. More than anything he wanted her to shut up too "It's not coming off my finger Tara. I've gotta go try to get the boys back. Go home."

"I'm going with you Jaxs. They are my boys too. You're not going to just leave me somewhere this time. If anyone should go home it's her. She needs to find her own home with her own man in it and leave mine the hell alone."

That just became another argument between them. But when Tig came out of the house holding up a cell phone for Jaxs it stopped "Where the fuck are my kids and Gemma? I'm gonna kill you when I find you."

We were given a location to be at in a short amount of time by Clay to meet him. Tig and Chibs rode with Jaxs. I went with Nero. Jaxs sent the rest of them back to Charming. Roberto left too so he could figure out what his next move was going to be.

When we got to the location Clay told Jaxs to meet him at, no one was there. It was an empty abandoned warehouse. The only thing we found was another cell phone and only one number programmed in it. But it wasn't Clay this time, it was Dominic. He told Jaxs to push the speaker button. This was for both of us to hear.

"Your children and Mother are being kept by me and Clay now. You will do exactly what I say or I will kill them. We are about to find out how much Lilyan really does love you. For your childrens sake, let's hope it's a lot."

Abel and Thomas are being held by Dominic and the only way he said we could get to them was for us to do it together. But no explanation of what that really meant. Giving us another location that was about three hours away. Dominic only gave us two hours to get there. If we are late, he kills them. He said he also has someone watching us and if we don't follow the instructions we're given, he kills them.

We were all flying down the highway at what speed I don't even know. There was no way in hell we were ever going to make it on time and Dominic knew that too. He wants us to have that feeling of the consequences of failing and instill that fear in us.

There was an accident on the highway with a major traffic jam and we were almost out of time. Jaxs was having a break down knowing what fate was coming for Abel and Thomas. There was no way we could get the SUV through it or around it.

Getting out of the SUV and climbing on the back of Jaxs bike with him "You can't ride yet Lil. What about Andrew?"

"Andrew is our son Jaxs. Trust me he's already a tough little shit and has beat all the odds against him of even making it this far. Just go we have to get to Abel and Thomas, we'll be fine."

"Hold on babe."

Those words were words to live by, hold on. I was holding on to Jaxs tight when he was weaving in and out of the parked cars on the highway. Just like I want to hold on to him to be in my life as my man. I was holding on to Andrew and the thought of getting to hold him for the first time. I was holding on to faith that we would make it to Abel and Thomas in time so that Jaxs would get to hold his babies again.

Jaxs was flying so fast down the highway and he never slowed down when something was about to get in his way either. He ducked, weaved or said fuck it and kept going. I think at one point when we were going through a town we were driving up on the side-walk. I'm not sure because I just kept holding on to my man and had closed my eyes miles back. Not wanting to see what was coming that we were going to hit. Maybe it will hurt less that way but, I doubt it.

Getting off the bike and running because we were down to only minutes left "Daddy, Daddy." We could hear Abel screaming for Jaxs.

This was an old house and in the back there was an old root cellar. But the door had a lock on it. Not just any lock, a lock with explosives on it.

* * *

_**Lilyan my Love,** _

_**You have to decide just how deep your love runs for your little biker. If you open the door with him there is a fifty percent chance that I will stop the bomb from blowing up. A fifty percent chance that I won't and you will die with him. But if you don't do it, I'm sure that he will still try to be a hero and get to his children before the timer is up. Then you will see him and his little family blow up before your eyes. Just like you watched Gabe and Addison. I am watching you so if you don't do as instructed, I will make the bomb go off and kill you all.** _

* * *

There were only two minutes left on the timer and I took Jaxs hand "We do it together Jaxs. If we die then we will still have our four boys with us."

Joining hands to open the lock. Twisting the key and it didn't explode. Jaxs let go of my hand and ripped the door open to the cellar. I had to sit down on the ground because I was dizzy as hell. He went running down the stairs to get to the boys.

"Fuck."

Trying to get myself up from the ground. I was afraid to even walk down those stairs and see what Jaxs had already found. But I did it anyways. Jaxs was sitting down in the dirt holding on to a tape recorder. Dominic or Clay had recorded Abel screaming for Jaxs to get us to play this game.

There was a note telling us Clay changed his mind. That Jaxs hadn't suffered enough yet and Dominic didn't think I had yet either. Along with the next place we had to go to try to save the boys.

Dominic and Clay have played a sick game of chase with us all day long. One place would only lead us to another one. But the next location was solely to punish me after looking at the address "It's mine and Gabe's house."

I haven't been there since I lost them. I walked out that day and never looked back. I packed what I could up and stayed at one of the Family's houses. The only thing I cared about was seeking revenge on the ones that hurt my family. Feeling nothing on the ride to our old house. I was completely numb. Dominic wanted me to relive that all over and I was. Leaning my head on Jaxs back I wanted to cry but I can't now. One of us falling apart was enough.

It seemed like I was walking the green mile going up to the house. Taking the walk to the electric chair wouldn't make me hurt as much as what I was doing now. I had to stop to throw up. I don't know if it was from the baby or from just being here. Seeing it all happening all over again and again. Taking those last few steps was making me have my break down, but I kept it on the inside the best I could.

There was a small white box with a big red bow on it sitting up on the steps. This one had my name on it. I took in a couple of deep breaths before I opened it. Fearing who's body parts or what it would contain. It was just another cell phone that only had one phone number programmed into it. I knew who would answer it before I ever called it.

"Lilyan my love. I see you found what I left for you after taking your trip down Gabriel and Addison memory lane. I have someone who wants to say hello to you."

"Lilyan don't you fucking do anything Dominic wants you to do." Dominic has Roberto too. Along with Abel, Thomas and Gemma.

"You have to decide Lilyan. Between love and family and there is no way to get out of it this time. If you and the biker don't turn yourselves over to me. I kill one of them. Then I kill one an hour until I've killed them all. I will be calling soon with the location of the exchange." Then Dominic hung up.

"What did Dominic say Lil?"

"He wants to make an exchange."

"An exchange for what?"

"He wants to exchange Gemma, Abel and Thomas's life for mine and yours. He wants us Jaxs and he has Roberto now too."

I kept trying to talk to Jaxs about it but he refused to "We'll find another way. I'm done playing his fucken games. I won't let you do that Lil or do it to Andrew. Dominic doesn't wanna kill you, he wants to be with you. He can have my life if that's what it takes to get my kids home safe." We rode off while I was trying to talk some sense into Jaxs. It wasn't his own life he was worried about. The only ones Jaxs was thinking of was Abel, Thomas, Andrew and me.

We rode straight through back to Charming. They only time we stopped was for gas and to go to the bathroom. We passed Torric sitting in the street watching the clubhouse on our way into the parking lot "Fuck you would think that son of a bitch would have given up by now. It's time to put that plan in motion to get rid of him. We can't have him following us around when we go get the boys back."

Jaxs loved my surprise for him when he walked into the clubhouse. It was remodeled and cleaned up from when we all had to walk out. No more blood stains or bullet holes to remind him of that day. Reapers, SOA lights and signs everywhere. This is his sanction and the four walls that belong to him in his world that he walks through. That's how I wanted him to feel when he was here, in control and safe at home.

The only room that wasn't updated was the Chapel. It was put back exactly like it was when we left. Just some fresh carpet and paint. But one thing was added just for Jaxs. They all got brand new leather chairs to go around the table. But his was larger than theirs and more plush with an engraved brass plate; _Jackson Teller._

Jaxs was running his fingers over the plate on the chair "Every King needs a throne. That's yours Jaxs."

"Every King needs a Queen too Lil and your mine. I don't even know what to say for everything you've done for me."

Waiting another day to hear back from Dominic but the call never came in. We tried to call the number back that was already programmed in the phone but no one would ever answer it.

The close quarters and all the stress was starting to affect everyone. I went out into the bar and they were arguing with each other about petty shit. United you stand and divided you fall. That is what this was doing to the club; dividing them. I decided I didn't want to be a part of that.

Tara was following Jaxs around the clubhouse. When he would try to get away from her she would start crying again, telling him that she couldn't deal with Abel and Thomas being gone. I'm sure that she was having trouble dealing with it but, she was playing it for all of Jaxs attention she could get from him too. I decided that I didn't want any part of that shit either.

Going up to the roof to hang out alone. This is really the only place that most don't ever come to. It wasn't long until Jaxs came up too "I'm sorry Lil. There's just so much shit coming down on me now."

I told him it was okay. He had responsibilities to take care of. He also sent Tara home to their house with Rat Boy to watch over her. I think she finally wore Jaxs out enough that he couldn't take anymore of her either.

Laying down and looking up at the stars together "Do you really believe there's a higher being up there Lil?"

"I believe there is and I hope he's watching over all of them tonight for us."

"Me too. But I believe there is something special laying beside me right now." We kissed for a long time and I laid in Jaxs arms hoping that everything would be okay. But he still refused to talk about what we were going to do so I tried again.

"You're no angel Jaxs and I'm no saint. If we were, we wouldn't be in this place tonight. We both have a past. We both got scars from the hell we have been through. Somebody's gotta win, somebody's gotta lose. We have to decide Jaxs. I can't let them die."

"Before when I thought it was just me and you. Bringing our ending of forever together seemed right. But it's just not us now. How can I justify sacrificing one of my children for another one. I can't even make that shit right in my own head. It would kill me to know that you're with Dominic and he was being a daddy to Andrew. We'll find another way. I'm not gonna lose any of you. I can't." That is why Dominic is doing it. Because no matter what decision you make, you lose and have to live with it. Knowing that what happens to one of them is going to be your fault.

We went back down to go to bed but I couldn't sleep. When I went to get up Jaxs grabbed a hold of me in a death grip "Where are you going?"

"I'm just going to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

He is getting worse. Fearing that I will get twenty feet away from him. Today when I was in the kitchen helping Lyla make lunch Jaxs was searching the clubhouse for me almost in a panic "I thought you left." He stood there hugging me for about ten minutes before I could get him to let go of me.

Time only makes it worse for Jaxs. He has nothing to do but sit around and think. I couldn't get him out of bed this morning "I don't feel like getting up." But he didn't want me to leave him so I didn't. I sat in bed with him most of the day until he finally fell asleep again.

After two days of not leaving the bed I made Jaxs get up and get in the shower. I told him I would have a cup of coffee waiting for him when he got out.

Opening the bathroom door I saw Jaxs with his hands on the shower wall. Letting the water run down over his head and he was having another break down. I got undressed and got in with him. Wrapping my arms around him and pressing my body into his back. He finally let go of the wall and turned around so I could hold him.

This was also the day we were suppose to move forward on the Torric plan. Jaxs was spiraling farther down with each day that passes with no word on his kids. They went into his bedroom trying to force him to make the call. He kept telling them not now and he just needed sometime to get his shit together. But they weren't listening.

They just keep pushing Jaxs to get up and take control. I was only trying to help by saying that Jaxs is at that place where you don't know what he will do because he doesn't even know himself. Which makes him more of a loose cannon and dangerous than he has ever been "With all due respect Lily. It's a club decision and you have nothing to do with it. We will get Jaxs back to the table and he'll be fine. He needs to get up and work his shit out."

"With all due respect Bobby. You don't have any idea of the fire that you're playing with right now. This isn't the same Jaxs that you know and you can't solve the problem by just going to the table with it."

They still did it anyways. Got Jaxs up and held church. Everything was a go with Torric, like we had already planned. I called the strip club and they all knew what they were suppose to do when Torric follows us in there.

Riding with Jaxs because hell it wasn't like it mattered much now. I've been riding around lately with Jaxs; me and Andrew was fine. When all the bikes pulled out of the parking lot Torric followed us just as planned. We didn't see any of his friends tagging along for this ride. Which was a good thing.

Going to the back waiting for Torric to come in and start his shit but, he didn't. He went and found a table in front of the stage where one of the dancers was performing. Jaxs was going to take the lead to go show Torric what was going to happen to him if he didn't leave Charming and the club alone.

We were all watching Jaxs give the copies to Torric. Corbin had gotten a judge's signature for Torric to be locked away in a mental institution. Saying that he was a threat to society as well as himself.

Corbin signed affidavits that stated he personally witness harassment by Torric. Against Jaxs and the MC due to the stress of loosing his sister and he was already unstable prior to that. Corbin was very thro too. He had every hospital stay Torric ever had been to attached already to his statements. Just for back up of what he was saying was true. Corbin always did his job so well.

They have been collecting footage of Torric sitting out in the streets stalking the clubhouse and following everyone around for the last few days. Making it so that anything Torric had on the club would make his testimony worthless. We had everything documented and in place just like Corbin had told us to do. We were only going to get one shot at this and that's it. All Jaxs had to do now was take the paper work to the judge and they would have Torric picked up.

But when Toric gave something to Jaxs, it flipped that switch in Jaxs. I saw Jaxs reaching in the back of his cut and I was praying he wasn't going to do what I thought he was. Chibs must have known too. We both went running out into the club trying to stop Jaxs, but we were too late.

Jaxs shot Torric in the head. In front of the people in the club. Several witness were in here to see that crime. I tried to tell them that Jaxs was just one more step away from completely loosing it. But they wouldn't listen to me.

"Jesus Christ Jackie what the hell did you do?"

Jaxs lit up a smoke and was taking in some hard breaths "I had to stop Torric. I didn't have a choice. Now it's not a problem anymore."

Roberto's guys, Happy, Nero and Tig was trying to keep everyone in one spot that seen what just happened. Tig asked Jaxs what the hell he wanted us to do now.

"Take care of the problem."

Was all Jaxs would say. That would mean breaking their own outlaw code. To cover this up they would have to kill women and the innocent ones that had nothing to do with it.

"We can't do that Jaxs."

Jaxs was completely unreachable right now even to me. His outlaw side took him over and that was how he was going to roll no matter who he had to hurt in the process.

Jaxs wouldn't tell them what Torric gave him either. He put the papers in his cut and was walking out the door "Jaxs you can't just do this kinda shit. Then walk out and be done with it."

"I'm not done yet." I had no idea where Jaxs was going but he was one pissed off mother fucker right now. They all left to go follow him. Nero and Happy stayed with me.

The one thing I learned from being in the Family. There is a couple of ways to handle this; pay them off and make them know that if they talk you will come after them. If that doesn't work then you only have one choice left, kill them. For their sake I'm hoping they will all just take the pay off.

The workers and dancers I know will take the pay off. Hell I know they all have witnessed worse shit than that working for Roberto. The only ones I had to worry about were the six customers in here. Two of them I knew. I paid them off with money and dancer pussy. They're good and I know I have nothing to worry about with them. I was spending Roberto's money and will have to put it back later.

Three of them just wanted to go but I paid them off with money. Thank god they are frequent customers. We all know their names and where they live. So I don't think they will do too much knowing who Roberto is and what he would do to them.

That left one. One we knew nothing about and he wasn't even smart enough to not run his mouth about going to the cops. Now I ask you if people are pointing guns at you is that a smart move? Hell no it's not.

Nero and Happy was taking Torric's body out through the back of the club. That left me to deal with this asshole. Having him go out the back door too. I stood there pointing my gun at him and trying to get myself to pull the trigger. But I couldn't do it.

Trying to convince myself that I should do it to protect Jaxs but, I waited too long. The guy tackled me and had me down on the ground. Thank god Happy had no problem whacking his ass. Happy had justified killing that guy in his own head. That it came down to me or that guy.

"Damn it Lily. You know hesitating on the kill will get your head blown off."

"I know. I swear it's the baby sucking my brain cells out of me."

"Well it is Jaxs kid. It could use all the good brain cells you can give him Lily."

Loading up dead body number two for the night in the back of the SUV. Hap's cell was going off "Shit we gotta go. Jaxs attacked Tara."

Nero was going to take care of clean up and body disposal. While Hap and I were speeding like hell to get to Jaxs house.

It was a stand-off in the Abel and Thomas's room with Jaxs and Tara. The rest of them were begging him to put the gun down. None of them knew what the fuck happened but, I bet I can guess.

I even tried to get Jaxs to put it down but he wouldn't do it for me either. Every day that goes by dealing with all of this shit just drags him into hell a bit farther. So I did the only thing I could think of "That bitches kill belongs to me Jaxs. You promised me that score would get settled and I get to decide."

I figured Jaxs demon side was the one I might still be able to reach and would even hear what I was saying. He finally handed me his gun and after I took it I slid the clip out of it.

Dragging Tara out of the room while she still was breathing. Because if Jaxs had his way about it she wouldn't have been "Why would you want to help me out? Since this shit is all of your fault. If you would have stayed away from my husband none of this would have ever happened."

"I'm not doing it for you Tara. I'm doing it for Jaxs. I would stay the fuck away from him right now if I was you. And you're only kidding yourself if you really think I'm what caused your problems with Jaxs." Asking Juice to keep Tara outside while I went to talk to Jaxs.

Jaxs was sitting in the rocking chair looking at the empty crib and he was breaking my heart "I look at my hands and know all the evil shit they can do. All the things they have already done too. It's like I've got the devil with me all the time and he is always whispering to me what I gotta do. Even though I know it's not always right. It's always more blood on my hands for me to have to live with. The only time I don't feel that way and can shut the devil out is when I'm with Abel, Thomas and you."

I know what Jaxs meant. I've seen him beat people senseless with his fist. He killed that guy with his bare hands by caving his skull in on the concrete when he came after Able and Thomas . Jaxs definitely rules his club with an iron fist sometimes too.

But when Jaxs touches me; his touch is as smooth as silk. I feel nothing but love coming from him. I've never been afraid of him. But hell that could be because I am just as crazy as he is.

Taking a piece of paper out of his cut. He handed it to me. It was a statement given to Torric by none other than Tara. That's why Jaxs went off the deep end. It would have brought charges against him and the club. It would have also reinstated the reco case all over again too. Jaxs had no choice but to kill Torric. If that piece of paper would have ever went to the authorities none of them would have ever seen daylight again. It would have been twenty to life for all members of the club.

It wasn't signed by Tara yet but Jaxs knows that she's the only one that would have known about all that shit "There is no signature on here Jaxs. Maybe Torric was just trying to use it to get to you and used Tara to do it."

"Come on Lil. You know how this shit works. I gotta kill her now I've got no choice."

"Can you really kill the mother of your child on a maybe? The only one that really knows for sure is Torric and he won't ever be talking about it again."

We stood in the bathroom together. Jaxs lit the paper on fire and threw it in the sink. Tara is on her own with Jaxs now. I know that bitch rated as well as Jaxs does. I won't even try to save her again either. He might be letting it go tonight but it all comes around. It's just a matter of when for Tara.

The story that was told to the club was that Jaxs lost it with dealing with trying to get the kids back. Tara was going to fight him for custody of the kids and that was the final push for him. I gave Tara a look of; I dare you to say anything different. She went along with the story.

But I decided to reinforce that with her "Jaxs is my family. If you do anything to try to hurt my family again; Jaxs will be the least of your worries. I'm not going to keep doing this shit with you Tara. I'll just slit your fucking throat and be done with it. I have tried really hard not to do that because I don't want to make Abel and Thomas suffer without their mother. If you even think about talking to the cops again, you won't live to regret it. Consider this your last warning." I was all little gangster girl right now too and meant what I said. The only thing Tara has on her side with me is those two little boys.

"Oh and one more thing."

It was time for me to settle my score with Tara. Punching her as hard as I could in the face "That's for shooting me." Since that's all she got tonight; she should consider herself lucky. After all I did save her from Jaxs.

As far as Torric went Jaxs made up something to tell the club about him too. I don't know what and I don't want to. Jaxs was back at the moment taking care of business and that's all I cared about. Trying to keep him here in this world with me.

The club is now seeing what I was saying about Jaxs. If things keep going in this direction I don't know that they will continue letting him serve as their leader much longer. I don't think they bought all of the story he told them and they were already questioning his leadership before all of this shit happened.

I didn't feel like going for another ride so I waited for Nero. When I opened the door he had a Butterfingers for me "I figured you could probably use that Lily."

Fuck he wasn't kidding about that one. It wasn't hard to see why Gemma loved him so much. Nero still can walk that line but I don't know if he can once the shit comes down with getting Gemma and the boys back.

When Nero and I got back to the clubhouse the only one out in the bar was Jaxs. Nero said he was tired. He was going to get cleaned up and go to bed. Jaxs was token and drinking alone. That is never a good combination when you're doing it alone.

Setting down at the bar with Jaxs. Hell I would be drunk and stoned too if I could after the kind of day I've had "Hey are you okay?"

"I'm about stoned half out of my mind. Heading to being whiskey bent and I'm sure that I'm hell bound. Wanna go with me?"

"Sure why not. I'm already half way to hell on my own so I might as well finish the ride with my Harley man." At least he smiled.

"Are the cops coming for me cause of what I did to Torric?" I told Jaxs that I thought it was handled. He owed Hap and Nero for all the shit they did tonight. I would take care of Roberto's pay off money that I used.

"Why do you love me Lil? I can't give you anything and you could do so much better than me. Roberto told me about all the money you've got and I'm fucken broke. You can have anyone you want. So I really don't get it."

"I love you Jaxs because you're a good man and the way you make me feel loved back. I never thought I would ever get to have that feeling again. Money can't buy love and I don't care about material things."

"Everybody thinks I hooked up with you cause of the way you look and for sex but, they're wrong. When I first met you I couldn't stand you. I hated everything about you."

"Wow. Mr. Romantic you know saying shit like that isn't going to get you into my panties right?"

"The reason was you made me feel bad about myself and all the shit I was doing wrong. Always pushing me and challenging me. I've never made a connection with a woman like I have with you Lil. Now I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm not sure that I even knew what real love meant until you came along. No body has ever really loved me back. Or done things for me like you have." Now that was a panty dropper for sure. Even if it was just drunk talk, I was going to take it as real.

"That's why I can't give you up to Dominic or anybody else. At first I was trying to figure out how to deal with family over love. But now you're my lover, my best friend and my family." That was a heart stopper for sure.

Jaxs was so drunk and high that he could barely stand up. He leaned up against the pool table "Come here babe. Wanna play with my stick and balls?"

We both needed that connection with each other of being one. We didn't give a shit if anyone came in and saw us either. Sucking on his cock until he was thrusting it in my mouth, trying to get me to take him all in. But that wasn't going to happen yet. Licking his balls and sucking them in my mouth one at a time. He was holding on to my hair trying to force his cock into my mouth but I wouldn't let him.

Jaxs lifted me up on the pool table. Sitting me on one of the corners. Forcing his way in between my legs and he was trying to sink his balls into my corner pocket. I wanted to feel him inside me so bad right now. Not just because I needed sex. Because I needed him, all of him.

But I wanted to tease him for a little bit longer the way he always does me. Every time he would get his cock lined up to enter me, I would move so he couldn't. Even drunk Jaxs was stronger than me. He pushed me to lay back on the table and he climbed on the table too. There were balls moving all over the table around our bodies.

I kept trying to move so when Jaxs tried to put his cock in me he couldn't. But he got tired of that little game. Grabbing a hold of my hips so rough in his hands. Those same hands that he only sees as evil, that I only see as my loving man. He had my body pinned down to the table with his and I couldn't move when he plunge his cock into me so hard. I couldn't help but to scream out when his cock hit all the right spots inside me. This was not going to be a loving or gentle fuck by any means.

Feeling Jaxs slowing down just when I would get close to cumming because he knew it too. He wasn't letting me get there. Raising up my hips from the table to meet his thrust so I could hit that orgasm that was building up inside me. He grabbed my hips and held them down to the table then barely continued to move inside me. With a smile on his face "Did you think it's was nice to tease me Lil? Now it's my turn. Let me show you what happens to my bad girl when she's a little tease."

Jaxs went to get up but he stopped. He was looking straight ahead and his movements all but stopped. When I went to get up too he pulled my head into his chest so I couldn't move.

"Get out."

That was the Jackson voice of authority. I never saw who walked in on us and really didn't want to know. But it didn't stop Jaxs from doing his thing. Neither did being drunk. Goddamn that boy still could use it.

Rolling me over to lay flat against the table. Jaxs was smacking my ass with his hands until it felt like it was on fire and stung. His fingers lightly going over my ass cheek felt so good and helped to stop the burning. Just when I would let out sigh of relief Jaxs would bring his hand down harder across my ass "I bet you're not gonna tease me again. Are you little girl?" If this is my punishment, hell yeah I'll be doing it again.

Taking his cock and thrusting in as far as he could go inside me then pulling it all the way out of me again. Everytime he would pull it out I wanted to cum and I was so close to having an orgasm. A big, churning, meltdown one "Please Jaxs. Don't pull out anymore baby. Make me cum."

The front of my body was rubbing against the material on the pool table while Jaxs was thrusting his cock into me from behind. I was reaching for something to hold on to, anything. I was starting to get a burn from the friction of his hard thrusts into me moving my body all over the table. I finally grabbed on to a cue ball. Jaxs took it from my hand and reached my hand behind me to his "Play with my balls instead."

Hearing Jax moaning and feeling him throbbing inside me, I squeezed his balls hard in my hand. His body collapsed down on top of mine. Kissing my neck and back "Come on babe. Let's get up and go to bed before I pass out here for the night."

Still feeling weak in the knees from that one. I was trying to get my legs back under me to walk down the hall with Jaxs. You know you've been fucked really good when your legs are still sweating and they feel like jello after.

We laid in bed not saying a word and holding on to each other just like we always do. Jaxs woke me up a couple of times throughout the night. I would feel him moving to lay his body on top of mine and his cock moving inside me. We loved tonight like we never have before. Admitting our weakness for each other and wanting to be together forever.

Rolling over I didn't feel Jaxs laying beside me. He was setting in the chair writing in his notebook. I don't think he even went to sleep again tonight. I don't know how much longer he can keep this pace up before he falls. But the question is when he falls will he be able to get up again from it?

Sitting down in front of him on the floor. I was all wrapped up in a blanket. If this was going to be where he was staying for the rest of the night so was I. Leaning my head on his leg I felt his hand playing with my hair. I don't need a bed to have a restful nights sleep, just Jaxs.

Over the next couple of days Jaxs stopped talking much even to me. Waiting for that call to come in from Dominic. That was what Dominic wanted all along was to break Jaxs down. He finally accomplished it too.

Drinking his breakfast, lunch and dinner with a side of weed to keep him stoned trying to take his pain away. I can't even remember the last time I could get him to eat. The only sleep he gets is when he can't go anymore and his body forces him to. Then it's only for a couple of hours at a time. He was living in his own personal hell and I couldn't take it anymore.

Anytime I tried to talk to Jaxs about what we had to do, I would always get the same response from him "I'm gonna get Gemma, Roberto, Abel and Thomas back without handing over you and Andrew. I'll find a way."

Jaxs can't make the decision so I am making it for him. He would end up hating me and himself if he chose me over his boys or if something happened to them because we waited to long to do something about it. This way he will only end up hating me. But he will have Abel and Thomas with him. They will heal him eventually.

Since I can't put off the inevitable I was going to prepare for it. Waiting until I knew that Jaxs had finally passed out to leave. I know he will be pissed that I left without taking anyone with me but they can't know about it either. Making the calls I needed to make first. I needed to have everything in order for what was coming.

While I was waiting on my meeting time to come I went to say good-bye to my family. I've been here so much to see Gabe and Addison in the last couple of months. With them it's never really good-bye it's until I see them again. If that is the way things end up for me because of this, then that will be real soon.

Waiting for them to get here I was thinking about the last time I was here with Jaxs. How wonderful he was about Addison and how ready I was to be all in with Jaxs. I would have followed that man anywhere and would have been so happy to do it too. It's funny how much can change with just a day or two. With Jaxs everything changes almost daily in his life.

They pulled up beside me and I hadn't even notice from being off in my own little world "Here is everything you asked for Lilyan. Are you sure that you want to do this? Roberto would not like this shit at all. If he lives through it you know he will kick my ass for doing this."

"I know Roberto wouldn't but what choice do I have? Dominic will kill him if I don't do it and Jaxs will lose his children. I've just ran out of options Kyle. No matter which way I go, I still lose."

Handing him three envelopes that needs to be delivered for me. I told Kyle the exact time he needs to make sure that happens at. Timing on this is everything. Giving him all my account info too so if I die. I want Jaxs and the boys to have the money that I have in there. Knowing that Kyle will make sure that happens for me. They would never have to struggle or worry about money again.

"Make sure you take care of Jaxs and the club for me. They are going to need your help Kyle after I do this. Will you also make sure that Jaxs knows that I really do love him and that's why I did it." That's going to be the hardest part of this. Making Jaxs see that I love him and I'm not betraying him. When you really love someone you are willing to give up your own happiness or life for them if that is what it takes.

I was going to lose Jaxs one way or another right now. It was just a matter of when and to what. Dominic taking him away from me or to that side of darkness that will never let go of Jaxs to truly let him live again.

Listening to my messages on the way back to the clubhouse. They were all from Jaxs; Lil where did you go?, It's not safe for you to go out alone and you know that, I needed you and you weren't here when I woke up, Please come back I'm not gonna make it if you leave me too.

Hanging up because I couldn't listen to anymore of Jaxs messages. If I did I might not be able to go through with it. I made the call before I changed my mind.

It has come down to me or Dominic. There will never be any peace in my life or in Jaxs as long as Dominic is alive. I can't live the rest of my life on the run again. Always fearing that I will be found or worse; that Andrew would be.

Seeing Harleys coming up behind me I knew I was busted. Jaxs had come to find me. Only it wasn't SOA cuts on their backs. They were swerving at me trying to run me off the road. These stupid fucks where going to mess up everything I just did.

I called Jaxs and told him what their patch said "Fuck they are protecting the heroine traffic. Marks must have pushed them to retaliate against us. Don't let them get you off the road Lil, they will hurt you. Where are you I'm coming?"

They shot out my tires and I'm just sitting here waiting to find out what they are going to do with me "Well Andrew, here we go again. Shit I knew I should have stopped and got a Butterfingers."

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me! I got a little carried away on the length of this chapter. After hitting almost 9,000 words, I had to find a place to stop at. Because I could have just kept going.**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Waring this chapter is a little dark. You may not find it to be but, I just wanted to give a heads up.**

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**JACKSONS POV**

Riding to get to Lil and Andrew. Just another fucked up day of someone else that wants to take my family away from me cause of who I am. Alvarez wouldn't answer his cell. He's left me no choice but to kill him too if that's what it takes to get Lil back.

Finding the SUV on the side of the road with the tires blown out, empty. We called that son of a bitch ten more times but he wouldn't ever answer. But Tig kept trying "Are you sure Lily said they were Mayans?"

"Yeah. Alvarez not answering when we call means he's not ready to make what demands he wants yet. Or he took her for Marks." They were debating what our next move should be. But, I didn't need to.

"Jackie where the hell are you going?"

"I'm going to get Alvarez attention so I can get my old lady back." They were following behind me. It wouldn't have mattered if they did or not. I already knew what I was gonna do.

Rolling up like we owned the hang out of the Mayans. I wasn't afraid to be here and I wasn't afraid of them. I walked up to his bike and I started firing rounds into it "Alvarez come out here you fucken pussy."

Needless to say I got his attention and all the other Mayans too. They all came out firing at us. We all started diving for cover and most of us took it behind old cars they had in the parking lot "What the fuck are we gonna do now Jaxs?"

"Don't know yet Hap. I guess I should've thought that shit through a little better."

Screaming it out so they could hear me "Alvarez I just wanna talk. I'm putting my gun on the hood of the car and I'm coming out."

Tig grabbed me when I was getting up "Man I can't let you go out there alone Jaxs. He's probably gonna kill you."

"Fuck he would have to stand in line to kill me Tig. That fucken line is a mile long now. I gotta do this. It's the only way I can get to Lil."

Raising my hands up so he could see I didn't have a weapon in them. When I reached Alvarez, his second in command knocked the shit out of me with a fist to the face "What the fuck. The Sons roll up to my place and shoot the shit outta my bike. Then you tell me you just wanna talk. I kill bitches for doing less shit than that esse. You gotta death warrant or something?"

Telling him the whole story. But kept telling me it wasn't him that took Lil "They were wearing Mayan cuts."

"Some of my crew split off and started working for Marks as protection for him. They took the drug pipeline away from us and gave it all to the Niners. I've tried to get a hold of the Sons for a couple of weeks. We even went to the clubhouse and nobody was there. It looked liked you packed up your shit and took off. But I don't got your old lady and didn't have anything to do with it."

So I had to fucken relive all my old shit and tell them that story too. After talking we're gonna help each other out with Marks. They're might be something that I can do to help the Mayans with the hookup of another pipeline too. Alvarez was making phone calls to see if he could find out anything.

"I'm sorry about your kids and old lady. But if the Sons ever pull any bullshit like this again; we have no truce and I bring the party to main street in Charming. You feeling me esse?"

"Yeah I do." We shook hands on our deal. I've gotta pay for his bike and I sweetened the next shipment of guns too. Giving him a huge discount to put this shit behind us. I would feel no different then he does right now. But a desperate man does desperate things. That's what I am to get my family back.

Not knowing where to even start looking for Lil we went back to the clubhouse and were waiting for Alvarez to call. Tig and Juice was making calls too. To see if any of them had heard anything coming down on the streets about Lil. I was just about to lose my mind setting and waiting to see if I was gonna get any part of my family back. Or if this was gonna be my punishment for being the kinda man I am.

Chibs came into the table too "Not now bro." I just wanted to be alone and wallow in my own self pity. Feel the pain of the hell that I was living through. Run down list of shit in my mind that's got me where I am.

Chibs shut the doors and sat down anyways. Anymore I don't even know why I bother telling them that I don't wanna do something cause they all do what they wanna do "Jackie that shit with Alverz was crazy and stupid. Not only could you've got yourself killed but all of us too. You've always had your head on straight enough to think shit through before doing it. I gotta know, are you on a suicide mission or have you just completely lost it? Cause that's the way it seems to me. I know that story you told us about Torric is a bunch of bullshit too. We all could have went down for that shit cause you didn't think that through either. I love you kid. If you tell me the truth I will still be here trying to help you get through it. But there's not shit I can do if you don't tell me."

"I'm under so much fucken stress Chibs. You've got no idea what it really takes to set in this chair. Then I lost my kids, my life and what I live for. Today I lost the one that gets me through another day. The one that's there to tell me it's okay and don't be a dumb fuck when I'm fucken shit up. Lil is not just my old lady. She's my best friend that I lean on for everything. I lost my way before I ever lost them and without them I don't got shit to live for anymore. No fucken reason to get out bed or to care if the next day comes or not." Before we could talk anymore Tig came in. Alvarez called and thinks he knows where they are holding Lil at.

We met up with the Mayans. It's part of Alvarez's crew that broke away from him that now works for Marks. They took Lil. Which means they probably work for Dominic and Clay too "They wanna trade your old lady for money and guns or they turn her over to Marks. The ransom is very high. They are given you an hour to get it here."

There was no way that I could cover that shit either. The club is broke and I'm broke. We haven't had a shipment of guns in so long and the surplus we got at the warehouse is nothing "Will they trade her for me? If I go in will it buy us some more time?"

Alverz has his own score to settle with them too. If they continue to work the streets on his turf then they'll take over his action and will push him out. So we came up with a plan. It was a shitty plan. But, at least we would try to get Lil out of there then kill all of them son of a bitches before they hurt her.

They kept trying to convince me that I didn't have to do this. But we all know I did. I didn't even have to think twice about doing it either. You protect the ones that you love and it doesn't matter what you gotta do, you do it "Just get what guns we got and we'll give them those. I'll figure out how to make that shit up later."

Walking out surrendering to them. It's not like Lil and me ain't already been here before together. Most women would have already hated me for always putting them in danger and making their life a living hell. But not Lil. If anything it only makes our relationship stronger each time we go through something together. She stands strong by my side and still loves me no matter what shit gets thrown at us. They all think she's crazy for even wanting to be with a guy like me. Hell I know that I'm crazier than she could ever be. But without her, I'm completely fucken insane.

Before they would take me on the inside they were searching me for weapons "Forty five in the cut."

"Where's our guns and money? We're not gonna keeping waiting."

"The guns are on the way. It's just gonna take me a minute to get the money." I was stalling for time. I just hope Alvarez comes through with the rescue. Cause there is no money coming.

Throwing me down beside Lil "Are you okay? Did they hurt you?"

"I'm just peachy. Tied up waiting to see who is going to kill me first. How's your day been Jaxs?"

"Oh you know the same shit on a different day. My old lady gets kidnapped cause she don't listen to me about going out alone. People trying to kill me. Nothing new really."

"Yeah, I know what you mean Jaxs. I feel the same way too."

They kept telling us to shut up but, I've never been that good at listening. So I kept running my mouth to them. That was until I felt a kick from one of them "Shit that was right in the balls. Fuck that hurt."

"Maybe you should stop trying to help us by talking Jaxs?"

"Yeah. I think that might be a good idea too." We both started laughing at that.

"Shut the fuck up. What part of that don't you understand? We're not playing around anymore. Are you two fucken crazy or what?"

"Yeah we really are and we get that a lot." It just made me and Lil laugh even harder. To most people we probably do seem crazy for the shit we do. But to me we could not be anymore normal. Even though we're facing death again it was better than not knowing where she was or if she was okay. Cause when it's my time to go, beside her is where I wanna be.

The guns arrived and they weren't very happy with those. Cause there really wasn't but a few to give them. But there was no fucken way I was gonna come up with the money they wanted. They got me up and it was time for shit to go bad again "First I'm gonna kill you. Then I'm gonna turn your old lady over to Marks to do what he wants to do with her."

Before I could try to stall them again he stuck the barrel of the gun in my mouth "I've already had enough of your fucken mouth and I'm done waiting now."

"No don't hurt him. I can get you whatever you want. I have money."

"How much money could an old lady have?"

"Check my ink."

He cocked the hammer back and was ready to fire. Lil was screaming it now "Don't hurt him. Check my ink goddamn it. I carry the mark. I'll pay you double what Marks is paying you and you can keep the money he gave you already."

"Check her."

One of the guys went over and pulled Lil's shirt up "She's got the mark on her."

Gangster girl was fast talking and making deals. Calling in the Family's money and favors to try to get us out of this shit. Fuck she wasn't leaving anything for me to do so I sat down and waited until she was done. The Family would be coming with the cash for us. Well for Lil. I don't think they really give a shit if I live or die.

When they looked out the window they saw the Family cars coming and them getting out of them. Slamming my face into the window "Who the fuck are they?"

"Looks like an Italian guy and more Italian guys to me." I paid for that smart ass comment too. With the butt end of his gun coming down across my face.

They were coming towards us with theirs guns out and ready to fire. But there was still two of them that had guns on me and Lil on the inside.

"Do you remember the night I meet you Jaxs?"

"Yeah."

"Signature move."

I knew that boot was coming for his face. She always takes you by surprise cause you don't see her that way by just looking at her. Or expect that shit coming from a girl.

Knocking the other one out of the way. We were diving for cover cause those Italian mother fuckers don't fuck around when it's time to go in for the kill either. They could have made sure we were out of the way first. But at least they came to save us.

"We really need to stop doing this Jaxs."

"I couldn't agree more Lil." With bullets flying everywhere around us.

Alvarez walked in and made the kill himself on the two that were left. He has to show how strong he is and that none of them will ever take over his shit "Punto bitches."

These fucks were making a protection run for Marks and that's when they were gonna hand Lil over to him. They were gonna be protecting some cargo we wanna get our hands on. They told us this when they thought they were gonna just walk out of here with the money.

Now all we needed to do was have some willing Mayan cuts to replace the dead ones to be there for that run. Convince Marks that they are taking him to get Lil and turning her over to him.

Lily gave Alvarez the money she was gonna give to them to get us out of this shit. All he's gotta do is have some of his guys show up to make the run then we'll be there to intercept it "That settles my debt for the bike too Alvarez."

"What bike?"

"It's a long story Lil. I just wanna get the fuck outta here."

But that shit didn't happen either. Here came Pappy's car. Me and Lil stood hand in hand and waited for him. I told the rest of them to take off. This was something that I was gonna have to face on my own. Cause I already knew what was coming.

After they opened the door for Pappy to get out he looked at our hands joined together. Let just say he wasn't happy about it either "I see that you two have become a lot friendlier than you were the last time I saw you. This relationship will not happen. I forbid it and you will not disgrace your family again. Lilyan come take a walk with me."

"No. Whatever you gotta say to her you can say to me too."

"You have no say in this Mr. Teller. This is between me and my grand daughter."

"It's okay Jaxs. Pappy and I should talk about Roberto and what needs to be done." I only agreed cause that's what she wanted to do. I went and sat on my bike and lit up a smoke.

They were gone forever. When they came back Pappy didn't say a fucken word to me. He got in his car and they all drove off.

"What was that shit all about?"

"It was about delivering Abel and Thomas. Right after we intercept the cargo. It will be done. We will be met there and you will have your children back home with you Jaxs. Gemma and Roberto will be released too."

"Why is Pappy helping me out? What does he wanna make me do in return for him?"

"Nothing. He doesn't want you do to anything. You just have to trust me Jaxs." That was enough for me. My family will be together again. I would have done what I had to do to make that happen. I was so fucken happy that I will get to hold my sons again. Hell I've even missed Gemma.

"When are you gonna listen to me Lil? It's not safe for you to be out alone." I was razing her a little and being fucken serious at the same time.

"News flash for you Jaxs. It's not that safe when I'm with you either. But I don't give a shit. I still love my Harley man." Hugging me so close to her body telling me she loves me in every way possible. I really wanna be mad at her for not listening to me but, I couldn't be.

"Are you up for a ride? There's something that I wanna show you?" The garage went to tow the SUV back. After we get tires put on it she'll have wheels again.

Taking our time and not being in a hurry to get anywhere. I saw this the other day when I went on a ride and I'm not sure how she'll feel about it. But I know how I do. I'm more ready for this and sure about it than I have ever been in my life.

Pulling up in the driveway "Why are we here Jaxs?"

"I thought if you liked it too in a couple of months I can put a down payment on it. I just gotta get back up on my feet and get the club operating again then I can do it."

The real estate lady finally got here to show it to us. We walked through it together "It has four bedrooms so the boys can each have their own room."

"Come on. Let me show you the best part of it."

There wasn't any houses around and the back yard was huge. There was a treehouse and huge wooden play set that came with it. But the best part of it. We walked down to the gazebo that had a hot tub in it. Helping her over the side to set in the empty tub with me "We can sit in here and watch the kids play at the same time. It even has a radio, lights and cooler."

We were sitting in it laughing and kissing when the lady cleared her throat "This was the selling point of the house for you wasn't Jaxs?"

"You know it babe."

Lil really hadn't said much about it "If you don't like it we can keep looking. I know this is nothing like what you're use to. But I really like it here. It's off to itself and quiet."

"It's perfect Jaxs. I love it. But are you really sure that you want that kind of life?"

"What kind of life are you talking about?"

"A family and to be tied down."

"I have a family Lil. You and the boys. I wanna be married to you and live some sort of normal life together."

Turning the ring on her finger "Don't you want that too?"

Giving me a long and sweet kiss "If we're still together in a couple of months from now Jaxs. We'll talk about living together." That was gonna be as much of a commitment that I was gonna get from her. So I took it.

On the ride back I was feeling better than I had in a while. My boys are coming home and gonna be safe again. Life is starting to go my way for a change. With the one that keeps me sane and loves me on the back of my bike to start a new life with. That put a smile on my face. I don't get many reason to smile anymore.

It was late when we got back and I was ready for bed. I haven't slept for shit in days. Holding her to me "Don't scare me like that again Lil. I don't know what I'd do without you." Holding on to her a little tighter than normal, like she holds my heart. Until I couldn't stay awake anymore.

Waking up Lil was gone. Looking at the clock, it was two in the morning. I went looking for her and somebody was making a hell of a racket in the kitchen. There was my girl making cookies and cupcakes and a lot of other shit.

"Babe its two in the morning what the hell are you doing?"

"I couldn't sleep so I thought I would bake some stuff."

"Yeah I can see that."

I was trying to get her to come back to bed with me but she wasn't tired. Lil just opened a can of chocolate frosting to put on the cupcakes. Sticking my finger down in the can "You know we never did get that chocolate love yet."

Holding my finger up to her mouth but she backed away from me. She never does that "Don't you want me Lil?"

"Jaxs we should wait until later. Not here."

"No. I want you now. I need you Lil. Just love me." Slowly taking my finger in and out of her mouth sucking the frosting away from it. She wrapped her arms around my neck and started kissing my jaw line up to my neck, lightly biting on my ear.

Lifting Lil up on the counter. I took my shirt off she was wearing. Putting more chocolate all over her breast and stomach. Licking it up until it was gone. She did the same to me. Her hot tongue licking me clean. Sucking on each others fingers until they were clean too.

Taking her shorts off I took another dip of the chocolate and spread it on her pussy and just on the inside of her. Using my tongue to clean it up with and pleasing her at the same time. When she wiggles around on my face and gets so wet while I'm going down on her; it excites me and lets me know she's loving it too.

Both of us smearing the rest of the can over each others bodies. Holding each other tight the chocolate was making our skin stick together. The way we should be, together. I lifted her off the counter to turn her around so I could take her from behind; I saw her back and what she had done "When did you do this?" She had my name tatted on the small of her back by her family tatt.

"A couple of days ago when I couldn't get you to leave the room. I just needed to know that you were always going to be with me. That's why I had Happy put Jackson there."

I didn't know what to say. So we stood in the kitchen naked and covered in chocolate holding on to each other. If someone came in they would find this more fucked up then finding us naked on top of the pool table.

Taking Lil's hand we went into the chapel and closed the door. Sitting in my chair she bought me "I wanna make love to my Queen on my throne."

The smile she gave me almost made my heart stop. Straddling me I could feel her heart beat on my cock through her pussy. Feeling her heart was more important to me than the sex was right now. Rocking her hips so slow back and forth on me. She was getting to me in ways I don't think she has before. Holding her close to me and having my hand where she put my name on her back "I love you Jackson and I always will."

Coming inside her I couldn't stop myself from saying it. Wanting and needing to know that she would be mine some day "Marry me Lil."

"Jaxs you're already married. And we have been over all of this already. You know they will never allow that."

"Not for much longer. In a couple of months my divorce will be finial. After that's over and we get the kids back we can move forward with us. I don't give a shit what the Family wants. Don't you want that Lil? Don't you wanna be my wife and be together forever?"

Giving me a long kiss before she got up from my lap "I really do love you Jaxs. Maybe some day we can have the rest of it. But for now knowing that you love me is enough for me."

"You know what if you keep turning me down. I'm gonna stop asking you Lil."

Giving me a sexy smile over her shoulder as she walked out of the chapel "No you won't Jaxs."

"Yeah your right. I won't stop asking you."

**LILYANS POV**

After I cleaned up the kitchen and we took a shower we went back to bed. Jaxs was wide awake and seemed more at easy than I've seen him in a while. More sure about life "I wanna go away with you and our boys somewhere. I don't care where. I just need time with you and them."

When he finally fell asleep. I watched him for a long time. Feeling so bad for what I have to do. Wondering if I'm doing the right thing and what it will end up doing to Jaxs in the end. But I was exhausted and finally closed my eyes to fall asleep in the arms of the man I love.

Getting my shower done and ready to leave for my doctor's appointment Jaxs was behind me "You didn't think I was gonna let you go without me did you?"

Jaxs drove the SUV so I wouldn't have to take another bike ride. Waiting on the table for the doctor to come in Jaxs kept rubbing his hand over my stomach.

"I missed all of this with Abel and Thomas. Wendy and me already split by then. I was doing time when Tara was pregnant. But I won't miss any of it with Andrew. I'll get to be there when he comes into this world. Hold my son when he takes in the first breaths of life." I wanted to break down and cry when he said that. But I didn't. I just held on to Jaxs hand even tighter.

Everything was fine with the baby so far. Which is completely amazing considering everything he's already been through and not even born yet. They gave us two print outs of the sonogram because Jaxs wanted one too and they even put Andrew Teller on it for him. I didn't bring my purse so I gave mine to him too. He stuck them both in his wallet and I'll have to remember to get it from him later.

When we got back to the clubhouse Jaxs went off doing something with Chibs. I thought Tig was acting strange when we got back. Not saying anything and kind of off in his own little world. He went out into the garage with his dog and was gone a long time. I went out too and found him holding on to his dog for dear life crying.

"Today is my daughters birthdays. One of them is gone and the other one doesn't even wanna talk to me." I held on to him so tight. I know what the hell is that he is feeling.

Seeing Jaxs walked out into the garage too. He gave me a smile then turned around and left. Tig just needed someone to be there for him and to know that someone gives a shit about him. I don't think other than the Sons he has anyone in his life. Most of them don't. They have to rely on each other.

"Come on Tig. Let's get out here for a while."

"Nah. It's okay Jaxs won't like that."

"You leave Jaxs to me honey."

"Where are we going?"

"To start the healing process Tig."

Going in to tell Jaxs we we're leaving. He knew I was helping Tig out. Giving me a kiss before I left "You stay with Tig and don't leave him. Do you hear me? I love you Lil."

"Yes sir. I will do as I am told to."

I could hear Jaxs as I was going out the door "I mean it Lil." He is so cute when he thinks he's the boss.

The first stop we made was to buy something for his daughters. Since the one lives far away he bought her a charm bracelet that I helped him pick out. He wrote a little note to go with it and we sent it to her overnight.

It was the other daughter, the one he lost, that he was having trouble with. So I asked him what Dawn liked or what she was into "She loved her cat. I bought it for her when she was about nine years old. She still had him when..." Tig was on the verge of having his own break down.

Taking his hand in mine we went to find Dawn's present. We found little miniture cats. Tig picked up one "This one almost looks like hers."

Waiting on his bike when he went to put it on her grave. It's the only thing that still helps me to feel close to Addison. Those little cars are the only things I can give to him. To let him know I haven't forgotten him and never will.

Tig didn't say anything when he came back but he seemed better "Want to have dinner with me Tig? I'm buying."

We stopped and we each ordered a big steak. Because I was starving. We talked about everything you could think of. But most of all when Tig talked about his daughters, he did it with a smile on his face. Telling me about them when they were little. His proud daddy moments.

Jaxs was still up when we got back "Everything okay?"

"Yeah man. Thanks for letting me borrow your old lady for a while." Tig gave me a kiss on the forehead and went to his room.

We went to ours too. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow. It will be the day that we finally get to have our revenge on the ones that hurt our families. Laying holding each other I was almost out when I heard Jaxs "I love you Lil and I always will."

Waking up feeling my mans body on top of mine. What a great way to start the day. My hands roaming on Jaxs back. Feeling the way he uses his muscles when we make love, a feeling that I never want to forget. Giving his fine ass a little squeeze too. The best part of the morning is he always gives me a kiss first thing "Good morning babe."

Trying to get me to get up. But I didn't want to lose this feeling with him and get out of bed. He smacked my ass a couple of time "Come on Lil. We gotta go meet Alvarez and then we can put this shit behind us for good."

Getting dressed all in black. Jaxs made me wear a vest too. Just in case a bullet came my way. I'm hoping after today I will never have to gear up like this again to go to war against anyone. But I already know I will have to. Because the war hasn't even started yet.

Tig was out in the bar when we went in. Giving me a big hug "Fawn called me. She got her package this morning and loved her bracelet. She called me Dad." He was the happiest man on earth right now and I was happy for him too. He deserves to have so much love in his life. Just like the rest of them do.

"Lil did you make the call? Is everything in place?"

"Everything is a go Jaxs."

"Promise me that you will hang back until it's safe. Stay outta the fucken way Lil. This is where you set out until it's time."

"I promise."

"Stop crossing your fingers behind your back and fucken promise me Lil." Well shit. How did he know I was doing that? So I promised that I would stay out of the way until it was time.

Hugging Jaxs to me as close as I could "You know how much I love you right?"

"Yeah I do. I love you too Lil. Let's get this shit done so we can be with our boys."

Nero was riding with me in the SUV while they rode their bikes. This was one ride Jaxs was not going to be late for and no one could make him not go through with it either.

The car passed us then we saw Mayan cuts. Nero called Jaxs to let them know they were on their way. Jaxs, Chibs, Happy and Tig was waiting on them. When their bikes fell in line with the Mayans, I have never seen a car speed off so fast. They knew we were coming for them. Feeling the same fears that they have instilled in us.

Jaxs was on a mission without mercy. Watching his bike flying to catch up with them, pushing it as fast as it would go. It amazes me that as fast as he goes sometimes he hasn't killed himself already. Maybe his speed is the wings of his angel looking out for him. One can only hope. Because he told me that when it's his time to go, he wants the road to take him. Where is heart truly always is.

But they weren't going to get very far. Because the rest of the SOA was a little further up the road waiting for them too. I bet they were surprised as hell when they realized they had no way out. The same way Clay has made Jaxs feel all these years. The same way Marks made me feel that day he killed my family.

By the time Nero and I got to them. Jaxs had Clay out of that car beating him senseless on the ground. When they were dragging Jaxs off of him, Clay reached for Jaxs knife. He brought it across Jaxs leg. Clay was fighting for his life right now. The way he has made Jaxs fight for his life and his place in the club.

Nero took over for Jaxs. I have never seen Nero be vicious or cruel. But I can't say that now. They had to drag Nero off of Clay too. It will be a miracle if Clay makes it to the place they are planning to take him to so they can kill him.

Huffing for breath Jaxs pulled his angel out of his pocket "I'll be damned it does work."

The knife did cut him but the stone took the worse part of it. It sliced a corner of it off. I knew that boy needed an angel to protect him more than anyone I've ever known.

Not wanting to see Marks face until it was time for my revenge I went with Jaxs on his bike. Nero had Clay and Marks in the back of the SUV and it was time for us to kill them. Put that part of our past to rest finally.

They drug Clay off when we got here. Only Nero, Jaxs and Chibs went in. Tig stayed with me. The others kept watch waiting to see who would come to try to save them.

When I went in Chibs was guarding the door and Clay was already a blood mess "Do you remember that promise I made you when you were laying in the hospital bed?" I had no idea what promise Jaxs made Clay. But I bet it wasn't anything good.

Nero threw some water in Clay's face and was slapping him around "Come on mother fucker wake up. Stay with us we're not done with you yet."

That was a under statement of they were not done with Clay yet. Nero and Jaxs took turns with the torture. They were both to far gone to rationalize with. So I didn't even try to. I just stayed the fuck out of the way.

The devil himself was walking this one with Jaxs. The smile on his face while he was torturing Clay was haunting. Jaxs eyes were like black holes filled with hate and so much anger. As those same eyes stared into the face of the man who has done so much damage to Jaxs over the years. Jaxs was making Clay feel what he has felt; the pain and living hell he went through. Jaxs was sending Clay straight to hell where he belongs too.

But if you haven't ever been there when someone has hurt your family you would never understand it. You would call them evil or sadistic. Where I come from we call it avenging the ones that you love and not caring what consequences you have to suffer for it afterwards.

Jaxs took his knife out "Rip his shirt open." Nero was more than happy to do it too.

That's when I had to stop watching. There was blood, so much blood. Jaxs was ripping Clay's heart out of him just like Clay had done to Jaxs over the years. I was going to get sick. I had to leave.

Walking outside to catch my breath. I heard Clay's screams finally end and I knew it was over for Jaxs too. This would put that part of his life behind him. Jaxs just served up his own outlaw justice; it was a heart for a heart. That score was now settled.

Tig still had Marks tied up and I didn't have the strength to torture him first. Marks was a part of Popes organization when they killed Tig's daughter. He has lived his own hell all over again today.

Giving Tig a match too. We lit them at the same time "Burn in hell you piece of shit." After Tig threw his match too he spit on Marks. One more score settled.

Tig and I stood side by side watching the man who helped burn our children; die by the same death he had dealt out to them. I promised myself if I lived long enough to take Marks life away from him that I would never take another human life again. But that is not a promise that I'm going to be able to keep. I still have one more to go now before I'm done, Dominic.

Jaxs and Nero came outside too. Jaxs told the rest of them to take off. We still had to wait for the kids to get here. Holding on to Jaxs like I might never get to see him again "It's finally over babe. After we get the kids back we can start focusing on our future together."

Jaxs was a different person now. He put that piece of evil to rest and wanting to move on with his life. But he was only half right. It's not completely finished yet. Seeing the Family's car pulling up. All of Pappy's men exited out of their cars just like they always do before he makes an appearance anywhere to make sure that he is kept safe.

Jaxs was expecting it to be Gemma, Roberto, Abel and Thomas. But, it was Dominic that got out of the car "What the fuck is this shit? Where are my kids you son of a bitch?"

Jaxs drew on Dominic just like I thought he would too. All of Pappy's men did the same to Jaxs "You might want to put the gun down now. If anything happens to me, you will never find your children. Because I'm the only one that knows where they are at."

Pappy's men all moved to take control over Jaxs. There was too many of them for Jaxs to even get a chance at a fair fight. They promised me no harm would come to him if I did exactly what they wanted me to do.

Watching them do that to Jaxs was killing me on the inside. But I knew he would fight to his death to get his children back and he would never let me go on his own.

Once they had Jaxs secured so he couldn't hurt Dominic. Dominic wanted to act like the big man to Jaxs. I know what Jaxs could do to Dominic and I almost would welcome the devil in too just to watch Jaxs hurt him.

"Why don't you ask Lilyan? She knows what she has to do for you to see your children again and she has agreed to do it."

"What the hell is he talking about Lil?" The shocked look on Jaxs face said it all. He was fighting against them to get free but there was too many and they took Jaxs down to the ground. All while never taking his eyes from me.

"I'm so sorry Jaxs. This is the way things have to be. It was the only way to get Gemma, Roberto, Abel and Thomas back. If I don't do it Dominic will kill them."

"You made a deal with Dominic behind my back." Jaxs was screaming those words at me. Those words were ringing in my head and tearing my heart apart.

Jaxs thought I betrayed him just like the rest of the world always has. The hurt look and the way his eyes were lifeless now told me he will never get over what I've done. Even though I'm doing it because I love Jaxs so much. Caring about his life and his happiness more than my own.

Dominic held his hand out for me "Come Lilyan. It's time for you to come home to me."

Listening to Jaxs scream at me as I was walking to the car "No. No don't do it Lil. No. I trusted you goddamn it. How could you do this to me? No. Just kill me instead. Don't take her. I love you Lil don't leave me."

Looking at Jackson one more time before I got into the car "I got this Jaxs. I will always love you."

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me! We just thought we had seen fucked up Jackson ... until now!**


	26. Chapter 26

**JACKSONS POV**

I was back in the box looking through the glass again. Locked behind it with no way out. No way to stop it from happening. Completely helpless, weak and dying on the inside watching the ones I love being taken away from me. Screaming no at Opie and Lil at the same time. No don't do it. No don't make the sacrifice of yourselves for me. No don't leave me. But they didn't listen to me and did it anyways.

When they finally let go of me and after watching my world walk away from me, I was completely numb. I was laying on the ground watching Opie take his last breath of life over and over. Watching Lil walking away to take her last breath of freedom over and over. It was supposed to be my call. But they both took that away from me. Along with taking so much more shit away from me than either one of them will ever know.

Laying in the same spot on the ground until it was dark outside. Hearing Op in my head; _I got this_ and Lil; _I got this Jaxs_. Opie didn't and she don't either. Thinking about all the things that was happening to Lil and Andrew now cause of me. If Dominic was hurting her, he's hurting Andrew too. Or worse she was laying in Dominic's bed tonight with him.

Turning my ring on my finger. I had to get my ass up and try to put my family back together again. I had to get Abel, Thomas, Gemma, Roberto, Andrew and Lil back. The list only seems to get longer everyday of people who Dominic is taking away from me.

I really do wanna replace that ring on Lil's finger some day. The only way that's gonna happen is to get the fuck up no matter how bad and lost I feel right now. This is where having just one more day with Lil is haunting me again. I needed her and she's gone. I needed her to hold on to me like she always does and tell me that everything will be okay. We would get through it together.

They told me Dominic would be in touch in a day or two. To tell me where to go to pickup Abel and Thomas at. But now that he has Lil. He might never give any of them back to me either. What's to keep him from killing them all? I thought I was at a bad place of not thinking shit through. But, what the fuck was Lil thinking by doing this shit?

The ride back was so lonely. A ride normally clears my head and the road always helps to heal me. But this was one time that couldn't even help me out. Getting back to the clubhouse I was dreading the walk in, walking it alone again. The only two people that ever gave a shit about me and understood the man I really am are gone now. I've let them both down.

It's always been the only place in my life I've ever had to run to no matter what shit happens. Today was no different. The club has been my life as fucked up as it has ended up being.

They were all expecting me to bring the boys, Gemma and Lil back with me. But I failed to bring any of them home. When I walked in they all started asking me questions at the same time. I refused to answer any of them "Everybody at the table in the morning. I'll explain it all in church."

There was no way I was gonna make it through saying it over and over. I went straight to my room and locked the world out. Sitting down in the chair and staring at our empty bed. Wondering if she'll ever be back here with me again "Goddamn you Lil. How could you do this to me?"

Staring so long at the bed, the walls and at the ring on my finger that my eyes felt as heavy as the pain in my heart does. I toked thinking that would help but it didn't even start to dull the pain I was feeling.

When I started having hundred of thoughts that Lil and Op had said to me all going on at the same time in my head. I had to get outta here.

Grabbing a bottle I went up to the roof. Ignoring everyone around me. I heard what they were saying when I came out in the bar but, I didn't give a shit; _Jaxs has completely lost it this time. Maybe Lily decided she didn't wanna be with him anymore. Why in the fuck didn't he bring the kids home with him? Where is Lily and the boys? Where is Gemma? If this shit keeps up we're gonna have to make some club decisions; maybe it's time to let someone else take the head of the table. Jackie just needs some time to get his shit together; I'll talk to him when he's with it enough to even hear what I'm saying to him._

Sitting at the place where we would go to hang out to get away from everybody. It was worse being up here alone without her. I just thought I knew what lonely was before. But when you know what love really means and then it's taken away from you; you don't wanna live without it.

Finishing that bottle of whiskey off like it was water. It did nothing for me either. Standing at the edge of the roof I let the bottle slip from my hand. Watching it plunge down to the ground and shatter. Just like my heart has done; shattered into a million pieces.

Stabbing my knife into the crate I was setting on what must have been a hundred times. Slicing a place in my hand. Just to see if I still bleed and felt the pain of it. It stung and it hurt. But that hurt was nothing compared to the hurt in my heart. Pain is all that is real to me anymore. Lil always told me that pain is just Gods way of letting you know you're still alive. Even with feeling as much pain as I have I don't feel alive anymore.

_You and I could never shame our families by ending it ourselves, we have to go out as martyrs for our families sake. No matter how much we hate them._

"Yeah I guess so Lil. Martyrs till the end babe. That's what you will always be to me for sacrificing yourself for my children. But even though you did that cause you love me; you're still killing me too being without you."

_You gotta whole lot more living to do brother so stop trying to force it. I'll be waiting with your Harley on the other side when it's your time._

Wiping the blood from my knife off and putting it away. Then wiping tears from my face "I'll see you another day Op. Just not today brother."

Wrapping my hand up to stop the bleeding that was coming from it. Now if I could just find something to make the bleeding from my heart stop too.

_You're never wrong are you Jaxs? Even when you know that you are, you still aren't man enough to admit._

"You're wrong about that one Lil. I can admit it when I'm wrong."

I've been sitting here for hours going down the list of my wrongs. It would take me months to do them all. So I started with the ones that came to my mind first. Writing those down so that I won't ever forget what I've done.

* * *

.

.

_**As life goes on I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility. And I realize everything I do is affecting the people around me. So I wanna take this time out to apologize for the things that I've done. And things that haven't occurred yet. And things that they don't or won't take responsibility for too.** _

* * *

_Cheating is a deal breaker for me Jaxs. I'm the mother of your sons and you need to respect that. What you do to me, hurts them too._

_._

_How could you do this to me Jaxs. No one knows how It makes me feel watching you be with another woman._

_._

_I do Tara because I had to watch you take Able and Jaxs away from me. Everybody thought since I was just a junkie back then I had no feelings._

_._

_Is that all it was to you sleeping with me Jaxs, a hard night. Don't leave me and Abel at home alone to go be with Tara tonight._

_._

_Call Pappy tell him it's done. You both are about the same. I can't decide who I hate more right now him or you Jaxs._

_._

_Would you do the same for me? But wait, I already know the answer to the question Jaxs. As along as it fits your needs, you'll be there for me, right? You got what you wanted from me; I'm feeling all used up now so leave me alone._

_._

_Really. You don't think we've done anything wrong. Have you looked into your wife's eyes and told her that?_

_._

_I know what a ring means. Do you Jaxs? Because I know how easy it was for you to take the one off of your finger you already had on._

_._

_Jackson I'm your mother. Please don't push me away. No matter how you feel about me, I do love you son._

_._

_I'm dead without my boys. I love you Jaxs and I'll always be here for you baby as your mother._

_._

* * *

_**I'm sorry for the times that I left them at home cause I was on the road. For all the times that I had to go and wasn't there when they needed me. The times I would neglect the ones I love. Not telling Mom I love her back. For the disrespect I've shown them. Having other women when I should have been at home with them. For already being married when the right left hand came along.** _

* * *

_._

_When it's me and you setting at the head of the table after Clay is done. We'll get it back to the way it should be brother._

_I'm so sorry Op that I didn't tell you the truth that I was planning on leaving the club. I never meant to lie to you brother._

_._

_Clay dies at the gavel. Did my old man get to say anything before Clay blew a fucken hole in his chest?_

_Op. Put the gun down. Please don't make me kill you._

_._

_You had the chance to be different from Clay. Do things the right way._

_Maybe I'm not so different._

_._

_Why can't you stay and play with me Daddy?_

_I gotta go Abel. Daddy has club business to handle._

_._

_The first time you get to see and hold Thomas, I have to bring him to a prison Jaxs._

_It's only for a few more months then I'll be a free man again. I'm gonna do shit different this time around._

_._

* * *

_**I'm sorry for the wrong things that I've done. The lies that I've told to my brothers and to the club to hide what I've really become. Doing things behind the clubs back cause it came so easy to me; I've told myself the lies long enough that I started believing them as truths too. For not being there for my sons. Taking what should be precious childhood memories and turning theirs into nightmares cause of who I am. Missing out on the most important days of their lives cause I was living my life in the streets that day or serving time for my crimes and sins.** _

* * *

_I'm gonna take the gag out. This is where I talk and you listen. For the next two weeks were gonna get a long and no more bullshit. If you try anything I'm just gonna shoot you._

_._

_Were they after you Lil? Goddamn it my kids were here and could have been killed. I don't give a fuck how much money I can get from babysitting you. Get the fuck out of my sight. I see you as a spoiled little rich bitch that brings nothing but bad shit down where ever you go._

_._

_You came here to get it on Lil. Finish her goddamn it._

_._

* * *

**_I **'** m sorry for the things that I didn't say to you Lil when you were still with me. For all the bad things that I did say and did to you too. For not telling you how you are the best thing in my world. You keep me whole and right with myself. And how I'm proud to call you my gangster girl. I understand that we got problems. And I am not too fucken blind to know that. But you make me a better man and I can't let you go._ **

**_If I get the chance I'll tell you and all of them this again everyday. Hug and kiss each of you and never let you forget how much I love you. You all can blame it on me. I know it's all my fault. I'll take the load and burden. I know I'm the cause of it. If I can't apologize for being wrong. Then it's just a shame on me and you taught me that Lil..._ **

* * *

_._

_I love you Jaxs because you're a good man and you love with the heart of lion. The same way you always fight for what you believe in. But you have such a gentle soul when you want to, that has touched my heart so much and in so many ways. That's just how my Harley man rolls._

_._

* * *

**_I will not be commanded. I will not be controlled. I will not let my future go on without the help of my heart, my soul and my gangster girl..._ **

**_._ **

**_._ **

* * *

After getting all that shit wrote out. I wrote a letter to all of them. Confessing my sins and begging for their forgiveness one by one. Sealing each one of them up in an envelope and putting them all in a larger one. I just needed somebody I could trust enough to make sure that if something happens to me that they get delivered. I don't have many people left now that I trust anymore.

"Hey Jaxs."

"Will you do me a favor Nero? If something happens to me make sure that these get delivered to the names on the envelopes."

"Sure man. But I need to know where Gemma is Jaxs."

Looking at the shape Nero was in without Gemma with him, was almost like looking at myself. So I told him the truth and asked that he didn't say anything until I was ready to tell the rest of them.

After not going to sleep all night, I still wasn't tired. My body was still numb and my mind was still going in a thousand different directions. Lyla passed me in the hallway "Good morning Jaxs. There's a fresh pot of coffee if you want some."

Getting my own coffee this morning I wanted to break down. Lil always made sure that she did it for me. Something that simple and such a little thing was making me lose it. Throwing the cup against the wall and smashing it "Goddamn you Lil. You gave me love then you took it away from me."

Leaning on the counter trying to pull myself together. But I couldn't. This was the same counter that I loved her on just days ago. Just days ago when life seemed to be going my way and we were gonna be together with our boys.

"Jaxs"

Having to taking in a couple of breaths before I could even answer him "What the fuck do you want Juice?"

"There is a guy here to see you. He says he's Lily's friend."

"Are you Jackson Teller?"

"Yeah."

"I'm Kyle. Is there somewhere we can speak privately?"

Going into set at the table. I wasn't sure what shit was gonna come with this visit. He tossed down a folder for me. It was Lil's will.

She had everything already planned out for her death. From what she wanted to be buried in; which was those goddamn black boots of hers. To an account she set up for fresh-cut white Lilies to be delivered every month to Gabe and Addison's graves. The rest she left to me.

There were times in my life with the club that I would have shed blood just to get a few thousand dollars. Lil was wanting to give me millions and I didn't want it. Not the way I had to get it, her blood on my hands. Not if it meant she would be gone from me, taking my heart with her.

"I just need to get your signature Mr. Teller and I will get it taken care of for you."

Holding the pen in my hand and shaking so bad. I threw it down on the table finally "I don't want it." It would be Lil's blood money and I couldn't take it.

"I do understand how you feel Mr. Teller. But Lilyan wants you to have it. If something happens to you then it would go to your children. She made me promise that I would do this for her."

"How long has Lil been planning on leaving me? This isn't something she just decided yesterday."

"I'm afraid I don't know the answer to that question. She wanted to make sure that you know that she does love you with all her heart. She also wants you to sign this for Abel, Thomas and Andrew's sake if not for your own." Lil used all my weakness against me. She still loves me and my boys. Scribbling my name on the line before I changed my mind.

Walking Kyle out he handed me an envelope "You should read that when you're alone."

Then he handed me a business card too "Call me when you're ready for my help."

"What the fuck do I need your help for?"

"You will know the answer to that when it's time to do it Mr. Teller. There will not be a doubt in your mind when it happens either. I'm not as powerful as the Family is. But I do know how to get to them. Lilyan says that you are a very smart man. So know when it's the time to fight smart then call me."

Going back to my room and locking the door. Even though they all wanted to know what was going on. But I didn't give a shit right now. I wasn't anywhere near being ready to tell them yet.

* * *

_**.** _

_**.** _

_**Jackson,** _

_**I know that you're hurt and angry about what I did. But that hurt will disappear with time. Believe me it's nothing compared to the hurt of not having Abel and Thomas with you ever again. They will heal you eventually. But I kept my promise to you Jaxs and stayed until Clay was found. You will start to heal from that now too.** _

_**The only other way to have done this was to live life on the run again. Not exactly something you can do with three little boys. Even if we would have gotten away with it. You would have been dead on the inside from not being who you really are. By not having your leather on your back and leaving the club. I couldn't do that to you.** _

_**You said that you never knew what it's like to truly be loved back by someone. I hope you do now. I did this because I love you and care about you more than I ever could myself. I loved Gabe with all of my heart and after I lost him I thought I would never love again. But I was wrong.** _

_**Gabe never had to live the kind of life you and I have. He only knew what I told him about it. But I know the strength it takes to get up every morning and do it all over again. Looking at yourself in the mirror always wondering who you really have become and trying to remember that person that you once were. I made a connection with you that I never did with Gabe, because he didn't understand it.** _

_**That's just one of the thousand reasons why I love you. You carry so much burden on your shoulders and weight in your heart. But don't ever let them take your heart or soul away from you. Lead with your heart Jackson and you will always find your way. Because no matter where I am, I will still be by your side walking it with you baby.** _

_**I fought so hard to not fall in love with you. Just your smile turns my world upside down and makes me feel weak in the knees. No matter how all of this turns out, don't you be sad for me. The gangster girl found her ending of together forever with her outlaw that she loves so much. I would have rather spent the time I have with you feeling loved and happy than lived for another fifty years of feeling nothing but being lost and sorrow.** _

_**I believe that if you and I could have ever been allowed to be really together as a normal couple would have. Perhaps in another place or time where we wouldn't have to be the biker boy and mob girl, that we are and always will be. We would have been so happy together forever. Because I have never been loved so much and understood by anyone as I have by my Harley man.** _

_**I would never allow anyone to hurt Andrew and I had to do this for him too. Because he would have never been free and I couldn't let him live the life I have. I will fight for what I believe in until I take my last breath. If you still can; try to believe in us and trust me on this.** _

_**Love,** _

_**Lily and Andrew** _

_**.** _

_**.** _

* * *

Lil just didn't break my heart. She ripped the fucker out of my chest and took it with her. Leaving me with nothing but a hole of a lonely life. I'll probably never get to hold her again. Or won't ever get to hold or even see Andrew be born.

Sitting in this room until I felt like the walls were caving in on me. I didn't feel like moving off the bed but couldn't stand to be in here anymore either. Not in the place where I once felt so much love with Lil. The same room where me and Op would talk about shit for hours.

_No matter how all of this turns out, don't you be sad for me._

_It was just my time to go. Stop being sad for me._

"What the hell else am I suppose to be without you two here with me? I've never felt as close to anyone as I have to you, Lil and Op. The truth is, you're the only two I've ever really let in and you're the only ones that made me feel like I was even worth anything."

Leaving to go for a ride but it was raining. Not a hard rain but slow steady one. I grabbed a bottle from the bar and had to get away from all of them. I still needed to tell them but I didn't really know how, what to say or how much to tell them yet either.

Laying out on the picnic table letting the rain hit my face. Closing my eyes and thinking about the last ride I had in the rain with Lil. Until one of them came outside to fuck it up. It figures the only good thought I've had and they take that away from me too.

"Jaxs man it's raining out here?"

"Yeah it is Tig."

"Don't you wanna come inside?"

"No. But you should go and just let me be."

When the rain stopped I had to get as far away from here as I could. I've called Lil's cell a hundred times and always got the same message; _this number is no longer in_ _service._ I've tried Pappy's too but it was the same thing. Dominic had to be the one to do it. He wanted to make sure that she has no contact with anyone but most of all with me.

Riding up to the strip club thinking maybe they would know some way to get a hold of Lil. But when I went in there was guys painting it and putting in new carpet "We work for the new owner. He's remodeling it before the grand opening. He's in the back somewhere."

I was just here a few days ago so how in the fuck could it have been sold already? The new owner didn't have a clue what I was talking about either. He said he bought it from the Mancini Corporation. It's kinda like being in the twilight zone. You go to bed knowing what is real and where your life is going. Then you wake up and none of it seems real or is there anymore.

Getting on my bike when my cell went off. It was the real estate lady calling. If that wasn't fate sticking it up my ass I don't know what else it could be "Hey. I'm not gonna need the house after all. At least not right now anyways."

"Well then I am really confused Mr. Teller. Because I was calling you to set up a time for you to pick up the keys. The house was already bought and paid for by Ms. Denison. She said to call you when everything was done and to let you know."

Meeting the lady to get the keys from her. She will be sending all the paperwork for the house later to me in the mail. Everything was already handled. Lil did it all after we came to see it together. Taking a walk through the house, alone. Not with the same happiness that I had when I did it with her.

There was an envelope on the kitchen counter with my name on it "God don't do this to me Lil. I can't take another letter from you like the one I already got."

Walking out to the back yard setting on the steps of the gazebo fearing what the fuck this one would say. Holding on to the envelope tight just like I always did to Lil. But I had to open it. So I got it over with.

* * *

.

.

_**Jackson,** _

_**When I saw how happy this house made you, I had to buy it. It will be a home that you wanted for you and your family. Besides the clubhouse, you now have a place to go to that is just yours and no one can ever take it away from you. Even if I never get to be with you again, I want you to live there and for you to be happy. As happy as you have made me be.** _

_**Families come in many forms. You have so many to be grateful for. Your children, Gemma and Nero and the club. I know you lost your way baby when Opie died. But I know if you just open your heart up and do the right things you will find the path that you need to be on to find love for brotherhood again, become a family again together. If you just show them the man who I know you really are; they will forgive you and will follow you anywhere. Just like I would follow my Harley man to hell and back just to get to be with you for five more minutes.** _

_**From what you have told me that's what Opie always wanted. A way to love his family and the club at the same time without it conflicting with each other. Once you figure out a way to make that happen. You will be the greatest leader ever known to them and some of the weight you carry in your heart will be lifted. Then you will have a family and a brotherhood that no one can ever tear apart.** _

_**I will always love you.** _

_**Lily and Andrew** _

_**.** _

_**.** _

* * *

Laying back in the gazebo and thinking about what Lil wrote. I knew what I had to do no matter what consequences will come from it or what they decide to do with me. It was time for me to be the man that my father couldn't be. Honor him and Op one more time my fucken way. If I'm gonna go down; that's how it's gonna be too. My way.

Looking at the house one more time while getting back on my bike "I'll be back when I've got my Queen by my side."

Going everywhere I knew she had been at. Still trying to find her and make sense out of all of it. I went to all the Family's house we stayed in too. But they were all empty. When I stopped for smokes I saw little cars and bought one. This one had Scooby Doo on it.

Walking up to Addison's grave and setting the little car on his head stone "Mommy would have been here herself if she could of buddy. I'm gonna try really hard to bring her home and then we'll come visit you together. You're my fourth son and I'll be here even if she can't be." That is one promise that I will never break.

Looking at Gabe's head stone is when I fucken lost it and couldn't hold it in anymore. Reliving all the deaths that have come down through out my life. Some lives were ones that I took and others were my loved ones that were taken away from me.

"I'm sure that I'm the last mother fucker you wanna hear from. Lil really loved you and told me what a good man you were. A much better man than I could ever be. But I know no matter what happens she'll find her way back to you or me. If it ends up being you she's with. Could you just tell her how much I love her for me?"

Getting on my bike to go to the last place I knew to look for her at. It was the house where Lil was staying at when we took her for Pappy. It was empty when I looked in through the window "I'm sorry for chloroforming your ass Lil." I thought I might as well throw that one in there too since I've done a lot of confessing lately.

Going around to the back of the house. There was an older woman working out in her garden. She had given me an evil eye since I got here "Did you know the girl that use to live here?"

She looked frightened and maybe it was the cut scaring her "I'm looking for Lil. She's pregnant with my son."

"Lily didn't tell me she was pregnant or even that she was seeing anybody when she was here a couple of days ago."

"You saw her then."

"Um..No I didn't. I'm just old and confused I guess. I don't know anything. Please leave because you're scaring me." She was backing away from me trying to get to her house.

"I'm not gonna hurt you. Please just tell me what she was doing here. What did she tell you?"

She finally made it up the steps and to the door "I'm going to call the police if you don't leave."

"Please just talk to me. I have pictures of me and Lil together. If I show them to you will you talk to me then? I'm just wanna find her and my kid. She's in a lot of trouble right now." The only thing I had in my wallet was Andrew's sonogram. I told her I would bring them back tomorrow to show her. But she slammed her door shut and never said if she would talk to me or not. I went ahead and left cause I was getting no where. Running around in circles.

When I got back to the clubhouse Phil handed me a package that came for me from Dominic. Opening up the envelope and reading it. I tossed it up on the bar and cleaned off all the bottles setting there with my arm. Watching them crash to the floor around me. Just like my life is crashing down around me too "That fucken son of a bitch."

"What's wrong Jaxs?"

"Lil is gonna marry Dominic. That's the invitation. He wants to make sure that I gotta set through it and be there to see it before he'll give me Abel and Thomas back."

Grabbing another bottle to get whiskey bent and hell bound. Cause that's where I'm gonna send Dominic; straight to hell.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me! Well my lovelies... I will have the next chapter posted in a day or two. I wanted to say thank you again for staying with this story.**

**HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!**


	27. Chapter 27

**LILYANS POV**

"You look so sad Lilyan. You really do love that piece of trash, don't you?" I didn't open my mouth because I knew no matter what came out of it was only going to make things worse on me. But that time will come when I can't be quiet anymore and I will have my say in the end. The one thing that life has taught me is to be patient and wait for that right moment. The right moment to go in for the kill.

"The first thing we need to do is get you some appropriate clothing. I will not allow you to walk around looking like a biker slut." By appropriate he means expensive. They always have to have their women dressed in the best when they are on their arms. It's only as a status symbol of who they are. Their women will be all smiles and be pretending in public; how happy and what a loving relationship they have between them. Because that's all it really is, pretending.

"You're not saying anything Lilyan."

"I have nothing to say. I just want to get this over."

"Don't be in such a hurry for me to kill you. We have many things to do before that time comes. In the morning we have meetings to make and then pictures to get taken. Then we will have dinner with my parents. It's time to start closing the gap between our families."

"I will not do anything until I see them all and know that they are still alive. Then I will do everything that we agreed to."

"Fine. I will take you to them in the morning. But if you try to run from me or even think about trying to kick me in the face again. I will have no mercy on you or them." That part about feeling my boot to his face again almost made me smile. He just thought he could get drunk and beat on me. Like I would take it, well he was wrong. But wait until he feels my boot in his ass. Because before this is over that's where it's going to go.

Knowing that Dominic meant what he said too. He has no mercy on anyone. He would kill his own family to get what he wants. The mother of his only child tried to run from him. Her body was never found. Nicholas was only two years old then. I can only imagine what really happened to her. Dominic tells everyone that she left him. But I know how it works, he killed her.

The saddest part is Nicholas. That poor little boy is the one that suffered from all of it. His mother is gone and being raised by whatever Nanny they have at the time. With no real love in his life being given to him. He is no more than a prize to Dominic. Just like everything else Dominic owns.

Nicholas is Dominic's legacy and will take over for him. Now Nicholas will take over both the Rossi and the Mancini empire. Dominic needs him alive as much as he needs me to be to make this plan work. Other wise I don't think he could careless about Nicholas.

Pulling the car up to one of the Rossi homes. This must be where they plan on keeping me. In a fancy prison cell. I just wanted to get away from Dominic. But he wasn't going to let that happen. He even stood outside the bathroom door until I was done.

"Follow me Lilyan. I will take you to your room."

Walking up the stairs in front of him. Because he knows what will happen if he turns his back on me for to long. It will happen too. I just don't know when yet. I was doing nothing more than taking the next step when Dominic grabbed a hold of me "If you ever show that tattoo of his name again in front me, I'll cut it out. You have marked your body as being his whore."

This is where keeping my tongue would have been a good idea and wise of me. But I couldn't after listening to the last two hours of him constantly torturing me with Gabe, Addison and Jaxs, taunting me and degrading me "Well then Dominic. When your empire crumbs down around you and you're down on your knees begging for your life to be spared. You just remember that it was Jackson or Jackson's whore that you were out done by. Because if Jaxs doesn't kill you, I will."

Dominic was making a fist I knew what was coming for me next. But he stopped "You better be glad I need that pretty little face of yours tomorrow. But if you ever speak that way to me again. No one will ever recognize your face because I will cut it up too."

"By the looks of your little biker when he watched me take you away from him. He is in no shape to do anything now. But, I think he is almost stupid enough to try to come after you and save you."

"I'm counting on that."

I think I've riled Dominic up enough for the night. I was pretty sure of it when he pushed me into a bedroom and locked the door behind him. There was only two ways out of this room. Through the door which the asshole locked. Or off the balcony. That was a really long way down "Fuck me. The son of bitches puts me all the way up here."

Laying on the bed I couldn't get comfortable. I was already missing Jaxs. The warmth I feel from his body and way he always holds me in his arms when we go to sleep. I piled all the pillows I could find in the middle of the bed to lay on. It didn't do any good though, I still missed him "God Jaxs if you could only see how pathetic I am without you. I love you so much."

Waking up in a cold chill. A chill where your skin has goose bumps and the hair on your arms and the back of your neck stands up. My body then shifted into the other direction in seconds. Sweat was pouring off me. I had the most eerie feeling. Like I could hear Jaxs calling my name and he needed me "You're just loosing it Lilyan. Jaxs is fine without you. It's yourself that isn't fine without him."

Laying wide awake until the sun came up. I heard the key turning in the lock and was wondering what hell Dominic will have in store for me today. He tossed me a sweatshirt of his. He sure doesn't like my tatt. Good. Because I know no matter how much he hates it, I hate him more.

He was making me set at the table with him and have breakfast. I really wasn't hungry today. But I ate some any ways. He kept acting like this was a normal thing. Normal if your insane.

When he saw my ring I could tell Dominic was getting aggravated. But I never said a word and kept eating "Where is the other one at Lilyan?"

"In a safe place. You didn't think I was stupid enough to bring it with me did you? When you have done what you said you would, I will do what I said I would."

Dominic finally got ready to leave the house and I was going to get to see them all. He was very cautious that I didn't know where I was or where we were going to. When he let me out of the car it was a house and a neighborhood that I didn't know either. It was where he was keeping Gemma and Roberto at.

Dominic had them guarded well by his men. Gemma in one room and Roberto in another. Gemma was okay but her face was pretty badly beaten. But it was Roberto that broke my heart. Not only did they beat him, they cut him up so bad "He needs a doctor Dominic."

"I will decide what Roberto needs. Perhaps we could possible exchange something for him getting some medical treatment."

I had to agree to be on my best behavior tonight. Be respectful of Dominic in front of his parents and go along with everything he says to. Don't think that won't take every ounce of my strength I have to do that shit. But I agreed to do it for Roberto to get what he needs.

Waiting to see Abel and Thomas next but Dominic took me back to the house. He has kept them here the whole time. There's a Nanny watching over them in the downstairs apartment. When Abel saw me he came running "Lily."

Picking Abel up and giving him a hug. Holding on to him so tight. These poor children suffer so much because of who we are and they so innocent. Dominic was taking Abel away from me "Why can't Abel and Thomas stay with me in my room? It's not like I can go anywhere with them." Abel was crying and I just wanted to hug him again. Thomas is still to little to understand anything that is going on.

"Beg me Lilyan."

"What?"

"Beg me like you made Paolo beg for his life. Beg me like you beg your biker to fuck you when you are in his bed."

"No. I'm not playing this game with you Dominic."

Dominic picked up Abel and now Abel was screaming his head off. Because he didn't want Dominic touching him, he is such a smart kid. What Dominic did next is a new low even for him, grabbing his gun "What about this one. Huh? Does he mean as much to you as his Daddy does? You will beg me Lilyan."

"Please Dominic don't hurt him."

"You can do so much better than that Lilyan." I was screaming for Dominic to stop. Begging him to just leave Abel alone. When he set Abel down on the floor I let out a sigh of relieve. I'm not sure if Dominic would have gone through with it or not. But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that Abel was safe now.

"They said the great Lilyan couldn't be made to crack or beg and look at you now."

Dominic let me stay with them for about an hour. We made another exchange for something he wants. When we go out into public I will hang on his arm as though I am in love with him. So the world believes what we are doing is real. In exchange I get to keep the boys in my room sometimes so I can spend time with them.

Abel didn't want me to leave and it was breaking my heart "I will be back for you tomorrow. But don't you be sad Abel. We will be gone from here really soon and Daddy will come for us."

"He will? I really miss him and Mommy"

"Of course he will. I know and they miss you too sweetheart." I had to leave before he saw my tears coming too.

Going back to my cell. I sat on the bed and waited until I heard the lock turn. Setting out on the balcony I waited until I saw Dominic's car pulling out of the driveway. Knowing what I had to do and I was scared shitless to do it too.

Trying to find something to tie around me. The only thing I could find to use was the sheets from the bed. I tied one end into a knot to the balcony and the other end to me. The ledge was about only seven inches wide. Finally getting up the courage to step out on to it after I crawled over the balcony.

I'm not going to get many chances when Dominic won't be here and I have to find it. Knowing him like I do. It is somewhere in this house too. Taking baby side steps to get over to the next rooms window. Trying really hard not to look down. At least I had the sheet tied around my waist. Praying if I fell it would catch me before I hit the ground "This is crazy shit even for me to do."

Seeing the gardener looking up at me with his mouth open "Hey. How are you doing today? Nice day isn't it?"

He never answered me just kept looking with his mouth open "Yeah I wouldn't talk me either because I'm a crazy bitch."

Finally making it to Dominic's bedroom window to get back inside the house. I untied my sheet and put the window back down on to hold it until I was ready to go back to my room "MacGyvor does not have shit on us Andrew."

Searching his bedroom I didn't turn up anything. Slipping down the hallway to get to Dominic's office. Trying to not be seen by anyone. I didn't find what I was looking for. But what I found shattered everything that I once knew and believed in. My own blood sold me out.

"You son of a bitch. You're next on my list as soon as I kill Dominic."

**JACKSONS POV**

I don't know how long or for how many days I've set on the floor in my room. Leaning my body up against the wall, it was the only support I've got anymore. Drinking and token until I couldn't feel anything.

Sleeping only when the darkness would take me. I was waking up when I was screaming out their names. Seeing nightmares of things happening to them all until I couldn't tell if I was asleep and thinking about it. Or if I was awake and it was real. Knowing the pain they were suffering was all cause of me.

_Get up Jaxs. It's time brother for us to finish that ride together. The ride that will change everything. You don't have to choose between family, love and the club. It was too late for me and my family by the time I figured that out. It's still not to late for you. Get up Jaxs...Get up Jaxs..._

Not only was I seeing things but I was feeling them too. I saw Opie standing over me telling me to get up over and over. Feeling him pulling my body up from the floor. But I wasn't sure if I was dreaming it cause I feel his presence with me too.

That's the way I've lived my life. Not knowing what was real from the fantasy world that I've created in my head. Telling myself it doesn't matter who I hurt as long as I hold that gavel in my hands. Then reality set in with me. Hell came down on me and I wanted to change. But I'd already done to many wrongs by then to make them all right again.

"I can't get up this time Op. I don't got shit to get up for. They've taken everything I love away from me."

When I saw JT standing by Op with their cuts on; I know this time I have completely lost my mind. They were both taking me by the arms trying to help me up now and I could feel them. Maybe I don't have any reality left in me. Maybe I'm only dreaming. Maybe I'm dead and they were here to take me with them. For the man I've become; they're probably taking me to stand before the reaper to pay for what I've done.

I _never wanted you to know the life I lived Jackson. The chaos, the mayhem. But most of all the heart-break and the loneliness that comes with it. I am the one to blame and not you son. You followed in my foot steps because you are just like me and outlaw is in your blood. I lost everything that I love because I didn't change it. After loosing Thomas, Gemma and letting them take my club away from me; I had nothing left to live for and spiraled down into my own living hell. I stopped caring and fighting for what I believed in._

_You are a better man and stronger than I ever was. If they take it away from you; it's because you let them. Follow your heart Jackson and you will find your way son. A true outlaw finds the balance in his heart between might and right, family and love. That's where I lost my way and everything that I loved. Don't lose yours Jackson. I love you son._

Standing up on my own two feet now. Clutching my hands in JT's cut with a death grip crying like I was a child again. Seeing myself as a boy through out my childhood growing up to be the man I am today "I love you to Dad. I'm so sorry for hurting them. I never meant to."

"Jesus Christ. He's fucken delirious. He thinks we're Opie and JT."

Finally being back down to reality. It was Chibs and Juice standing in my room with me. Chibs cut I had in my hands. They had busted in through the door. Cause anytime they knocked or wanted in I wouldn't answer it or unlock the door to let them in.

"Jackie did you take something? Answer me kid. Wake up damn it." I could feel Chibs hand smacking my face. I wanted to tell him I didn't take anything. But I couldn't get the words to form so they could come out.

"I didn't find any pill bottles or needles in here Chibs. What do we do with him?"

"We're gonna take care of him. Help me get him to my room. We keep this shit between us Juice."

Laying on the bed staring up at the ceiling wondering where my family was and if they were safe or not. Chibs set down on the bed with me "I'm here kid. I'm gonna be here and be by your side until the end. I love you Jackie and I won't let you go without a fight." Closing my eyes trying to just let my mind rest.

Rolling over feeling for Lil just like I always do. Until I realized she's not here anymore. Setting up and rubbing my face coming back to my senses when I noticed I was in Chibs's room and Juice was setting in a chair by the bed. Remembering everything that happened now "How long have I been out?"

"A couple of days."

Juice threw my smokes and lighter on the bed to me "What day is it?"

"Wednesday. Are you okay Jaxs?"

"Yeah."

Lighting up a smoke and starting to right some of those wrongs "Juice I'm sorry for the hell I've put you through when I should have been there for you man. Trying to understand what you were going through and helped you get through it. Instead I was pushing you farther out and away from the club. That's what this brotherhood is supposed to be about helping each other and not brother against brother. Sometimes it's not about what's right or wrong. It's about finding forgiveness in your heart that heals the wound." A smart girl not only told me that but, showed me that too. The girl I miss so much.

Knowing that I gotta get up and face them all sooner or later. Going back to my room I passed Tig in the hallway. He didn't say anything but was giving me that look of pity. That's how they all will see me now, pitiful and weak. I guess that's what I really am.

Standing in the shower trying to stop thinking about her but, I couldn't. Lil loved me in here and held on to me when ever I needed her. When I needed her to hold me the worst she's gone.

I've asked her to marry me I don't know how many times. I figured she wouldn't say yes cause I wasn't good enough for her. When our worlds collided I had no idea the impact Lil would make on my life. She's my everything but, now she's marrying Dominic and I will lose her forever.

Well not if I got anything to say about it she won't be marrying that prick. I needed to get my ass up; dust myself off and try harder. That's the Gemma coming out in me.

Getting out of the shower and wiping the fog off the mirror. I stood there trying to remember that man who I once could look at without having a demon staring back at me. I was finally starting to get my shit together and trying to do right. I had a reason and someone who pushed me in that direction. Now I don't.

_I promise Op as soon as I have done everything I need to do. I will find out the truth then I will tell you. But until then I can't._

_Yeah that's what I need from you Jaxs, another promise. In my book, that's still lying. I don't even know who you are anymore._

"I don't know who I am anymore either brother. But, I'm gonna change that."

After getting dressed I went to find Nero "Gemma was taken pictures of everyone for the scrap books. Did she ever get those developed?"

I should have already known the answer to that question, of course she did. This is where you could always depend on Gemma. She pays attention to details and takes care of this kinda shit.

Sitting down at my desk looking at the pictures. Gemma took so many of all of us. But it was the ones of me and Lil together that was killing me. Opening my wallet to put a couple of them in it I saw Andrew's sonogram picture. I still had Lil's too. I put one in with the Abel's and Thomas's baby pictures in my wallet, It might be the only one I ever get of Andrew. Then I stuck the other one in the corner of the picture of the boys I had sitting on my desk.

Just one more person I had to talk to before I left, Chibs. I told him the truth about what happened "Jesus Christ Jackie. Lily gave herself up to him? How do we get them back? What do we gotta do?"

"I don't know how or even know where they're at. I'm gonna go see a woman who said she saw Lil a couple of days before that."

Chibs rode with me. Some of it was he wanted to be supportive and some cause he doesn't want me to ride alone. I told him how much I appreciated what he did for me. He also didn't tell the others. I was grateful for that.

Pulling up in the street in front of her house. I told Chibs this was probably a wasted trip. Standing at her door trying to make myself knock on it. Chibs finally did it for me.

The woman had a frightened look on her face when she saw us "You need to leave. I know you're the ones that took Lilyan. I watched from my window that day you and your gang took her away." Shit she saw us the day we took Lil for Pappy.

"Look I can't explain why I did that. But I have pictures of her and me to show you like I said I did. Please just talk to me. I gotta find her and my sons."

She slammed the door in my face and left me standing holding on to the picture of me and Lil dancing that night in the clubhouse. The night that I told her I was in love with her. The night we made love for the first time.

"I'm never gonna find them. I've lost them all forever."

Chibs was holding me to his shoulder "We'll find them. Don't give up."

She opened the door again"Come in. I will tell you what I know."

There was no way that I could tell the truth to the woman about everything that has happened to Lil, my boys and with us since I took Lil from here. So I told her the most important part of it "Thank you for talking to me. Anything you can tell me might help me find her and my children. I really do love Lil."

She asked us to set down and left the room. When she came back in she was carrying a bag with her "Lilyan came here a few days ago and asked that I keep this for her. She is such a sweet girl to be so alone in this world. When she still lived here she would come over and visit with me almost every evening. We spent a lot of time together working in my garden and talking. Sometimes she would bring me dinner or we would make it together. Not that I minded since I lost my husband it's been a lonely life. With her being so young I would always encourage her to go out and be with people her own age. But she would say no I would rather just be alone or spend my time with you. I never saw her ever have a visitor the whole time she lived there. Until I saw you that day. She said she has no family and was so sad all the time. I saw that same sad person when you were standing out on my porch. That's why I decided to talk to you."

Going through it I found tons of shit "Can I take this?"

She told me I could and hopes that I find her. I really believe that woman does care about Lil too. Lil has that way about her of making friends and goes outta her way to take care of other people.

"If Lil comes back here. You tell her Jaxs has it and thank you for your help."

When we got back to the clubhouse I dumped everything out on my bed. I even had a door hung again for me to close. There was a change of clothes. Almost twenty grand in cash. A birth certificate, social security card, credit cards; all under the name of Lilyan Wallace. In an envelope there was pictures of her with Gabe and some of Addison. One of me setting on my Harley token with my reaper hat on. The one of me and her with Able and Thomas.

But when I opened the other envelope it fucken took me by surprise "What the fuck?"

After going over it all twenty times and finally making some sense out of it "The goddamn map that Clay had."

Searching through all of my shit. But, I couldn't find it. I went to find Lyla cause she's the one that packed up most of my shit from the house we were staying at "I think they put that bag in the laundry room. Most of it was just dirty clothes."

Dumping the bag out on the floor I found it. Chibs was wanting to talk to me about something "Not now bro."

It matched up with everything she had "Jesus Christ Lil. They've all been working against you. You never had a chance of making it."

Chibs was at the door "Give me a minute." I put everything away cause until I know what everything means, no one else needed to know. I locked my door and don't want any of them in there.

Chibs wanted to tell me that Tara has been looking for me and he has been stalling her about where the boys are. Not sorry I slept through that shit. I know I'll have to face her sooner or later too.

I told Chibs I would be back in a little bit. Then we needed to sit at the table and talk. Calling Kyle so I could meet with him. I didn't understand everything Lil had and I wanted him to explain it to me. Along with other fucken questions I hoped he had some answers to.

Kyle is polite and well-educated you can tell by the way he talks. But the Mr. Teller routine annoys the hell out of me "Will you call me Jaxs. Calling Mr. Teller makes me feel like an old man or something."

"Very well then. I only meant it out of respect I assure you."

After Kyle went over everything Lil had and looking over the map I took from where Clay was staying "Can I take this with me?"

"What are you gonna do with it?"

"I'm going to kill him. That's what I am going to do with it." I kept asking who and what it all meant. But Kyle was off in his own little world right now.

Pushing up his sleeve he showed me a tatt "I still wear this with pride even though I am not one of them anymore. I took the oath to die for the one I am supposed to protect and I will still do that too."

"Who the fuck are you suppose to be protecting?"

"The Godmother to be herself, Lilyan."

"Godmother?"

"Haven't you ever asked yourself why Pappy didn't kill her after she betrayed the family, why he spared her? There has not been a woman in that position in generations. Their women are meant to be seen and not heard. But Lilyan would never follow the rules. She was making kills just like a man would. Not being afraid to die for the cause. What other woman do you know that can look so sweet and kill you so damn quick?"

"Pappy spared her because she is useful to him in his organization or she would have already been dead. That's what they were hoping for with Lilyan and Dominic taking over, she would take her rightful place to serve beside him. Because if that really ever did happen; can you imagine how powerful they would be together." I didn't want to think of them being together in any way. Let alone as a couple.

"My father served as Pappy's protector until he was killed saving Pappy's life. There is not an honor higher than that in the Family. I grew up with Roberto and Lilyan as one of their family members. Pappy took me in as one of his own. Lilyan and Roberto are the only true family that I have left."

"I was given that position of protecting her until she ran off with Gabe. Then I was stripped of it because I let her escape from me and the only reason my life was spared was because of what my father had done. If I ever speak of their secrets, I will be killed too. I'm not foolish enough to believe they won't follow through on that threat either."

"Only Lilyan didn't get away from me. I let her go. Roberto and I knew where she was the whole time. She belonged with Gabe and they were star-crossed lovers that weren't suppose to be. Kind of like you two are. But this wedding with Dominic and Lilyan can never take place or..."

"Or what Kyle?"

"Or Lilyan is dead. Since she is not willing to serve by Dominic's side. Once the Rossi and Mancini families are joined together, he has no more purpose for Lilyan. But don't have any doubts that they used you too Jaxs and will kill you when you're done serving your purpose to them as well."

"What the hell are you talking about Kyle? How did they use me? How the fuck do I stop this goddamn wedding from happening?"

"It is already in motion of preventing the wedding. We still need to get Roberto, your mother and your children back safe before we react. That is the fighting smart part. I just need a little more time."

"After meeting you it was bugging the fuck out of me why they picked you Jaxs."

"Why they picked me for what?"

"No disrespect meant. But, why would they pick a motorcycle gang to send Lilyan to for her to be protected? There is no better protection for her other than the Family. Didn't you ever really wonder why they did that?"

"Not really. Pappy said he needed me to keep Lil out of sight until he did some deal he was doing so he could retire. We made a cash deal."

"They sent her home Jaxs. Lilyan fits into your world so well because it's in her blood. Blood they wanted to come to the surface so she would become one of them again. I just don't think they factored you into the picture. They never anticipated that she would fall in love with you."

"Man you're talking in fucken circles now. Will you just tell me already."

"I found out this morning that Lilyan's father was a remember of the Sons of Anarchy. It's the Family's secret they don't want anyone to know, especially Lilyan. This is a picture of Lilyan's mother and father."

"Jesus Christ." There he stood with his SOA cut on.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me!**

**Well my lovelies...The plot thickens! NO IT IS NOT JT! Just thought I would add that.**


	28. Chapter 28

**JACKSONS POV**

After Kyle and me talked for a little bit. There is just more shit coming down on me. I've gotta explain all this shit now to the club too. Not even sure how the hell I'm gonna do that yet. It wasn't like I didn't have enough to tell them before this shit happened today.

Kyle has no idea where they are either. We have no real way to know if any of them are even still alive. No way to get word to them. No way for me to tell them I love them and I miss them so much.

I kept asking Kyle what he wanted me to do "I don't want you to do anything Jaxs. Go home and sit tight until I call you. This is not a time that you can ride up on your Harley and whisk her away off into the sunset for a happy ever after ending. If you were lucky enough to even make it in. You would never make it out alive. Don't do anything crazy and get them hurt."

He was telling the wrong person not to act crazy. Leaving him cause there's nothing I can do now but sit and wait for him to call me. Feeling more useless than I have in a long time and that feeling grows inside me more every single day.

There was really no place that I wanna go to now. For the first time I didn't wanna go running back to the clubhouse. I just get more fucked up from being there than I ever have.

I've got the boys that I miss so much and don't know where the fuck they're at. Lil that has been there with me and I see her everywhere. The club that's about ready to take my seat away from me cause they think I'm nuts. A house that was suppose to be our home and now it's just back to me being alone again. Another house and there's no fucken way I'm even going to it cause Tara is there. And lets not forget the ghost of Op and JT that have visited me often the last few days. Making sure that I know everything that I've fucked up and what path I needed to be on to get myself right again.

Killing time I just rode and tried to get my head clear. But it didn't help me. Before I knew it I was setting out the prison walls of Stockton. Just sitting on my bike and thinking about life. I think even when I got outta there; part of me never left it. I'm still on the inside locked away.

Maybe it was the only good part of me that I had left in there. If I could just figure out how to get to that part of me and release it from its cell. Shit I am going crazy. After setting here for hours thinking about how to get out of a prison cell of emotions.

Stopping for smokes on the way back. I fucken surrendered to the idea of going back to the clubhouse and dealing with whatever the fuck comes my way. Which is a lot of fucked up shit now.

Standing in line to pay I saw the same little car that I bought for Addison. At first it really upset me. Making me miss Lil and my boys even more. Then it hit me "She'll always find her way back to you Addison. No matter what she's gotta fucken do."

So I bought another car and went to deliver it. I sat with Addison for a while and thought about just how much I've fucked up my own life. If I would have taken a different path how would my life have turned out. I know my boys lives would be different if I had of. They wouldn't be going through the living hell that they are now.

This is the most peace I've had since the boys and Lil have been gone. It was getting late so I decided to head back to the clubhouse "I'll be back later buddy. Thanks for listening to me ramble on. I know Mommy misses you and loves you."

When I walked into the clubhouse it went dead silent when they saw me "What's going on?"

They were all looking at each other and telling me nothing at the same time. So I knew they were lying to me. But when Chibs was rolling something up and leaving, they were hiding something from me too "Just show me what it is that you don't wanna let me see."

After looking at it. I wish I hadn't seen it. It was the newspapers society section. A whole page dedicated to what they were calling the couple of the year getting ready to be married. Pictures of Dominic and Lil. Not just pictures. Many different pictures of her on his arm at different places. Her setting on his lap and them kissing. I wadded it up and tossed it on the table.

Grabbing a bottle and setting down at the bar. Lil looked so pretty in all of them. She was dressed like she was one of them too. I kept telling myself that she didn't leave me cause she really wanted to be with Dominic and that kinda life. But no matter how many times I told myself that, it wasn't working.

I couldn't ever figure out what Lil wanted with a guy like me. Really what can I give her? A ride on my Harley and the occasional kidnapping shoot out kinda evening. I never really stopped to think what I really had to offer a woman before. Most of them only wanted me cause of the leather on my back and to say they got fucked by a Son.

"Did Lily leave you and you just went fucken nuts after that or what?"

"Not much for making small talk before going in for the kill are you Hap?"

"No. I'm not good at touchy feelings shit Jaxs. Did she leave you for that other guy?"

Not wanting to even get into that shit right now. I never answered him and just kept drinking. The rest of them seemed to be living through their own blues tonight too.

We all ended up setting around on the couch and chairs. Drinking and token our blues away together. It started by Juice telling us he lost his old lady and son cause she wanted him outta the club. When he wouldn't leave the club she left him and took his kid with her. She got full custody and he doesn't even get visitations with him. Cause they don't believe Juice a fit father from the life style he leads as a member in the club.

Then it went to Bobby about Precious. It was almost the same story as Juices. She gave him a choice cause she couldn't live with him being in the club anymore "When my daughter graduated high school. They announced her name and her parents name when she went to walk across the stage. They announced her father as her step father and her with his last name. She was too ashamed of me to admit she was even my daughter."

Chibs lost Fenonia and Kerrianne to Jimmy before he ever joined the club. That's what pushed him down deeper into the pits of hell in the outlaw world, losing them. He just went from being one kinda demon to another one. From being a killer for Jimmy's purposes to being a killer for ours.

Happy told us he's never really knew the love of a good woman to have lost it. I don't know which one is more fucked up. Loving and then losing it or never knowing love at all. Since the love I've been shown by Lil I wouldn't ever choose not getting to at least know what it really feels like.

"Don't you mother fuckers give me that look. The most important woman in the world loves me, my Momma." Happy talking about his mom made me think of Gemma. I wondered if she still thinks I love her or does she think I hate her. Cause I do love her and hope to get the chance to tell her that again.

"I'm not gonna tell a sad story. Even though I've got a lot them to tell. Fawn has called me twice since me and Lily sent her that bracelet. So I'm holding on to the fact that Fawn is talking to me again and that Lily was kind enough to be a friend to me."

Tig must have seen the look on my face when he said her name "Sorry Jaxs."

Then they all looked at me to tell my story "Mine is a little more complicated. I'll tell everyone at the table tomorrow."

After listening to all of them. It always the same story and ends up the same way. The club makes us choose between our family and what we love the most. It makes us who we are and makes us who we don't wanna be at the same time. Makes us turn our backs on the most important things in our lives. Making us never to be able to really love again. I gotta change that some how.

Bobby picked up his guitar and was playing what should be the song dedicated to all members of the SOA. Cause it was covering our life and the way we live it. Hell we all sang along with it and toasted it cause it's what really has been in our hearts too.

* * *

**We've got good women at home.**   
**Who thinks we do no wrong.**   
**But sometimes, Lord, they ain't always around.**   
**And you know that's when we fall.**   
**We can't help ourselves at all.**   
**And we get whiskey bent and hell bound.**

**.**

**Sure enough about closin time.**   
**About stoned out of our minds.**   
**And we end up with some honkytonk crow eaters we found.**   
**Just as sure as the mornin sun comes.**   
**Thinkin of our sweet girls at home and what we just done.**   
**And we need to get whiskey bent and hell bound all over to ease the guilt down.**

**.**

**Play us some songs about being a Ramblin Man.**   
**Put old Jim Beam in our hands.**   
**Cause you know we love to get drunk and hear those sounds.**   
**But don't play, your Cheatin Heart.**   
**Cause that'll tear us all apart.**   
**The Sons get whiskey bent and hell bound.**   
**Yeah old Hank songs always makes us feel low down.**

* * *

Raising our bottles up in the air and drinking to the fucked up twisted individuals that we really are "Sons." We all took our traditional shot together.

Listening to them all talk for hours. It's not just me that's been living my life in hell. We all are. It's not just me that's had to choose between the club, family and love. We all have. It's not just me that has done wrongs in the club. We all have done them. But it's up to me to change it and make it stop here. Or nothing will ever change.

Telling them all good night. I had one thing to accomplish and to do since I couldn't do anything to help my family right now. Sitting down at the desk in my office I started writing it all out. But I tried to read it "Well fuck. I gotta be drunker than I thought I was. Cause hell I can't even read that shit." So I wadded it up. Tossed that piece of paper over my shoulder and started over again.

_Follow your heart Jackson and you will find your way son. A true outlaw finds the balance in his heart between might and right, family and love._

_You don't have to choose between family, love and the club. It was too late for me and my family by the time I figured that out. It's still not to late for you._

_If you just show them the man that I know you are; they will forgive you and will follow you anywhere. Just like I would follow my Harley man to hell and back just to get to be with you for five more minutes._

_From what you have told me that's what Opie always wanted. A way to love his family and the club at the same time without it conflicting with each other. Once you figure out a way to make that happen. You will be the greatest leader ever known to them._

"I hope you guys are right. Cause if you're wrong and I do this. I'll be joining you all and Opie you better have my fucken Harley ready to brother."

I was having a moment like I've never had before. It reminds me of the movie Show Me The Money. He had it all and in one weak moment of having a conscience made him lose everything he had. His job, his old lady and his sanity. But in the end he got the girl, the right girl for him. So I guess it didn't end all that bad for him. Maybe it won't for me either.

Waking up with my head on my desk and the sun was shinning bright through the window. I must have passed out in here last night. Reading over everything I had already written I knew it was the path that I was gonna choose no matter what the fuck ends up happening.

Making my own coffee for days in a row now. It always makes me think of her. She would always bring it to me with a kiss telling me good morning "Good morning Lil. I miss you so much."

Finding Chibs cause he needed to know everything that I planned on doing before it happens. After he read everything his response was just like I thought it would be "Jackie you can't tell them all this shit. You gotta listen to me on this one. You know what the club will do to you if they find out."

"Yeah I do. But I'd rather walk like a man than die like a pussy on my way to the death house. So I'm doing it. I really need you in my corner on this Chibs. But even if you're not gonna be there, I'm still doing it."

"Jesus Christ. I've gotta be as crazy as you seem to go along with this. I love you kid and I'm here until the end just like I said I would be."

**CHURCH POV**

Jackson was already setting at the table when they started coming in one by one. He waited until the last one was in and the doors were shut to start.

"I would appreciate it if everyone would wait until I'm done before you start with your questions."

"When I was supposed to meet to get them back that never happened. Dominic was the one that showed up. Lil had talked to him or someone before that. She agreed to go with him and I'm assuming the marriage is part of their agreement. She did it so Dominic wouldn't kill Roberto, Gemma, Abel or Thomas."

Jackson read the letter that Lilyan had written to him out loud to everyone. He broke down a few time and would have to stop. Finally reaching the end he tossed the letter in the middle of the table for them to see "You can read everything when I'm done too."

"Isn't that personal shit Jaxs?"

"When I'm done there isn't gonna be anything that is too personal for us to talk about Juice."

Next Jackson took out a copy of Lilyan's will "She knew when she did it. That she would probably never come out of this alive. Lil planned out her own death and left everything to me. Her net worth is two point five million dollars. For the first time in my life money and my greed means nothing to me. I would give anything that I have to get her back."

They were starting to ask questions then. Jackson held up his hand "I'm not done yet."

Bobby had a shocked look on his face. He hasn't been in the loop with Jackson for a while "Jesus Christ Jaxs. How much more can there be?"

"A lot more brother."

Holding up the picture of Lilyan's mother and father "Lil is one of us and he is her Dad. They sent her to the MC for two reasons. The first hoping that being around us would bring her to being corrupt, power hungry, greedy and a killer. Just like the MC and I have become. Just like the Family already is. But that didn't happen with her. The one that changed with Lil being around is me. And I see where we all have become exactly what they wanted her to be. That is my fault and I need to change that."

Jackson tossed the picture in the middle of the table too. Tig picked it up "Did he know about Lily?"

"I don't know man. I can't exactly ask him. I know Lil never knew who her Dad really was. Cause they didn't want her to. Kyle is the one that told me all of this and about what will happen to the MC in the end too." They started asking questions again.

"The second reason is to crush the MC. To settle a personal score of his daughter being taken away from him by one of our own. Her mother Myria was never the same after she had to break it off with him. She broke it off with him cause they didn't approve of her relationship and she had to make a choice between leaving him or them killing him. They don't hold one of us being deemed as good enough to be in their circle with one of their own. Just like me being with Lil."

"After this wedding takes place with Dominic they will kill Lil. She'll serve no more purpose to them. Then they will come after us. They will burn Charming down to the ground if that's what it takes for them to get to us. I've seen it. I just thought that I could take anybody on and always win. That was my stupidity and arrogance to even have believed that." Jackson answered as many of their questions as he could about what will happen.

It was now time for Jackson to walk that line between right and wrong. Time for him to do what he came to do. He took out JT manuscript and read them a little of it "Jt never wanted the club to turn out like it did. He called it a Harley compound. Real hippy shit. When he tried to move the club legit and get us outta gun running, Clay killed him. I set up Clay for Popes murder cause I promised the club that I wouldn't touch him. But I couldn't let the hate go in my heart. I'm to blame for that. It all falls on me."

Jackson went on confessing more lies he has told them. Deals that he made behind the clubs back since he took over the gavel. You could have heard a pin drop in the room when he was done.

Jackson stood up to read them the last thing of their meeting. What he had spent most of the night writing on.

* * *

_**There is not one of us setting at this table that has not lied, cheated, killed or done whatever it took to protect our club. There is also not one of us that has not suffered the loss of someone we love cause of who we are and the men that we've become.** _

_**I tried to balance my club and my family but I couldn't. I'm a great outlaw but I've been a shitty father. I always had to give to one more than the other. So I chose to let my family side suffer. The same family that has been taken away from me cause of who I am.** _

_**I can't live with the lies and the deceit anymore. The person I was lying to the most was myself. Just like each one of you have lied to yourself at one point; that it was okay to let your family go cause of the club. Or you still wouldn't be setting at this table today without them.** _

_**The lies and how they grow and grow. Then they feed off of each other until they have grown out of your control. We tell them saying we are protecting what we love and who we love. But the truth is we are only hiding what we've truly have become and we can't handle it in our own hearts. That's the place I'm at brothers.** _

_**Clay turned this club into what it is cause we let him. We would cover up whatever he did by telling another lie for him or to ourselves. We were his puppies on a leash. Doing what we were told to even though in our hearts we knew it was wrong. Fearing if we stood up against him we would be kicked out of the club. That's exactly what you've done with me too by following my leadership. That has to change.** _

_**Brothers have turned against brothers. Not giving a shit which brother we hurt to protect ourselves. Not giving another brother support or offering the brotherly love when they needed us the most. We've even killed our own or their families if that's what it took to make the club survive for just one more day. There was one true SOA member that use to set at this table; Opie. He never could justify some of the things we did in his heart or his head. Especially when it came to his family. He knew what the right thing was to do and took his last breath still fighting for it. But still always loved the club and his family equally. No matter how much we hurt him.** _

_**Op died for many reasons and he was looking for a way out. He died on the inside a long time before that though. It started when he lost Donna. We are the ones that took that away from him. But you still found him setting at this table with his brothers even after he found out that the club was the one that killed Donna. How many of you could have done that? Op knew how to find the forgiveness in his heart like none of us have found yet. That has to change.** _

_**There is no way to be an outlaw without telling a few lies, shedding blood sometimes and protecting what you love the most. That's just the cold hard reality of what we do. But I'm at the same place Op was at. I would die on the inside if I lost my club, my family or Lil. But I would die to save my club too and my brothers.** _

_**We all have been seduced by money, power and blood of the club. But the club will die out if we don't do something to change it and change it now. I can't change it alone or overnight. But I won't let it keep going the way it is either. I will not let JT, Piney and Op deaths go in vain. Let's change it together and be a true brotherhood again.** _ _**_A true outlaw finds the balance in his heart between might and right, family and love._ Let the bad shit end here...** _

* * *

Each member sat and ran down their own list of things they have done wrong in and for the club. Remembering the loved ones they have lost because of who they are. Some had tears they were trying to hide. Some was fight them coming to the surface.

Going around the table. Jackson set the confession letters he wrote to each of them down in front of them on the table. Except for Phil "Sorry man I don't have one for you. You haven't been around long enough for me to lie to and to fuck over. But just stick around I'm sure I will in time."

Jackson ran his hand over the name plate on his chair and thought about his Queen Lil. He touched his patch, his father's patch one more time. Then he slowly took his cut off and folded it up. Laying it down in the middle of the table.

The same table where Jackson went from being a boy to a man. Where he has spent his whole life at. Where he has played jury, god and executioner with so many lives. Passed so many judgements down without understanding the consequences he would suffer from it later.

"After you have read those and voted on it. I'll be waiting outside to see if you just wanna strip my patch or if I meet Mr. Mayhem. If the choice is the mayhem coming for me; I need to get my family back first. Then I won't fight it. I'll take the call and meet the reaper. But the gavel goes to Chibs."

Jackson put his hand on Chibs shoulder "I love you brother. After Op died I didn't feel any love for the brotherhood anymore. Until you showed me that way again. Don't ever lose your way on what's really important when you lead them."

Jackson gave Bobby a smile "You should think about choosing Bobby as your VP. He tried to get me on the right path. Only I wouldn't listen to him."

Jackson softly banged his gavel and church was over. At least for him it was.

Lighting up a smoke Jackson walked out of the chapel doors and never looked back. Sitting down at the picnic table his cell was ringing. It was Kyle calling him "It's time Jaxs."

**LILYAN POV**

Dominic has dragged me all over the place. Making sure that we make appearance everywhere together. But at least he has kept the promises he has made to me so far.

I spent three hours with Abel and Thomas today. Abel drew me a picture. It was no more than different colored scribbles on the page but he told me it was flowers for me. He got upset because his Mommy always hangs his pictures on the frig at home.

Since I don't have a frig in my room we made do. I hung it up in the window "It takes sunshine and rain to make the flowers grow. By hanging it here they will get both from being in the window." He had a happy look on his face and bought my story.

Dominic and the Nanny came to take them from me. I hugged Thomas and handed him to the Nanny. Giving Abel a hug too. He always gives me one back "I will see you tomorrow and we will go swimming. So be a good boy for me."

"You need to start getting ready Lilyan. Tiffany bought you some dresses and will be here with them soon for you." Another fucking place he wants to drag me off to.

I can't even believe how Dominic's family can even stand to look at me knowing that I am the one that killed Paolo. It never stops amazing me how much they can forgive when the gain of money and power is involved. His parents welcomed me in their home with open arms too. If you would have killed my son, I would have killed you.

"Dominic can I see Roberto just so I know that he is okay? I would like to also take Gemma some smokes too. I have done everything that you have asked me to."

"Yes you have Lilyan. I don't see why not. We will stop there on our way out tonight. But there is something that I want from you too." I thought I was going to hurl when he told me that I had to kiss him for a picture tonight. But I've got to see Roberto so I can warn him. So I fucking agreed to it.

I had already showered and blow dried my hair by the time Tiffany got here. She kept asking me which one I wanted to wear "I don't care. You pick one. I'm sure that it will be fine." She has always been nice to me considering she's Dominic's sister.

I hated the one she picked out. But then again I hated them all equally. It was black and lace. Really short and no straps. The heels she bought had to be four inches too. After I was done with my hair and makeup I waited for Dominic to come and unlock the door. Tiffany said she would tell him on her way out.

Offering his arm to me and I knew better than not to take it. At least until I got what I wanted from him first "You really do look pretty tonight Lilyan." I just smiled and thought it was better to keep my mouth shut.

Dominic wouldn't let me go in by myself to see them. I started with Gemma. When she saw me with Dominic she just sat on her bed staring at us. I handed her the smokes I bought and a lighter. She stood up and gave me a hug. I whispered it as low as I could "I'm going to get you out of here. I promise." She hugged me tighter.

Roberto was at least alert today "I told you not to do this Lilyan."

"Yeah I know. But I really never listen so why should today be any different."

"It's time for us to go now Lilyan. As you can see Roberto is being taken care of."

Kissing Roberto on one cheek and then the other "Don't trust any of them. They've turned on us." Then I gave him a kiss on the forehead. Roberto gave me a little nod so I knew he heard what I said to him.

Just wanting to get this night of hell over with Dominic. Pulling the car up to a place that had so many people at it. Oh joy so much to look forwards to for me.

As soon as we stepped out the car. Flashes from cameras were going off everywhere. Grabbing my hand Dominic was dragging me through a crowd of people. Everyone was congratulating us. He has already announced us getting married to the world. I'm so fucked now. My days will be numbered.

All the women here was drooling over Dominic and saying what a lucky woman I am. By just looking at him; Dominic is a prince charming. A handsome face, nice body and a flashy smile. He makes women do whatever he wants them to. Until they get to know the real him. The man I already know. They never see it coming either because he hides it so well with his charm and money. He doesn't toss them aside when he's done with them. They just go missing and are never found again.

Having to dance with Dominic. I hated being so close to him "Don't you remember a time when you and I were happy and in love Lilyan?"

"Uh huh."

"You're the only woman who I never really got over. Things don't have to be bad between us you know. You're the one that is making it that way. You think about that okay."

"Uh huh." That was as much of a response that I would give on anything that he said to me. I was thankful that this dance finally came to an end.

But what came next was even worse. When we went back to the table Dominic grabbed me by my waist and pulled me down to sit on his lap "Remember our agreement. They are coming over to take more pictures."

I smiled in each one of them too. Until Dominic stuck his tongue down my throat. That shit was making me feel sick to my stomach. I was ready to go after that.

I asked Dominic to roll the window down so I could get some air. When he went to reach for me I threw my arm up to block him because I didn't know what he was going to do to me "Relax Lilyan. I was just going to feel your forehead to see if you have a fever."

"You do feel a little warm. Come over here with me." I didn't move. I wasn't sure what game he was wanting to play with me.

Pulling me over close to him "Rest your head on my shoulder until we get home." I did it but, I was on guard still waiting for what was coming next from him.

Not getting back to my room fast enough. I laid down and didn't even change out of my dress. I haven't been sleeping much. I missed Jaxs being with me at night. It use to be my favorite part of the day and now it only means being lonely. So maybe it's just all catching up with me finally.

Feeling someone shaking me "Lilyan you need to get up. Abel is asking for you."

Looking at the clock it was already noon. Why Dominic is being so nice to me? He usually makes sure that he has me up at sun rise and starts the torture early "Tiffany is bringing swim wear for all of you." Now I was speechless.

Tiffany brought us everything. Floats, sun screen, blow up toys, and goggles for the boys. Abel was so excited about being in the water. We stayed in the shallow end and it was only about a foot deep. Thomas splashed around and liked it too.

I saw Dominic setting out on the balcony from his room watching us and taking pictures. That wasn't too bad I guess. But it was when he came and sat down at pool side. I tried to not pay any attention to him and played with the boys.

After an hour it was time to get these guys inside. When we got out Dominic was setting on our towels "May I please have the towels?" I wouldn't ever be a smart ass or confrontational with Dominic when the boys are near us. Because I never know what he will end up doing.

"Yes you may."

So not getting him and what he thinks he will gain by being nice to me. But I know he wants something "If you would like the children can stay in your room tonight with you. I will order pizza and get some movies for you."

Abel was running around yelling "Yay." So I guess that was a good thing. At least he was happy.

Abel ate so much pizza and we laid down with Cars 2 playing. He was out fast. Thomas laid there for a little bit looking around before he went to sleep too. Watching them both made me miss Addison so much being in my life and the years that I was robbed out of being with him.

Setting out on the balcony. I did the unthinkable; I lite up a smoke and enjoyed every puff of it. I bought an extra pack when I bought Gemma some. Looking up at the stars made me miss Jaxs more. It was something that we would do at night up on the roof when we just wanted to be alone. Wondering if he still loves me after what I did and even misses me now.

I've tried to be strong and take what comes for the choices that I made. But after thinking about Jaxs for the last hour I couldn't be strong anymore. I broke down and was crying my eyes outs. Until I felt a little hand on my arm "Don't be sad Lily. Daddy will come for us." Drying my tears.

"Abel honey let's get you back to bed. It's really late."

Hugging me like he was big a boy "Daddy loves us Lily. He will come. I've seen him kiss you like he does my Mommy. So I know he loves you too."

Being left speechless for the second time in one day. I didn't know how to respond to what Abel said so I didn't say anything about being with Jaxs "Of course he will come for us. But right now little man it's time for you to go back to sleep."

By the time Dominic unlocked the door Abel was already starving and was wanting to eat. I picked up Thomas from the bed and took Abel by the hand. Dominic put his arm across the door to stop us "Is there something that you want to say to me first Lilyan?"

"Thank you for letting the boys stay with me last night."

"That is good but not exactly what I was looking for."

"May I please leave my room so that I can feed the children?"

Taking his arm down so we could pass by him "If you keep demonstrating this kind of behavior maybe we can give you some more privileges Lilyan." I smiled and nodded.

After I fed the boys and took them back to the Nanny. I poured myself a cup of coffee and put two sugars in it before I even thought about it. I don't take sugar in mine and had Jaxs on my mind. But I drank it anyways and thought about him.

Dominic came in and joined me at the kitchen table "I was wondering Dominic if you would approve of me going for a visit to see my Grandfather? I would like to see him before the wedding if that is alright with you?"

"Did you just ask me for my approval before you did something Lilyan?"

"Yes. I thought about what you said and you're right. Things don't have to be bad between us." Smiling the sweetest smile for him.

"I won't let you go alone but, I will send someone with you if you want to visit him. They can wait outside until you're done. We have to go to my parents this afternoon. You can go this evening if you would like."

I was on my best behavior when we were at Dominic's parents house. Butter would have melted in my mouth as kind as I was. Sugar dripped from my lips when I spoke. My face would have broken if I smiled any more while I was there.

Dominic in return agreed to stop so I could see Gabe and Addison. He even stayed in the car to give me some privacy. When I saw the little cars I knew who had been here, Jaxs. He came to see Addison for me. I picked them up and felt something on the bottom of one of them.

There was a note taped to the bottom of it. Damn Jaxs is so smart, he knew I would come here eventually. Dominic could see me from the car so I had to be careful. I peeled it off but didn't have any pockets to put it in. So I did the next best thing and stuck it down in between my boobs. While I looked like I was turning away from him to wipe my face off. That is one place that is safe to put it because Dominic will never go there.

"Do you feel better now Lilyan that you have visited them?"

"Yes I do and thank you for letting me. Would you allow me to bring them some flowers tomorrow?" When Dominic said yes; I will be bringing more than flowers with me.

Dropping Dominic off I didn't even get out of the car. One of his guys got in with me and we went straight to Pappy's house.

I was welcomed home with open arms by Pappy "Lilyan I am so glad you came to see me. How are the wedding plans coming along? Joining of the families is long over due."

"They are coming along just fine."

"What do I owe this visit to?"

"I was just curious about something?"

"What are you curious about sweetheart?"

"I was just curious Pappy how you can look me in the face knowing that you killed my family? Did you order the hit direct yourself on Gabriel and Addison? Or was taking their lives not important enough to you and you had one of your flunkies do it for you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Who has told you these lies?"

"Yes you do. Just like you never planned to retire and let Roberto take over. Are you planning on having him killed too when this is over? You used my love for Roberto and Jaxs against me."

"I think you have said enough to me and better remember who in the hell you are talking to."

"I don't know who I'm talking to anymore Pappy. But I know what I'm talking to. You sit and cast judgement down on me. Preaching how I have chosen love over my family. Then you sell out your own blood for money and power."

When we got loud two of his guys came into the room "Get her out of my sight before I kill her myself." He won't kill me. Not yet anyways until he gets what he needs to happen first.

What difference does it make if I die today or after this wedding takes place and I was going to have my say with him "When this is over and done with. You better hope that Dominic finishes the job and kills me. Because if he doesn't. I'm coming after you."

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me!**


	29. Chapter 29

**LILYANS POV**

"How did your visit go with your Grandfather?"

"It went just like I thought it would. Thank you for letting me go Dominic."

"You're welcome. Why don't you come sit with me and lets talk about some things?" From his reaction Pappy didn't call him and tell him anything. Which means he doesn't trust Dominic completely, he was afraid that Dominic would go a head and kill me now or Pappy is planning on fucking him over in the end too.

"Are you ready to throw everything away that you can have in this life with me for someone who you know you could never be with? It would have never worked out with the biker because you come from two completely different worlds. It's okay to go slumming once in a while. Hell I've done it myself. But there are two kinds of people for us Lilyan. Ones that we fuck and forget. Because we could never be seen in public with them. Then ones that we want everyone to know we are with."

"You know that I will kill you once we're married if you don't want to be with me and be by my side where you really belong Lilyan. I won't have a choice. After watching you the last couple of days I think that we could have a really good life together if you would just let that happen. You don't have to give me an answer now. But think about it."

"Uh huh." That is my response for anything that I really don't want to answer. Or anything that I know telling him the truth on would only get me hurt. But there is no way in hell that I would want to live like this. I would rather die than do it this way.

Dominic wants me to start being involved in the wedding plans tomorrow. Start making decisions of things that I want. I don't think that he really gets it and I could care less about it.

When I married Gabe I wore a used little white sun dress that I bought at a thrift shop for twenty bucks. Our gold bands cost fifty dollars a piece and I couldn't have been happier on that day.

I listened to Dominic talk until I just couldn't take it anymore. He has flipped his last cookie if there is anyway he thinks we could ever be together. I told him I was going to my room and I was waiting for him to follow me to lock my door.

"I am going to leave your door unlocked tonight. But you try to run Lilyan, you know what I will do to you and them."

There is no way that I can run with Gemma and Roberto being in a different place from me. Because I know what Dominic would do to them if I did. Well maybe not. I do have an idea but it will take a lot to get this done. We will see if it works or not.

Finally getting to be alone so that I could read the note that Jaxs wrote me.

* * *

_**Lil,** _

_**Just one more day with you. That's all I need to be happy again. I'm in need of healing and without you I'm just more lonely, lost and confused than I've ever been. You see a side of me no else does or ever will. You always seem to know what I need even if I don't.** _

_**It's time for me to be honest about how I feel about you. The day you asked me if I ever met someone who completes my world and I couldn't live without them. I answered yes. You're the one that I met that completes my world and that I can't live without.** _

_**I thought if I admitted how much I needed you . That I'd be weak. That you would use it against me some how. I'd be opening up my heart to get hurt by you. But I'm hurt more because I didn't tell you and now I can't.** _

_**I was blindfolded with pride and stupidity. But now I'm seeing that I can have it all if I try hard enough. The leather on my back use to be the most important thing to me and the one thing I couldn't lose. Everything else has always came second to it.** _

_**Now what I can't lose is you and my boys. Here and now I vow this. I'd search forever just to bring you all home. I've got so much to make up to you and them some how. I'd fight for you, I'd lie and give my life for you. You know I'd already came for you if I knew where you were at.** _

_**Just come home to me. Since I can't come to you. I don't know if you will even get this. But if you do I think you are my second chance, my last chance, at being a better man. Doing it the right way this time and having real love in my life.** _

_**No matter what happens. I'll be loving you through it all. I won't give you up to any of them or give up on you. Don't leave me now.** _

_**Love you till I die,** _

_**Jackson** _

* * *

After I read it several times and I know that he still loves me I went into the bathroom. As much as I hated to I had to burn it. I couldn't take the chance that Dominic would find it. I stood and watched it burning in the sink with tears in my eyes "I love you too Jaxs. Until I take my last breath."

Laying down feeling better than I have since I've been here. No matter how this all turns out I still have love from the one that matters the most to me.

Waking up feeling really refreshed and with a smile on my face for the first time in days. I went in to shower and then I was going to go down stairs to have a huge breakfast to start my day. But I got a surprise when I went to open the shower door to step out. Dominic was leaning up against the door way watching me with my towel in his hand "Get out Dominic."

"It's nothing that I haven't seen before Lilyan."

"Well that's true. But it's not something that you will be seeing again." He tossed me my towel and walked out.

Not being really sure that I should even go down stairs now. I don't know what to expect from Dominic. But I have to still be nice to him so he will let me go deliver flowers and my note to Jaxs.

So I sucked it up and went to eat. Dominic was getting up to get another cup of coffee "Here I will get that for you."

"Thank you Lilyan."

We made small talk about the wedding and Dominic seemed okay with me. But how can you really tell when a crazy person is acting normal. He didn't bring up being in my room earlier and I didn't either "I would like some assistance in making these plans. I was thinking that Gemma could help me and spend time with the kids too. I promise that if you keep her here to help me that I will have all the decisions made and I will be on my best behavior."

"I don't think so Lilyan. That is to much of a risk having her here too."

I once told Jaxs that one mans strong determination was a strong woman's persuasion. It was time for me to find that to use against Dominic "I don't have any family or any women that I can get to help me. Gemma could be kept in a separate bedroom under lock and key. It would only be for a couple of days. Please Dominic." Rubbing my hands lightly over his chest. Giving him every reason to believe that I am submissive to him.

Needless to say that pleased him enough to get my way. We are picking up Gemma after I go deliver the flowers and my note. I ran back to my room to write it as fast as I could too.

* * *

_**Jaxs,** _

_**Everyone is fine. I have seen them and I am spending time with the boys. I love you so much. I don't have a lot of time to write this. I don't know the location I am at. I'm doing my best to come home to my Harley man.** _

_**I am just hoping you get this in the next couple of days. Because I have to get it fast. Go to Kyle and he will get it for you. He will know what this is. But don't trust anyone from the Family. They will hurt you if they get the chance to.** _

_**The most important thing is to not breathe it in or touch it with your bare skin. It needs to be well wrapped and very small so I can hide it.** _

_**This is what I need ...** _

* * *

I heard Dominic coming. I folded it up fast and stuck it in between my boobs "Who would have thought these babies would come in so useful?"

Of course Dominic insisted on going with me but, I was still going through with my plans. He even bought roses for me when we stopped to buy flowers for Gabe and Addison. Not sure why Dominic did that but, I told him thank you for them.

Getting the tape out of my pursue when we got there so I could tape the note to the bottom of the car that I bought when we stopped "What do you need tape for Lilyan?"

"I am going to tape a few flowers together for Addison."

"Here give them to me and I will do it for you." Well fuck me. He picks now to want to do something for me. But I knew better than to say no. So I handed them to Dominic and he made a little bouquet for Addison. Searching through my pursue I found some gum. I started chewing it and offered a piece to Dominic.

Putting the flowers down I used the gum to stick the note to the little car. I put it on Addison's head stone and will have to beg Dominic to let me come back in a day or two. I'm just praying that Jaxs gets it and comes through in time.

Gemma seemed a little shocked that she was leaving with me and Dominic. The ride back to the house was really quiet until Dominic told her the reason that she was here "You want me to do what?" I know I have a lot of explaining to do to her. But it wasn't like I could do it right now in front of Dominic.

Giving Gemma a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. They will be tight on her and will have to do until tomorrow when we can get her some new clothes. She went and soaked forever in the tub. I gave her the rest of my smokes and saved two back for when I can't take it anymore and have to have one.

Lighting up out on the balcony waiting for her to come outside. She came out and took my smoke from me "That's bad for the baby. Oh I forgot there isn't a baby."

"Jaxs knows about the baby already. He found out when Tara shot me. But he thought of the cutest baby name, Cain. But we settled on Andrew Cain instead."

"Tara shot you? Jesus Christ how long have I been gone?"

So I ran down the list of how Gemma and I ended up in this fucked up mess that we are in. She must have asked me ten times what will happen after the wedding is over before I answered her "Then it's over for me."

"These are the rules Gemma that you do not break. Don't try to run away because Dominic will hurt you and everyone else too. Don't bring up Jaxs name because that just sends Dominic in a frenzy and he will take it out on me. Don't be confrontational with him because you will lose. Under no circumstances can Dominic know about the baby. If he knows that I'm carrying Jaxs child, we're both dead. "

"I'm really sorry that they did that to your face. Most of the swelling is gone at least."

"They didn't do this to me. Clay did it. If it hadn't been for your brother stopping him. I'm not sure that I would have made it through this one. Roberto is a very sweet man. I tried to take care of him after they beat him and carved him up. But they separated us after that." Thanking Gemma for taking care of Roberto. It means a lot to me that she did that for him.

"Roberto loves you a lot Lily. He also told me what happened to your husband and baby. Is that why you fought being with Jackson so hard?" I wasn't sure if that was the only reason or not about Jaxs.

All this talking about Jaxs was making me miss him even more. I was tired and told her I would see her in the morning. We would start fucking up, I mean planning out this damn wedding together.

Gemma and I made an excellent wedding planning team. Everything I wanted was what it would took the longest to get. Flowers out of season, oh yeah I'll take those and wait for them. Only the best things we could come up with to order from overseas that would have to take time to get here. Not a problem for me. I can wait for really long time.

We spent so much of Dominic's money and it made him happy. Now if that is not totally fucked up I don't know what is. We called it quits for the day.

Gemma was getting time with the boys. Not only did it make her happy but Abel as well. He is the one I worry about the most. Walking away from this without being scared from it and remembering it all later in his life. He corrected me when I said he was three years old. He held up four of his little fingers and told me what a big boy he really is.

Standing at the door way watching them all play together and having good time. I was startled by Dominic that was standing behind me watching them too "There is somewhere I want to take you Lilyan."

There just happened to be somewhere I wanted to go to as matter of fact. I agreed if he would let me stop to see Gabe and Addison first that is. I know how Dominic works. When he gets what he wants then he forgets what he has promised you.

Going up stairs to change first. I am sure where he wants to take me is a place that I really don't want to go. He stopped me and said what I had on was fine. Will miracles ever stop happening? My tank and short was perfect. I have pockets this time.

Seeing four little cars parked side by side. Jaxs and Kyle came through for me. It was well wrapped up and tiny just like I needed it to be. I stuck it in my pocket and didn't keep Dominic waiting. Because he won't be waiting for long to get the present I have for him.

Dominic even drove us and that never happens very often. He is always surrounded by people. Because I'm not the only one that would love to kill him. Pulling the car to a spot where you could look over the city and was secluded. Not just that but, it was where he and I use to go when we were kids when we wanted to be alone.

"I use to come here a lot after you left. Most of the time it was to think." There was no way I was making a comment on that.

After taking our trip down memory lane and it was a bad trip too. He was finally ready to go. This must be a new tactic that he is trying out on me. Being sweet is not something that he does often or very well. But I was tired and didn't really care as long as I got to go back so I could go to bed.

Today was going to be the last day that I get to spend with Gemma. She was sad about having to leave the boys so she spent most of her day with them. But it was our last night to pull this off too.

Explaining what I needed her to do while I was getting ready. I put on a black dress. The one Dominic said he liked so I could get his attention when it was time.

"You have fifteen to twenty minutes at the max Gemma. It's the liquor bottle up on the top shelf of the bar. It's the only blue one. When you unwrap this hold your breath until you have it inside the bottle. Whatever you do, it can not touch your bare skin. If you take anymore time than that I can't keep Dominic distracted. If we get caught, he will kill us both. Just give me a few minutes before you leave the room."

Walking down the hallway on a mission. A fucked up mission but, a mission. Dominic was setting out on the balcony smoking. I knocked on his bedroom door even though the door was open already "Come in Lilyan."

Leaning against the balcony rail trying to wait until I saw Gemma pass by the door before I let Dominic get up and go back inside. I was rambling about everything that I could think of and it wasn't working. He was getting up from the chair so I parked my ass down on his lap "Well isn't this a pleasant surprise."

"Uh huh."

But what happened next wasn't a pleasant surprise for me. I could feel his hand running up my back. He was pulling me closer to him and his lips were on mine. I saw Gemma going past the door and I broke away from him "I'm sorry. It's getting really chilly out here."

"Lets go inside where you can be warm."

Dominic went in and sat down on his bed "Why don't you come over here and set down with me?"

Looking around the room I went over and turned on his CD player. That would at least stall him for about four to five minutes more "I have a better idea. Why don't you dance with me?"

Slow dancing with Dominic was horrible and he was holding me to damn tight to him. I kept trying to watch the door for Gemma to come back by without being to obvious about it. But he kept trying to stick his tongue down my throat. Looking at the clock. Fifteen minutes had already passed by. Gemma better hurry the fuck up or I'm going to be in big trouble.

When Dominic picked me up and was carrying me to the bed; I knew I was fucked. And not in the good way either "Make love to me Lilyan. Start acting like my wife should."

Trying to push him from me and I kept telling him no but, he wasn't listening to me. The only thing on the night stand was a lamp and his glass ashtray. Either one will do if I can get my hand on it. Inching my fingers on the night stand to get one of them in my grasp.

"Get off of her you piece of shit." Gemma struck Dominic on the back of the head with the ashtray. It only seem to piss him off. I swear he is like the killer you see in the movies. They keep doing all kinds of horrible things that should have killed him but, he just keeps getting back up again.

"You little cock teasing bitch. I was nice to you and this is how you repay me?" I was trying to get off the bed and get away from him.

"One of you is going to pay for that and it's going to be you Lilyan." Throwing me off the bed on to the floor. I felt the back of his hand come across my face and I could taste blood in my mouth. He was really pissed off now.

Dominic picked up his gun and he was done playing around. Gemma covered my body with hers. I know she was only trying to protect me but what she did only signed my death warrant "Leave her alone. She's pregnant." Not just my death warrant but Andrews too.

Dominic shoved Gemma out of the way and was picking me up from the floor. I closed my eyes because I knew a bullet was going to be going in my head now. But he didn't do it. He was running his hand softly over my cheek "Do you know what this means Lilyan?"

"That you have gone completely fucking insane?"

"No. It means that I don't have to kill you now. We can be a real family. Me, you, Nicholas and our new baby."

**JACKSONS POV**

Telling Kyle to come by the clubhouse tonight. There is something that I gotta do today and I would be here waiting for him.

They all came walking out of the clubhouse together to get me. So I can only assume what the end vote was. But I said I would take the call and I will. Hold my head high and meet the reaper when it's time.

My world felt like it was caving in around me. What I once thought was solid ground, my club. I tried to look the other way but, I couldn't turn away from it anymore. It's okay for them to hate me for all the things I've done. I've made a few mistakes. But I'm not the only one. I had to step away from the ledge before I fell off and there was no return left for me.

This was the one time that what I did wasn't about the club. I did it for my family and for me. I had to figure out what I had to do today to keep my family and myself alive for tomorrow.

Some days it feels like your bags are packed. But there's nowhere to go and no clock to turn back the time. And the sun goes down while it's cold outside and your soul needs something just to keep you alive. That was the place I was at needing to know my family would have a tomorrow. Needing to know that maybe even if it's to late for my soul that I at least tried.

Nobody said a word either. Happy walked up in front of me and hit me so hard that I went off the table on to the ground "That's for being a dick. Now get your fucken cut on shit head."

Knowing things had to change themselves is the only thing I could think of that saved my ass. We've faced so much shit together over the years but nothing like the last couple. Having our own demons we each struggle with and regrets to get past. Trying to stand as one when everything was tearing the club apart. Our dark sides coming out more and more to the surface.

I once believed that I could make a difference. That the club was all about me and that one man would change it all. It was the same drive that JT had too. It ended up being what drove him into the ground. Going out trying to make a stand was better than going out cause I was my own worst enemy. But I've been that for so long now and change won't come easy. But it will come.

Bobby was holding on to my cut and held it up "We're broken Jaxs. This club needs you and always has. I've always said that you would be the one to heal us. That's never changed. You just lost your way brother. Just like the rest of us did or have at some time or another. The one thing you are right about is we gotta change to survive."

Chibs had all the letters that I had given to each of them "Burn these and we never talk about it again either. I love you kid but, don't ever do that kinda of shit with the club cause you may not be so lucky next time."

I didn't even ask him how close the vote came to axing my ass cause I really didn't wanna know. Not that it really matters now. What matters is that we are all gonna try to put shit back on track where it should be, has to be. None of us really know how to get that completely done or when. But it will come.

We stood around and bull shitted until I had to go. This was gonna be another time when I had a lot of confessing and soul searching to do. Someone else that I've wronged and done a lot of damage to. I need to try to set things right with him.

Sitting down and waiting on him. I was trying to think of how to start off the conversation and all the shit I wanna say. This maybe my only chance I get to talk to him. It wasn't my favorite place to be anyways.

I knew when I got outta here the last time that I would end up dead. Or back in a prison cell if I stayed in the club. But it's the choice I've made and now I gotta see it through.

Otto walked out into the visiting area and handed me a piece of paper.

**Fuck you. I have nothing to say because I can't. I gave up my tongue for the club too. Leave me the fuck alone.**

"Otto we need to talk. I know how you feel about me. But I got something important to tell you." He gave me the finger and walked away. Maybe that's where Lil gets it from. She's got the same attitude when she's pissed off at me.

"It's about Myria Mancini." That stopped him dead in his tracks.

**How do you know about Myria? Did she come to the clubhouse looking for me? Was she okay?**

"No she didn't come to the clubhouse looking for you. From what I understand she passed away years back. I know her daughter." Taking the picture of Lil and me out my wallet to show him.

**That's great. You came here to tell me that you're fucking Myria's daughter.**

"Not exactly. Lil is your daughter Otto." I didn't add the I'm fucking your daughter part cause I didn't think he would find that very funny.

**I don't have any kids and you know that. I have no family left anymore. I've been living here in hell. Giving the rest of my life up for the what the club needed. So I'm not finding this very goddamn amusing.**

"Myria left you cause she had to. She was pregnant with Lil and the Family would have killed you if she didn't. She was protecting you. Lil is your daughter."

**Myria left me because she didn't love me. I wasn't good enough for her.**

"Trust me I've been there with that same thing and the same argument about Lil. I'm still there. I'm in love with her. She's pregnant with my baby. They took her from me."

Telling Otto as much of the story as I could. He was all fucked up right now and was only hearing part of what I was saying to him I think. If he was hearing any of it at all. Yeah I've been there too.

**You should go Jaxs. And don't come back here again.**

There was no more talking to Otto. I didn't get to say half the shit I wanted to. But I got one that will listen to me no matter how much I ramble on. I was riding to Addison.

Seeing another car setting there meant so many things to me. Lil has been here and she's still alive at least. Reading the note thanking the man upstairs that they are all still alive. Staying with Addison until I had to go meet Kyle. This is the first time I've smiled since they have been gone "See ya later buddy."

Showing Kyle the note and wanting to know what the fuck it was "It's death Jaxs. For the first two minutes you feel week and disoriented. Then you can't breathe and you become paralyzed. It looks like you had a heart attack."

"Fuck I hope Lil never gets pissed off at me. Well not so much she's trying to kill me anyways. How fast can you get it?"

"It's not something that I can just run out and buy anywhere Jaxs. Maybe tomorrow at the earliest. But I will be here tomorrow and we will take care of the other details too." All the shit we talked about tonight was crazy. But I was all in if it meant getting my family back.

They were having a party when I came out into the bar. I didn't feel like being around anyone and I grabbed a bottle to head back to my room. One of the girls they had with them came up to me and put her arms around me "You look like you could use a friend tonight. I'm real friendly."

Looking down at my ring "Nah I'm good. Thanks anyways."

Setting in my room alone drinking in the dark "If you could see what you've done to me girl. I feel like a real pussy when it comes to you Lil."

Having to get my drunk ass up to open the door. I finally slept one night through on our bed "Hey Jaxs. Do you have a minute?" Telling Lyla to come on in.

"It's not your fault about Op. You have to stop torturing yourself over him. I never told anybody this but, he came to see me before he came to the clubhouse for the last time. He gave me all the cash he had and wanted to make sure that I would take care of the kids for him. That was his way out and he never planned on coming back from it. He loved you Jaxs more than anybody else that ever set at that table. Sometimes I think he loved you more than Piney even."

"If Op hadn't went out the way he did. He would have just found another way. He died the most honorable death he could. Protecting the one he loved and that was you."

"I made this for you." Lyla handed me a patch; _Loving Protector, Husband, Father, Brother and Son. Opie Winston._

That just tore me up. Opie had planned out his death just like Lil did. They gave me their everything and I fell short giving that back to them. There are always things that happen in your life that you regret and wish you could change. I just wish that I could tell them how much they mean to me and how much I do love them. I'll never get that chance with Op but, maybe I still will with Lil.

Hugging Lyla and telling her thank you. I sat down on the bed to sew it on my cut. Trying to do what Tig has already done. Hold on to the good times and let some of the bad shit go. With each stitch I thought about a good memory of me and Op.

Taking a quick shower I got dressed to wait for Kyle. So I could deliver the care package that he should have for Lil this morning. But when I went out into the bar there was a package laying on the table for me. I always cringe when I see one now. Fearing what it will have in it for me from Dominic.

Just wanting to get it over. I ripped it open. There was two pictures inside. One of Lil with the boys swimming in a pool. But the other one enraged me. It was of her naked getting out of the shower. On the back of the picture Dominic wrote; _I enjoyed spending the day with your family. Not as much as I enjoy spending my nights with Lilyan though. The thing that will be the most enjoyable for me is when I get to hold mine and Lilyan's child in my arms. I wanted you to be the first to know that we are expecting a baby soon._

Still setting at the same table for I don't know how long trying to hold it together. But I wasn't doing a good job of it. If Dominic knows about Andrew it will be hell for Lil and him. Now there is no holding back cause Dominic and the rest of the Family will want Andrew.

There was parts of Kyle's plan that even I wasn't sure that I could go through with. But now I got no choice left. Even if I get Abel and Thomas back. Andrew would never be free from them. We would always have to be looking over our shoulder, waiting for them to come for him.

"It's time to go Jaxs."

Life always has a way of coming around. When I was talking to Otto he had that dazed look on his face. The same one that I probably have now "Jaxs are you ready to do this?"

"Yeah."

Waiting inside the house until the car pulled into the garage and the door went down. Kyle had the code so we didn't set off any alarms. He knew their schedule and was within three minutes of when he said they would get home.

Hearing their foot steps coming into the kitchen where we were waiting for them. She started screaming as soon as she saw us "We are not going to hurt you. Remain calm and everything will be alright."

She didn't stay calm. I don't even know why Kyle thought a woman would stay calm when there were two masked armed men standing in the kitchen.

Kyle finally convinced her to put the knife down or he was going to shoot her. He put tape over her mouth and tied her hands behind her back "Nicholas you are going to go for a ride with us. I know your Dad and I'm not going to hurt you okay."

We had to take her with us too. Kyle put her in the trunk so she couldn't call Dominic to tell him that we took his kid. Nicholas went and got in the back seat without ever saying a word.

"When will we tell Dominic that we got Nicholas?"

"At the party tomorrow night."

"What party Kyle?"

"The engagement party for Lilyan and Dominic. You will be attending that with me Jaxs."

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me!  
**


	30. Chapter 30

**JACKSONS POV**

"There is no way in hell I'm gonna go to that and watch him be with Lil. Knowing Dominic has my family and you wanna make me promise that I'm not gonna kill him."

"Yes. That is exactly what I expect from you Jaxs. There will be magazines and newspapers there taking pictures. You can't go in and start any trouble. But they can't start anything with you either. To many witnesses for the world to see. This is not street gang shit you're doing and it can't be handled that way. Killing Dominic does not stop the cause and effect from still happening. If you want to get your family back you will do what I'm telling you to do. This is the fighting smart part and not with your fist."

There wasn't any part of this that I didn't find to be fucked up. But I agreed to it. I've gotta sit and watch Dominic be with Lil and keep my mouth shut about it. Keep my anger in control and not to cave his head in. Swallow my pride and just take it to get what I want in the end. The most important thing was making sure that I get them all back safe and that's what I'm gonna do.

"Also you cannot wear your cut. You will never make it through the door with it on. We are going as the guest of someone else. Besides you don't want any pictures relating the Sons to any of this."

"Who are we guest of?"

"Lilyan's Grandmother. They still include her in everything even though they know she can't leave the premisses. I was given three envelopes to deliver for Lilyan and she was the second one. Lilyan wrote her a letter and it had a picture of you with her in it. It was her Grandmother that gave me the picture of Lilyan's parents. She recognized the cut. She does get confused sometimes. A lot of it is because they keep her medicated. She will confuse Lilyan and Myria for one another when she talks about them." Lil looks a lot like her Mom except with fair skin and blonde hair.

Pappy had locked up Myria's mother a long time ago. He divorced her and forgot she even exist anymore. She couldn't handle it when she lost her daughter and had bouts of depression. No one ever believes the stories she tells cause they think she's crazy. But all the stories of death, torture and of the Family. They are all true. All the shit she must know about and have seen when she was with Pappy.

"You said Lil gave you three envelopes. One was for me and one for her Grandma. Who is the other one for?"

"That's none of your concern. It will get delivered when it is time and no it is not for you Jaxs."

Dropping off the woman and Nicholas off at a house. This was the place Kyle wanted to keep them at. Pulling the car into the garage. Before I got out Kyle stopped me "Put your mask on Jaxs. We don't want her to see our faces."

"What about him? He's seen our faces already?"

"Nicholas doesn't even speak anymore. We don't have to worry about him being a problem. Trust me the kid has lived through hell and seen a lot shit that he has blocked out for being so young. This is nothing for him. I don't plan on really hurting him. He's a bargaining chip for us."

Dominic doesn't have anything to do with his kid really. Kyle thinks he only sees Nicholas every three or four months. It was odd that he didn't have his kid with him and he keeps his kid in a house with just a nanny to be left alone. I thought I was a shitty father. But I guess there are ones worse than me "How do you know all of this shit if you're not one of them anymore?"

"It's not what you know Jaxs. It's who you know." I got a chuckle from that cause it works the same way for us sometimes too. I thought about Corbin. Him telling me it doesn't matter what side you play for, it's always the same shit.

"The nanny will be let out somewhere tomorrow night after we tell Dominic. She will be taken to a place hours from here so she has no idea where we kept her. Threatened if she says anything that I will come back for her."

"What about Nicholas?"

"Let's hope everything goes according to plan. Do you think Dominic would have a problem hurting your children?"

"I begged Dominic to take me and kill me instead of taking Lil. Set my family free and just take me."

"This was never about killing you Jaxs. If that's what he wanted, you would have been dead. It was about hurting you and controlling Lilyan to get what he wants. This won't end with just getting your family and killing Dominic either. But I think you know that already."

Yeah I did know that already. It won't end until they are all dead or we are. The club and my family will always be targeted even if Lil and I aren't together. Life always has a way of coming back around. The club has ended up crushing Otto and taking what life he's got away from him. Otto will end up crushing the club and taking what we got away from us for something he did a long time ago.

Kyle dropped me off at the clubhouse and I gotta get my shit together before tomorrow. I stuck the envelope with the pictures in my desk. I still haven't burned the letters. I put them in JT's manuscript and I'll do it later. All I wanna do is get my head straight and stay focused on what I gotta do.

Lauren has called me a couple of times today and I left a message for her to call me back. She had a lot of shit to tell me that went down with Tara going to jail. What shocked the shit outta me was Otto reached out to her and wants to talk to me. When Otto has ever needed to talk to one of us he calls the attorney's office and she calls us to let us know. Another reason that she gets a lot of cash from us. She knows when to keep her mouth shut.

The part I hated the most about going to Stockton is my head gets all fucked up even when I leave it. There is always a feeling or regret that comes more to the surface every time. Some I've learned to deal with. Others I'll never get past it.

When Otto came out he had a list of things he already wanted to know. Some of them I couldn't answer and the only one that could was Lil. But how will I explain all this shit to her too. Just more shit that will come down on me if I get to be with her again. All the shit that's going on between me, Otto and the club.

**Is Lil her name?**

"Her name is Lilyan Myria."

**What is she like?**

"She is a wonderful person. Loving, kind and thinks about every body else first. She has made me step back and realize the kinda man I really am. The man I've become and don't wanna be. You would be proud of her."

**Does she know about me?**

"No. They never wanted her to know about you or the MC."

**Why would she pick a dip shit like you?**

"I guess it's daughter like mother thing in the picking out of dip shits."

**Do you have a picture that I can have of her?**

I answered more questions that he had. Then I laid the picture of me and her dancing together on the table. But he shoved it back to me.

**One with just her in it.**

"Really?" He nodded his head with a fuck you look on his face.

Taking the one out of my wallet when she was playing Madam Lil for me dressed in red. I gave him that one.

**She looks just like her Mom. She has Myria's smile. If I had known I would have never let them take Myria or Lilyan away from me. I would have done something. I really believed all these years that Myria didn't want to be with me. Maybe I would have done shit different if I would have known that I had a kid.**

Otto was hurting you could tell. I tried to talk about it but he didn't wanna go there.

**How did you meet her?**

"The Family sent her to the club. Hoping to bring the bad shit to the surface for her. Feeding off of the bad shit we do. But she wouldn't go down that road or take that path. Lil has made me try to change. You would like that she don't take any shit off of me either and calls me out when I'm wrong." That made Otto smile.

**Go to my stuff that Lu Anne had. There will be a box marked personal and tapped up. Lu Anne promised me she would never open it. You need to see what's in there.**

"What is it?"

**That's why I told you to go look dumb fuck. Then you will understand. I'm doing this for Myria and Lilyan. Cause I think you're a little punk bitch.**

Father like daughter. Not afraid to tell me off or what they think. Maybe Lil is more like Otto than I thought she was. Gemma had all of Lu Anne's stuff. So that is where I went to next.

The house had been tore up on the inside. I could only assume it was when Clay came back and took what he wanted from it.

I went through ten boxes in Gemma's garage before I found what Otto was talking about. There was so much shit in there from when he was with Myria. Goddamn I never knew Otto to be like this. He wrote a notebook full of shit about the time he spent with her. Poems and other shit. Letters they wrote to each other. Different pictures of them together and other little stuff that I didn't know what it meant to him. He was so young back then. You could tell losing Myria broke him and left him bleeding.

"Jesus Christ. What the fuck did you guys do?" There was a picture that had JT, Clay and Piney setting at a table with Anthony Mancini. The club was involved with him somehow. I can't fucking ask one of them what it was about either.

Chibs was calling me and he's called a couple of times. But I hadn't answered him before cause I was going through all that shit "Yeah."

"You gotta get back here Jackie. Shit's going down hard. There was a Mayan, one of Lin's crew and one of the Irish killed. The kills were all tagged with a SOA inside of Charming."

"Fuck. I'll be back in an hour. Start calling in the other charters again. Lock everybody down. They're coming for us."

It had to be the Family or Dominic that did it. Cause I know the Sons didn't have anything to do with it. Turning all of our enemies and allies against us. Doing it inside Charming will bring all kinds of cops down on us too. Marking the kill with the Sons was their way of showing the world we did those kills and they will all be gunning for us now.

Going back to the same place that I started at. Otto has to know something about what went down with the club back then. He might not have set in on the meeting but, he knows about it. He wouldn't have sent me on this bullshit goose chase if he didn't.

"What did they do Otto? The club is under fire and I need your help man."

Otto was sitting there with a smile on his face. Shaking his head no.

"Goddamn it Otto. We need to put this shit aside between me and you. What the fuck did they do to the Family? This was never over Myria or Lil was it? That's not why the Family wants to crush the MC."

**The cat and the club has my tongue. It all comes around Jaxs and I won't help to protect the club anymore. The worse thing you can do to me now is the best thing for me; order a hit on me in here. Bring on my death because I died on the inside when I lost Myria. That was what pushed me in deeper into SAMCRO. The reasons that I did what I've done for the club and the reason that I held on to the club as my family all this time. Knowing the club was bringing my death delivered to me.**

**Now it's delivering your death to you. This is one time being Jackson Teller don't mean shit. Figure it out on your own. The Sons will live. But Jackson Teller and Redwood will bleed.**

**ENGAGEMENT PARTY POV**

When Jackson and Kyle arrived there was flashes going off everywhere. People waiting for Dominic and Lilyan to arrive "Jesus Christ. All of this for a wedding."

"This isn't about a wedding Jaxs. It is Dominic announcing publicly to the under ground world that he is going to be taking over. He is sending the message to everyone and using the wedding as his cover. With the two families uniting; who would be crazy enough to take them on?"

"Us Kyle." They both knew that was a true statement too. The chances of either one of them surviving it would be slim to none. But they both had something to fight for.

Jackson is the one with the most to lose from it. Not only was his family at stake. Now his club was too. Kyle still didn't know how the MC fit into the picture with the Family. The bad blood runs deeper with the Mancinis than just losing a daughter to Otto.

Everyone noticed how out of place Jackson was at this event. But he didn't care. Showing the invitation to get in the door. Jackson wasn't let in because of the invitation. He was let in because Dominic knew he would come for Lilyan and told them if he came to let him in. That he wanted to make sure Jaxs would have to see it. Because Dominic knew that there was nothing that Jaxs could do to him or to stop this from taking place. This was to teach Jackson a lesson of who Dominic was and how little power Jaxs really has.

In the front there was two long tables joined by one small one. On one side sat the Rossi family and on the other sat the Mancini family. Showing conformity and the joining of them with Lilyan and Dominic sitting in the middle.

Passing by the long tables. Jackson walked past Pappy. Both doing a stare down of one another. Pappy was surrounded by his men that were armed to protect him. Pappy did not want to turn the event into a blood bath. Because the repercussions would blow back on him. He told his men what he wanted them to do when they got the chance to. But not inside where it would be seen by everyone.

Jackson and Kyle took a table in the back trying to stay away from them until the one arrived that they came to see "Keep your head about you Jaxs. Do not let them get to you and cause you to do something that you will regret later. When they get here we do what we came here for and then we leave."

"Yeah." That was Jackson's response but it wasn't what he was thinking. Especially when he saw Lilyan walk in on Dominic's arm.

Pappy made his speech for Lilyan and Dominic. Then he gave his regards and respect to the Rossi family. Salvator did the same. The two leaders shook hands to seal their agreement and the families becoming one with each other.

It was the dance dedicated to the couple. The lights went low for Dominic and Lilyan. They were the only ones out on the dance floor. As to their agreement Lilyan was all smiles until she saw Kyle and Jackson setting there "What did you do Dominic?"

"I didn't do anything Lilyan. He chose to come here on his own. He still believes that he can rescue you. You have to admire his determination. But he isn't living in reality. I was so sure that he would make an appearance tonight that I have something for him when he leaves."

Jackson stood up was walking out to where the couple was "Don't you do it Jaxs. Don't you go out there and break up their dance." Kyle has tried to keep Jackson in check. There was only one person that could keep Jackson's outlaw side in check, Lilyan. Then there was only so much even she could do.

"If that was your old lady and kid out there, what would you do Kyle?"

Jackson was stopped at the edge of the dance floor by Dominic's men. With a smile on his face Dominic told them to let him pass by. Jackson took a few more steps towards them and then stopped.

"The world said Mickey and Mallory would never be together again. Never get to see or hold each other. They proved them all wrong. We decide our fate Lil and always will. Our dance ain't over yet Darlin."

Lilyan was walking towards Jackson when Dominic grabbed her by the arm "If you embarrass me by going to him. I will make you pay for it Lilyan."

Lilyan jerked away from Dominic because she knew there wasn't anything he could do to her in front of everyone watching "I already have paid for it. There is nothing left that you can do to me Dominic."

Jackson and Lilyan were holding on to each other just like they always have. To them there wasn't a room full of people, just them. Just them showing how much they love each other.

Until Jackson looked at her face "He did that to you didn't he?" Lilyan never answered him.

"You son of a bitch." Kyle has had his hands full trying to keep Jackson in line. Kyle stepped in to stop Jackson from doing something that would only bring more trouble down on them. But now there wasn't a line that Jaxs won't cross now to get what he wants back.

"I hope that you enjoyed that little display you put on with Lilyan. Because now it is my turn."

Taking Lilyan by the hand going back to their table and clanking his glass with a knife. Dominic wanted to make sure that he had everyone's attention first "Lilyan and I want to thank everyone for coming to celebrate this special occasion with us. As most of you already know we fell in love when we were young and I am honored that she chose me to be her husband."

Giving Lilyan a kiss on the cheek then making sure that he had eye contact with Jackson before he continued "I just found out that I have many things to celebrate this evening. There is going to be an addition to the Rossi family soon. Lilyan and I are having a baby."

Jackson and Dominic were standing face to face. Neither one would back down from the other even with everyone watching "I'm gonna kill you."

Kyle was standing by Jackson trying to keep him focused on the reasons they were there for "We are not here to provoke him. We are here to educate Dominic on what is going to happen. Do what you came here to do Jaxs."

"Please do enlighten me on how a washed up mob member and biker could ever educate me? I play to win and always win in the end."

"Yeah me too." Jackson took out his cell phone to show Dominic a picture of Nicholas. Nicholas was setting at a table with Jackson.

"You low life piece of shit. You just sign your death warrant along with everyone near you. I will crush your little motorcycle gang and there will not be a damn thing you can do about it. I will make sure that you feel this too Kyle."

"It's time to end this shit Dominic. This is where you meet me at. We play for it all and we don't stop until one of us goes home in a bag. Me and mine against you are yours. No weapons and no witnesses. I'm gonna beat you to death and enjoy every second of it. If you don't show; I'll kill your kid and deliver him to your goddamn door step. If you hurt my family, I'll do the same thing. It will be outlaw justice mother fucker; a son for a son."

Dominic's men were coming for Jackson and Kyle to escort them out "I think it's time we go now Jaxs."

Jackson looked at Lilyan one more time before they walked out the door. She gave him one of her smiles that always melts his heart. He didn't want to leave her but, he had no choice.

Walking outside there was a black sedan that pulled up in front of Jackson and Kyle. This was what Dominic was telling Lilyan about. He knew Jackson would come for her. Dominic was planning on that happening too.

When the door opened it was Gemma holding Thomas. Dominic released them showing his authority as well as getting rid of them. Gemma was too hard to handle and Dominic couldn't stand her. Thomas cried too much and got on Dominic's nerves. But Dominic still had Abel, Roberto, Lilyan and what was the most important to him; Andrew.

With Dominic having a child from both the Mancini and Rossi side, he would always be a part of it. No one could ever take that away from him then. That is all Nicholas really means to Dominic, power. No different then having Andrew does.

Gemma handed Thomas to Jackson "Dominic released me to deliver a message to you Jackson."

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me! Well my lovelies... the next chapter will be eventful. At least for Jackson.**


	31. Chapter 31

JACKSONS POV

Sitting at the table staring at the reaper in the middle of it. Being an outlaw you are never supposed to fear it coming for you or fail to use it when you need to either. When you know that's really the only option left. Maybe that's where I've created some of my own misery for myself and on the club without even trying to.

Anytime I've shown mercy on someone it's only came back and bit me in the ass. I sat here before my brothers expecting my fate to be called and it wasn't. They had mercy on me. Otto was right; it all comes around. They didn't realize it at the time but, that decision will come back some day to bite the club in the ass too.

It was getting to the point that the club would have divided. It would have picked a side to fight for or believed in. That's what happened just before JT died. It was brother against brother. They started questioning everything he did. Every decision he made was challenged in one way or another. But when they started picking his side or Clay's side, it was over. That was the beginning of the fall of SAMCRO. I just hope that I'm leading it back to its uprising and not in the direction of its demise.

Most of the problems SAMCRO has to deal with are self inflicted. By accident that we caused it or by being what we are. All the bad shit was coming back to us cause of what we've done. The club is internally a mess and now we are all forced to deal with our own actions. Decisions that we've made over the years. I started by making confessions. But there is still so much more shit that I've got left to deal with to make shit right again.

I've always thought that I knew how I would do things once I was in control. What I wanted to change and just how I would do it all. Until I got the gavel. But I really didn't know shit. It's like looking at the world through a different set of eyes. They look back at you with different eyes too.

When Gemma came in. I think she was unsure why I needed to talk to her in private without Nero "Close the door and sit down please."

Laying Otto and Myria's picture down in front of Gemma "What do you know about her?"

"I don't know anything about her or who she is. The only one that I've ever known Otto to be with longer than for a night is Lu Anne."

Not really believing Gemma. Cause I know how this works with her. We have a lot of shit to get out and talk about before we're done. Next handing her the picture of the MC and Pappy "What do you know about that?"

Getting the same response from her. She didn't know anything about it "Look this isn't about JT and Clay. This isn't about whatever the hell role you played in it at the time. This is about trying to save the club from the shit that is about to come down on us cause of what happened between them and the Family. You need to tell me and tell me the truth. All of it. Not just what you think I should know about it."

"I am tell you the truth. I don't know anything about this picture or when it was taken."

"Bullshit. If JT didn't tell you what was going on then Clay did. You were with both of them during that time and I know Clay use to tell you everything."

"John stopped telling me anything before he died. He locked himself away in the grief and stopped being anymore involved with the club than he had to be. Jackson you were to young to remember what your father was really like before he died. After we lost Thomas it was the darkest part of JT's life. Clay didn't tell me anything about it either. I really don't know anything about this."

Lighting up to toke. I promised myself that I wouldn't get pissed off during our talk. So I needed to get my anger with Gemma in check. I went on to the next thing. Giving her what Lauren gave to me. She read it all but, wouldn't look up at me.

"What do you gotta say about that? Don't tell me that you don't know anything about how Tara went to jail. I know who the anonymous witness is. You're the only one that could have known that shit. Cause you have all of Lu Anne's stuff at your house. I know cause I went through it too."

"So what happens now Jackson?"

Taking the piece of paper and lighting it on fire "You're gonna reverse your statement. Tell them that you were wrong, high or went completely insane on that day. For all I give a shit you can tell them that you were tripping on acid and was so out of your mind that you can't remember anything that happened on that day. But you're gonna make it right and get the charges dropped against Tara."

It wasn't just Gemma that played a role in having Tara locked up. I knew she was the only one that could have given them that info though. She took Tara the cross and tried to do it so her name wouldn't get released. Gemma's statement was just speculation of what went down. Other than verifying she gave Tara the cross, it meant nothing. It would be her word against Tara's word. But, I'll never tell Gemma that.

It was Torric that got Tara arrested. Along with Clay's statement that he made against the club. Clay knew everything that had happened up to going to jail. About Otto turning on the club, rico, working the Cartel and Tara working at the prison. It was Clay's way of trying to stay alive. For Clay to turn rat there had to be an upside for him. The upside was getting all of us taken down with him.

That's how Torric had got so much info on the club, Clay. Knowing about our routines and drop places for the gun sales. Clay rated us out thinking that would take the Sons out and get him some sort of protection for him at the same time. Clay's plan was getting out of jail then running. Only he hung in to long before trying to get out of the country.

Killing them both was the smartest thing that I've done since taking the gavel. The way I did it might have been fucked up. But the end result was for the greater good of the club. That I'm sure of now. Torric and Clay aren't a problem anymore. Dead men can't talk.

That leaves me with one more problem to deal with, Gemma. Once she retracts her statement Tara will be free. Free to leave if that's what she wants to do. As long as Tara really doesn't believe that I would let her walk away with my sons; I don't give a fuck what she does.

Handing Gemma the letter that I wrote to her while she was gone. This was still something that I needed to do with her. She read it and started crying. Then I burnt that piece of paper too.

"I need to explain why I did what I did with Tara. I..."

"I don't care about that anymore as long as you set shit right with it. We're gonna try something different between me and you. The past shit stays buried that we just talked about. We don't bring it up again. I'm not gonna tell them that you rated. But from here on if I find out that you rated again or you're hiding shit from me; you know what I'll do to you. Being my Mom or not. It doesn't matter."

We toked together. I think Gemma needed to calm down as much as I did. I'm giving her the same chance to start over that the club gave me. She has lived her life for the club and she didn't turn on it. We made our peace together. At least for now. She said somethings she needed to and so did I.

Deep down I know she played a role in JT dying as much as Clay did. She at least knew what was gonna go down with it. Even though she was playing the innocent victim and looking me in the eye right now lying to me. But I let it go. We'll have this talk on another day I'm sure.

"Let's talk about Dominic. I need to know everything you can tell me that went on. Did the care package get delivered to him?"

"Yeah it did. It was delivered but, he didn't get the end results of it. Because things happened once I put it in the bottle that Lily told me to."

"What happened?"

Gemma never answered the question. She really wasn't around him but a short time. They kept her and Roberto separate from Lil and the boys. So that wasn't any useful information.

"What happened Gemma?"

After Gemma told me what went down. I felt even worse about Lil and have more anger towards him. She is always putting herself out there for me and taking on more shit cause of me. She's never afraid though. It's not being afraid is what's gonna get her hurt. If Dominic hasn't already done that.

"You can't take them on Jackson. Please don't do this. Dominic is crazy. Just saying your name makes him lose it. He will kill you and won't stop until he does."

"I don't have another option left. I'll just have to kill him first."

"What about Clay? He will come for me again."

"No. He won't ever come for you again."

"Did you..."

"Yeah I did." That was enough of an answer that she knew exactly what ended up happening to Clay. Without my having to go into the details about it.

We talked for a couple of hours and I was ready to move on. Cause Tara was next on the list. Gemma hugged me and I told her I loved her. That was another one of my promises to myself that I would do if I saw her again.

"Thank you Jackson for being understanding. I don't want things to be stressed between us either. You know I can't live without my family. You know I would do anything to protect you and the boys. It makes me happy and proud to see my son setting at the head of the table."

"Don't thank me. Thank Op. Cause if it wasn't for him I don't think I'd still be setting at the table."

"What does that mean Jackson? You're not thinking about leaving the club are you? Is it because of Lily?"

"What's between me and Lil. Is just that, between me and her. It's nobodies business but ours."

"You are a lot like your father Jackson. He was so smart and had a big heart. But he always was searching for the answers and the reasons to everything. Even when there wasn't a need for it. He was a very complicated man. His complications ended up killing him. He hated his life and I think he wanted the road to take him a long time before it did. I don't want that same fate for you."

"Don't make things more complicated than they already are for you Jackson. A Teller belongs at the head of the table. You can't step away from the club no matter how bad it hurts you or how bad it gets. You know it's a bad idea and it would never work if you did leave the club. Some day it will Abel, Thomas or Andrew that you're having this conversation with."

Gemma was already giving me the same talk she has already so many times. I didn't say I was leaving the club. But it did cross my mind to once I get my family back. When they say a mother knows best, they must have never met my Mom.

"Where did you get that patch?"

"Lyla made it for me. I'm wearing it in memory of Opie. All the shit that he went through and as a reminder of what it really means to be a member setting at this table."

Gemma always was good to Op. When we were growing up she was a second mom to him. After Mary left Gemma filled that role a lot more. Op loved Gemma too. Sometimes he didn't like her much after we patched in but, he still loved her.

Following Gemma out into the bar. Tara was already here and holding Thomas. I took Thomas from her and handed him to Gemma. It didn't make Tara happy and I didn't give a fuck "Lets talk in my office."

"The charges are getting dropped against you."

"Really. So this is all over now. Where's Abel at? Why isn't he here? I noticed Lilyan is gone. Did she leave you for someone else already?" Tara couldn't resist getting her dig in at me about Lil. It only makes me not wanna be around Tara that much more.

"She's the reason we got Thomas back. I'm working on getting Abel and Lil back too." I won't ever go into details with Tara on anything. Cause I don't trust her now. She will only be getting vague answers to shit from now on. She doesn't need to know about club business and I will make sure that distance stays there too.

"I doubt Lilyan is the reason that we got Thomas back. She's the reason that everything went wrong Jaxs. When are you going to see that?"

"Lil has been willing to give her life for Abel and Thomas. If that's what it takes to bring them home. Like a good mother should. Like you didn't do when Cameron took Abel. You didn't even try to stop him. So don't you sit there and talk shit about Lil. Cause I've had enough of that already. You need to show her some respect of trying to save our children."

"How can you be so cruel to me Jaxs? What does that even mean? Would it have been better for you if I would have died trying to save Abel. So that he wouldn't have had a mother at all growing up. Then you wouldn't have Thomas either. Or is that the real problem. You have two boys other than the one she's having."

Again promising myself that I was not going to lose my temper with Tara. I was done arguing too. I tossed the divorce papers on the desk for her "You need to look over those and sign them."

"I'm not signing this. I will fight you for custody. You're a felon and what chance do you think you will have in court against me. You need to think about this before you go through with it. Is she really worth losing everything for? Once we get Abel back things can go back to the way they use to be. We can have our family and be happy again."

Even if Lil doesn't wanna be with me. There was no going back for me and Tara. I could never be with her again. I let myself get comfortable with her and thought we would be on the same path. That we would finally find some peace in our life.

But most of all I trusted Tara. I let in her on the inside of me and the club. She shit on that. If the club knew the truth; she wouldn't be breathing anymore and I wouldn't have a choice in it.

Rat once, shame on you. Rat twice, I should have already killed you the first time. I could never have Tara near club business again. I would always be fearing when shit went wrong, she would save her own ass first. No matter which one of us she had to hurt to do it. She can fight me all she wants to. But in the end I will have my children with me. Even if I gotta do it the wrong way, it doesn't matter to me.

"For the last time. What's going on between me and you has got nothing to do with Lil. Get that through your head. If you wanna be mad or need to be mad at somebody for it. Be mad at me. She didn't chase after me Tara, I chased her. I wouldn't leave her alone cause I couldn't. I'm the one that the blame falls on. If we need to end this relationship a shitty fucken mess then we will. It really doesn't matter what brought our ending; it's still gonna be our end. You decide how you wanna do it."

"Lauren has already filed so that I have temporary custody of Thomas and Abel until we go to court on it. So you and Wendy can fight me all you want. You can come here to see Thomas anytime you want to. But you're not taking him with you anywhere. It's not a safe time for him or you. You can stay here at the clubhouse to be protected too or you can leave. I really don't give a shit."

Finally just walking away from Tara. Cause all I heard was; you're a no good bastard, cheating piece of shit, I hate you, you'll be sorry when I take your boys and leave this town and I'll make sure that you never get to see them again. I really stopped listening after that. Although some of it maybe true; I still really didn't care.

Tara was pissed when she left. Her and Gemma was mouthing at each other as Tara was going out the door. I didn't care what they had to say to each other either. Getting to hold Thomas and spend time with him was what I was gonna do. I wasn't gonna let their hate for each other or me stop that from happening.

Running the bath tub so he could have a bath before bed time. He was happy playing with the his toys and bubbles. I wish all my problems could be solved that easy so that I could be happy like he is.

Putting Thomas in bed with me. I didn't even wanna let him be the few feet away from me to be in the crib. Paranoid I really am and seem to be heading more to that direction with every day that passes. Watching him slowly slip off to sleep "We'll have Abel home soon buddy."

Waking up feeling Thomas move I tightened my grip on him. Holding on to him tighter "I was just going to feed him."

Once I got awake enough to know it was Gemma taking him, I let go. Rolling over and trying to go back to sleep but, I couldn't. So I got up and got dressed to go out into the bar.

Watching Gemma with Thomas. She seems a lot happier than she was before her disappearance. She back to being the old Gemma I once knew. Strong, determined and doesn't give a shit what you think. She's gonna do what she wants to. I'm a lot like her in that way I guess.

Nero hasn't been to far away from Gemma since she got back. I understood that too. Knowing in a second that you can lose everything. Changes your outlook fast on many things. Shit that seemed so important to you before you lost them; don't mean nothing then. You let what you can take a back seat and hope that you can put all the pieces back together again.

"I'll be in my office. When you see Chibs will you tell him I wanna see him." Giving a kiss to Thomas and Gemma before I left.

Opening JT's manuscript. I was hoping to find something that might help with what went on with the Family. I've read this thing so many times before. But maybe I had no idea what I was reading at the time.

I realized that in my downward spiral of hopelessness. I was actually falling into the huge hole created by my absence of basic human graces.

The most obvious was forgiveness. If I was wronged, by anyone, in or out of the club. I had to be compensated - money or blood. There was no turning the other cheek. When relationships become a ledger of profit and loss, you have no friends, no loved ones - just pluses and minuses. You are absolutely alone.

That's no shit. I've felt more alone the last couple of weeks then I think I ever have before. My relationship with Lil started out being the same kinda relationship that I had with everyone else. Only thinking about what she could do for me. I guess in a lot of ways I was reliving what JT already had.

I had hit that downward spiral to hell. I didn't know how to even think about starting to forgive. I'm learning that one slowly. Being compensated in money or blood is what the club has turned into. It's all we know cause that's what we were taught by Clay.

But in the end compensation don't mean shit when it's all said and done. Because for everything you're compensated for; you lose twice as much somewhere down the line. That is the lesson I'm learning the hard way.

Before I met Lil that was what was important to me. Keeping that ledger of wrongs that had been done to me or to my club. It turned my world upside down at first when she started showing me the other way. Being caring and learning to have forgiveness in your heart. Don't sell out your soul to get what you want right now, cause that will change later. Only be evil when you have to and don't use it as a weapon against the ones you love.

It was my own fault that I was absolutely alone. I had turned on most of them to where they didn't wanna be around me. I stopped caring about them first and they returned the favor to me. Then Lil came along. Turning my world upside down was the best thing that could have happened to me. It brought down on me a lot of realities that I had to face.

I found myself lost in my own club. I trusted few - feared most. Nomad offered escape and exile. I didn't know if leaving would cure or kill this thing we created. I didn't know if it was an act of strength or cowardice. I didn't know - so I stayed. I stayed because in the end, the only way I could hold this up was to suffer under the weight of it.

It's not just the members that end up suffering under the weight of it. It's your family and anyone bodies life that you come near. This is where I've been and I still am on somethings; lost in my own club. Everyday I'm changing the direction my path takes. But for my family's sake, I know what the right path is I should take.

His manuscript really didn't help me to turn up anything helpful about what went on then. Other than Gemma was right. JT did hate his life. I know cause I was at the point of hating mine and myself for all the things I've done too.

Seeing it was the Chief calling me. I know he wants information on the three guys tagged inside Charming. I was hoping to put it off for a couple of more day. So I could have the other shit handled first. But I decided to get it over with "Yeah."

"We have a problem." Since when in the hell don't I got a problem that I gotta deal with.

Getting them all together we rode to meet Roosevelt "If the Sons didn't have anything to do with the murders. Then why was there an SOA carved in their chest? That's the first rule of gang violence. Making sure to send the message to your enemies that you did it. Showing them who has the higher anarchy."

"I don't know. But we didn't have anything to do with it. I'm looking into who did it. I just need a little more time. If you can give me a couple of days. That is all I'm asking for before you set fire to this."

"There are about twenty Mayans parked along main street. So you don't have a couple of days to deal with it. One of those guys was wearing one of their cuts. I will not allow a shoot out to go down in my town. Do you hear me Jaxs? If I have to I will arrest all of you. And we both know that will lead to most of you going right back to Stockton for another stay. You handle it or I will." I hated to tell him. But with Alvarez rolling up in Charming and taking a stand like that. War was already here. At least for the Sons.

The intel Chibs got that was coming down from the Irish pipe line wasn't much better either. They wanted revenge on us before this shit went down. Now they will make sure that revenge happens. Galen never liked me anyways. So I would say that hate he has just keeps growing for me. It remains to be seen if his hate is enough for him to risk it all just to take me out or not.

The Irish attack you on the blind side. They don't wanna let you know it's coming. They hit you where it hurts the most, your family. They have already taken Abel and Wendy. It's a fucken toss-up who they will go after next.

Just when I think shit will or could settle down. More keeps coming my way. It's a vicious circle with the club that I don't think will ever get broken. Especially for my family as long as I am in the club. I already know I won't make it through losing them again.

Parking our bikes on the other side of the street from Alvarez. Talk about being out numbered. But as usual we didn't care. We were gonna handle our business. The cops were hanging back. But I knew they would intervene if they had to.

Taking my gun out and my knife off. I handed it to Tig. To make sure that Alvarez could see that I was unarmed. I was hoping that this could stay a friendly visit with all the eyes we had on us. I know he's not stupid enough to make his kills in front of cops for a witness. Or lets hope I'm right.

Walking to the middle of the street. Waiting for him to do the same "This isn't the place to handle our shit man."

"I told you what was gonna happen esse if the Sons pulled anymore stupid shit. Tagging one of my guys with an SOA calls off any truce we got going on. I'm keeping my word and brought the party to Charming."

"You know we never shit in our own back door. If we did it we would have delivered him to the streets to send a message. We wouldn't have left him in Charming to bring more shit down on ourselves and have it blow back on us. Look at how many guys I've got with me. If I was gonna take you on I would already have other charters here for it. See those cops over there they will take us all if we start anything here."

Trying to talk Alvarez down. In the end it all goes back to being compensated just like JT said it was. Alvarez can't just let it go. Cause then the streets would see him as weak. They would come after him. But he was smart enough to know that getting himself and his guys thrown in jail would bring more shit down on him too.

"Just give me a couple of days. I'll set shit right."

"You got two days esse. If you don't, I'm coming back. Cops or no cops and we settle this."

They were getting ready to ride. I thought it was over but, I was wrong. Alvarez rolled up beside my bike and fired two bullets into the gas tank.

"Now we're even on the bike. Two days and that's it." I got his message loud and fucken clear.

Calling Rat Boy to come tow my bike back to the garage. I wanna be mad but, I deserved it cause of what I did to him. It was a bike for a bike. This was the start of it coming back around to me. I've got a lot of those still to come too.

"Wanna ride bitch back with me?"

"Fuck you Hap."

Riding back in the tow truck with Rat "Make sure you get my bike done first. Get whatever shit you need for it."

As soon as I walked in the door they started hitting me "Lin pulled out of the Cartel deal. Romeo is fucken pissed Jackie. Now we're fucked."

"Set a meet with Romeo. Did you get a hold of Lin?"

"No. He won't answer me. He's probably pissed off about the tag too."

"Fuck it then we'll pay him a visit direct. I want everybody at the table in an hour. We got decisions to make. We'll put it all out at church."

CHURCH POV

Jackson was sitting at the table waiting for them to come in. The Nomad charter had arrived too. Tacoma was on its way. There was going to have to be decisions made that would end up affecting everyone involved. The other charters too.

Quinn was already inside. He was asked to sit in on this one by Jackson. Then Quinn could discuss it with his guys so they could decide what they wanted to do. How far they are willing to take this.

Jackson took the lead as he always does "I asked Quinn to set in cause this will come down on all the Sons. All the charters will end up feeling this."

Jackson told Quinn to take one of the empty chairs because this was going to take a while "A lot of shit has happened since you were here."

Jackson brought Quinn up to speed on all the events. Quinn kind of chuckled seeing that Otto was Lil's father "I bet you're glad she looks more like her Mom then Otto." They all had a little chuckle at that.

"There is more. I went to see Otto. Then he reached out through Lauren for another met. The club was somehow got involved when JT was still alive with the Family. But Otto is not gonna give up anymore info than that. He wants the club to hurt for what's been done to him. Is there anybody setting here that knows about this shit?" Jackson tossed the picture in the middle of the table for them to see it too.

Jackson was hoping that Chibs, Bobby or Tig would have some knowledge of it. Because they would be the only ones that have been around long enough to maybe know. But they didn't.

"Unless we can figure out something. The Family will try to wipe the club out. This was never over Myria or Lil. I think they used Lil just like they used us. Getting my family back doesn't make this shit go away either. I don't expect any of you to be apart of what I'm gonna do. It's risky at best. It's a suicide mission and there's a great chance of it blowing back on the club if you do."

They were throwing out suggestions of what needed to happen or what they were willing to do to make that happen.

"Have you reached out to Lenny? Maybe he knows something Jaxs?"

"I can't Quinn. After Otto killed the nurse and made rico go away. It killed all the deals he made with the Feds. Lenny went back on lock down with no privileges again. That includes visitations."

"I know a guy on the inside. Let me see if I can reach out and make contact with him." Jackson thanked Quinn and moved on to the next person.

"What are you gonna do Jaxs to get them back? What's the plan?" Happy has never cared about the consequences of what could happen. The killer handles his business and his club business too. It's what he lives for.

Jackson explained what was going to take place now with Dominic and the Family. The role that Kyle played in it too. The met that has been arranged to make that happen and what will happen after that. It was time for Jackson to step up and be the man or to step down.

"Dominic is mine. I'm the one that gets to kill him. I've got no choice left. But it doesn't end there. Killing him is just the start of it. I'm not gonna ask you to fight with me. But I need somebody to keep the rest of them off of me while I take care of him."

"They don't fight like we do either. They have money and pay people to do their fighting for them. I don't think Dominic would even bother showing up if he didn't want to get Nicholas back. To him we're nothing."

Jackson told them the rest of the story. All the things Kyle had down loaded him on with the Family. The plan they had to get Lilyan and the rest of them back safe while keeping Dominic busy. The long list of people they would have to kill to keep their own families safe from harm. Because eventually would come down to them too. Then the biggest one; how to make sure that the MC survived it all.

Quinn was the first one to speak up "I'm in. No body hurts my club and I don't give a shit about their reach. I'll be there at your side Jaxs. Beating down any mother fucker that gets in the way. The threat of cops and fighting don't scare me. If it did I wouldn't have this leather on my back. It's who we are and what we do brother."

They were all in. It was the brotherhood showing unity and protecting what they all love the most. Their club, their families and their brothers. It was everything that Jackson had said the last time they were sitting at the same table discussing his fate.

"We're gonna have to fight smart on this one. JT always believed it was brains before bullets. Doing it is gonna make the difference on this one. Lil always stalked her prey before she made a kill. She knew everything about them before that time. That's one of things I've failed at. This isn't one of those times we go in for the quick kill."

"You're either the predator or the prey. I'm getting real fucken sick of being the prey. That's how they always get to us and hurt us the worst. They wait until the time is right. When we least expect it. Cause they've done their homework and know when to strike."

Jackson promised himself that if the club gave him another chance that he would do things different. This is where he started at. They were each given something to work on. Knowing before they went in for the kill. Making them fight smarter and as a stronger club together.

"Can you give us a minute Quinn?"

"With the kills being pinned on us. Everybody is pissed and looking to retaliate on us. Lin pulled out of the Cartel deal. That could mean the Feds will hit us with rico again and try to have us locked up. Chibs set a meet with Romero. Lin won't call us back either."

"We gotta get to Lin before then. I'm not sure on how to do that yet. But we gotta get a face to face with him. I would like Bobby to be apart of that meet. He worked well with Lin." Bobby agreed that he would do what Jackson needed him to do. This was the start of them working their shit out with each other.

Jackson addressed the last thing he had to "Galen will be out for blood. I just don't know who's it will be yet. I don't think any of us or our families are safe from it. Know where your family is at all times. Lock them down here to help keep them safe. We all know that being here doesn't make them a hundred percent safe from what's coming down. Never forget to tell them how much they mean to you either."

Jackson banged his gavel and church was over.

JACKSONS POV

Kyle was setting at the bar with Gemma when we came out. I know why he was here "We'll talk in my office."

"Gemma is a very interesting woman. She definitely has some strong beliefs on things. She seems to have come out of this doing okay."

"Yeah she does and I think she'll be okay. It's Abel and Lil I'm worried about."

"Don't worry Jaxs. It's already set in motion. Did you talk to the rest of them?"

"Yeah I did. They are in and willing to do what it takes to get it done. But I wanna make sure this is clear, Dominic is mine. I get to kill him."

"You will get that chance to kill him when it's time. Don't forget what's the most important part of this mission." How could I forget it cause it's what has been on my mind since he took them away from me.

"Are you sure that you really wanna fight beside us Kyle? It's street fighting, no rules."

"Don't let it fool you because I dress and talk differently than you do. You know Jaxs you are going to have to decide at some point if you want to live in the street violence or rise above that. It's the difference of being a gang banger or being a leader. I chose not to live in the streets but, that doesn't mean I don't know how to get it done." We shook hands on our agreement. I will hold up my end as long as he comes through with his.

Giving Kyle a little info on the situation we're in with Cartel and the tags that were made.

"If you know that it's only going to bring down more retaliation on you and the club. Then don't play it out Jaxs."

"We have to. That's how it works for us. Do you have any connections on that shit Kyle?"

"I could always call Dominic and see if he would be willing to help you out."

"That shit isn't funny Kyle."

"It kind of really is Jaxs."

Kyle went to his car and lit up to toke "You really need to learn to relax. It will make you an old man before your time Jaxs."

He handed it to me "Damn this is some good shit."

"Jamaica man."

"What are you gonna do when this over with Kyle?"

"I don't know. I think I'm going to take some time off. Maybe hit Jamaica for a while. Enjoy all it has to offer me."

"Are you gonna take your old lady with you?"

"I don't have one anymore. She couldn't handle this life. I really miss her a lot. But she happy now. Married with kids and living a normal life. All the things that I couldn't give to her." That always seems to be the end of the story for all of us that play the game.

Playing with Thomas until I had to get ready to go. Kissing him and telling him I love him before giving him to Gemma. I did the same with her again too.

Getting out all of my black and my bullet proof vest. The last time I wore this shit, it didn't work out so well for me. I'm really hoping that this mission goes down better.

Juice was gonna be the driver. The rest of us piled in the van. All of us wearing black to fly under the radar. I've done this same shit so many times that it shouldn't bother me. But what I was playing for this time was my everything.

"The house sets far enough off the road. They won't hear anything. There's three guards at the gate. Two on the sides of the house. Probably more on the inside of the house. The gate has a ten second relay on it."

"I'm not fond of the idea of doing this shit in broad daylight Jaxs."

"Hap is right. We wait until it's dark when we hit them." Back in the day I wouldn't have cared and I would have just went in for the kill. Getting older I'm hoping it's making me wiser too.

"After I kill Dominic. I'm coming back for him." We sat and just watched the house. Trying to get all the info on them we could get.

My cell went off and it was Kyle "It's time Jaxs. Go do your thing."

LILYANS POV

The ride back with Dominic was the worst one I've taken with him yet. He was livid after he found out that Jaxs and Kyle had taken Nicholas. Bitching at me, throwing shit around and drinking. When he drinks he becomes an instant asshole anyways. Maybe the booze just helps to magnify it.

Really what did Dominic think was going to end up happening? Everyone would set back and just take it. Well of course he did but, he was wrong.

"You enlisted Kyle on this war against me. Didn't you Lilyan?"

"How would I have done that? I've been with you the whole time Dominic. I've never left you." Dominic is smart. He knew that I did it. I planned it before I ever turned myself over to him. I'm smart enough to know that there are very few people who I can truly rely on. I know I can with Jaxs and Kyle.

"I am going to make sure that you have to witness me killing your little lover boy." In a fair fight Dominic wouldn't stand a chance against Jaxs. Dominic has always preferred to have someone else do his dirty work. Where Jaxs likes handling his own up close and personal.

Listening to Dominic rant and rave all the way back. Putting the blame on everyone but himself. Where it really belongs. I do feel bad for Nicholas just like I do for Abel and Thomas. They are only children and don't deserve what has happened to them.

Dominic slammed the door shut and continued to have his fit when we got inside the house. I just wanted to go to bed. But hell no he wasn't going to let that happen either. It was coming down to a fight between us. He wasn't going to be happy until it did.

"Do you know how hard it was for me watching you be with him? I watched you be with Gabe for a long time too. I never understood what you could have possible seen in either one of them. You could have had anything you wanted with me and yet it was never good enough for you."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Go to bed Lilyan. Before I hurt you."

Knowing that I can't stand and fist fight with a man. I already know they would beat the shit out of me because they are stronger and have more endurance than I do. But I also knew I wasn't just going to keep my mouth shut and let this go either.

"You were in on having Gabe killed. How long have you been watching me Dominic? How long have you been in bed with Pappy? Bowing at his feet and kissing his ass to get what you want."

"I'm not going to tell you again Lilyan. That you should go to bed. Don't push me."

"It's too late for that you piece of shit."

Never knowing when to stop has always been one of my down falls. Now was no different. Grabbing the brass candle stick off the fireplace. I hit Dominic with it as hard as I could. Being all liquored up wasn't helping him out any. But watching him bleed sure was helping me.

Trying to run from Dominic because I knew what was going to come. He grabbed me and shoved me up against the wall. He could smack me around all he wanted to. But, I still would have done the same thing over again with him. It just gives me more reason to want him dead. He was in on killing my family too.

I heard crying and it was Abel standing there watching us. Trying to get Dominic's hand off my throat because he wasn't giving a shit if he hurt me or not now. If Abel wasn't here maybe I wouldn't have even cared anymore either.

"Lily. Lily." Abel kept screaming my name and I couldn't catch my breath enough to answer him. Dominic finally let go of me. He must have finally noticed that Abel was here too.

"It's okay honey. Go back to bed." Abel took off running. I went to go after him. But I wasn't going to get off that easy with Dominic.

"You always have to push me until you make me angry. Are you wanting it rough Lilyan? Is that what it was about the biker that excited you so much?" Fighting him to stop his hand going any farther up on my leg under my dress.

"You're not worth it. If it wasn't for the baby I would kill you right now." Then he stumbled out of the room.

I wasn't sure who I wanted to cry for. Me, Abel or the thought of my child being around a man like Dominic. But I didn't have time for that. I went to find Abel.

He wasn't in his room down stairs. I started searching all the rooms. His fucking Nanny was passed out watching TV. I don't see how she could have slept through all the shit going on around here.

Hearing crying coming from one of the closets in the hallway. I opened the door and there sat Abel with his head on his knees crying his little eyes out. I picked him up and took him back to my room with me.

He stopped crying and I didn't know what to say to him. Or even how to go about it. He's a child and I don't want him to know anymore than he has to "Come on Abel. We need some fun in our lives."

This wasn't a fix for what happened that he saw. This wasn't going to stop him from asking question but, maybe it will make him feel better. Finding a clear jar. I found a pair of scissors that I poked holes in the lid with. I know somebody that I would take such great pleasure in poking holes in him. We were headed out the back door when a guy stopped us "We are just going out in the back yard. You can watch us if you want to."

He stepped outside with us and we continued on with our adventure. I showed Abel how to catch a lightning bug. Roberto and I would spend hours doing this when we were growing up.

Each one he caught we would put it in the jar. Until there was a light show going on "Wow."

We sat and watched the jar "We have to set them free now. It's time for us to go to bed."

Abel seem okay at first when we went inside. But there was something wrong with him. He didn't have a problem telling me what was on his little mind though "Thomas got to go home. But I didn't. Don't they want me? Why hasn't Daddy come for us yet?"

I don't think answering this questions was any easier than trying to explain to him what was going on earlier "Of course they want you sweetheart and I know Daddy is coming for us. You're going to be going home really soon. They left you with me because they know that you are a big boy and my big protector."

"Is that why that man stopped hurting you?"

"Yes it was. See what would I do without you Abel. You're a great protector just like your Daddy is."

That pacified Abel enough to lay down to go back to sleep. I feel horrible lying to him. But I'm protecting him at the same time from the truth. Now if I could figure out a way to erase it all from his memory when he leaves here. I laid down beside him and hope that tomorrow is going to be a better day.

My face hurt when I rolled over on it. So I went to look in the mirror "Shit."

Abel was starting to wake up. I put makeup on to cover up as much of it as I could. My eye was the most noticeable so I grabbed my sunglasses to put on. The less bad things we have to talk about the better.

"I'm hungry Lily."

"Me to kid. Lets go find us something to eat."

"Why are you wearing those glasses inside the house for?"

"Cause I'm cool."

Handing Abel a pair. He put his on "I'm cool too Lily."

We passed Dominic on the stairs "How's the face Lilyan?"

"How's your head feeling Dominic?" If this was any indication how the day was going to be. It was going to be a bad one.

After we ate. I decided that we should stay as far away from Dominic as we could "Do you want to go play outside Abel?"

Looking around for something that we could play with. I found a soccer ball. We hung out in the back yard and kicked it around. Until he got tired of doing that.

We watched a couple of movies then it was lunch time "What would you like to eat?"

"McDonalds. I want chicken nuggets and french fries." It would have been great if we could have went there. But that wasn't going to happen.

Searching the frig and freezer. I found some chicken breast. There were bread crumbs in the cabinet too. Taking three potatoes, I diced those up like fries. Abel liked hanging out in the kitchen helping me. We made our own happy meal. It wasn't the same as going out but, it wasn't bad.

We sat out on the back deck to eat our watermelon. I made a contest out of it with Abel to see which one of us could spit our seeds the farthest off the deck "I can't wait to show Mommy how far I can spit."

"Maybe we should make this something special that only we do when we're together. Okay Abel?" The last thing I needed was for him to go home and spit something at Tara. Him telling her that I taught him that. She already hates me enough as it is.

"Okay Lily."

They had the window open and I could hear them talking from the deck. But I couldn't make out everything that they were saying.

"I need for you to stay right here and don't move. Be my big boy for me Abel and I'll be right back."

"Okay I will." He was entertaining himself with more spitting.

"I will have them there a couple of hours before you're suppose to meet with them."

"Good. Make sure that you take Teller out first. Then kill the rest of them. I am sending Lilyan and his boy away before then. I think he's trying to distract me with this bullshit fight so he can send someone here for them while I'm gone. I would say it's Kyle that's going to be helping him. Have guys posted here and kill him too."

"What did you decide to do on the other one?"

"Once Lilyan and I are married. I have no more use for him. He's just a pathetic old man. My father has belong in that position for a long time. I will take back everything that they have taken from me and my family."

I should have known better than to have believed Dominic would ever fight fair. He was setting a trap for Jaxs and the rest of them. Ambushing them off one by one.

It sounds like Dominic has a surprise or two in store for Pappy as well. It will be a toss up to which one of us will kills Pappy first. They are probably planning on double crossing each other in the end. To bad they couldn't get it over with now and kill each other off. It would solve most of my problems.

Walking around outside looking at different bugs with Abel. There wasn't a lot of little kid things to do here. But this was keeping him fascinated.

"Lilyan I want you to pack an overnight bag for you and him. You will spend the night somewhere else and I will come for you in the morning."

Dominic left in a separate car from us. When the car stopped we were at a shop so that Dominic could get some of the cigars that he likes to smoke. Abel and I were walking down the street window shopping. Being followed by a couple of Dominic's guys to make sure that we weren't running away.

When I saw it. I knew I had to get it "I want this and I want it engraved with Abel on it."

Spelling it out for him because I wanted to make sure it was right. Dominic came in to the shop too "He will be paying for it."

"It's already been engraved Dominic. You wouldn't want to cause a scene or anything and have them call the police now would you?" He wasn't happy about it but, he did it.

Hanging the dog tag around Abel's neck "That is for being the bravest little boy and the best protector that I know."

He gave me the biggest smile and a hug "Now I'm like Daddy. He wears a chain like this too."

Dominic followed us back to the car "I will see you tomorrow. Don't do anything foolish Lilyan."

Abel and I were singing in the car on our way to who the fuck knows where for the night. When the car came to a screeching halt.

Throwing me and Abel forward a little even though we were both buckled in. I had to roll down the window to see out with all the dark tinting. I saw about thirty Harleys rolling up surrounding the car.

"Well Abel. Your crazy Daddy came for us."

"Of course he did Lily. I told you he would."

Getting Abel out of his seat belt to get him out of the car. When Jaxs opened the door I handed him Abel but, I didn't get out. I was holding on to the door when Jaxs was trying to yank me out of the car.

"No. I can't leave Roberto. Take Abel and get out of here Jaxs."

"Kyle is getting Roberto. We don't got much time. Dominic is not far behind us. Get the fuck outta the car Lil."

"You're gonna take Abel and get as far away from here as you can. I'll meet up with you after I'm done."

"Where are you going Jaxs?"

"I'm gonna start by going to kill Dominic."

"Jaxs you have to listen to me. Don't do this. Dominic has guys waiting for you. They will pick you off one by one. I have so much to tell you."

"I've got a lot of shit to tell you to babe. We both know I gotta do it. Or this will never end for either one of us."

I hope you enjoyed reading me! Well my lovelies... I was hoping to get to more things in this chapter. But I had to cut if off when it got to be almost 10,000 words long. So the next couple of chapters will be just as long if not longer.


	32. Chapter 32

**LILYANS POV**

Getting on the back of the bike with Jaxs. I was holding Abel to my chest and squished him in between us. Holding on to Jaxs leather for dear life. There isn't that much room on the back of a bike anyways. But trying to ride three on it, is not a good thing.

We were flying down the highway. Tig sped up beside us "Go. We'll keep them busy. Get Abel and Lily the fuck outta of here Jaxs."

Seeing the speedometer climbing wasn't helping out either. It said ninety miles an hour the last time I looked at it. I didn't want to see that anymore. I kept holding on and hoping that nothing got in Jaxs way. Because I know there are times it doesn't seem to slow him down any at all.

Several of them were riding behinds us. When Jaxs started slowing down on the highway, I looked back to see why he was slowing down. I knew the car that was coming up behind us and who it was. We hit a rough patch of ground trying to crossover to the other side of the highway.

The bike hit a hole and it almost bounced me and Abel off from the impact of it. Not to mention it wasn't doing my ass any good. I'm really surprised that Jaxs didn't end up laying the bike down. But he didn't. There is one thing about my Harley man; he is always in control of it and he is like one with his bike. It is his steel horse of thunder when he rides it.

Dominic's car got across the highway too. Up ahead of us the others were crossing their bikes over to join the ride. One wild ride it was going to be to the end. They let Jaxs take the lead and I couldn't see some of them anymore that fell to the back of the line they made. But Dominic was still coming for us.

Weaving his bike in and out of the cars. Abel was screaming and I would have screamed with him. But, I didn't think it would do him any good. It would probably just upset him even more. I can only imagine how scared he has to be going through this. There was nothing I could do but, hold on. I was praying that we would get away without Jaxs killing us first from hitting something. Because if something ends up happening to us. It happens to Abel this time. It always changes the game when a child is involved.

When we couldn't get around cars Jaxs and the others would ride on the shoulder of the highway to get past them. Dominic did the same. I've always known that Jaxs was a little on the crazy side. Now I'm thinking that it is more than just a little. That could be another reason that we get along so well. We're both just fucking nuts.

"Lil lean." That was all the warning I got when Jaxs started firing his gun. I was trying to keep Abel clam but, that wasn't going to happen. Hell I couldn't even keep myself calm.

Jaxs was trying to ride and take the car out too. He was looking behind him but, I was looking forward "Jaxs look out."

Now I was screaming along with Abel. There was a car parked on the shoulder of the highway that we were coming up on quick. There were cars along beside us. We had nowhere to go.

"Shit."

At the very last second he weaved and missed the car by cutting off another car on the highway. Tires were burning and brakes were squealing when the car on the highway slowed down before it hit us. Jaxs is good at doing things at the last second. Some day he will end up cutting it one second to short and he won't be able to pull it off. But I was thankful that it wasn't right now, this second.

I'm not sure how long we rode until we got off the highway. Abel must have worn himself out and screamed his way to sleep. When Jaxs finally stopped the bike I wanted to kiss the ground. Because for a while I thought we were going to be six feet under it.

Nero and Gemma were parked waiting for us. Jaxs took Abel from me so I could get off the bike. My legs were still a little shaky when I was trying to walk from grasping them so hard to stay on the bike. My ass was completely numb from this ride.

"Daddy you came for us." Abel was happy to be home and back with Jaxs where he belongs. Jaxs was hugging him and telling Abel how much he loved him.

"I gotta go. You stay with Grandma and Lil. I'll be back in a little bit. I love you son."

"I'm going too Jaxs."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am. Dominic won't show up now unless there is a reason to. I am that reason Jaxs and you know it."

"I just got you and the boys back. I'm not gonna lose you again. You're staying here and that's the end of it. Goddamn it Lil stop fighting me on this."

When Kyle arrived the decision of my going was changed "Jaxs we are going to need all the help we can get drawing Dominic out. He is going to be one skittish and ready to kill anything that moves mother fucker. He's arming himself with more protection as we speak. Because he knows what's going to be coming next. Lilyan will help us get to him because he still needs her and he will come for her. She can take care of herself. We will have her hang back safe out of harms way."

"You know how to use it. If anyone comes near you, kill them. Don't hesitate Lilyan. Because it will be you or them. If shit gets out of hand; you leave and don't look back."

Kyle gave me one of his guns to use. That is what everything seems to be coming down to. Me or them. Just because I agreed that I would leave, I really can't. There is no way I could watch all of them go down and not to try to stop it. In every aspect of my life I am having to make choices. Some of them are not only affecting me but, Andrew as well.

Telling them what I knew about Dominic's plan to be for them. I just didn't know where his guys were planning on ambushing them at "Jaxs stop at the turn off on the road. That's where we will do this. It will make it a fair fight that way. It's out in the open and Dominic won't be expecting it either."

"I love you Lil. Be careful."

"I love you too Jaxs. Be safe."

Abel came running to get to us both. Begging us not to leave him behind "You're my big boy remember. I promise we will be back. You need to stay here and take care of Grandma and Thomas for me."

Abel hugged me and then Jaxs. Gemma finally had to pry his little arms away from Jaxs neck so she could take him. Abel is going to have so many fears to get over because of all of this. I just hope the damage it has done to him already doesn't carry forward in life for him.

"Thank you for everything you've done Kyle. I don't know how I can ever repay you. Where are you keeping Roberto at?"

"Taking care of each other is what we do Lilyan. You always made me feel like I was a part of the family when I was growing up. Roberto is more like my brother than my best friend. I've sent him away from here to hide him out and keep him safe. He needs time to get healed up."

"You have done so much for me, Roberto and Jaxs too. If there is ever anything that I can do for you, I will be there."

"I like Jaxs. He seems like a good guy."

"I'm sorry. What did you say Kyle?" He repeated it. I wished that I had a calender to mark it down that finally I heard someone say they liked Jaxs.

"We need to talk when this is over. I have somethings that I need to tell you."

"Yeah I have things to tell you too Kyle."

Kyle parked the car a ways from where the MC stopped at and was getting out to go join them "Stay here Lilyan and don't make me sorry that I talked Jaxs into letting you come with us."

All the bikes were lined up just like the guys were. None of them were afraid of what was coming. They are really brave and very foolish. I think they are a lot like me in that way. They don't know when to give up even when the odds were stacked against them.

Setting in the car I was watching Jaxs. He was pacing and waiting. Like the caged animal paces just before he gets loose and kills you. It rips your throat out without even having to think about it. That's the place Jaxs is at.

After waiting for an hour it was pretty obvious that Dominic wasn't going to show up. He will raise his ugly head when we least expect it though. I know he hasn't just gave up because that is unlike him to do that.

"So now what Kyle? The fucker didn't show."

"Since I don't believe that any of us could go through with hurting Nicholas. Which that is what Dominic is depending upon. We go to plan B. We call Dominic out by using Salvator. We have the perfect bait for it, Lilyan. The wedding is only about a week away. Dominic doesn't have a choice but to do something. So we force his hand."

"That's not gonna happen. We're not using Lil for any of this shit."

"I told you from the start of this Jaxs. Once it was set in motion it had to be played out to the end. There is no stopping now and we use whatever we have to get the job done. Dominic isn't just going to give up or play nice. Your whole family and club is depending on the outcome of this. What are you going to do when he rolls up to your clubhouse and burns it down with them in it? You need to keep your family somewhere safe until this is over with."

"I'm done running. I hid them the last time and they still got to them. Running only prolongs it. It doesn't stop it. I just don't want my family or Lil hurt and gone from me again. Using her to get to Dominic is gonna end up get her killed."

Jaxs was worrying about everything and everybody. He is still trying to carry everyone's burdens on his shoulders. When he said we were staying at the clubhouse tonight I didn't know what to think about that. I already know that no matter who you are or where you go; they will get to you if they really want you bad enough. I know he doesn't want to run. But you don't stand out in plain sight when someone is trying to take you out either.

Kyle and I rode behind them back to Charming. Jaxs invited him inside to talk and have a beer with us. They do seem to get along really well. Jaxs gets along better with Kyle than anyone I've seen him with outside the club other than Nero.

Since we got back Abel has not left Jaxs other than to eat. Then Abel made it quick and he was setting on Jaxs lap playing with his rings.

Jaxs kept asking me why I don't take my glasses off and I finally did. I couldn't keep them on all night "That son of bitch did that to you. What happened?"

"Can we talk about it tomorrow. It just a bruise and I'm okay. I just want to sit here and enjoy having sometime with you." Jaxs agreed but he didn't like it.

I saw Tara walk in so getting to sit and enjoy my time with Jaxs wasn't going to happen either. When Abel saw Tara come in the bar he took off to get to her. Abel missed her so much and talked about her all the time. Tara can hate me all she wants to. I know I did the right thing for the boys and it doesn't matter what she thinks of me. I did it for them.

"I see you have returned to fuck up our lives some more Lilyan."

There was no way I was going to start this evening off with a fight with Tara. I went to get up to leave but Jaxs stopped me "Not this time babe. If somebody needs to leave, it's Tara."

"I'm here to see my sons."

"Then get the fuck away from me and Lil and go spend time with them. But I'm not gonna listen to your mouth run. I've had enough of that shit already."

The look Tara gave me was almost evil. I don't know what has went down with her and Jaxs since I've been gone. But, I don't think it was good.

"She's just pissed off that I gave her the divorce papers. I'm ready to start moving on with my life." Jaxs held my hand and gave me a kiss. When I looked up Tara was looking daggers through me. Gemma had a smirk on her face when she was looking at Tara. I must have missed what went on between those two also.

We went back to getting down to the business at hand "How did you guys know where Abel and I would at?"

"I paid off one of Dominic's guys for the information. There is always one in every crowd that will piss on honor and loyalty in exchange for cash. You owe me money Lilyan."

When we started comparing notes with each other. They already knew the Family had turned on us all. But they didn't know Pappy and Dominic had turned allies together in this. They also didn't know that they were watching them probably as long as they have been watching me.

"I found it Kyle when I was there." I handed him the code and all the information he would need to use it.

"Well isn't Dominic going to be surprised when he wakes up broke tomorrow."

"I think that will more than repay the money that I owe you Kyle."

"What are you guys talking about?"

Kyle explained to Jaxs what we were about to do. If there is one thing we know that Dominic will chase to the ends of the earth to get back, it is his money. Not only his money, the Rossi's money too.

"Did you tell Lilyan about Otto yet?"

"Who is Otto?"

"No I haven't told her yet. I will catch her up on everything tomorrow. It's getting late and I need to get the boys to bed."

Kyle is coming back tomorrow and we will make the call to Dominic. Set it in stone with him. It seals our fate too. But our fate was already sealed when we crossed paths with him.

Gemma had already put Thomas down in her room. She went to take Abel with her and he threw a fit that he wasn't going to leave Jaxs. We took Abel with us. Jaxs told him he cold sleep with us tonight but tomorrow night he had to sleep in his own bed.

"Do you mind watching him while I take a shower? I would asked you if wanna come in with me but you know." I missed seeing that smile that Jaxs gave me. I have missed everything about him and being with him too.

"Lily always watches me Daddy. Just go already."

Abel was sitting on edge of the bed with me talking about nothing. He was on a roll and I hated to stop him. There is nothing sweeter than to listen to a little kid talk like they are a grown up.

Jaxs came out of the bathroom after taking his shower and was wrestling around on the bed with Abel. It warmed my heart watching them together. When Jaxs is with Abel or Thomas he is a completely different man. You would never see all the bad things he is capable of doing.

After Jaxs gave me a kiss so did Abel "She's my Lily Daddy."

"I see how this is. I turn my back then my girl went and fell for a younger guy." He had Abel down tickling him.

"Isn't Mommy your girl?"

Jaxs was trying hard to avoid having that conversation. But Abel is very persistent just like Jaxs is.

"I am going to go take my shower now."

"Thanks for leaving me to do this one alone Lil."

"You're welcome Jaxs. I've been dancing around a lot of things for the last couple of weeks with him. It's your turn now."

Everything that has happened is making Abel so confused. It is bound to end up effecting him. I wish I could make it better and easier on him but, I don't know how to. I don't think Tara will be much help in that department either. She wants to make things as hard on Jaxs as she can.

I'm not sure which one of them won. But they had moved on to new things to talk about "Look I have a chain just like yours." Able was so proud of his little gold dog tag.

"Where did you get that at Abel?"

"Lily gave it to me. Because I'm her big boy and her protector. I protected her when that mean man was hurting her." I was really hoping that Abel would forget about that. Maybe over time he still will. Some memories fade for them and I'm really hoping that will be one of them.

Jaxs didn't say anything but I could tell it upset him. He was setting on the edge of the bed and Abel leaned his head over on Jaxs arm "I'm going to be just like you Daddy when I grow up. I'm going to ride a bike, yell at people like you do and have a gun."

"It's time for you to get in bed buddy." Abel gave his round of hugs and kisses to us. Then he went and plopped down in the middle.

After Jaxs lite up a smoke he was flipping his lighter lid open and shut. I went over and sat down beside him "What's wrong?"

He wouldn't tell me. We sat on the side of the bed and it felt so good to have Jaxs hold me. This is what I missed the most being away from him. The end of the day when it's just me and him. I always feel safe when I'm in his arms.

"I was waiting until Abel went to sleep to talk to you. When he was first born I wanted more than anything for him to be in the club and ride at my side. But I don't know if I want that anymore. Look at everything he's already been through cause of me and the club. How much more can he take? How much more shit will be brought down on him, Thomas and Andrew cause of me?"

"I gotta change their path. Mine was set for me when I was five years old. It's all that the Tellers knew how to do and everything that I was taught. My whole life has been focused around nothing but the club. I've seen a new way from being with you. No mater how much I keep thinking I can have it all. My family and my club, I can't. I can't do justice to both. I'm really thinking about stepping down. I can still keep my patch and ride. Put some distance between my family and the club. I've gotta find some balance and happiness in my life and in my sons lives. I really think the only reason I didn't leave the club before was I wasn't ready to yet. Then after Op died I didn't want to shit on his memory."

I let Jaxs get it all out before I said anything. I don't know where him leaving the club is coming from. What he is wanting to do will only bring more harm to them than they have going on now.

"It won't matter Jaxs if you're a thousand miles away from here. You will always be Jackson Teller with SAMCRO. Abel and Thomas will always be the sons of the President of the club. Even if you step down now your enemies won't stop coming for you or them. I tried it and it didn't work. They still came for me and my family."

"I noticed that you didn't say Andrew was my son and put him in the equation too."

"I guess it's because he's not here yet."

"Are you sure about that Lil? Are you sure that's the real reason?" Jaxs kept trying to say something to me without directly saying it.

"If you have something you want to say Jaxs. Just say it."

"Okay I will. I wanted to wait until tomorrow so we could get it all out. But we'll start here."

Tossing some papers on the bed for me "What's this shit? Were you gonna run with my kid?"

Jaxs is a lot smarter than even I give him credit for sometimes. He retraced my steps and went to my neighbor's house. He found my new identity "I wasn't trying to run away or take Andrew away from you. I needed that peace of mind if anything happened that I could protect the most important thing to me in the world, our son."

"When are you gonna understand that you don't gotta take the world on by yourself. That we are in this shit together and we're gonna see it through to the end that way. I've got this feeling that you're not gonna stay with me and you just won't say it. I love you more than I have any woman. But nobody is gonna take my kid away from me. Not even you Lil."

"You wouldn't believe the shit I thought about and things I've done when they took you and the boys away from me. I fucken lost it. I can't ever go back to that place. I won't. Cause I won't make it through it again."

"I did what I did out of love for you. I wasn't sure if you would want to even see me again Jaxs. I was afraid that you would think I betrayed you. That was my biggest fear from this. That I would lose you. If I lost you I would losing more than just a lover. I would be losing my best friend."

"That was my biggest fear too. Losing you and the boys. I couldn't live with that Lil."

Holding on to Jaxs to comfort him. I'm sure he has went through a lot too "I'm not going anywhere Jaxs. I love you."

We both agreed that we would let it rest for the night. There was still so much I had to tell him and he had things he still wanted to tell me. I took one side of Abel and Jaxs took the other.

Jaxs gave me a kiss good night and we held hands over Abel's head. Just being with Jaxs was relaxing me enough that falling a sleep wasn't going to take me long at all. I haven't had a good nights sleep since I've been without him.

Abel was moving and I was up wrapping my arm around his waist so he couldn't move anymore. Maybe I have some of my own fears that I need to over come too "It's okay babe. He has to go to the bathroom. Go back to sleep."

I felt Jaxs body snuggle up behind me and it felt so good to have him close to me. Abel snuggled up against me too.

"I just wanna hold you. I love you Lil."

Getting a couple of kisses from Jaxs on my neck and shoulder. Getting a couple of kicks from Abel in his sleep. Jaxs had his arm over me and laid his hand on Abel's leg. I laid mine over Jaxs. We slept holding on and in a happy bliss. It might only be for tonight. But I'll take it.

"I'm hungry Lily."

"Good morning Abel. Lets be quiet and not wake Daddy up. We will go see what we can find to eat."

He was happy with a bowl of cereal. I made it for him and sat him at a table out in the bar. I went back in to get me a cup of coffee and Gemma was standing there in the kitchen not looking to happy.

"You know Jackson leaving the club is a bad idea Lily. So you need to encourage him not to do that."

"I never told Jaxs that he should leave the club. Besides in the end it is his decision."

"Yeah a decision that he is not thinking through clearly right now. He's making it out of the guilt and remorse that he is feeling." I just wanted to get a cup of coffee and get away from her. But Gemma wasn't going to let that happen.

"My family is not leaving Charming. I think Jaxs cares enough about you that if you leave, so will he. That's not going to happen no matter what I gotta do. I won't let you walk off with my family. You need to understand that Lily." Gemma was now up in my face. I'm not sure what happened that even made Jaxs think about leaving the club. But I didn't have anything to do with it.

"I'm not Tara or Wendy. You push me Gemma and I'll push you back."

"Morning. Is there something going on in here that I need to know about?"

"No. I was just welcoming Lily home. That's all." If this was her idea of a welcoming. I would hate to see when you were unwelcome by her.

Pouring Jaxs coffee for him and I went to hand it to him. But he didn't take the cup at first. When he did take it from me he set down on the counter. Hugging me so tight to him "I've missed you so much Lil."

"Get a room." That ended our embrace when Happy came in the kitchen.

We went and sat down with Abel. Jaxs was feeding Thomas "What was going on in the kitchen with Gemma?"

"She is pissed off because she thinks you're leaving the club. What happened Jaxs? Are you really going to leave the club?"

"I'll tell you later. We still got a lot of shit to talk about."

Gemma and Nero were entertaining Abel and Thomas. Jaxs whispered it in my ear "Come take a shower with me. I feel like being a dirty boy with you." Hell Jaxs didn't have to say that twice to me.

Getting naked together in record time. Jaxs lifted me up to wrap my legs around his waist. I grabbed a hold of the bar and it pulled loose from the wall. We went tumbling down to the floor together. Knocking down everything around us. We hadn't even made it in the shower yet.

Laying on the floor looking up at them all with their guns drawn because we made so much noise. We said it at the same time "Hey."

"What the fuck happened? Are they okay?" Tig was the last one that came in.

"Yeah they're fine. They were fucken in the bathroom and fell down. At least Jaxs isn't being crazy anymore. Now that Lily is back he's just being stupid."

I wanted to ask Jaxs what Happy meant about him not being crazy anymore. I didn't think it was the appropriate time. So I was scrambling to get a towel to cover up with. But not Jaxs. It didn't seem to bother him being naked in front of them.

"Do you guys mind? Get the fuck out now."

We were laughing and the moment was ruined. But I still enjoyed feeling Jaxs hands all over my body when he soaped me up. Then I did the same to him. We stood together under the water and held on to each other like we always have done.

"While you're getting ready I need to talk to Nero. I'll be in at the table. Come and get me when your done." Jaxs gave me a kiss and I started blow drying my hair.

**JACKSONS POV**

"What do you want to talk about Jaxs?"

"We sat at this same table a few months ago and talked about our endgame. Where are you on that Nero? I'm having a lot of trouble trying to decide if my end is coming near and what I should do about that."

"I sat on the side and was getting out. My plan was to run pussy a little longer and quit. But I met this woman who has this crazy kid. I ended up getting sucked right back in the game. Maybe in my heart I didn't want out. I think if I really did I would have been gone already. What's going on with you Jaxs?"

"I Know that hanging with us has pulled you back into the middle of the game. I never intended for that to happen. I'm sorry for that man. You should have fucken ran from us. Bought your farm and lived a good life with your kid. That's what is going on with me."

"I'm trying to be the leader of this club and do right by it. But I still wanna be a loving father that doesn't have to worry everyday that someone will be coming after my kids cause I pissed them off with the club. I can't seem to find the balance of getting everything I want and still remaining true to what I really am. It's like I have no more manuevers left to make without making a choice of my family or my club."

I have a lot of respect for Nero. He can't solve my problems or give me the right answers. But I know he's been there before and I hope that he can give me some helpful insight on it. He broke it down pretty simple for me.

"You can't be devoted to both things Jaxs. It doesn't work like that. You will always have to give to one side more than the other. Or you won't be doing either one very well. There is no happy middle in the kinda life we lead. I think the most we can get is happy moments. I don't have near the shit coming down on me that you do and you handle it better than I would. But I'm just a street kinda guy."

"There's not that much difference between me and you. You're just a different kinda outlaw Nero."

Lil knocked on the door and I told her I would meet her in my office in a minute. I thanked Nero for talking to me and asked him to keep this between us. He's gotten closer to the club and knows about some of its business. But he's still an outsider looking in and sees shit differently than we do.

"While I got you alone. There is something that I wanna talk to you about Jaxs. I'm thinking about asking Gemma to marry me. Where do you land on that?"

"I think she's getting the better end of the deal. I'll support whatever you wanna do man."

I wanted Lil to tell me everything that happened when she was with Dominic. I was trying to keep my anger in check. But I was having a hard time with it. She still didn't answer the last question that I asked her. So I asked it again.

"Did you with Dominic?"

"Did I do what with Dominic?"

"How did he get this picture of you naked Lil?"

"Dominic was standing in the bathroom when I got out of the shower. I didn't know that he took a picture of me. How in the hell did you get that picture?"

"Never mind. It really doesn't matter."

Lil sat down on my lap and put her arm around me. Giving me the sweetest kiss "It seems to matter to you Jaxs. I didn't sleep with him if that's what you want to know. We don't have that kind of relationship."

"You've never slept with him?"

"I didn't say that. Dominic was my first actually. But we were still kids back then. I was seventeen. Then I met Gabe and now I'm with you."

"You've only had three guys?"

"Yes. That must be just a slow week for you huh Jaxs?" I think she was kidding but it made me think about how many I have had. I don't even know what the right count is. There were times that three different women a week were nothing for me to have.

"I'm sorry. I was just kidding. But I shouldn't have said that to you. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings Jaxs."

"Why not Lil? It's the truth." That's something about our relationship that I've never had before. We keep shit real between us and never hold back. After everything is said and done we love each other just as much. If not more in some ways.

Lil was wanting to mess around and I wanted to but, there was some shit we needed to talk about first. Giving her the letter I wrote for her too. After reading it she hugged me close to her.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. You know that stuff doesn't matter to me Jaxs. All that is important to me is that you are a good man and the way you make me feel."

"I'm never gonna be that kinda man Lil. I'm trying to change what I can. But I'm never gonna be that guy that takes you to fancy places or buy you expensive things."

"You're the perfect kind of man for me Jackson. You're my kind of man who I am in love with."

Things were getting heated up between us and I wasn't ready for it to happen yet. When I stopped Lil took a couple of steps back from me "It's okay if you don't want to."

"I want to. But not here Lil." Taking her to a place that is just for us. Where we are King and Queen of our castle and don't have to fight nobody for that title either.

Picking her up and carrying her over the front door's threshold to our house, our home. The place we can run to and be a family with the boys "No one has ever done anything like this for me and I don't even know what to say except thank you. I really wanna make this our home. I love you Lil."

Walking out to the back yard I had something to show her. I planted white lilies around the sides of the gazebo and filled up the hot tub too. I didn't go inside the house but once after I got the keys. It didn't feel right to me without her so I never went back in.

"You really did this Jaxs?"

"Yeah I did it and I did it for you. Come over here and get naked with me."

"I don't know if I should because of the baby."

"Yeah you can. I had Juice look it up. As long as the temperature stays under a hundred degrees it's safe."

We sat side by side. Soaking and enjoying watching the sun going down together. It was so quiet here you could hear the crickets. I can't remember the last time I even noticed that sound. There's so many things over the years that I've stopped noticing.

Lifting Lil outta the tub and putting her up on the side of it. Putting my tongue where I love to put it the most. Licking her pussy all over in long strokes from the top to the bottom. Giving her clit a few really slow licks "Why Mr. Teller you have a mighty talented tongue."

Bring her legs up to rest on my shoulders. The faster I licked her the more she moaned for me. Her hips were raising off the tub to rub her pussy on my face. She arched her back and was trying to get herself closer to my mouth. She was willing to do anything to get to feel more of my tongue on her. So I stopped "Fuck. Please don't stop Jaxs."

I was wanting to see Lil's face. She was breathing so hard and had love in her eyes when I looked into them. Putting a finger into her, she started humping against my hand. Going back to her pussy licking her lips and clit. She grabbed a handful of my hair and was being rough shoving my face down into her. Sticking another finger into her until I felt her cumming on my hand and tongue. Her thighs were wrapped around my head like a vise to keep my face on her pussy.

Licking her until I had nothing left to lick up. She was laying back waiting for me to enter her. So I got out of the tub "Where are you going?"

"Inside. I have nine more rooms to take you in before we're done Lil."

"Wait for me."

Getting a rug burn on my knees from doing it doggie style in the living room. I'll have to fix the broken faucet in the bathroom from Lil holding on to it when I was pounding into her from behind. A bruised knee from hitting the cabinet when I was taking her on the counter in the kitchen. I was a happy boy when she was sucking my cock in the hallway "Why Ms. Denison you have a really pretty mouth when it's wrapped around my cock."

We saved our bedroom for last. It was where we slowed it down. We made love and showed each other how much we do love each other. Until I couldn't stop from cumming again. I wasn't ready to leave yet. I just wanted to hold her. It seems like forever since I held Lil in my arms.

The rays of sun shine were coming in from the window and was hitting her naked body laying next to me. We slept all night on the floor of our bedroom. No pillows, no blanket, just each other.

Holding Lil so close and tight to me was my body's natural response of her being beside me. Feeling the warmth coming from her. I woke up wanting her. Wanting to share my heart and soul with her again. Thinking about last night had me up and ready for her too.

But all I could do was hold her. Being thankful that I got to one more time. Listening to the soft breaths she was taking in and out. Her hand was on my chest over my heart when I woke up this mornings. Seeing her ring on her finger that matched mine. My hand lightly running over the side of her body feeling her curves. Lost in a moment with her that she doesn't even know about. I decided not to wake her yet.

Smelling the perfume left that she wore for me last night but, it was faint now. The scent of sweat and sex still was lingering in the room with us. From where our bodies were intertwined with each others. Nothing could have broken us apart from being together. It seems like everything and everyone tries to break us apart.

Our two hearts were beating for one soul. Cause if I have any soul left, it's when I'm with Lil. When we love each other nothing else in the world matters at that time. We love our problems away and know they will be there in the morning when we get up. It's the knowing that we'll be getting up together that always makes shit okay.

I wanted that feeling again with her. I needed that feeling for myself. But I let her sleep in my arms where she belongs and just watched. It meant more to me than any hot sex that we could ever have.

"Um..morning Jaxs. Have you been awake long?"

"Nah. I just woke up babe."

When my cell started going off I knew for sure the moment was over. I hated to answer it cause I knew it would start this days problems off for me to deal with "Yeah."

"Jackie we got a meet with Lin in an hour. Same place we do our pickups at."

Me and Lil rode to the place. I didn't have enough time to take her back to the clubhouse and get there on time. I sure as hell didn't wanna leave her alone somewhere. She didn't mind coming along and I knew she wouldn't.

"Wait for me. I won't be long. Love you." Giving Lil a kiss before I went inside. I had Phil stay outside with her. It made me feel better knowing that someone was with her. I didn't wanna take her inside cause I don't know how this meet will go down yet.

Lin beefed up how many he brought with him today. He brought more guys than he normally does when we meet on a gun sale. It was making me a little nervous. They had fire power on them and I would say this wasn't gonna be a friendly meeting at all.

"You've brought extra security with you. What's going on Lin?"

"It's just a precaution Jaxs."

"I know you're pissed off about the tag. The Sons didn't have anything to do with it. I don't know who did it but, I'm working on it. Our business deals need to continue. Pulling out of the Cartel deal is only gonna piss them off. Not just at us but at your crew too. The last thing that any of us need is having the Cartel blow up in our faces."

"My making the decision to pull out has nothing to do with the tag on my guy. I made that decision before then. There is a new player involved in this."

"Is somebody trying to take over your territory?"

"I have to cut all ties with the Sons or I will end up losing everything. That came from very high up. I think you're going to find out that I'm not going to be the only one that is going to do this. You're not going to have any friends or allies left when they are done."

"What the hell are you talking about Lin? Who is the shot caller on it?"

Lin continued to tell me how they are shutting off all pipe lines to the MC. Trying to take out every business revenue we got. The more he said the more it became clear who was fucken with us.

"Let me guess. The word came down from Salvator or Dominic Rossi to shut the MC down."

"No. The word came down directly from Anthony Mancini. He will make sure my heroine supply dries up and will give my business to another to run if I don't corporate with him. I'm sorry Jaxs. I'm done with the Sons. I don't have a choice. You'll have to find another supplier."

"What the fuck are we gonna do now Jackie? We meet with Romeo tomorrow. He's expecting some answers and a fucken gun shipment."

"I don't know Chibs. But we better think of something fucken quick. Or Romeo will pull the plug on this shit and take us all down. We'll be right back in goddamn Stockton with Otto."

"Bobby and Juice start reaching out. Hit up anybody that can be a supplier and find out who is the supplier for others."

"Try to stall Romeo for another day Chibs. Tell him the shipment was delayed and were figuring it out. That should buy us another day or two."

Lil was sitting on my bike when I went outside "I need for you to get a hold of Kyle. Shit is going down and going south real quick."

She did what I asked her to. Just like she always does. Kyle will be at the clubhouse in a couple of hours. It was time for a heart to heart with Lil. If I can't come up with a solution to our problem; I won't be seeing day light for a while.

Pulling up into the parking lot Quinn was waiting to talk to me. He looked at Lil and he wasn't comfortable saying what he had to say in front of her "Babe can you give us a minute?"

Before she walked away I grabbed her by the hand "Hey where's my kiss?" She gave me one and went to walk off.

Quinn opened up his arms "Hey where's my kiss?" Lil just smiled and went on.

"My guy made contact with Lenny. He remembers Myria being with Otto. That was about the same time JT and Clay started their beef with one another. But Lenny didn't know any of the detail of what the beef was really about. He also said that he never knew the MC to do business with the Mancinis."

"Thanks man for your help."

That raised a whole another set of questions. I was about to go and get the biggest one answered. I went in the office where Gemma was and lit up a smoke.

"Why did you lie me about knowing who Myria was?"

"I didn't lie to you Jackson."

"Yes you did. Lenny remembers Myria being with Otto. So there is no way in hell that you didn't know about it. You make it your business to know what's going on with everybody. Even when it's none of your fucken business."

Listening to Gemma dance around the subject. I had enough "I was a fucken fool to think you and I could be straight with each other. If you're not gonna help me. Then stay the fuck outta my way."

Lil was with Hap at the bar when I went in "I've missed you shorty."

He was giving her a hard time and she was giving him one right back. Most of them did miss her being here. She gotten close to Tig and Juice too.

"Chibs I need you to get a hold of Alvarez. Set the meet with him. I don't want him coming back to Charming tomorrow. The more we can keep it contained the better off we're gonna be."

It was time for me to get on with telling Lil the things that I really didn't want to "Lets go talk."

We sat down on the couch together and I started with the Cartel. What deal I had to make to keep the club whole and outta jail. How we had to mule drugs for Romeo. Clay set that up and I went along with it so I could get out of the club. Until I moved us out of that.

"With Lin pulling out of the gun deal. Romeo will wanna play the CIA card on me. Unless I can hook them up another supplier for guns. The Irish won't help us. With Pappy cutting off our connections; it doesn't look good for us. I could end up having to do some serious time Lil."

All the rides I've made to Stockton are coming back to me today. Those demons were staring me in the face counting down my days until I go back there. Only this time it wouldn't be for a few months. It would be years of time that I'd be doing. Along with the rest of the club.

"I love my outlaw. We will find a way to get through this Jaxs."

"I'm not the only one that has outlaw in me Lil."

"What?"

"Your Dad was a member of the club."

"No. You have to be wrong Jaxs. That can't be." Taking the picture out of the drawer and I tossed it on my desk. She stared at it for a long time.

"I'm an ouster too. Just like Andrew. That's why I've never really fit in anywhere. I always feel like no place is my home."

"You and Andrew are a what?"

Lil started crying and I held on to her. Trying to tell her that everything would be okay. Just like she has done for me so many times. I understood the never fitting in part all to well.

"Did he pass away? I have never seen him around here?"

"Not exactly."

Having to explain a lot of shit. Otto going to prison. Then how the club kept adding years to his sentence for him doing retaliation and sending messages on the inside for the MC. How we also got him life and his death sentence too.

Otto rated on the club cause of Bobby fucking around with Lu Anne. Bobby lied to Otto that we had already killed Georgie when we hadn't yet. The Feds used that to prove to Otto that the club failed him and we did. All he ever asked the club for in return was to take care of Lu Anne for him and we didn't. But the hardest part was still yet to come.

"Otto was the one that killed Torric's sister when Tara was working at the prison. He started all the rico shit coming down on the club. When it came time for him to give his statement he bit his tongue off to still prove loyalty to the club. That he wouldn't talk. He's also lost an eye in prison cause of them doing retaliation on the club. So you being with me isn't what he would consider to be a good thing. Just so you know he fucken hates me too. He probably won't talk to you cause you're with me."

"Yeah you get that a lot Jaxs. But I want to see him. I would like to at least meet my Father. Even if he doesn't want to talk to me. I still want to try."

**LILYANS POV**

Kyle was here to see Jaxs. After I do what they want me to do I am having a smoke. All of this stress is starting to wear on me. I can see how much it has already effected Jaxs too.

Calling Dominic from one of Jaxs prepaid cellphones. We will destroy it after the call is made. I was doing just what we talked about. Riling Dominic up and making sure that he takes the bait "I'll be there. I'm going to kill all of you now. I won't even spare you this time Lilyan."

The call to Dominic went just like I expected it to. He is pissed off and wants blood. After Salvator found out what was happening he made Dominic have to face it. That is what it took to get Dominic to resurface again. It will end up being bloody tomorrow. It is just a matter of who's blood will get spilled and who will survive it in the end.

Leaving Kyle and Jaxs to talk business. They both have a lot going on right now. I don't see how Jaxs and the club can come out of this one. He keeps trying to turn it around and everyone keeps shoving him down farther.

When they were done talking we rode to Stockton. Jaxs took off his leather and put it in his saddle bag along with his gun "Make sure you don't have anything on you Lil."

The woman at the booth was checking us in to get a visitors pass. Jaxs already told me that I would have to be the one to do it because Otto didn't want to see him anymore "What's your name and I will run it through?"

"Lilyan Mancini."

We were setting at a table waiting for Otto to come out. I was really nervous about seeing him. I was prepared if he didn't want to talk to me. Or if he didn't want to see a kid coming around after all of these years claiming to be his.

He sat down across from us. Staring at me. I felt kind of uncomfortable at first. Then he smiled at me until he looked down at my hand and saw my ring.

**Are you married?**

Jaxs held up his hand to show his band that matched mine. I could feel the tension between the two of them. This is not how I wanted it to be with Otto. All the horrible things that has already happened to him. He doesn't need anymore of that in his life.

"Maybe I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry that I bothered you."

**I want to talk to you but, Jaxs has to go.**

Jaxs rolled his eyes and walked out. I didn't even want to get into what was going on between them because it didn't have anything to do with me.

**I'm not helping the club. Is that why you came here?**

"No that isn't why I came. What is between you, Jaxs and the club needs to stay that way. I wanted to meet you and to find out about when you were with my Mom."

The things Otto wrote about them were so sweet. He still loves her after all these years. I told him a little about me. Marrying Gabe and about Addison. I showed him a picture of all of us together.

**He's a handsome little guy like his Grandpa.**

Then I had to explain to Otto why we weren't together anymore. How I got together with Jaxs. All the shit that's happened in between. I told Otto as much as I could anyways.

**Do you love Jaxs? Because I think you could do so much better than him.**

**Are you really pregnant with his baby?**

"Yes to both questions. It's a boy. We are naming him Andrew."

Our time was almost up and I promised that I would come to visit him again. He gave me the address so that I could write to him anytime I wanted to. I gave him Roberto's address so he could write to me too. I wanted to bring something for Otto the next time I visited or send him a care package.

**If you really want to bring me something. Bring me a bag of Jelly Beans. Since I have trouble eating some foods anymore. I can suck on those. They were always my favorites and I haven't had any for years.**

I wanted to hug him good bye. I wasn't sure if I should or not. But that wasn't a problem because he opened his arms up to me first. We both had tears. Otto did at least from his one eye. The living hell that he has went through. It is so much more than most will ever know about.

The guard called his name at the door and it was time for him to leave. He handed me another piece of paper "What is this Otto? It doesn't make any sense to me."

**It's where the secret is buried. I never got to set in on any of their meetings. But I know some of it from being with Myria. The reason I met your mother is the Sons assigned me to protect her. But I fell in love with her and I couldn't stop seeing her even when they wanted me to. I am doing it for you, Myria, Addison and Andrew.**

**I really want you to come back to visit me if you can. I don't have that much time left before I have my execution. I'm sorry that I wasn't there when you were growing up. I would have been if I'd known about you. I know that I gotta be a disappointment to you being your father.**

"I will be here tomorrow to see you."

"Delany come on it's time to go."

Not understanding why leaving someone who I didn't really know was upsetting me so much. Otto has such a gentle soul to do the things that Jaxs told me he's done. Looking at myself and Jaxs, I guess it's not that hard to believe that Otto did do them. Knowing what both of us are capable of doing.

"How did it go with Otto?" Jaxs was outside smoking on his bike. Waiting for me to come out. I kind of feel bad that Jaxs had to leave so Otto would talk to me.

"He gave me this. It doesn't mean anything to me. Does it to you?"

"That could be the old service road outside of Charming that the club used as a meeting place for gun sales. I'm guessing since there isn't an address on here and just by the directions. What's it for?"

"Otto said that's where the secret is buried. Other than that I have no idea Jaxs."

"Jesus Christ. I don't think I can take anymore secrets. Let's go check it out and see what we can find."

The closer we got to the place. The more old feelings and the more uneasy I was becoming "Pull over Jaxs."

"Are you okay?" I was trying to catch my breath and tell him but, I couldn't. My stomach hurt so bad. Almost as much as my heart did.

"I know where we are going and what the place is."

"Yeah this is the way to our old meeting place. We never use the same place for to long. To much risk of us getting caught."

"This is also the way to Gabriel's last project. After he died and Pope died they sent it back to the zoning committee. They no longer had a developer or an investor. The last I heard it all was being rebid to start production up on it again."

"I'm sorry babe. I didn't know."

"You couldn't have known Jaxs. That's why Otto didn't have an address for it. It was all timber before they started the project. It use to have a temporary one assigned to it. Then after completion it will be giving a street name and then given an address."

"Do you still wanna go there?"

"You know we have to. But with all the clearing off and digging they have already done; we may never find what Otto is talking about."

Looking at where Gabriel spent so much of his time at. He loved his job and was so compassionate about it. His love for building things up and not tearing the world down around him reflected here. For days he tried to figure out away to build around the spots natural beauty. Not disturbing anymore of the wild life than absolutely necessary and still get the job done.

"Lil are you okay babe?"

"Yeah I'm good."

"According to this paper we need to go north for about two miles. My bike isn't gonna make it back there. Are you gonna be okay to walk it?"

"Yeah I'm good." I kept saying it but I didn't mean it. With every turn that Jaxs and I take together, it always leads us to another place or another time. A place that we would have crossed paths before. A time before we were even old enough to play the game or know what the game even was.

Taking a flashlight and another gun out of his saddle bags. Jaxs handed the gun to me and took my hand "It will be okay Lil. No matter what we find we'll deal with it together."

It was a longer hike than I think either one of us expected it to be. We finally made it to the creek that Otto said would be here. I don't think he knows how to measure distance for shit though. Because this walk was longer than just two miles.

We reached our destination. I would have never found it without Jaxs. The boarded up old well in the ground was covered over with weeds and dirt. After getting all of that off the top of it he used his muscles to pull off the boards.

"Jesus Christ." That is what he kept saying over and over. As he was shinning the light down in the well.

"What is it Jaxs?"

"You don't wanna know." I probably don't want to know. But I had to know. That's why we came here. So I got down on the ground and stuck my head in the well too.

"Oh fuck."

The walk back together was silent. We took it slower walking back then we did getting there. It was starting to get dark outside. The moon was giving off some light. But it was still a good thing that Jaxs brought a flashlight anyways.

There was so many unanswered questions about what we found. How the club was involved in it? How it ended up involving Gabe? How in the hell did it end up being at the same place?

It was either fate, destiny or higher force that Jaxs and me ended up together. The more we find out about lives and how our paths have crossed so many times before now. It can't just be coincidental. Jaxs once said he thought it was madness that kept pushing us back together and that could be some of it but, not all of it.

It will be interesting to see if it was meant to be between me and Jaxs. Or maybe it's Andrew that was supposed to come out of all of this. If it is Andrew, he will be playing a big role in life. For both sides of the outlaw and mob world. I don't know how to stop that from happening. Or even if I can with the more things that I learn that has went on and still going on.

"It's to late today to see Otto again. We'll go back in the morning. You have to get him to tell you the secret Lil." That was easier said than done. I planned on going back to see him tomorrow anyways.

By the time we got back Abel and Thomas were already out. We went straight to bed. We've had an eventful day. But I bet it's not going to top how eventful tomorrow ends up being.

"You never told me why you're thinking about leaving the club?"

"No matter how hard I try to get past the violence and lead the club to a legitimate business, I can't. I can't get ahead of the sins of SAMCROs past. I'm at that point in my life that I know staying in the club is only going to send me back to prison, I'll end up dead or my family will end up dead."

"Once I get us past this shit we're facing right now. I gotta decide if this is what I really want and the life I want my boys to have too. I'm not saying for sure I am gonna leave. But I'm not saying that I'm gonna stay either."

No matter what Jaxs says or thinks he wants. He will always choose the club in the end. It's his life and all he knows how to do. He's a lifer in it and doesn't have a way out of it. He's stuck being who he is just like I am.

Laying in the dark we didn't talk anymore. We didn't fall to sleep fast like we did last night. I was enjoying being with him and I watched him drift off to sleep. I wasn't far behind him.

"Come on babe we gotta get up. I've got a lot of shit going on today."

As much I hated to get out of bed and start what was going to be a very shitty day, I did. Jaxs was screaming at somebody and I stuck my head out of the bathroom to see what was going on.

"You want a fucken messy ending. So be it Tara. I'm done with the threats from you."

Jaxs hung up his cell. I could see from the look in his eyes and how tight his jaw was he was pissed off. I only caught the end of the conversation and only his side of it. Whatever she said to him; I don't think I would have if I was her.

"Juice."

"Yeah Jaxs."

"You do a ride along with Lil to Stockton. She's gonna go see Otto. You need to wait outside for her."

I kept asking Jaxs where he was going. Even though I had a pretty good idea of where. He kissed me and got on his bike "I'm protecting my family and keeping life beautiful. I love you Lil. I'll be back in a little bit."

I tried to call Jaxs a couple of times. It went straight to voice mail. That is never a good thing. The way he was before he left not having any emotions or feelings. Probably really is not a good thing for Tara.

Juice dropped me off and went to park the van. I went through the sign in ritual. When I walked in Otto was setting at the same table where we met yesterday and he was waiting for me. He seemed happy to see that I came back for another visit.

**I wasn't sure if you would come back or not. But I'm really glad you did.**

"I left your Jelly Beans up front. They said they had to inspect it before you could have your package I brought you. I picked up a couple of books that are on the new best sellers list. I asked if you could have notebook paper, envelopes and stamps. So I brought those too and now you don't have any reason not to write me. I wasn't sure what else you could have. If there is anything that you want, I'll bring it for you."

**Thank you. Does that mean you're planning on coming back to visit me again?**

"I will come back to visit you as long as you want me to. I know this was a shocker for the both of us. I would really like to get to know the real you while I still can."

"I also spoke to them about getting your glasses. The best ones they can get for you. That way you will be able to read more and see better."

**The prison only provides the minimum care needed. So I doubt that will happen.**

"It will happen. Because I'm paying for it. I want to do this for you."

Otto let the wall that was in between us come down. He wrote so many things about where he came from, his childhood and about my mother. Things I never knew about her. Their story seems really similar to mine and Jaxs.

He kept checking the clock on the wall and it was almost time for our visit to be over "I will come back tomorrow if that's okay with you?"

**I would really like that. Thank you for coming to see me and the stuff you brought me. Now I finally have something to look forwards to. I usually don't have many reasons to ever want the next day to come.**

**Myria did a good job raising you. Sitting and talking with you is almost like talking to her. She was the sweetest and most kind woman I've ever met. I never knew love again like she showed me.**

I really wasn't sure how to help Otto. Or what to say to him. So I said nothing and held his hand. Before I asked him about the secret he started that conversation with me.

**Did you go see what I told you about?**

"I went to where you told me to go. I found the place. But who are they? There had to be at least fifteen different people or more in there."

**There is only one of them that you need to worry about Lilyan. Your Great Grandfather. He's in there.**

"You're wrong Otto. He can't be in there . He was buried beside my Great Grandmother in the family cemetery after a Rossi killed him. That's what started the feud between our families. They burned his body in his home and marked the kill with their R. So we would know who did it."

**No it wasn't a Rossi that killed him. I know that one for a fact.**

"Then who did it?"

**SAMCRO**

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me! Well my lovelies...we are getting really close to the end of the story. I hope to have the next chapter out in a couple of days and it will be the longest read of all of them.**


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N~~~ I am sorry this chapter is such a long read and it took me so long to get it posted. I have not had a chance to respond to messages and reviews yet, but I will. I got a little carried away and I didn't want to short the story. But I didn't want to keep posting more chapters so I divided this one when it got to be over 40,000 words long. We are down to the other half of this one and one more chapter then this story will be complete! The next half will explain a lot and have soo much lemony goodness to it! Thank you sooo much for reading me!**

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**LILYAN POV**

Finding a trash can fast because I was going to need it. I felt so sick from what Otto just told me. I have spent my whole life hating the Rossi family, each and everyone of them just because of their name. Because that is what I was taught to do since I was a child. We've shed blood with them for that reason and that reason only for years, they killed my Grand Father. A lot of bad blood has been kept on going between our families and so many wasted lives taken. Was it all from a lie that were told?

A guard finally came over to where I was "Miss are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm good. I'm pregnant and I felt sick. I'm sorry. I just need to get some air."

Otto was standing beside me too and holding my hair back for me. He was trying his best to comfort me. But it was a little too late for that to happen "Why did you tell me this? What purpose is this suppose to serve?"

**You need to get away from the MC before they destroy your life. You know you don't belong with him Lilyan. Jaxs will do bad things in the end to you if you stay with him and to your child. The child will have a hard enough time trying to survive your family and that's only a maybe it will. You have to protect the baby or he will belong to Jaxs and the MC. There is no other way to break the cycle of the baby's fate from being like Jaxs but to get away from him and stay away from him.**

**If you have been around him you already know what kinda life the baby will end up having, chaotic without a choice. The only loyalty Jaxs has is to himself. The club turned on me and they will you too. It's only a matter of time.**

The guard made Otto leave me. He didn't want to but, what choice did he really have "I'll be back to see you tomorrow Otto. I need to know what the rest of the story is." He nodded his head as the guard opened the door to take him back to his cell.

I folded up Otto's note and put it in my pocket. It is the reality of what Jackson is and always will be that was smacking me upside the head. And it was smacking me hard too. That has been my biggest fear since I found out I was pregnant. Losing Andrew to one side or the other. I know deep down that Otto is right. If I'm with Jaxs the baby will be pulled into the chaotic world that Jaxs lives in. The baby will inevitably end up being just like him. Or the baby will end up being like both of us and that would just break my heart too.

Each side will only end up getting Andrew killed at a young age. Or worse it will suck him in and that's where he will end up spending his life burning in the hell that they create around him. It really doesn't matter which side gets him the bikers or the mob; it is eternal damnation of his soul either way.

I wasn't sure who or what to believe anymore. Was Otto telling me the truth? Because it goes against everything that I was told by my family when I was growing up. Or was this Otto's way of using me to punish Jaxs for what Jaxs and the club has done to him.

If that is really the truth that Otto is telling, it would make most of my life a lie. Hell I find out more everyday it really is just a lie they have all told me wanting to make me believe in it. So why should this be any different I guess. It is hard to tell where one lie ends anymore and the new one starts. Because over the years they have all ran together.

Not only do I not know what to believe. Who in the hell can I trust? I've seen Jaxs turn on Tara and Wendy without even having to thinking about it. I stopped him from hurting both of them already. When will it be my turn with him? Maybe Otto was right when your end comes with Jaxs, he can't be trusted and he will do whatever he can to hurt you.

God only knows what Jaxs ended up doing to Tara today. I don't know if everything he is telling me is true or not either. Maybe I let love blind me to the cold hard realities of life. Blinded by the love in my heart that I feel for him. But the way I feel about him tells me I can trust him. Hell now I am not only second guessing him but, myself as well.

As far as Tara is concerned I have so many mixed emotions about her. I know I would hate me too if I was her. She feels that I have taken her husband away from her. Even though I didn't. Jaxs wasn't really happy with her and it was obvious that she wasn't with him either or she wouldn't have planned to leave him. She never understood his way of life or most of the things that was going on around her. If it wasn't me that he cheated with; he would have just found another. My day may come too when he just finds another.

Damn Otto all to hell. What he told me was to protect me or at least I think it was. But, all he has done was make me start doubting my decisions. It's not like I needed any help in doing that. I have fought every emotion and feeling that I have had for Jaxs. Only to lose and come to the same conclusion; I am in love with him.

In all fairness to Tara. She is a lot like Gabe in fact that she wasn't raised in this kind of life and has been thrown in the mix of chaos from being with Jackson. It really is not her fault the way she feels. Any normal person would feel the same way. But then again I guess no one would ever say that Jackson and I are considered to be a normal person. Or live in a normal way.

In some ways Tara is trying to protect her children from losing them to the MC. That I respect as being a mother too. Other ways she is trying to hold on to something that doesn't exist anymore. You cannot have a one-sided love affair. Because all you end up having is a love that turns to hate for the one that you were supposed to grow old with and have eternal bliss in your heart for.

Regardless of Tara's intentions with her children, she did rat on Jaxs and the club or planned to before Toric was killed. That is something that I know Gabe would have never done to me. He was a loyal and loving man who protected me and Addison until he took his last breath. You never turn on the one you love like Tara did without having to suffer the consequences somewhere down the line. I would say that time of suffering has came for her.

Trying to walk out of the prison, I was wobbly on my feet. I broke out in a sweat and my heart was racing a hundred miles an hour. Calling Jaxs cell again. It still went to his voice mail and there was not a need for me to leave him a message.

Juice pulled up in the van. He got out and held open the door for me. I must have just stood there looking at him. "Lily are you okay? You don't look very good."

"Yeah I'm good."

But I wasn't. If what Otto told me was true; I was going to have to make some decisions on my own. No one else could ever know the truth. If the Family ever found out they would kill everyone in the MC including Jaxs to settle the score. I would be expected to be involved in that to defend my family's honor. I would once again be put into the position of choosing between the family I was born into and the man I love.

Something I could never do. I couldn't ever hurt Jaxs even if he didn't want to be with me anymore. It wouldn't be any longer a matter of picking between the one I love or my family. It would be picking between the love of my son's father or my son's families. No one ever said life was easy. But they didn't tell me it would always end up ripping my heart out too no matter what choice in life you make.

"What is Tara's cellphone number Juice?"

"Um..why do you want it Lily?"

"Just give me the goddamn number." It went to her voice mail too. Now I was sure Jaxs hurt her in some way. As close as Juice and I have gotten. Could I really trust him? I already knew the answer to that. Not if it is something that he knew Jaxs would disapprove of.

When I told Juice about what I thought Jaxs had done to Tara. Juice didn't want any part of what I was about to do. I could understand Juice's position. He is always stuck in the damned if I do it because Jaxs will kill me and damned if I don't because someone else will kill me "I'll drop you off at the clubhouse Juice and I'll tell Jaxs that you had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. I don't want Jaxs to be pissed off at you or hurt you and we both know that he is capable of doing it."

"I can't do that Lily. What if someone tries to hurt you and you are unprotected. I couldn't ever forgive myself if something happened to you because I wasn't there for you."

Out of all of them Juice is the most sincere. He is a kind and gentle man who I don't see surviving in their world being the way he is. But hell I've been wrong before. He's made it this far and I'm sure that he will be fine. Or I hope so for his sake that he will be. Juice is on his last strike with Jaxs and the club. I know what exit Juice would be given if he ever tried to walk away from them, death.

We drove by her house and her car wasn't home. Then we went to the hospital to see if she was there. I wasn't even sure where to start look for her at "Excuse me. Can you tell me if Tara Teller is on duty today?"

The woman behind the counter acted like they didn't know who I was talking about "I over heard you asking for Tara. I'm Margret her boss. Are you a friend of hers?"

"I just need to speak with her and I thought she was going to be here today."

"She didn't show up for her shift and she didn't call in. I'm going by her house to check on her after work. That is really unlike her to do something like that. I didn't catch what your name is."

"Thanks." I walked off from Tara's boss and I wasn't about to give her my name. This situation is already complicated enough as it is. Without involving anymore people into the mix of it. Really what am I supposed to say? I'm not her friend but I'm fucking her husband and I'm afraid that he has hurt her. We all know that's not a good idea under any circumstances.

I didn't know of any other place to go to look for Tara at. So we went back to the clubhouse. Jaxs bike was in the parking lot. I was already getting that uneasy feeling. I still didn't know what I was going to say to him or how much of the story yet I was going to tell him. I'm on that fence; the one that divides from being right and wrong. I already know which side Jaxs is on. There is no having to second guess that one.

Juice was completely confused by everything. He is such a sweet man but, kind of like a naïve boy. I think he tunes out some of the bad shit that happens around him just to make it through it. From what I can tell he has already felt the effects of guilt and remorse for the things he has done and the things that they still ask him to do. That has been weighing on him so hard that some days he walks around in a complete daze just to get through it. Other days he pretends like he is in another world all together not to face the realities of his life.

Tig was with Happy at the bar when Juice and I came in "Where's Jaxs at Tig?"

"He's in at the table."

"Is he alone?"

"Yeah as far as I know. Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm good."

Knocking on the door because it was closed. I never want to disrespect Jaxs like that and invade his space "Hey babe. How did it go with Otto?"

"What did you do to her Jaxs?"

"What did I do to who?"

"To Tara."

"I didn't do anything to Tara." He said the words to me but, wouldn't look up at me from what he was reading. Since I couldn't see his face I couldn't tell if he was being sincere or not. So I took the chair at the table beside him and sat down.

"What's wrong with you Lil? What happened?"

"Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't hurt her Jaxs?" He wouldn't do it. That answered the question for me without him even having to say the words out loud.

"I really don't understand why you would give a fuck what happens to Tara. She treats you like shit Lil. Tara is my problem and I'm dealing with it."

"I really don't understand why you don't give a fuck Jaxs. If you don't love her anymore and you don't want to be with her; that's one thing. But she is still the mother of your children. I'm going to be the mother of your child too. If I don't do exactly what you want me to do. Are you going to hurt me too? Because you might want to think twice about that. I'm not Tara and I won't just take it from you. You know I will fight back."

"What the hell are you talking about? What happened while you were gone?" I had to get away from Jaxs, the MC, the Family and everything else that was coming down on me. No matter who you pick in a situation like this, it's going to be wrong. It is no longer just about who you love. It's about all of them and the damage that will be caused by each one of them in the long run.

"Hey. If you're pissed off about something tell me what it is? What have I done?" Jaxs stopped me before I ever could make it to the door. Everyone was staring at us and I couldn't tell him. Not yet any ways until I figure out what all has went down. I would be in the same position of having to make that call on him that he has made on Tara. There was no fucking way I could ever hurt him like that.

"I need to get out of here so I can think. I am going to go check on Roberto. I just need some breathing room from you Jaxs."

"You really think I would hurt you, don't you?" As Jaxs went to reach for me to take a hold of my arm. I moved away and threw up my arm so he couldn't grab it and stood ready to defend myself.

"Don't Jaxs." I must just be very hormonal today. Because the way I said that to him made me feel like a drama queen or someone who is unsure of him. I'm pretty sure that it is I was unsure of him and doubting everything about this relationship.

Jaxs took a couple of steps back from me with a hurt and confused look on his face. I walked out the door and I wasn't going to chance it or take anything for granted at this point. He followed behind me along with Tig.

"What did you do to her man?"

"I don't fucken know what I did."

"Trouble in paradise sweetheart?" I could have chosen to walk around Gemma and avoided her. Avoid what I have known has been coming with her for the last few days. It was a huge parking lot after all. That was the choice I would have made most of the time too. But not today.

"Get out of my face before I take your head off Gemma." That was all the warning she was going to get from me. Because I was ready to take her on if I had to. It was no longer the principal of the matter, it was survival of the strongest.

She stepped to the side to let me pass by her. Looking behind me as I walked away. I'm still not sure how far I can really trust Gemma. There is just something about her that I can't put my finger on that I don't care for. Something is there that always sends that message of I will be your best friend today and stab you in the back when it suits my needs. Even Jaxs warned me about trusting her.

It is more than I don't get Gemma's mothering technics at all. She wants all the control over Jaxs in everything he does. Like he was still a child or incapable of making his own decisions. When she doesn't get her way with him is when she is the most dangerous. I would say now is one of those times. If she continues to push me she will see just how dangerous I can be too.

Being a great mother to your child and being involved in their life is one thing. The way Gemma is with Jaxs is just not normal. She dotes over him more than she does Abel. Not to mention all the tangled webs of lies she has hidden over the years from Jaxs to keep him by her side and under her thumb. She gives a whole new meaning to the term manipulative bitch. It is not only Jax that she does this to, it is the women in his life as well.

But I'm not like the rest of them and she is about to find that out. There is no way in hell that I would let Gemma run my life or have any of the say in raising my child either. It would be fight on with her if she even tried to.

Jaxs was talking to Gemma and they were getting loud. I'm sure that is part of the reason she let me pass by without a fight. Because Jaxs was here and he would have interfered. If it had been just me and her it might have ended differently. That ending of me and her will still come at some point I'm sure. If she thinks I'm going to back down from her she is crazier than I think she is. Hell I know that bitch is crazy and it will come.

I didn't even make it a couple of miles away before my cell was ringing. Jaxs was trying to call and I didn't want to hear what he had to say to me. My next step was to start righting the wrongs that I've already done and finding that line to draw that would bring an end to this shit. If I told him what I was about to do I know he would have tried to stop me. That wasn't going to happen either. Because I won't let any of them stop me from doing this.

After I talked to Kyle I was paying him a surprise visit. When I saw his car parked down the street from the house I thought about waiting until he left to do it. Then I decided that it was time for an ending to come in everyone's mind. I can't change anything if I'm the only one wanting it to be changed.

Of course Kyle's guys didn't stop me from going inside. Why would they? They know who I am and what I am. That is the most unfortunate part for me too, I know exactly what I am. I can't change all of it but, I can change some of what is still to come.

He was sitting at the table with Nicholas. Kyle brought him food and was trying to get him to eat something. Nicholas shook his head no and never touched it.

Pulling out my gun "I'm taking Nicholas and it ends with him. He is just a child and we stop this crazy shit here and now. So lets not make things more difficult than they have to be."

"Lilyan. What in the hell are you doing? You know what Dominic will do to you if he finds you. Nicholas is what we are negotiating with. If you take him we are screwed and you know it."

"I'm sorry Kyle. I really am. But I'm doing the right thing even if you don't think so. Please don't get in my way."

Hurting Kyle is not something that I was sure that I could go through with. I don't want anyone to get hurt from this. But most of all no more hurting the innocent childern to continue a feud that should have never taken place. I've seen the effects that it has already had on Abel from all of this. I'm sure that Nicholas will have some of those same things happen to him.

"I can't let you take him Lilyan. Nicholas is staying here until this is over. So lets put the gun down and talk this out. Because I don't want to have to hurt you."

"I don't want to hurt you either. But you're not going to stop me."

Kyle pulled his gun too. Only he didn't aim it at me. He aimed it at Nicholas "I know you Lilyan. You have always been slow in pulling the trigger. By the time you go to kill me, I will have already done him."

This was a bluff, it had to be. If Kyle was going to hurt Nicholas; he would have already done it by now to get what he wants. He has always been a great poker player, bluffing is his specialty.

"You're right. You will have gotten Nicholas by the time I do you. But I will still have gotten you Kyle. Then they will rush in from outside and take me down. We will die being one big happy fucking family. Do you want that? Are you ready to die for this? Because I am. I have to do this. We are going to stop spilling blood with the Rossis and it stops with Nicholas." That wasn't just a speech I was giving him. I meant every word of it. If it had to be a tragic ending then so be it.

It was a judgement call. I was the judge this time and God knows my judgement hasn't exactly been the best lately. But, I'm trying really hard to fix that now. There is no stopping this with Dominic, I know that. To ever be free we have to kill him and I am still all in on that one. I can still save Nicholas and Andrew from this feud and the life we've all known it to be. We all have a final judgment day that will be passed upon us. On mine I will at least know that my decision about Nicholas will be on the right side even if I did it the wrong way.

Taking a hold of the gold cross that I was wearing around my neck and rubbing it between my fingers. Just in case Kyle wasn't bluffing "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. Father hallowed by your name Kingdom come your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us each day our daily bread and forgive us of our sins. For we ourselves forgive everyone who is in debited to us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil."

"Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. I love you Kyle and always will no matter what you decide to do. You are my true brother. Now lets get on with it." I stood unsure of what decision he would make and I was waiting for the worst to still come.

We are our own evil that we need to be saved from. I have turned into one of them and that was never my intentions. It has all happened so fast that I didn't even realize how cruel and evil I have become. But that doesn't stop it or save me now. All I can hope for is that my child can be saved and he will never know the chaos and destruction of the life I have led.

Kyle lowered his gun because he saw that I wasn't going to back down and was trying to rationalize with me. When that didn't work he thought the reason was Dominic.

"I don't care what you do to Dominic. He dies one way or another. But we are not doing any further damage to Nicholas. We are ending the feud with him. It stops here and now do you hear me?"

"Do I need to remind you that you're the one that brought me into the middle of this shit Lilyan? I can't even believe that you would pull a gun on me after everything that I have done for you." He was bluffing bless his big bad ass heart that he has. Kyle is the most sensitive killer I have ever met.

"No you don't need to remind me and again I'm really sorry Kyle for it going down like this." Taking Nicholas by the hand and we were backing out of the room.

"I'm calling Jaxs. I think you have lost your goddamn mind."

"Do you really think Jaxs is going to stop me from doing this? Jaxs has no control over this or me. It is for the best and you leave him out of this Kyle. Jaxs is knee-deep in his own shit and believe me when I say that it is going to be getting a lot deeper for him too."

Tucking my gun inside my jacket. I was hurrying to the car with Nicholas before one of them tried to stop me. I don't think Kyle would ever hurt me. But then again, I didn't think about Jaxs doing it either before today.

I'm still not sure how I'm going to get Nicholas returned without being seen or getting myself caught. But I'll find a way. Because where there is a will, there is always a way. I've got an iron will when my mind is set to do something. This is the most important thing that I have ever done. It will not only seal Nicholas fate but, Andrews as well. They will be what the future holds for both sides.

Needless to say Kyle kept his threat of calling Jaxs. So far I had twelve missed calls from Jaxs. I wasn't going to return any of them until I did what I needed to do first. Since Jaxs wasn't effective in the situation Kyle must have called Roberto. Because he was psycho dialing me too "Hey."

"Have you completely lost it? Take Nicholas back to Kyle now."

"I'm afraid I can't do that. I will explain everything to you when I'm done. You gotta trust me on this. I've always believed in you Roberto even when it wasn't exactly the sanest thing to do." Roberto didn't like it by any means. But as always he supported me like I always do him. He told me where he was and I will be paying him a visit to fill him in too.

I'm not even sure where Dominic is staying but, I know where his parents are. They have lived in the same house since I was a kid. That is probably the safest place for me to get close to so I can get Nicholas back home.

Writing a note for Dominic. I needed to stall the meeting and the fight that was coming. The fight that will change who we all are and who we will end up being much later. I gave it to Nicholas and told him to walk down the street. Go up to the gate and ring the intercom button. Once they will see it is Nicholas I know they will take care of him.

Parking away from the house I was waiting for Nicholas to get out and go running but, he didn't "Nicholas don't you want to go home?"

He shook his head no and shut the door. How sad is that really a child would rather stay with a bunch of strangers than go home to his family "I am really sorry for what we have done to you. We never meant to hurt you in any way. But it's time for you to be rejoined with your family Nicholas. I'm trying to protect you and the only way that I can do that is to get you as far away from us as possible."

Taking my gold cross from around my neck I put it around his "You always will have someone who cares about you. When ever you need a friend, I'll be with you in spirit. You never have to walk alone again."

That was the first smile I've ever seen on that little boys face. He gave me a hug and got out of the car. He started walking down the street. He gave me a wave before he got to far out of my sight. I smiled and waved back. When I could barely see the top of his head anymore I knew he was nearing the property. Inching the car forward just enough that I could see the gate until I saw him walk through it.

It is true that no matter how much money your family has, it doesn't mean that you are more loved. Nicholas has all the finer things that only money can buy him. The things that he is lacking is what cost nothing; love, hugs and knowing people love you.

Out of guilt I called Kyle. He is going to meet me to see Roberto. I apologized over and over. No matter how much I tell Kyle I'm sorry; I drove a wedge between us that won't be easily dissolved. Maybe I did lose my mind for that brief time or maybe I was just setting things right in my own way. But it doesn't make any difference now. What's done is done.

I was glad that I got there before Kyle did. Roberto doesn't ever hold any grudge against me no matter how many times I've fucked up things. It's the same for him though. We do have a bond between us that no one could ever break and no amount of money could ever buy off.

"Come on in crazy woman."

"You are looking so much better than you did the last time that I saw you."

"I'm feeling better too. I still get tired kind of quick. But enough of the meaningless talk Lilyan. What happened and why did you go off the deep end? Why in the hell would you pull a gun on Kyle? You don't have feelings for Dominic do you?"

"I can't even believe that you would ask me that. I have no feelings what so ever for Dominic. I love Kyle and you know that. I also think you know that I would never hurt him either. I was bluffing and Kyle called my bluff. So I might have technical used my gun to reinforce that I was serious about it."

"What are we suppose to think? The one card we held in our hand; you gave back to him. We now have no leverage over Dominic or Salvator. How do you plan on getting to them now? Please tell me that you didn't give them their money back too? Do you have a plan or did you even think this shit through before you did it?"

This is where things are about to get complicated. Not just for me and Jaxs. But for Roberto and Kyle too. I could tell only the parts that is safe to tell or I can tell Roberto the whole story as I know it to be. I chose to tell the whole story.

Kyle's car pulled up and I had to go set things right with him too "I'll be back. I have some groveling to go do."

Kyle just listened to everything that I had to say but never responded. He was making me work for it and squirm to see if I was going to gain his forgiveness. But being the softy I know he is on the inside, he caved "Why didn't you just tell me all of this instead of taking Nicholas?"

"Because I hadn't made up my mind how much I was going to tell you and Roberto yet. It wasn't until I dropped off Nicholas. He didn't want to go home. There is no worse feeling than not wanting to go home and no sense of belonging. We both know what that truly feels like. That's when I decided that I only have you two left as my family. If I shit on that then I am just like Nicholas. All alone in this world."

"You're not alone Lilyan. But don't ever pull that kind of shit on me again. Because next time, I won't be so forgiving about it." I got the message that Kyle was sending me. The next time it happens; there won't be another time that he feels I turn on him or gave him the impression of betrayal.

We all three laid everything out and on the line. We discussed the pros and the cons of everyone and everything that we needed to carry out "I'm good with most of this. I already knew about Otto being your father. This would help to explain the map that Clay had. He must have gotten the information from Dominic. But it doesn't explain how the MC got involved with the Family and when the picture was taken."

"What map Kyle? What picture are you talking about and when did you find out about Otto?"

Clay had specific detailed information about all of Gabe's projects. There is no way in hell that a president of the MC that lived in Charming could have known about that. If I would have known this about Clay I would have gotten the information out of him before Jaxs and Nero killed him. It is just an after thought now. Jaxs didn't put it together until he went searching for me and found my bag.

The next thing we discussed is how to handle our own internal problems. "We can't kill him and have it blow back on us. We all know what will happen to us then."

"Maybe we can make it look like a heart attack. He is an old man after all. He is just as responsible for Gabe and Addsion's deaths as Dominic is. I am willing to take full responsiblity for killing Pappy if we get caught. That would get you two out of it and then Roberto can take his rightful place as heir to the blood throne."

"Just how in the hell are we going to make it look like a heart attack Lilyan? We could just tell the others the truth and let them kill him. Pappy deserves a slow and painful death for the things that he has done and the betrayal to his own. If we get caught we all take responsiblity. I won't let you go down alone Lilyan."

"No. Who is to say that they will believe us and we still can't prove Pappy is the one that did it. Beside I want to be the one that looks him in the eyes when it is time for the kill. Maybe we could take Pappy and Dominic out at the same time."

Kyle knew what I was referring to "While you were on vacation Roberto. I got some very special beans for Lilyan. She didn't get to use them on Dominic. But from what I understand they were delivered just not consumed." By now they should be totally disolved in the bottle and untraceable back to us.

Roberto had to be brought up to speed on a lot of things since he has been missing in action "How do we make sure they get delivered to them?"

"I'll do it." They both gave me that look. That look of are you crazy because they will probably shoot you on site if they get the chance to.

"I will get them to meet at the same time and surrender myself to them. But you two will have to make sure that everything else happens." There were a lot of moving parts to this plan. We all had to pull everything off at once because if one of us fail, we all do. Which will mean death for one and for all a like. It is an instant death for killing one of your own, especially the one on the throne. The Family would hunt you down and there would be no place on this earth that you could hide from them.

After a long discussion, it was set in stone what we were going to do. Who would do what. What chances would be taken to take back control of our destiny and future. Our futures were not looking so bright this morning. But now there is a shimmer of hope and glimmer of light for us.

"What about Jaxs? Do you think he will go along with this Lilyan?"

"Jaxs doesn't have a choice either. Just like us. He will do what he has to do to protect his family and his club. We know what their ending will be to if we don't make this happen. The only problem might be from this morning. I didn't leave with things being on a good note with him."

"Jaxs has called about the meeting we are supposed to be having with Dominic. He's called several times after I told him that you took Nicholas wanting to know if I've seen you."

"Did you tell him?"

"No."

"Stall him Kyle until I have a chance to talk to him. I stalled Dominic for now until we figure this out."

We were down to dealing with the after math. That will be the part that will get us caught or won't "What do you want from this Lilyan? Where are you going to stand when it's over?"

"I love you both and I will always be there for you. I won't leave you alone to face the consequences no matter what happens. I don't want any of the money or the power. But I want out and I never want my son to know this life."

Neither one of them could make that promise to me and I knew already they couldn't. This is what I want and have wanted for so many years. To be released from clutches of blood and it being spilt needlessly. Protecting the most precious thing that I have, my son. I failed Addison but, I won't fail Andrew.

Kyle and I was on our way to start finding out information. Roberto was going to be making phone calls. Kyle went and bought him four different cell phones to use. We learned this from Jackson. When you want to make just one call then destroy it so it can't detect your location and they can't ever call you back.

"What is going on with you and Jaxs?"

"I woke up this morning thinking that I had a grip on my life. After talking to Otto I started questioning everything. Including Jaxs because Otto planted that seed of doubt in my mind. He said Jaxs would turn on me like he did Otto in the end. Otto also said that he would do horrible things to me and my child. I could be overly hormonal, trying to over think it to much or I was pondering the what if. What if Jaxs decides that he wants to end things with me like he did with Tara? What if I had to fight him for Andrew? What if I had to make that judgement call on him because the Family found out the truth about what the MC did?"

"What makes you think that Jaxs would do that to you?"

"I think he hurt Tara because she is fighting for custody of the kids. Maybe he could do the same thing to me if he had to. You know what I would do to Jaxs if it came down to me or him."

"Putting everything that you just said aside Lilyan. Would you have really hurt me today? Would you hurt or fight Jaxs to protect your child? I saw a broken man who loves you when he lost you. I can't guarantee that if push came to shove he wouldn't hurt you. But, then again I couldn't make that same guarantee about you either. Especially if it came down to your child. Because you just summed it up what you would do to Jaxs if it came down to you or him."

You never want to admit that you could have been wrong or didn't see the others point of view. What Kyle said made a lot of sense. There are no guarantees in life and you don't know what you would do until you're put in that position. I should probably be ashamed for even thinking that Jaxs could do such a thing. But I'm not. Because I already know what he would or could do to me if it came down to me or him. I guess I'll just roll with the flow and see what happens next. Being with Jaxs you always know that there will be that next thing to come.

Jaxs bike and few of the others were gone when we went to the clubhouse to pickup the pictures. It was a relief for me. I'm still not sure of how to handle all of this with him. I am caught up in the web just like Juice is. I'll be damned if I do it or damned by Jaxs if I don't. But, the most important thing is to make sure that Andrew is not damned from all of this.

Going into the bar I was wanting to avoid attention being brought to myself. I wanted to get the pictures and get on with the business at hand. I went into Jaxs office and was searching through the drawer where I had seen him put the picture of Otto and Mom at.

It was bundled up with a bunch of papers and other pictures. Taking the rubber bands off so I could get to it and hopefully find the picture that Kyle was talking about. There was a bunch of letters that Jaxs had written to the other club members, something from his father and pictures of different people. I found the one of Otto but not the other one.

Flipping through all this stuff I stopped when I saw a letter to Opie that Jaxs wrote. What caught my attention was my name was in it, a lot. After reading it I felt guilty for the thoughts about Jaxs that I had earlier. He poured his heart out to Opie. All the guilt Jaxs was still carrying with him. The remorse he felt and how he was on the verge of a break down that he couldn't ever come back from. All the evil things that he has done in the past and all the love that he feels for me.

I almost had the feeling that Jaxs emotions in this letter was more of the true man that he really is than he has ever let anyone see. I couldn't help but to smile when he confessed about kissing a little girl on the play ground that Opie must have liked. Just when I think I know everything about the man who Jaxs is, he surprises me.

It was the last paragraph that made my heart smile too; You would laugh if you could see how much of a pussy that I have turned in to. You told me not to fuck it up with Lil and I'm trying not to brother. When a girl wanted to sleep in my bed tonight, I told her no. All I could think about was where Lil was and if she was okay. You always said if I found my Donna I wouldn't ever let her go. I didn't get its meaning until I met Lil. I think I finally found her and I won't let her go without a fight.

Kyle came looking for me. I said it wouldn't take me long to get it and I would be right out "Are you okay Lilyan?"

With tears running down my face "Yeah I'm good." I actually meant it this time.

But I wasn't when Phil came into the office too. Here I was rummaging through Jaxs desk "Jaxs is on the phone and wants to talk to you Lily."

I found the other picture finally and shoved everything back into the desk "I'll talk to him later when I get back."

Phil blocked the door with his large body frame "I can't let you leave. Jaxs said I'm not to let you outta my sight." Holding out the cell for me to take.

"Where in the hell have you been Lil? Why would you let Nicholas go?"

"Hey Baby. Oh yeah everything is fine. I'll tell Phil that it is fine for me to leave. I'll see you later."

"That's not what I said. Goddamn it Lil you..." I hung up the phone and turned it off before I handed it back to Phil.

"Jaxs said he would be back later and I'll see him then."

"Did he really say it was okay for you to go?"

"Uh huh."

Phil stepped out of the door to let us through. He is such a gentle giant. You would think by his size he would throw his weight around. But I've never seen him do it. He is so polite too.

Jaxs is so resourceful. I guess I under estimated him a little. Rat Boy came running into the bar "Phil you can't let Lily leave. Jaxs is on the phone for you."

When Phil hung up from talking to Jaxs. At first he didn't say anything. He gave me that look of I'm very disappointed in you. I can handle being yelled at, even shot at but, I can't handle disappointed. He shifted his weight back and forth. I almost felt that I was standing before my father waiting for my punishment to be handed down to me.

"You lied to me Lily. Jaxs never said that you could leave. He said under no circumstances can you leave the clubhouse. Don't even try to use your female powers over me either because it won't work. Jaxs warned me that you would try too."

I really wanted to laugh but, I didn't. What the hell are female powers anyways? Jaxs is so cute when he thinks he is ten steps ahead of me. Which he is not by the way. I winked at Kyle "I guess I will see you later Kyle. Jaxs has out witted me once again. What is a girl to do but surrender to him."

Kyle was trying hard not to laugh too "See ya later."

If I took a step so did Phil. I started walking around casually and sending Kyle a text that I would be out of here within ten minutes. Opening the door to the bathroom Phil was coming in too "I can do this all by myself. I'm a big girl now."

"Jaxs said you're not to leave my sight."

"I don't think he meant it literally." I slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it.

Climbing up on the toilet so I could raise the window to get out. I must have made to much noise because Phil knocked on the door "Lily."

"Yeah. I'll be out in a minute."

Half in the window and half out of the window when Phil and Rat busted through the door "Hey guys."

Phil grabbed a hold of my leg "Lily why are you trying to get me in trouble with Jaxs? What have I ever done to you?"

Now I was just feeling bad. But I had to go so I did the only thing I could. I leaned over inches from Phil's face and raised my shirt. My boobs were right there. He opened his mouth and let his grip on me loosen "Holy mother of tits."

I was already out of the window and on my way to the car when Rat stuck his head out of it "You dumb ass. Now you're gonna have to tell Jaxs that you let her get away by looking at her tits." I bet that will be an interesting conversation for them.

Kyle and I was on the way to talk to someone we hoped could shed a lot of light on what has gone on in the past. Making a call to try to right another wrong that I've done "Yes I would like to order two dozen of the following and have them delivered. Chocolate, glazed and jelly filled."

Those jelly filled are Phil's favorite and I know it won't make up for the ass chewing he is going to get from Jaxs. But it will bring a smile to his face when he gets them. I slapped Kyle on the arm "Let me use your credit card."

"I want the note to say. Phil I am sorry for what I did. But when you are eating these taste treats that you love so much think of me. Love Lily."

"You are an evil woman Lilyan. You know how much trouble you have caused for those two poor guys don't you?" In reality I did know. But I was saving them at the same time. This would be explained later to Jaxs after he has had time to pitch his fit and get over it.

It has been such a long time since I've seen Grandma. The last time I came here was before I disappeared so many years ago. She didn't remember me then either. She remembered Mom. It always breaks my heart to come here and I have stayed away to protect her. She doesn't have enough reality left to her anymore to not repeat everything that you say. So they think that she is always making up things in her head to tell them.

Before we made it into her room the nurse stopped us "I'm sorry but she is not allowed any visitor that are not on the list."

"I am her grand-daughter, Lilyan Mancini."

She went over and pulled out a file "You are on the list of do not allow under any circumstances. The only person allowed here is Anthony Mancini."

Pappy had been here since Kyle had visited her. He was making sure that we couldn't get to her which means he is hiding something from us. Roberto and I have always been allowed for visitations. Even after running off with Gabe, I was still allowed here.

We knew better than to stand and argue or to cause a scene. Because the nurse would call Pappy and tell him "Can you give her these flowers for me?"

"Sure I will see that she gets them." The nurse wrote down her room number and name on a piece of paper. Then handed them to a young girl that I would guess to be a volunteer.

"Thank you."

Waiting for the elevator to come up so we could leave. When the doors closed behind us from the wing they are locked and they don't open unless someone buzzes you in or out from the inside "What do you think Pappy is trying to hide or cover up?"

"I don't know Kyle. But I'm not leaving until I see her."

Leaving through the lobby there was no way to get to her from the inside so we had to find another way. Pappy has hit an all time new low with me. He is the one that helped drive her insane. All the cruel things that he has done to her over the years and cutting her off from society by declaring that she is mentally incompetent. Now he has cut off the only few people who have ever came to see her too.

Waiting in the parking lot trying to come up with something that would get us on the inside. Hell we had nothing. Nothing until we saw that young girl walk through the doors and lite up a smoke as she was going to her car "Are you thinking what I am Lilyan?"

We were on the same page about that shit "Excuse us Miss. We were wondering if you would like to make six hundred dollars?"

We had her attention on the offer of the money of course. But she wasn't here on her own free will. She was court ordered to do community hours of service for something that she has done "We need to get into the wing without being seen for about ten minutes."

Kyle held up six one hundred-dollar bills "Half now and the rest when we're done."

The girl was nervous about doing this. I don't know what she's done to get herself here but, I would say she is not a pro at being a criminal. Her badge will get us through the door and she will distract the nurse on duty while we have our talk.

She used the excuse that she lost a book and was returning to find it. The nurse seemed to buy that story and was going with the girl to see if she left it in a room of man that she had read too. We waited until they went into the mans room to sneak past them.

"Myria."

"I'm Lilyan." She still kept calling me by my Mothers name and I didn't try to correct her again. I think losing Mom was the final push for her to not want to live anymore and she gave up. I know all about that from losing Addison.

"Has Pappy been here to see you lately? Can you remember?"

Tears were running down her cheek "Yes. He said if I told anybody that he would kill me. I wish he would have done that years ago instead of making me live through what I have. Myria I told you to leave while you still could. But you wouldn't listen to me. I know it was your Father's fault that you stopped being my daughter too. I never meant to let him hurt you or the baby."

She was reliving hell. I couldn't do this to her and I have no idea what she is talking about even. Kyle took my arm as I went to walk out "Lilyan you have to see this through and we don't have much time left."

Knowing that I had to do it but, I would hate myself for doing this to her "Mom I need to know what happened when Dad meet with these people."

She studied the picture "This man." She pointed to Clay.

"He was coming to the house a lot. Your father met with him until this man showed up." Then she pointed to JT.

"They were arguing about how they conduct their business and getting involved with the Family. A fight broke out in the front yard between them. Anthony broke up the fight and made this one leave." She pointed to JT again.

"Do you remember when the picture was taken? What they were meeting about at the time?"

"It was for them to supply guns and to provided protection. But these two left angry." It was JT and Piney that were pissed off and left their meeting. She kept saying the protection was for the feud between the Rossis and Mancinis but, the feud hadn't started at that time.

"What about Otto? What do you remember about him?"

"Don't you remember him Myria? You two were so much in love. I was jealous of the love shared between you. I was never in love like that with Anthony. I was promised to marry him and I did what my parents told me to do. I've been sorry for that decision since day one. He never loved me either. We were just an arranged marriage of convince until I crossed him. Then I was locked up and forgotten. But I did what I did out of love for you as a mother should."

"I knew that Anthony lied to you about what Otto did to get you to leave him. He made all these promises to Otto if he kept his mouth shut and went along with them. They were just empty promises made by Anthony and that other man to get Otto to do what they wanted him to. I should have said something then. It was fear that kept me quiet. After I saw what losing Otto ended up doing to you, I couldn't keep quiet any more. Can you ever forgive me?"

Taking her hand in mine and giving her a kiss on the cheek "Of course I forgive you. I love you Mom." I gave her that piece of mind that she needed and released her from the clutches of darkness along with the regret that she has lived all these years with. It might have been wrong to go along with acting as my mother but, in my eyes it was the right thing to do.

She poured her heart out about everything. Everything that will end up destroying the Family when the truth is made public. It won't only effect us but, Jaxs and the MC too. I can almost guarantee he knows nothing of the things that were done and done to JT along with Otto.

After the girl got us out of the wing she was paid just like we promised her she would be "Can we get your cell phone number so if we need to pay another visit?" She gave it to us and we gave her ours. We asked that if Pappy came to visit for her to call us to let us know.

With everything we learned today there was still a few more pieces of the puzzle that still needed to be put together "What is the plan now Kyle? Other than Pappy dies. That is just a given."

"Fuck if I know. You need to tell Jaxs everything Lilyan. Let him make his choice of what he wants to do and how he is going to handle it. I will tell Roberto. You know what we have to do." Yeah I did now and I know how it will tear everyone's world apart when we do it too. But it will end up killing us all if we don't do it and Andrew won't have any future to try to survive.

When we pulled into the parking lot I saw Jaxs bike was back. I felt like Nicholas just sitting still in the car and not wanting to get out. Kyle finally reached across me and opened the door "Good bye Lilyan. Call me later and let me know what's going on."

Slowly walking to meet my fate and the ass chewing I just knew I was going to get. It looked like Jaxs just made it back because he was already on Phil.

"I'm getting really fucken tired of nobody listening to me. How did she get past you?" Phil stood there looking down at the floor with jelly and powdered sugar on his lips.

When Jaxs started questioning Rat Boy he caved "Oh hell Jaxs. She flashed her tits and took us off guard and made it out the window."

Juice was setting with Happy watching "They got Lilyized. It happens to all of us at least once."

Happy squinted his eyes when he looked at Juice "It's never happened to me." I will give Hap that one. He is not easily fooled.

Jaxs was looking between Phil and Rat with a tight jaw. I couldn't let this go on anymore "It wasn't their fault Jaxs. It was mine."

They all turned to look at me "Stay outta this Lil. I'll deal with you in a minute."

Yep I was right; Jaxs was pissed off. I went and sat quietly at the table with Juice and Happy. Happy nudged my shoulder with his "So Yoko. Are ya done trying to break up the band yet?"

They were all laughing until Jaxs got up in their faces "Are you two finding this shit funny?"

Phil dropped his eyes back down to the floor "No Sir."

Rat's eyes were huge waiting for the punishment that was coming his way "No Jaxs. It's not funny. I'm sorry and it will never happen again."

"Wipe that shit off your face. I would suggest that the two of you stay the fuck away from me." Phil wiped his face off on his sleeve.

"Yes Sir."

Jaxs was coming my way and now it was my turn to face the music "Come on. There is something I wanna show you."

He handed me a helmet but wouldn't look at me. I already knew I had pissed him off but, I think I hurt him too "Don't you want to say something to me or yell about what I did Jaxs?"

"Nope."

That is the same way the ride went too quiet, very quiet. Until we parked on Tara's street. Her car was parked in the driveway and she was loading it up "Are you satisfied now that I didn't do anything to her?"

"Yeah." We drove off and I wasn't sure where we were going too. It was somewhere new that we hadn't been before.

We got off the bike when Jaxs parked it and he didn't say anything. He went and sat down under a tree and lit up a smoke. I went over and sat down beside him and didn't say anything either. I had a lot to say but, still not sure how to say it.

"I know you're pissed off at me Jaxs and I get it. There are a lot of things that has happened that you don't know about. So let me start with my visit to Otto."

This was as good as any place to start. I told Jax what Otto said about the MC killing my Great Grand Father and what set this day in motion. Jax took it all in but, still didn't say anything.

"How do you know Otto is telling you the truth? He would do anything to hurt the MC and me. Did you stop to think that he is just trying to turn you against me?"

"I confirmed what Otto said with my Grandma. She knew about most of it. She also knew things that happened with JT and Clay."

"What things are you talking about?

"The picture of JT, Clay, Piney and Pappy was taken at the house when they were meeting about selling guns and providing protection runs on the side for Pappy. Keep in mind that I said Pappy and not for the Family. JT didn't want any part of of it but, Clay did. Apparently Clay was making deals on the side for the MC and JT some how found out. Grandma remembered that Clay and JT were fighting in the front yard. A month later Clay took over the club and finalized the deal with Pappy."

"Jesus Christ. So Clay did kill JT cause he was trying to stop the MC from running guns. That's what I always thought too."

"Not exactly. There is more that you need to know."

"How much more fucked up shit can there be?"

"A lot Jaxs. Pappy killed his own father because he refused to let Pappy move the Family in the direction that he wanted to. Clay and Otto were the ones that covered it up with a blood red R. When Pappy had a solid alibi they killed someone and then burned the body so everyone would think that the Rossis did it. I am still unsure which one of the three pulled the trigger. But as far as I am concerned it was Pappy that did it."

"That doesn't make any sense. The MC gained nothing from it and why in the fuck would Otto have gone along with that shit? Did Otto help Clay kill JT too?"

"The MC gained a lot from it. Not only did they supply a lot of guns for the fued. But they were getting regular cash protection payments until Pappy became King and then decided to cut off the payments. There was only five people that knew what really happened Pappy, Clay, JT, Grandma and Otto. JT tried to stop it from happening and it is obvious he wasn't successful. Grandma was locked up shortly after that because she wouldn't go along with the lie. I don't know what role exactly Otto played in all of this."

Opening the note Otto wrote I gave to Jaxs "This is what Otto gave me after he told me about the MC being involved."

"Is this how you feel about me too Lil?"

"No. Yeah. Maybe. I don't know Jaxs I started freaking the fuck out about what you would end up doing to me and Andrew. I was sure that you hurt Tara because she wants custody of the kids. You have already told me that you would never let me take Andrew away from you and what happens when you're done with me?"

"Do you want me to be honest Lil?"

"Yes."

"I really thought about hurting Tara and went there to do it. That part you're right about. I watched her in the kids room sitting in the rocking chair crying and I couldn't go through with it. No matter how much of a cold heartless cruel cheating bastard you think I am, I couldn't go through with it. You don't know me at all if you think I would hurt you Lil."

"Yeah I've been there today too Jaxs. Confused about life and having to decide if I could hurt someone that means a lot to me."

"Are you gonna tell me about what happened with Kyle and why the fuck you took Nicholas?" I gave a brief and straight to the point explanation. With Jax nothing is ever brief.

"Where does this leave us Lil? You can call me a lot of things but, I don't run off from you and not try to work things out. Do you really wanna be with me? I would ask if you trust me but, I can tell that you don't."

"I'm sorry Jaxs. I should have handled things differently and you're right. I should have believed in you enough to come to you and tell you what was going on. Instead of taking it on myself and shutting you out. You never shut me out and I can't say I'm sorry enough for that. It wasn't that I didn't trust you. I wasn't trusting myself when it came to you. It would really hurt me if I lost you. I swore that I would never be close to another man to get hurt again if they left me. Gabe was my whole world and that came to end when he died. Then I met you and you are my world now. I would be completely crushed if you left me too. Andrew was the other big factor and I would do anything to protect him. Even if it was from you Jaxs."

"Yeah I feel the same way about Andrew and what I would do to you Lil." That was a confession and a warning at the same breath from Jackson. No different than I just gave him.

"You still didn't answer my question Lil. Do you wanna be with me? Or have you already made up your mind about us?"

"I love you Jackson and that is the most honest answer that I can give you. But if you ever come at me to hurt me or Andrew; I think you know what I will do."

"Yeah I do. The feeling is mutual babe."

It was already getting late and Jackson laid back on the ground "Come here."

I laid my head on his chest and we were silent for a while. Still having a lot to discuss between us. Jackson had no loss of words when I told him what we were planning on doing.

"There is no way in hell that I am gonna let you go alone Lil. Not this time. I won't survive it again."

"Do you think we could go back to the clubhouse and talk about it tomorrow? I'm tired Jackson. I just want you to hold me and pretend like we are two normal people for once."

"Yeah we can. But one more thing."

"What Jaxs?"

"Did you really have to show them your tits to get away?" At least Jaxs was smiling again.

We went straight to bed and avoided everyone. Even the Queen bitch herself that kept asking where we had been. Jaxs went into Gemma's room and got the boys. Then he put Thomas and Abel in their beds in our room. Gemma didn't like it either but, I don't think Jaxs really cared.

When I woke up Jaxs was staring at me "Good morning babe."

"Good morning Jaxs."

"I'm gonna go feed the boys. I love you Lil." He gave me a kiss and left.

Things weren't completely back to where they were before yesterday with me and Jaxs. But we both have the understanding of what the other would do.

After taking a shower and getting dressed I went out into the bar. I watched Jaxs with Abel and Thomas. I went and got us both a cup of coffee and sat it down on the table so Jaxs could have it when he was ready for it.

Holding Thomas in his arms giving him his bottle. Jaxs looked up at me with love in his eyes "I really do love you Lil."

"I love you too. I'm sorry I doubted you."

"If I was you Lil, I would probably doubt me too." He gave that smile of his that always makes me weak in the knees.

I gave Jaxs a kiss and sat down beside Lyla "Is everything okay between you and Jaxs?"

"Yeah. I haven't talked to you in while. Is everything okay with you?"

"Once this thing is finally over with the club. The kids and I are moving into our new house. I can't wait to start putting this shit behind us and have a normal life. Not feeling like we are in danger all the time."

I didn't want to burst Lyla's bubble. But it will never be over with and as long as she is associated with the club. Her and the kids will always be in some kind of danger. That is the same kind of life that I am use to living with the Family. Someone is always wanting to get revenge on you and take away from you the things that are important, your family.

Taking a look around the bar I was seeing them all in that same danger. If the truth ever gets told that club members are the ones responsible for my Great Grand Father's death. It will end tragically for all of them and their children.

The pit in my stomach was churning. I'm not sure if it was Andrew making me sick. Or the thought of what could happen to all the children in this room.

"Hey. Are you okay?" I felt Jaxs hand on my stomach.

"No." I couldn't hold it in anymore. I was holding onto him tight and I wasn't letting go.

Jaxs already knows the consequences for the game that we are playing. Not just for us either but the rest of the club and their families too.

Jax was setting on the edge of the bed holding on to me so tight "You're starting to get a baby bump."

When he said that to me looking up at me with such a breath-taking smile on his face. I couldn't help but to fall in love with him all over again. That is my down fall with Jackson. He breaks down that barrier that I never let anyone else get through.

Jaxs held on to me and it was peaceful. That is what we lack the most in our lives. These times are precious because they don't come around very often. He was getting up off the bed and it knew it was over already and it was time to go back to the hell we live in our every day life.

"I gotta go meet with Romeo and try to buy us some time. Read this while I'm gone. I think it will start to make sense to you." Jaxs gave me a kiss and they rode away.

Sitting down at one of the picnic tables I noticed Gemma staring at me. When I started reading JT manuscript I understood why. She didn't want me to know. But it was too late, I already figured out that Gemma along with Clay was a major player in all that went down. Of course he needed her to help him out. Clay did the dirty work and Gemma helped sell the story to the others.

She was sitting on the swing holding Thomas while Phil was pushing Abel on the other one. It was time to give Gemma a dose of her own medicine. I'm not like the others that won't push it with her and just let her have her way.

"Phil can you give us a minute?"

"Sure." Phil took Abel with him and was kicking the ball around.

"You knew my mother didn't you Gemma?"

"I never met her and knew nothing of her."

"Huh. According to my Grand Mother you did know her and you knew all about the deal Clay made with Otto. Otto was to keep his mouth shut and then he would be blessed to be with her. Only Otto got crossed by both sides didn't he? He was bound by the club to silence and then Pappy convinced my Mother to leave him. Otto wouldn't fight for her because he believed she didn't love him anymore."

"After they covered up the killing of my Great Grand Father just like agreed upon; JT became a bigger problem than expected. Clay had to get rid of him because not only was JT about to pull the plug on running of guns but, he was going to end the MC too wasn't he? You couldn't allow that to happen so that's why you helped Clay kill him and then covered it up. I would say that is also why you pushed Jaxs to kill Clay and take over the club. You had to protect the secret. Because once everything was exposed, you would be too. With both JT and Clay dead you thought you were home free but, you didn't ever plan on Otto turning on the club."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Okay. If that's how you want to play this. But I also happen to know that you were the one that took the pictures of Otto and that woman here in the clubhouse and sent them to my Mother. To prove to her that Otto was unfaithful and not trust worthy. Did Otto really cheat on her? I have no idea and it doesn't matter now. But I know that is what they used to get her to leave him. Other than the fact that they would have killed him for being with her. It hurt her so bad the thought of Otto betraying her and that is one of the reasons she never told him about me."

"But all of you were playing against each other. No different than you do with Jackson and whoever gets in your way. That's why you pushed Jackson to be with me. It got rid of Tara which was going to take him and the boys away from here. We all know you would never allow that. You also knew the Family would never let me be with Jackson. So in the end you would be the only female left in his life and would get your way."

"I don't know where you are coming up with this shit from Lily. But it sounds like some crazy shit that you're coming up with in your head without any proof. Doesn't being crazy run in your family? You might wanna get that checked out sweetheart. Because bad shit can happen to people that stir up old dead history."

"Lets see how crazy Jackson thinks it is when I run it by him. If you think threatening me Gemma will make me shut up you are so wrong."

"It wasn't a threat. It was a promise Lily."

"If you weren't holding Thomas I would lay your ass out bitch." She won't always be holding Thomas and it will come. I had to walk away from her before I ended up doing something stupid that I probably wouldn't be sorry for later.

When I saw both Tara and Wendy pull up I knew it was going to be bad. Gemma saw them too. She walked over to where Abel was with Phil. Keeping them away from their children is wrong in all ways. I understand the kids need to be protected right now and here is the safest place for them. But for Gemma to stand guard over the kids when their mothers are here is bullshit.

"Jaxs isn't here."

"We didn't come to see him. We came to see you." Well it was going to be worse than I originally thought it was. Them coming to see me only means one thing; they wanted to fight with me.

"I'm not in the mood for a problem with you two. So come back tomorrow and maybe I'll be up to it then."

"We didn't come to cause problems. We need your help." This was a switch for them.

"What do you want?" I decided to cut through the chase and just get down to it.

"You came looking for me at the hospital. It was because you still have some heart left or you wouldn't have. We need your help getting to the boys."

"I think you're talking to the wrong person about that. I'm the whore that you hate. Besides you will never get past the baracootta over there." They knew who I was talking about because they both looked at Gemma.

"Look Lily I don't like you and yeah I think you are a whore. But you're going to be a mother too. If there is any decency left in you; you will help us get our children. Get them out of this life that you know will end up killing them."

"I still think you are talking to the wrong person. Do you know what Jaxs will do to you if you try to run with the boys? Let me tell what; he will track you down and kill you. He won't have any remorse for it either. So I wouldn't recommend it."

"You don't seem afraid of Gemma. Why is that Lily?" Wendy is very observant she may not always say anything but, she is always paying attention.

"Because if Gemma ever tries to hurt me or my child I would kill her without even having to think about it. And she knows that. I'm sorry but, I can't help you." I went over and picked up everything off the table and was going inside.

"If you really want to know the truth I can help with that Lily. Your reading JT's stuff and I know truths that aren't in there and even Jaxs doesn't know. But there is something I want in return for it."

"Thanks for the offer Tara. But I'm not going to make any deals with you. Not that I don't trust you or anything. But, I don't trust you and don't really care you that much either."

"Jaxs will do the same thing to you in the end. What are you going to do when he tries to take away your child from you Lily? Will you just stand by and let that happen?"

"No I won't."

"Then what would you do to get your child out of this life and try to make sure that they live long enough to grow up?"

That was a loaded question that came with a loaded answer. One that I think will only end up getting Wendy and Tara killed if they try to pull it off. But, I gave them the most honest answer that I could "I would kill Gemma first. She is the one that is going to be with them the most. I would be waiting and watching until she was alone with them. I would already have a plan on where I was going to run to with them. It would need to be a place that Jaxs would least expect them to be. You would have to completely go off radar. Because trust me he will track you down. Staying on the move is the key to survival."

"I can't survive without my children Lily. I don't care what Jaxs does to me." I felt the sincerity and the sadness in Tara's voice when she said that.

"I'm sorry. But I still can't help you."

They looked at each other but didn't have anything else to say. I don't think it is the answer they were looking for but, I did tell them what I would do if I had to for my own child.

Gemma was standing in front of the door to the clubhouse. Like that would stop me from going in "What did they want?"

"To see the boys. But once I said Jaxs wasn't here and they would have to deal with you they decided they would wait until he was here." That was some what the truth.

Laying everything that I had of Gabes out on the bed "Talk to me. What have I missed?"

I kept going over everything and I still couldn't figure out how Clay got involved with this. We all assumed that Dominic was the one that got Clay involved in the first place but, I don't think so now. I don't even know what the hell I'm looking for. But I know that there has to be something that links the MC to Gabe. I just haven't found it yet.

Taking the video recording out of Gabe the day before he died. I watched it over and over too. It didn't tell me anything that I already didn't know. It was Marks pushing to launder the money and threatening Gabe. It still gave me no clues. The only thing that I had left was the ground breaking ceremony video. Addison and I was watching Gabe have his big moment. Gabe was so happy and so was I back then. When I watched it I saw someone who I recognized "Oh fuck."

Running down the hall to get Jaxs desk and all those pictures he had. But they were gone. He either moved them or took them with him "Shit."

Then I remembered the night that I sat with Jaxs and looked at pictures of the members in the back room. Rifeling through the boxes until I found his picture "It was him. He was the connection to the MC. I had the answer the whole time."

Sitting down trying to think how to have this conversation with Jaxs. Because he is not going to want to believe this. I don't either but, everything points to him. Maybe if I keep searching I can find more proof before I talk to Jaxs.

Going back through everything again and again. There wasn't anything else but the fact he was at the ceremony. I could be going crazy or reading too much into it. Jaxs will see it that way and I already know that before I talk to him.

Sitting at the bar with Juice "Lily what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"I can tell something is. It's okay if you don't want to tell me."

"I have something to tell Jaxs that he is not going to want to hear." Juice didn't comment on that. We sat together in silences. He drank his beer and I drank my tea. We both had the same look on our face of not wanting to tell Jaxs something. I didn't press Juice and he didn't me either.

When Jaxs and the others came back he sat down beside me "What wrong now Lil?"

"I have something to show you." I figured showing him would be better than trying to explain it.

Hitting the pause button. Because when a man came into the job trailer the video caught a man who interrupted the meeting. It meant nothing to me before. His rings gave him away even though you never saw his face. Marks wanted to go after that and the meeting was over. I think he saved Gabe's life from Marks killing him that day.

Jaxs had that same shocked look on his face when he saw him in the video too "There is no way in hell Op was a part of this shit. So don't even go there Lil."

"I don't know exactly what part Opie played in all of this. But he was also at the ground breaking ceremony. I'm not saying that Opie did anything wrong. I'm just saying that the MC is involved somehow."

Jaxs didn't want to talk anymore about it. He left and I followed behind him. He went into the chapel and closed the door behind him. I decided the best thing to do was to giving him his space.

Taking a drive to get my space too. I ended up in a place that I never thought I would come to. Knocking on the door. She apparently never thought I would come here either "What do you want?"

"I think we need to talk."

"I don't have anything else to say to you." She went to close the door and I grabbed it.

"Don't you want your family back? I think we can help each other Tara to protect our children."

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me! We are coming to the end of our lovers! I will have the other half posted soon. I was sad to hear that Season 7 will be the last season of the Sons.**


	34. Chapter 34

**JACKSONS POV**

_We are burying the lie. Piney Winston killed by the Mexican Cartel._

_It's to protect the club Op. The truth will come out and I'm sorry if you see that as betrayal._

_The only betrayal is that Clay is not the one in that hole._

_It was wrong for me to ask you to set at the table with him. I know you can't. Whatever you decided to do, I will back you on it._

_The only thing I know is the gavel turns shit around._

_I'm not gonna turn into Clay._

_I'm more afraid I'm gonna turn into you Jaxs._

"Did you turn into me Op and I missed it somehow?"

The last thing I wanna believe that Op could ever have done the things that it looks like he could have been involved in. It doesn't make any sense that he would have. The club never voted on it and it was never brought up to me. Op use to tell me everything then, it went to a time that he didn't tell me anything. Cause he didn't trust me anymore and he shut me out.

Op was trying to stay outta club business back then. He was working for the mill when he got outta prison and was trying to live the straight life. In the ceremony video he was making a lumber delivery. If it wasn't for us pulling him back into the club he wouldn't have ever came back. He was living right and doing right by his family.

Donna made him choose between his family and being a member of the club. I know she was just trying to keep him alive and outta prison. She kept telling him that if he got involved with us again that's what would end up happening to him and she called that one right. Op lost his family, then his life. He really stopped living after he lost them any how.

It is the ending that we all face and I already know that's how it will go for me too if I stay in the club. I'm leaning more to leaving the club when this done and over with. If I survive the bullshit that is staring me in the face and if I can finish the deals that I've got going on.

"Jaxs they are here to see the kids."

"Thanks Tig."

When I went outside Wendy and Tara were playing with the boys. I'm unsure about them always being together when they come here. Both of them never come near me anymore and just watch what's going on. They make it random times too and make sure that they never come to visit at the same time of day. They probably think I haven't ever noticed that. I notice everything even if I don't say it.

Sitting down at the tabel watching them playing. I try not to interfere with their time with the kids. I know that they think I'm being mean by not letting the kids leave with them. But they truly don't understand the danger that is all around them. I'm doing it to protect all of them even if they don't see it.

Lil came back finally and I was rough on her too. I know she is trying to find out what happened to Gabe and what all the MC did actually do. But when she put Op into the mix of chaos, I was done listening.

"Hey babe."

"Hi Jaxs." Lil sat down at the tabel with me and we watched the kids play.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I don't know what role Op played in all of this. But, I don't see him ever hurting innocent people on purpose."

"I went and talked to Gabe's old partner, Ron. Opie was providing muscle for the jobs on the side. He said that Gabe hired Opie again on the last project when vandalism started. People were coming on the job tearing it up at night. Sending them the message that if they didn't stop the project that they would stop it for them. Opie wasn't there to hurt Gabe. He was protecting Gabe from Marks. Until Clay found out and payed Gabe and Ron a visit. Ron said after that Opie couldn't work for them anymore. The MC put a stop to that. Clay wanted the project to stop too. My guess would be to protect his secret."

"I didn't know anything about Op working on the side. Clay never mentioned anything about it to me."

"That really doesn't surprise me. They treated you like the Family has treated me. They kept you in the dark and fed you only the shit they wanted you to know about."

"There was a time when Op and I wasn't close. That would have been about the time too. He thought I was pushing Clay out and got real cozy with Clay. I was trying to protect Op from the truth. Then after that he just gave up on life and wanted out. He had every right to."

"What truth?"

Lil already doesn't trust me. She is starting to have doubts about everything. Telling her this will only make things worse I'm sure. But I did it anyways "The club tried to have Op killed cause they thought he rated and killed his wife, Donna by mistake. Clay made the call and by the time I found out, it was too late."

Lil was real quiet after that. She was staring at the boys playing "Do you think they are good mothers?"

"Wendy is better with Abel than I ever thought she would be. Tara is a great with the boys. She has pretty much raised Abel and Thomas on her own. I haven't been exactly the best dad or been around when they needed me. That goes for Tara too. When I did my fifteen months in Stockton she had Abel then. But I'm trying to make shit better now."

"You should probably think about what will happen to the boys if we don't make it through all of this. I personally think you should set up a trust fund for the boys and give some of the money to Tara for their care."

"You don't care about Tara getting all that money if something goes wrong with our plan?"

"I'll be dead Jaxs. So I won't give a shit who gets the money. I just know I don't want it to be Gemma that gets it." Lil went to walk off. I could tell something was wrong. I already knew that she has been going at it with Gemma.

"Hey. What's going on? What did Gemma do or tell you Lil?"

"If your Mother ever comes at me or tries to take my baby away from me; I'll kill that bitch and I won't think twice about it either." Looking into Lil's eyes I knew it wasn't an idle threat. She meant every word that she said. I was trying to find out what the hell was going on when Wendy and Tara walked up with the boys. Lil left and wouldn't talk to me anymore about it.

"If it's okay with you Jaxs. There is a carnival coming to the next town over and we would like to take the boys to it. Wendy and I just want to see them and have fun with them."

"I'm sorry but, no. It would leave them unprotected."

"What if Lily comes with us and maybe one of the prospects? You trust her with the boys and to protect them don't you?" This was surprising coming from Wendy. I didn't want to tell them everything that was going on with me and Lil.

"I don't know. I'll talk to Lil and see if she would be willing to do that."

They kissed the boys goodbye "Thank Jaxs. We just want to spend time with our children." They were making it hard on me to say no. But then again how could I ask Lil to do that. Spend time with the ones that treat her like shit.

I didn't have to ask Lil they went and did it before they left "If it is okay with Jaxs. Then I'll go so you can spend time with the kids." That conversation went all to quick and smooth between the three of them for my liking.

"Fine. As long as you take a couple of the guys with you." That seemed to make all three of them happy.

"Jackson I don't think it is safe for the boys to leave. Why are you letting them do this?"

"It's none of your business Gemma. They are not your children and Jaxs said they could go. So but the fuck out." Lil was in Gemma's face before I could say anything.

"What the fuck is going on between you two?"

"Nothing. I am just concerned for the kids safety that's all." That is always Gemma's response when she doesn't want me to know something. She plays it off as nothing or that she is trying to take care of someone.

"Gemma has a loud mouth and is always expressing her opinion when no one wants it." At least Lil gave a very honest answer to my question. Lil walked off and it wasn't over with me and Gemma yet.

"I still don't like the idea of them taking the boys away from here. You know it is not safe right now Jackson."

"It's my call. Not yours and they are not going alone. Why don't you tell me what is really going on between you and Lil?"

"Nothing is going on." Was the response that I was given again and Gemma left this time too.

Since I couldn't get it outta her I went to Lil. She was sitting on the bed and staring at the wall. Sitting down beside her and taking her hand in mine "You know you can tell me right. Whatever it is with Gemma, I'll handle it."

"I don't need you to handle anything with Gemma and me. I can take care of it."

Getting Lil to finally open up to me. She really believes that Gemma had something to do with all the shit that went down with the Family and Clay. I believe that too but, I can't prove it. Just like I can't prove that she had a role in JT's death. But in my heart I know Gemma helped out Clay somehow. At the very least she knew what Clay was gonna do and helped him cover it up.

"Gemma will do anything and I do mean anything to stop anyone from getting close to you. Or does a worse thing by getting you to even think about leaving here and the club." I knew there was some truth to that. But I didn't know what to say to it.

"If you don't think I'm right Jaxs. Put it to the test. Tell her that you have decided that you're leaving Charming with the boys after all of this is over. Watch what an evil bitch she turns into after that. The only reason she pushed you and I together was to get rid of Tara. Because Gemma knew we couldn't ever be together."

"What do you mean get rid of Tara?"

"Are you really that blind to your Mother's ways Jaxs? Tara was a huge threat to Gemma. Tara wanted you and the boys out of this life and away from her. I wouldn't be surprised if Gemma didn't have something to do with Tara going to jail too."

I'm not blind to how Gemma really is but, I try to ignore it as much as I can. It is a fight all the time with her and I went as far as I could to put as much distance between us as possible. Maybe I didn't handle that shit right either. The only way to be completely rid of her is to cut her totally outta my life along with the boys life and never speak to her again.

"I'm going to take a shower Jaxs. Then I'm going to bed. I'm really tired."

"Okay babe. I'm gonna go talk to Chibs and I'll be back in a few minutes." Lil went into the bathroom without even a kiss for me or looking back.

Finding Chib setting with Tig and his dog in the bar "I need a favor."

"Sure Jackie. What's going on?"

"No matter what comes outta my mouth, I need you to go along with it in front of Gemma."

"Mom can you talk to us for a minute?"

We went into the chapel and shut the door "I am stepping down after we get everything taken care of with the Cartel. Chibs will be taking over and I need to know that you will be around to help him out."

"You can't do that Jackson. You and the boys will be left unprotected. It will make you miserable living here and not being a part of the club. It is who you are and that won't change by stepping down."

"Oh, I won't be miserable or be around here for that matter."

"Are you leaving Charming? You can't take my grandchildren away from me."

"Yeah I can. I'm taking my children along with Lil and we're getting out. It's time for it to happen if I want my family to survive." After a long argument with Gemma and Chibs trying to get over the shock of what I said, Gemma left.

"Jackie what the hell are you doing?"

"Putting it to the test." If Lil was right the beast in Gemma will raise its ugly head and we will end up getting some of the truth outta her.

Lil was already in bed when I went back to our room. I stripped down and crawled in behind her "We're gonna find out about Gemma. I would be expecting a fight coming your way. I told her I am taking the kids and leaving Charming. But if you feel like it's getting outta control with her, let me know."

"I will and can handle it Jackson." That made me smile cause I know Lil will and she won't back down from Gemma. That's not something that Gemma is use to happening with her. Everyone has caved and she has gotten her way too much.

"Will you promise me something Jaxs?"

"What?"

"Before we turn ourselves over to Pappy that you will go with me to the attorney's office and set up a trust fund for the boys. I want to know that they will be taken care of and that Tara gets the money if we both die."

"Yeah I will. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being so wonderful and thinking of the kids first when it comes to Tara."

"You know Jaxs you and I have lived our lives in ways that most people won't ever understand. But in the end isn't the kids that are the most important?"

"Yeah it is." That sent me off thinking about Abel, Thomas and Andrew. At least I know I did the right thing by them. Andrew would never have to suffer my life like Abel and Thomas already have.

Lil rolled over and just stared at me "What?"

"You and I are a tragic love story just like Romeo and Juliet."

"I've been called a lot of things over the years Lil. But you're the first to ever call me Romeo. Although I think I fit the handsome part pretty well." I've never been a Shakespeare kinda guy. So I'd never really heard the real story before. Other than it ends in death and tragedy. That is something that I'm used to dealing with that kinda shit everyday.

"Romeo and Juliet instantly fell in love. But because of who they were they couldn't ever be together. They married in the secret. It started a huge problem and others lost their lives because of them. Juliet's family had insisted that she marry another man of their choosing. But Juliet would have rather died than be with that man she didn't love."

"Friar Lawrence helped her. He gave her a potion that made it seem that she was dead and she drank it the day before she was to be wed to the other man. The Friar promised that he would get word to Romeo to let him know of their plan. So he would know Juliet would be waiting to meet up with him afterwards so they could run away. Begin their lives together."

"But that's not how it turned out to be. When Romeo heard the news of Juliet dyeing, he went to be by her side. Grief stricken he drank a vial of poison to die to be with her. Juliet woke up and found Romeo dead. She killed herself to be with him. It stopped the problems between their families. It took them both dyeing to do that."

"They were doing colloratale damage. I've done that for so long with the club. Maybe if we live through it, I should take the boys and get as far away from here as I can."

"We are all colloratale damage in the end Jaxs. You can't have it all and you know that. Because it doesn't matter if you are sitting at the head of the table or are a thousand miles away from here. You will always be Jackson Teller, SAMCRO." Knowing that was somewhat always was gonna be true about me. But I didn't wanna hear it or talk about it right now. So I changed the subject.

"What about Andrew? We are sacrificing him in all of this if it doesn't work."

"We are a package deal. Where I go, he goes with me. If the plan goes bad I know that Andrew will never have to live the kind of life we have Jaxs. He will never know the hell we have created on earth."

"The irony in this shit is; brains before bullets. That was JT's famous saying. It ended up not being that way for us. We have lost so many members and family cause of it. I've tried to change it but, nothing has really changed. Now I'm in the position of using my brain and letting the bullets fly where they may to save the club and my family."

"If it doesn't change soon there won't be any Sons left. They will have died out."

"The Sons don't die. We just go to hell and regroup. But there is so many things that I still wanted to do before I die. You always think that there will be time. Maybe my time has run out here."

She was up and out of the bed. Grabbing some paper and a pen "Lil what the fuck are you doing?"

"For the next three days we are not the outlaw and the gangster anymore than we absolutely have to be. We are just two normal people in love. So I am making my Bucket List."

"Everything on here is a sexual fantasies Lil."

"I know. So you better be bringing your A game boy."

"I love you Lil."

"I love you too Jaxs." We went to sleep with her head on my chest just like we always do. It has been trying times for us. It is always trying times in the club and I don't think that will ever change no matter what I do anyways.

After Lil was asleep I got dressed and went out into the bar "Chibs we need to talk."

Telling him everything that went on today that I knew. It was only gonna make things worse for the club. The only part I held back was what Lil and I was gonna do to put an end to this shit. It was something that Chibs or none of them would willingly go along with and I already knew that. He will be pissed off when he finds out. But, I feel he's ready to lead and take my place if he has to. Chibs will lead the Sons and take care of the club as much as he can. Tara will continue taking care of my sons and she never really needed me anyways to do that.

"So now what Jackie?"

"We've got two choices. We tell the club and bury the secret with us. Or we don't tell them and bury the secret with just you and me. Clay is gone and so is JT. We can't make Clay pay for what he has done and we're gonna pay the price in the end no matter what. It sure as hell won't bring JT back either."

"I'll do whatever you wanna do kid. The club already knows that the Family is a major threat to us and we're finally starting to band together. For the first time in a long time we're doing it as a club again and trying to do right. If this ever gets out it will bring down more hell on the Sons."

We decided to tell them the truth. If we sink or swim were gonna do it together. As a club and brotherhood should do "We'll tell them at church tomorrow and deal with the aftermath. We need to figure out how to clean it up and make sure it never goes public."

"I'm going to bed kid."

It was peaceful setting in the dark alone. Trying to make sure that I've got all my bases covered before the next three days are over. Figuring out a subtle way to say goodbye to each one of them without saying it so they won't know the truth.

"Jaxs why are you setting in the dark?"

"I'm doing twenty to life without parole." You know that you're ready for a change to come when your life is more like a prison sentence then living it.

Lil came in and set down beside me at the table "I've felt that way to baby. There have been times that I would have given anything to live a boring life somewhere and never be around anyone that I know ever again."

We went back to bed but, never really fell totally asleep. It was another day to spend covering up truths, trying to stay one step ahead of the people wanting to kill us and somewhere in the middle pretend that we are living a normal life the way we want to.

Since we never went back to sleep we were up early and before the others. We had our coffee together in peace and that is something that I enjoy doing with Lil every day. We took off before any of them wanted something or wanted to know where we were going. Lyla was keeping an eye on the kids for me.

It only took about an hour for the attorney to have all the papers drawn up and ready for our signatures. After she looked over them she handed them to me "Are you sure about this Lil?"

"Sign the papers Jackson." In the event of our death my children will be very wealthy. A fund will be set aside for when they have turned twenty-one. Then they will get the money. The remaining money will go to Tara for their care. I don't worry that she would do anything else with it but, better my boys life.

While we were out Lil wanted to go see Otto one more time. She stopped and bought him all kinds of shit to take to him. I waited outside for her. One to give her privacy and the other reason was I knew Otto would shut down if he saw me. He is her dad and this was her way of saying goodbye to him, just in case.

We still had more stops to make. I had a couple of people that I had to clear the air with myself. I parked the bike and Lil just sat there "Aren't you coming?"

"No. This is your time with them."

Sitting down on the ground in front of his tombstone, where I sat for hours at a time before "I don't even know where to begin. I've tried to make shit right with my family and the club without having to spill more blood like you wanted. But I have run outta options. If shit goes wrong in a couple of days, I hope I get to see you and set down with you. I have so many unanswered question that only you can answer. I love you Dad and I'll see you on the other side."

"Op if you're hearing me brother. I will taking that most important ride in a couple of days. It's time for it just like you said it was. If I gotta die to let our children live on, then so be it. But, don't you forget that promise you made me. You be there with my Harley, waiting on me. I love you brother and I'll see you on the other side."

Lil did the same with Gabe and Addison. She stopped and bought a little car just for him like she always does. She made sure in her will that they continue to get flowers and a car from her even if she is gone. It's one of things that made me fall in love with her; she is unselfish and thinks of everyone else first.

We got as much done as we could. It was time for me and Chibs to let the rest of them in on what has happened. Sitting in at the table waiting for the rest of them to come in so we could hold church.

We gotta figure out what to do about the Cartel deal. If we don't do something soon, it's back to Stockton for all of us. We'll be doing twenty to life and seeing the light of day isn't likely. I was lost in trying to come up with a plan or our next move. I didn't even notice Lil leaning up against the doorway watching me with a big smile on her face.

She disappeared when Chibs came in to sit down at the table. Placing a cup of coffee in front of me and a folded up piece of paper. She was rubbing my shoulders and it felt so damn good but, her timing was shitty because they all started coming in.

After giving me a kiss she whispered in my ear "I'll see you in a little while when you're done here. I love you Jaxs."

Tig was waiting for Lil to move out of his way so he could take his place at my right "Hey Tiggy. Have a good meeting." Then she smacked him on the ass.

"What the hell has got into Lily?"

* * *

_**Jackson,** _

_**I have always wanted to meet with a hot and handsome man in a motel room for a sexual interlude. There are none as hot as you are baby.** _

_**I will meet you in room number 69 to cross off one of my sexual bucket list items.** _

_**Love you always,** _

_**Lily** _

* * *

After reading the note she left me "It's whats about to get into her I would say." Tig just gave me a strange look and didn't say anything else.

I could see Gemma and Lil doing a stare down out in the bar through the door. They have been going at it lately. I've tried to stay out of it as much as I can. It won't settle anything between them if I'm involved in it. Lil doesn't need me to handle Gemma. Watching Lil not back down from my mother and stand her ground just proves what I've thought all along. Lil is my Queen and belongs by my side forever.

"He's mine Gemma. It's just killing you isn't it? You don't have any say in what Jaxs is doing. He doesn't care what you think and you can't stop it from happening either. You should want a better life than you've had for him and your grand children. But you don't. For the first time the great Gemma has no plan to keep your son in this life of chaos that is slowly killing him."

"We will see about that sweetheart." The smirk she had on her face when she was telling Lil that makes me think I didn't handle everything that happened the right way. I cut Gemma some slack and showed mercy on her. It's gonna come back and bite me in the ass, I can already feel it.

Gemma should know better than to think I'm just gonna listen just cause she said so. Tara couldn't make me leave the club and Gemma sure doesn't have the power to make me stay in it either.

Coming to a close of the meeting. It ended just like it started. No conclusions of what in the hell we were gonna do about the Cartel. The only real decision made was how to clean the mess of bodies in the well. But at least I had something to look forwards to after this. Meeting my angel away from here.

Knocking on room #69 just like it said to on the note Lil gave me. When she answered the door all she was wearing were straps of black leather pieces that barely covered anything. Of course she had on those goddamn black boots of hers too "Hey handsome."

She turned around and the strap going up between her ass cheeks was tiny too. I was getting a nice shot of her fine little ass as she walked away from me.

"Did you even look before you opened the door Lil? You gotta be careful." I didn't wanna ruin the mood. But sometimes she acts like there isn't any danger that's all around her and it's all we always have going on.

"Relax nobody knows that we're here Jaxs." She was lighting the twenty or so candles that were scattered around the room. There were so many scents mixing together when they started burning.

"Lil we got a list a mile long of people that wanna kills us. The Cartel and CIA wants to put me back in prison. The fucken mob is gonna try to take us both out by the end of the week. I can't relax babe."

"That's what tonight is for Jaxs. It is just for us to be us remember. We are not the biker boy or mob girl for the rest of the week. We are just Jackson and Lilyan. Two normal people in love with each other. Perhaps I can help you to relax."

Lil pushed my cut off me and tossed it on the bed. Then she sat down on the bed "Take your clothes off and lay face down on the floor Jaxs."

"Um.. why?"

She picked up a riding crop off the bed and brought it hard against my dick "Because I said to. Now do it."

That was painful and stimulating at the same time. Lil was walking around me tapping the riding crop against her leg as she watched me get undressed. This was a sexual side of her that I hadn't seen yet. I've seen her be strong, unafraid of anything and be a killer. But hell I couldn't wait to see what she was gonna do next.

Laying face down on the floor just like my Madame Lil told me to do. When she played this role for me so I could get to Dorun's crew I had no idea she had this in her. I've always loved the sex with her but, this was more than just being sexual. She was wanting to take control over me. She'll be the first one I've ever let do that with me. She is the first for a lot of things for me.

Feeling those spike heels of her boots on my back when she stepped up on to me. She stood still at first. Her heels were sinking into my skin like tiny nails would. Taking a small step then another. It didn't feel the same. It was more of a stinging pain in the spots where her heels stopped to take another step.

Stepping up on my ass Lil was almost grinding her heels into my flesh "Fuck that hurts and feels good at the same time." My dick was making its own mind up about what was going on. It was hardening against the floor with each step she took.

Putting both of her knees down in the middle of my back. At least she was giving my back and ass a break from her heels. She grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked my head up from the floor "You're my rough and tough boy. I know you can take it."

Smacking my ass harder with her crop than she did on my cock "Rough, tough and oh so filled with the good stuff baby."

Smelling the scent of coconut when she drizzled oil all over my back side. Sliding her hands up and down me. My muscles were starting to relax and enjoy the sensual masage that she was giving me with her fingertips. But I relaxed to soon. What started out being love taps on me from her crop turned into hard beats of wet leather. The oil only intensified that strap being laid against my skin.

Kneeling behind me on the floor Lil was oiling up my front side too. So slowly rubbing the oil on my skin and rubbing her front side against my back. Her nipples were hard and sliding around against me as she moved to rub other parts of my body "Sit on the bed Jackson." I did as I was told to do.

Watching Lil massage the oil on to her large breast while she kneeled in front of me on the floor. I wanted my hands to be hers so I could touch her. When she lowered her head and flicked her tongue over her own nipple, I wanted to be her mouth too.

She was rubbing my thighs as she got in between them. Roaming her hands up farther each time but never touching my cock. It wasn't her hands she wanted wrapped around my cock, it was her breast. She squeezed my dick in between them. I started raising my hips off the bed making small movements with her licking the head each time it poked out of the top of them. I was starting to ooze cum and it was mixing with the oil leaving a shimmering pool on her breast. I put my hands over hers to squeeze them tighter when I started moving faster. She pushed them off of hers "I don't recall your asking me if you could. Or more importantly my telling you to do it Jackson."

Lil was done with letting me enjoy the titty fucking I was doing but, she was still making my dick throb. I watched her lick my cum off of herself. As much as she could reach anyways. Then she shoved them in my face. I was tasting myself and coconut from her.

Wrapping my arms around her and put my hands on her hips. She shoved me away again "I didn't say you could touch me. Now did I? I let the first time slide but, now. I must make you remember so it won't happen again. Stand up."

I was really expecting to get a couple of good smacks from her across the ass. That wasn't what she had in mind at all. From behind me she reached around and started stroking my cock in her oily hand. If this is her idea of punishment, I like it. Or should say liked it until I felt the other end of the crop. When she shoved the handle in my ass, she stroked me faster. I fell forward on to the bed and clinch my cheeks from the pain. Moaning because I was close to cumming. Her hand moved around to cheeks when she took the handle out of me. That was the strangest feeling that I can't say that I want to ever feel again. But it was a painful pleasure that was about to make me cum too.

Her hands spread my cheeks apart and her tongue was going up and down the crack of my ass. After giving me some long loving licks "Are we ready to ask instead of just taking what you want now Jackson?"

"I want you to take me the way I enjoy and love taking your body over. I was yours Lil from that first kiss we had up on the roof top. I know you still have doubts about us but, I'm gonna earn every part of your love. I'll love away any doubts that you still have."

Lil changed after that. Not only her demeanor with me but the way she looked at me too. Laying me down on the bed she was softer with me. I loved the sexy girl she was being earlier. All dominating and being rough. But I'm in love with the girl she is being now. It's the way she really is.

Straddling me Lil picked up the candle off of the night stand. Tipping it over until the wax started dripping out of it on to my chest. The hot wax hitting my skin almost dried instantly when it made contact. Until the candle got closer and closer to me as she would lower it a little more with each drop. The last one sizzled on my skin when it made contact and she kept drizzling it. Taking her fingers she was smearing the wax around on me. She never took her eyes off of mine as she did it. It's always her eyes that tell me everything I need to know from her.

She put my hands on what few little straps of material that was still covering her body and wanted me to take it off. I pushed it down on her hips as far as I could. She stood up on the bed waiting for me to take the rest of it off of her. My face was right there at her mound when I helped her step out of it "Can I?"

Smiling down at me "Yes you may Jackson."

The harder she pushed my face in her bare pussy the more and faster I licked her. Sucking and nipping at her clit until I felt her body starting to shake literally down to her boots. When I went to unzip her boot she stopped me "No. Those are staying on until were done." I didn't know why she would want to keep them on but, I will go along with whatever she wants to do.

Sitting down just enough on my cock that only the head was going in and out of her. When I tried to put more in or pull her down on me, she would move. I finally grabbed her and rolled her on to her back cause I couldn't wait anymore.

Feeling those heels of hers scraping on my ass cheeks and all the way down the side of my thighs. I was happy now that she never took them off. It was her spurs leaving marks on my body; it was spurring me on of pounding my cock into her wet pussy.

Lifting her legs higher on my back. She reached her hand down and squeezed my balls. With all the teasing she has already done and that, I was gonna cum.

After we came together she laid in my arms. I always love the end of the day when it's just me and her. Even without the sex part, holding her makes everything we go through to be together worth it.

I unzipped her boots and took them off of her one by one. Grabbing her oil out of her bag. Lil really loved me rubbing her calves and feet. I think she moaned just as much from me doing this as she did when I was inside of her.

"How did it go? Did you guys figure out anything to do about the Cartel?"

"No. But there is something that I want to talk to you about Lil. If I end up doing time. There is a prison clause for the old ladies."

"What is a prison clause?"

"While I'm on the inside you can do what you want and who you want to until I come out. I don't wanna know about it and I won't say shit about it as long as I know there is a chance that you'll be waiting for me. A visit once in while from you too, if you still wanna be with me would be great."

"We don't need to talk about this anymore Jaxs. We will find a way to make sure that it doesn't happen. Do you want to know what is on our sexual bucket list for tomorrow?"

"Sure."

"We are going to the movies."

"How is the movies a sexual experiences?"

"Wait until you see what I can do with a Cherry Icee in the dark baby."

Going to sleep with Lil tonight was better than it has been in a long time. We were both relaxed and talked about all the things we regretted than had and hadn't done yet. I guess we were confessing our sins and hoping somewhere along the way we would be forgiven for them. It wasn't long until I was out.

Tara and Wendy were already at the clubhouse when we got back "Morning. Tara can I talk to you for a minute?"

She was reluctant to go into my office alone with me but, she finally did. Tossing the papers in front of her "You need to keep those somewhere safe."

"Where...how did you get all this money?"

Tara and I came to an understanding of our boys and life. I couldn't answer all of her questions, it was better for her that way "I don't understand. What's going on Jax? Is there something you need to tell me?"

"Nah. I'm just taking precautions. There is one thing I need from you?"

"What?"

"Which one of them do you trust the most to protect you and the boys?" We had been walking and talking. Tara looked around the bar. Since they are all tied to me, I'm not sure that she really trust any of them.

"Happy I guess."

"Hap would have been my first choice too." The question she answered was more complicated than she'll ever know. Hap was like a little kid taking the boys and the girls to the carnival. I trust him with my life and theirs. His loality and the willingness to lay his life down for someone else has never been in question.

"You're a good man Jackson."

"You helped me get there babe."

We kissed goodbye "If anything happens you call me. Don't take any chances."

"Of course I will."

"I mean it Lil." She gave that same sweet smile she always does. Knowing that she will do whatever in the hell she wants to anyways.

"Jackie we gotta meet Alverz."

It was going better than I expected. All we did was buy some more time from starting a bloody war with them. Alverz is a smart mother fucker and he keeps his President patch cause they fear him. I don't think we are a lot a like but, we both have respect for the other.

"I checked out the pipe line you told me about. It's real. Roberto set it up and we're pushing thrity kilos through to the coast this weekend. That doesn't settle the score of my dead though. If I find out you're lying to me about that, there will be a dead Son delivered to your doorstep. Do we have an understanding?" He held out his hand and this would seal our deal.

"I wouldn't expect it to be any other way."

"You did good Jaxs with this one."

"Thanks Bobby. Now if it could be this easy with Lin."

"Good luck on that brother." Lin won't even talk it out with me. The word on the street is that he is gunning for me. But hell, he will have to stand in a long line for that.

"Jackie we got the shit to dispose of our problem."

"Did Kyle come through?"

"Yeah he's gonna meet us there."

Taking the lead of them on my bike. I don't know how many more rides I'll get to take. The road has always been my home, my friend when I had no one else there to turn to. Today it was all about enjoying it and just taking in what was around me.

While the pavement zoomed past me, so did my life before my eyes. No one ever wants to admit when they have failed but, I am afraid that I have failed them all to a certain point. I leaned back and relaxed letting the road lead my way like it has done so many times before.

Kyle was there with so many chemicals and suits for us to wear. When we are done whoever it was that ended up in the well, it stops here. The secret will stop existing anymore "Jaxs we can do this. Why don't you go spend time with your boys?"

He knew the plan for me and Lil even though the rest doesn't yet "Thanks man. For everything that you have done for me."

It wasn't dark yet when I got to the carnival. They had already flipped the lights on though. Finding them wasn't hard. I saw a tall bald guy and followed behind. Abel came running when he saw me "Daddy."

"Hey buddy. Did you have fun today?" Of course he did. He was on a sugar rush. There was all kinds of stuffed animals and toys they bought him. Wendy was carrying a big shark that Hap won for him.

They wanted to argue when I said it was time to go. It's harder to see someone coming at you in the dark. Trust me I know, I have done a lot of attacking at night time.

"You and Wendy need to be packed to leave by tomorrow afternoon."

"I'm not leaving without my children."

"They are going with you. I'm gonna spend the morning with them and then I want all of you gone. Hap will go too." I didn't get any argument about that. But I wouldn't tell them anything more than that either. It was what was best for my boys and it was killing me on the inside at the same time to let them go.

"You can stay behind with me. Lyla will watch the kids. We only have one day left. I will spend time with them tomorrow and we will have our time tonight."

We walked around acting like we didn't have a care in the world. With the world coming down upon us. Looking around from the ferris wheel as we rode it twice. I held on to Lil and Andrew having my time with them. We didn't say a word to one another cause with Lil, I never have to.

"What you want to do Jaxs?"

"Lets go into the tunnel of love. I think that would be a good place to cross off my bucket list having sex out in public." We were kissing and laughing standing in line. If someone walked up behinds us, we moved outta their way. This was one we were gonna do alone.

The float started at a heart shaped opening. It moved really slow on top of the flow of water. They had black curtains up with a light show going on "I'm ready to go through the tunnel of lust with my girl."

My arm was already around Lil's shoulder. Lowering my hand down to her breast and I was running my fingers over it. I felt a little shiver coming from her when I did it. Gripping it a little harder in my hand but, not squeezing it to hard. She let a little whimper come from her lips as her arched against the back of the seat.

Feeling the palm of her hand rubbing against my cock through my jeans. It was slightly dark inside and I could see the light reflecting through the end that was coming up. It was gonna take a lot longer than that to get me where I wanted to be. Grabbing a handful of curtain to see what was behind it "Come on babe. This is where we get off."

Helping Lil outta the float. They all kind of shit stored behind it. I was trying to guide Lil to the back with my hands on her waist. There were fifteen mirrors hanging on the wall. They each gave you a different reflection. We were bouncing a little from walking on an air filled platform. Almost like a huge pillow. Before Lil had a chance to do anything , I had her on her back and was on top of her.

Pressing my cock against her leg and as we were rubbing off on each other. She kissed me so long and hard, she was stealing my heart away. I sucked on her tongue and it tasted like the cotton candy we had earlier.

Kissing her breast over her tank top. Her eyes were staring into mine "I really do love you Lil."

Using my teeth to unbutton her shorts and to pull down her zipper. Then I took them off with my mouth. My feelings have intensified for Lil with everything that we do and all the shit we have already been through. I was tingling from head to toe feeling the wet heat on my tongue from her pussy. Putting soft kisses on her bare mound and then give it long loving licks. Flicking my tongue on her clit, she was trying not to scream.

Standing up to get my pants off, I went to unbutton them. She pushed my hands away and wanted to do it herself. Lifting her legs up so her ankles could rest on my shoulders. When I penetrated her she gasping for air. Pounding into her hard cause this time was raw and full of need for the both of us.

"Harder Jaxs."

Lil was covering her mouth with both hands "Scream Lil, tell them you're mine. I don't give a fuck who knows or hears."

When I rolled on my back, I brought Lil with me. While she bouncing hard down on me, I was feeling it through my entire body "Cum with me."

We didn't get dressed right away. I didn't want our night to end but, it had to "We should get back."

"Do we have to?"

"Yeah babe. We gotta."

Lyla has always been good with the boys and her kids too. She had them fed, bathed and in bed by time we got back. Lil went to take a shower and I was getting out all the things that I wanted everyone to know when I'm gone.

Lil kept popping in my head and I had to get what I was thinking down on paper.

* * *

_**OUTLAW WOMEN** _

_**Outlaw women don't need any guns. Cause they ride beside their outlaw man. In so many ways she's a lot like me. She don't give a damn about society. She lives outside the law and uses our own morals to guide her. She's my little rich girl that doesn't care about money. Love is all she really wants.** _

_**It's all about love and fun with her man. She's in love with a married man. But he's the one that needed more, her. An outlaw woman that could do it as an equal with him. Some call her a lady. Some call her other names. But you won't ever call her anything bad around her outlaw man.** _

_**She likes to make love to her kind of man. She makes him feel like he's all man when he's with her. Outlaw women, first of their kind. My outlaw woman got here to me right on time.** _

* * *

Lil came out of the bathroom after she got ready for bed "Are you ever going to tell me what you're write about in those notebooks of yours?"

"I was writing about someone who means a lot to me." That was enough of an answer for her to not ask me anymore. She gave me a kiss and went to find us something to eat.

Hap was out in the bar when I sat down waiting on my food. He was telling Chibs that he was leaving with Tara, Wendy and the boys tomorrow. I hadn't told any of them yet.

"What the hell are you doing Jackie? Something is going on and you're not telling me."

"Nothing is going on. Just taking care of my family, that's all." Chibs has always been smart. He reads between the lines better than any of them. I didn't want to lie to him but, I had to. In the end I am protecting all of them from the evil. Lil and I decided, it stops with us.

Trying to be with my children and make it a happy time for them. Abel was setting on my lap playing with my ring while Thomas was asleep beside us on the couch.

The knock came on the door. I knew I had to let go. Hugging and kissing them both one last time before their mother took them away.

Tara hugged me too "Thank you. I'll always love you Jaxs." I really believe that. In some ways, she'll always be a part of me.

"Don't ever let them forget me."

"I won't. I promise."

Trying to be the strong man everyone expects from me. It wasn't working though. Lil closed the door and hugged me close to her. "I've got you baby. You let it out here with me. Then you be Jackson Teller the strong outlaw when you walk out that door." I broke down and cried like a child. With no options left, I let them go to be free. Free of the monster father they have, free of the life of chaos I've led and most of all free like a child should be to grow up.

"It's time Jaxs."

"Yeah I know."

He was out in the garage tinkering around with his bike "Tig."

"Yeah boss."

"I need you to do something for me."

"Sure. What?"

Taking my rings off and taking my bike keys outta my pocket "If anything happens to me, Abel gets my rings. I want my bike parked by my dad's. I don't give a shit if it's put into storage. I want it there by his."

"What the hell is going on? You have been distant from all of us. You're back to not telling us shit again."

"I need you to promise me. I gotta go and I don't have time for an argument."

"No. I'm not letting you go anywhere until you tell me. It's my job to protect you."

"Now it's your job to protect my boys. The way you do that it is to do what I asked and keep your mouth shut about it. I need your word on it."

"Yeah man, okay. But I still don't like it."

"I love you brother." We hugged goodbye. I've always called Tig a brother but, never felt that way about him. But I do now. Since loosing his daughter he watches over my boys and other members kids. I know he will be there for my boys.

"Jackie where in the hell are you going? You know it's not safe for you to leave without protection."

"We're gonna go for a ride and we'll be fine. I need you here Chibs. Get everyone together at 7:00 for church. No exceptions, even the prospects will be included in this one."

"Bullshit. Something doesn't feel right to me. You haven't been right the last couple of days. Is that what you're really doing Lily?"

"Of course." She smiled so sweetly at Chibs and kissed him on the cheek.

"I don't like it. Call me if you need me."

"I love you brother." Giving Chibs a hug and meaning those words more than I have since Op died.

The music was loud and the bass was thumping in the SUV "What kinda shit is this Lil?"

"This is gangster Jaxs." I went back to token. Lil seemed to be enjoying it even though I wasn't.

When the song was over she put in AC/DC, Highway to Hell "See I didn't forget about you Jaxs. It's kind of your song."

"That's no shit."

Lil pulled up to the gate and pushed the intercom button "It's Lilyan and Jackson to see Dominic." Those gates opened fast for us to come in.

"Are you ready for this girl?"

"Yes. I'm ready."

"Are you sure? You don't look ready Lil."

"I was born ready Jackson."

We joined hands as we pulled up the long driveway to the house "I'll love you till I die Lil."

"I will love you until I take my last breath Jackson."

We didn't even make it out of the SUV until we were met with their guns drawn. They searched us both but we didn't have anything on us cause we knew what was coming. There was no doubt in our minds what our end fate would probably be.

Lil and I both have lived by the rules of outlaws and gangsters. We have broken some of those rules and rewritten a few too. But we knew our whole lives that our ending would be because of who we were. There is no more honorable death than dying for those that you love and giving them a chance to live by their own rules. See how they can change history and how far they will get without you. That's what brought us here today. Sacrificing ourselves so others will live on. No matter how this turns out we know we did the right thing for those we love and it will end with us being together.

Dominic took a bottle down from the shelf and poured a drink for him and Pappy "A toast to ending blood and joining together for a strength that no one can destroy."

Pappy raised his glass too "Wait. Lilyan come join us." Lil gave me a look but, did as he asked her too.

"I see you kept your word Lilyan." Pappy ordered all of his men out of the room but one. Dominic never took his eyes off me and had a smirk on his face.

"Yes I did and I expect for you to do the same Pappy."

"I plan on it." Without blinking an eye Pappy aimed his gun at Dominic's head. Before Dominic could get the words out Pappy pulled the trigger.

"Since Dominic is gone. I guess we will have toast to being a strong Mancini family again. Now Lilyan it is your turn to put an end to this feud and bury the secret. You have my word that you and your child will be released from the Family." Pappy held out the gun for Lil to take. She hesitated for a long time but finally took it. As he took his victory toast.

**CLUBHOUSE POV**

The boys were setting around at the clubhouse waiting for Jaxs and Lilyan to return just like they were told to do.

But Chibs knew something was wrong when they left. He just knew Jaxs was lyeing to him. He was having a beer with Tig waiting for it to be 7:00 to call church. Tig kept his word to Jackson knowing it was wrong.

"Everybody's in the chapel. We'll wait until Jackie gets back."

There was a knock on the clubhouse door. When Juice opened it they saw Roberto and Kyle standing there "We need to see Chibs."

Kyle handed Chibs an envelope from Lilyan. After Chibs read the letter "Jesus Mother of Christ. We need to go now. They need safe escort home. Full chain we need everybody that's here."

Getting all the other charters members and all the fire power they had available. It was now up to Chibs to make the call.

All the Sons were riding along with Roberto and Kyle to get to them as fast as they could. Chibs was praying that they wouldn't be too late to get to them. Although he still was unsure of what was happening and what they were walking into. It didn't matter. It is what the brotherhood does. Go even when the odds are against you of returning.

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me.**


	35. Chapter 35

**ABELS POV**

Setting in my office I just needed a minute away from everyone to catch my breath. Regain my composure before I had to face them all. It was time for me to step up and be the man. Strong on the outside, even though I was falling apart on the inside. I couldn't let them see me be weak. Never show weakness cause it is a liability. Someone someday day will use it against you.

One of Dad's favorite sayings that he always said to me and Thomas came to mind; Walk like a man or die like a pussy on your way to the death house.

Dad went out for a ride two days ago alone and never made it back. He was found on the side of the road with twelve bullet holes in his chest. We haven't found out who did it yet. But I will. Each one of the mother fuckers involved will die of a very slow and painful death. If there's one thing I was taught well by him it was you hurt those that hurt your family and the ones you love. No matter what consequences come with it.

Still feeling the effects of no sleep for the last couple of nights. I closed my eyes for a minute to rest them. Once I started reading the journals Dad had written for me and Thomas, I couldn't stop. I haven't had time to finished them yet but, I will after I put today behind me.

From reading them I learned so much about the man he truly was and tried to become. There was one woman who made him whole and she completed his world. But then ended up making him broken and unable to love again. After she left, his whole world fell apart and I never knew that about him.

Growing up I always knew that Lilyan meant a lot to Dad. But until he died, I never knew just how much. He would never talk about her to nobody unless it was by accident that he said her name. Which would happen a lot. There was so much shit he had hidden away about her that I've found already.

He had a few letters she had written to him over the years tucked in his journals. He had under lined in red every single; I love you. There were several letters he had written back to her but, he never mailed them. There was one that was addressed and sealed in an envelope that I opened up.

* * *

_**Lil,** _

_**You told me I would forget in time. But as the years have gone slowly by you've still preyed upon my heart, mind and what soul I've got left in me.** _

_**I won't ever say I'm sorry for keeping my family together and being near them while they grew up. The only thing I'm sorry for is that you weren't with me to raise them. They've made me prouder to be their father than anything else I've done in my life.** _

_**The boys are grown now. Abel has been riding with me for a few years and he'll be taking over the club someday. He's a strong man in the making and will do a better job than me. Following my life almost to the point it scares me. But you would be proud of him. How he thinks about the reprocustions and his outlook on life is better than mine ever was. He reminds me of you in that way.** _

_**Thomas is my hot head that doesn't think shit through. He got an education first instead of being a part of the club which makes me feel good and bad at the same time. I think he tries as much as he can to be nothing like me. But he just won't say it.** _

_**I went looking for you again. Since the boys are grown and they don't need me anymore. I would welcome the reaper in just to get to spend one more day with you. It took a lot more to find you this time but, I finally found you. Even though I know we aren't suppose to be together. It was something that I just had to do.** _

_**You've already moved on with your life cause I saw a blonde guy going in late at night into your house and he left the early the next morning. I don't know what he meant to you but, you spent the night with him.** _

_**I couldn't stand to hear you were in love with him, so I left it alone. I fought with myself not to go to the door to see you one more time. But I won't make it through losing you again. It's almost time for it to be over for me. It's coming closer and without you; I won't make through it this time.** _

_**The only thing that brought any relief from that pain of him being with you, was he rides a Harley too. I hope at least once in a while you think of me when you're riding with him.** _

_**I think about you all the time. I've tried to move on and be happy like you wanted me to, I really have. I've been with so many women I've lost track of them all and they didn't matter to me anyways.** _

_**They were just filling my needs and the void of you in my life. Anytime I was with someone, it was always you on my mind. None of them ever connected with me like I did with you in or out of bed.** _

_**I'll love you till I die,** _

_**Jackson** _

* * *

There was a picture of him and Lilyan on his Harley and he was so damn young back then. When I flipped it over. Dad had scribbled on the back of it; _Ricochet Of Love. My heart has bounced around looking for a home since she left me._

Thomas was at the door and I didn't even see him standing there "Abel it's time to start brother."

Putting on my cut over my dress shirt. I picked up dads rings that he wanted me to have. I put the first one on; SO. Then the second; NS. I can remember so many times when I was little setting on his lap playing with them. I touched my Presidents patch that was his, I won't let him down. I'll become the man my father tried be. I will make him proud of me.

"Did she come?" We were all wondered if she would. We only refered to Lilyan as she or her and never said her name out loud. Especially if Dad was anywhere near to hear it.

It made him go half crazy every now and then. He would be drunk and stoned out of his mind at the mention of her for days. It would go one of two ways. He wouldn't say anything to anybody or would destroy everything in his path.

Thomas laughed "Yeah she did. Along with most of the other woman Dad has ever fucked. It looks like a Jackson Andrew Teller fuck shrine going on out there."

Going out into the bar there sat the members that were part of the club when Dad was young. Some of them couldn't ride anymore and gave up their seats at the table years ago. Over the years that he was president; some that served under him had died or were killed doing what the club does. The new members were here too that me and Thomas had recruited. All coming together to pay their respects to him one more time.

Thomas was right. There was so many women gathered here that use to love him at one point and time in their life. But they all learned to hate what he really was. They tried to tame his outlaw and lock him down but, that shit never happened.

There was only one woman he ever truly loved and he loved her through it all. Hoping she'd come back to him again. The last entry he made in his journal the day before he died still showed that.

Everyone has their own version of the story. What really went down between him and Lilyan. I've heard some really crazy shit about them. When they do talk about Dad and Lilyan together; they make them sound like the outlaw couple of a life time. A modern-day Bonnie and Clyde. When I would start asking questions about them whoever was talking about would just shut up. I've never gotten one answer to any of my questions.

Dad and Lilyan are the only two people who knows the truth of what brought there ending. After reading some of the things they wrote to each other it was like they were still in love after all these years. I am really not understanding why they weren't together.

My mom, Wendy came. She got over Dad and moved on with her life when I was little. Leaving him far behind and anything that had to do with the club. I don't think they ever really loved each other. She filled a void for him and he was the bad boy that she just thought she wanted until she got him. That is what happens most of the time with the women that end up with us; they learn the hard way what it's really like living our kinda life.

Thomas mom, Tara refused to have any part of it. She only sees Thomas every few years. When she left Dad, she left us far behind too. Not that Tara didn't try to take us with her a few times.

But most of the time she wouldn't even make it to far out of Charming before he would track her down and bring us back home. The only time we did we went to Chicago. It was only about a week before Dad showed up there.

I was about twelve years old then. But I remember it all. Tara refused to open the door for him and threaten to call the cops if he didn't leave. Dad was one pissed off mother fucker when he kicked it in. Tara was lucky he didn't kill her that night.

He kept screaming at Tara "I told you that you could never handle this shit. But you wouldn't listen. You wanted all in and now you are bitch." I didn't know what being all in meant then and but I understand now all to well.

Dad sat down on the couch and lit up a smoke. He sat there for hours too waiting until Tara had us packed up and ready to leave. As we were going out the door he smacked Tara in the back of the head really hard.

"Get your ass home. This is the last time Tara cause next time you're dead." He meant what he said to her too. About a year after that Tara walked out the door and never looked back.

Everyone only blames Tara for them getting divorced. But Dad had his role he played in them splitting up too. Nobody talks about that but, Thomas and me both know the truth. Dad being with a different woman every night. He got to where he didn't even trying to hide it from anybody, especially Tara. He loved them small and with long blonde hair. He would search them out if he had to.

He would stay at the clubhouse drunk and stoned for months before he would come home again. He always made sure that he spent time with us though. We would see him almost every day and he always made sure that we knew that he loved us. Then he would let Tara have her time with us separate. I think he was just tired and was looking for a way out.

Tara ended up marrying a doctor and lives far away from Charming as she could get. From what Thomas says she's really happy now and found the one she truly loves. Because it sure as hell was never Dad.

Tara never belonged in this life and she didn't want to live by either. She had to have known the way things were going to be before she committed to it. You can't be with a member of the MC and expect anything else. That part she only has herself to blame for.

Mom hugged me and brought me back to where I was really at cause I was getting lost in all the past shit "Your father was so proud of you for the man you have become and so am I. All he ever wanted was for you to be a good man and take care of your family."

Looking around the room for my old lady, Crystal. She's five months pregnant and we will be starting our own family real soon. She has been my rock through all of this.

Dad loved her too. He told me pussy will come and pussy will go. But when you find the one that completes your world and makes you get right with yourself; never give it up no what you gotta do to hold on to her. That's why I hold on to Crystal so tight and I'll never let her go. Without her I don't know what I'd do.

Kinney was setting with Grandma. Kinney was named my new VP when I took over the gavel. There's no one that I trust more than him by my side. His dad, Opie served with mine. After Lyla died of an overdosed. Dad and Gemma finished raising Ellie, Kinney and Piper.

Kinney was taking Dad's death almost has hard as we were. He lost his dad when he was young and mine tried to fill that role for him as much as he could. He raised us as being true brothers. Ellie moved away as soon as she turned eighteen and we haven't heard from her since. Piper followed his moms footsteps. I guess he is a great porn star with a huge dick. That part I never wanna know about.

Gemma has latched on to me since Dad is gone and she has watched me like a hawk. I'm not sure if that's cause she thinks I'm gonna fuck up or she just misses Dad. Me and Thomas are all the family she has left now and I've tried to humor her. She's buried four husbands, two sons and I don't know how many members of this club over the years. No one knows more about death than she does.

Gemma was about ready to have a heart attack when I told her I found Lilyan. She kept saying that Lilyan didn't mean anything to Dad. She was nothing but a fuck to him. But I knew that was bullshit. He had Lilyan's name tatted on his arm. She wanted Lilyan's phone number so she could uninvite her. How in the fuck do you uninvite someone to a funeral?

But I still hadn't read all of that shit about them when I talked to Gemma. After I did read it I tried to talk to her about Lilyan. She wouldn't answer any of my questions. Expect she meant nothing to Dad.

I used the address that was on the envelope that Dad had in journal. She was still there cause it was only weeks ago he found her again. I had one of the guys track down a phone number for her. Lilyan said she wasn't sure that she should come.

Lilyan called me back the next morning and said if I thought it would be okay for her to come. She would really like to see Dad one more time. I didn't understand everything else she was saying. Some of it was the crying she was doing and the other was she was talking in circles.

Juice, Tig and Happy all welcomed Lilyan as though she was still one of us and had never been gone. She has stayed around them since she's got here.

When Lilyan walked by Gemma it was a stare down between the two of them. But Lilyan never backed down from her. That's unusual around here, Gemma almost always wins.

I went over and introduced myself to Lilyan but she just stood there looking at me with sad looking eyes "I'm Lily. You look so much like Jackson. You could almost be his twin Abel."

Yeah I hear that shit a lot too. I'm built bigger than Dad was but seeing old pictures of him, we do look a lot a like.

Most of the conversations I've had today have been those of sympathy but not with Lilyan. I didn't know what to think about what she wanted to talk about. She asked things like; who are his enemies right now and was anyone seeking retaliation on us? But the one that really fucked me up was when she wanted to know if his death was marked by a gang or were there any symbols found "I don't discuss that outside of those church doors. How would know about shit like that Lilyan?"

She never answered me but was staring at my President's patch. With a shaking hand she reached out and ran her trembling fingers over it. I could tell she was fucked up cause she turned white and I could hear her breathing harden "Lilyan are you okay?"

"It was nice meeting you Abel." She walked away from me and that was the end of that conversation.

Meeting Lilyan it wasn't hard to understand what Dad's fascination was with her. She's aged since the picture was taken but, she's still a looker. The way she carries herself, the twinkle in her eyes and the sweet innocent smile she give's when she looks at you was just part of it. From what I've read, she makes you wanna love her or wish you were lucky enough to get the chance to.

Some young guy walked into the clubhouse and it was obvious that he didn't belong here. He went straight to Lilyan. They were arguing about something so I went over to see what the fuck was going on "I told you I was fine. Why did you come here? Go home right now."

"Is everything okay Lilyan? Is he bothering you?"

I thought it was her boyfriend until he introduced himself "I'm her son Cain. I came to make sure that she's okay. I'm really sorry about your dad." I had a little chuckle at the name she chose for him.

It was bugging me that I had seen Lilyan's kid somewhere before. I just couldn't shake the eerie feeling it was giving me. So I told Thomas about it and asked him if he had seen him before "Look in his eyes and tell me who you see Abel."

I did and it didn't hit me until Cain turned his head. His blonde hair and his blue eyes. The attitude he has and the tatts. But it wasn't until I seen him look right at me. His eyes said it all "Oh fuck, do you think he's dad's kid?"

Thomas rolled his eyes. The same way Tara use to do when ever Dad would talk about the club or anything that she didn't really wanna hear "Really do ya think Abel that he might be his?" Thomas has always gotta be a smart ass to prove a point.

When Lilyan went up to see Dad I made small talk with Cain "So is everything okay with you and your Mom?"

"Yeah she's just pissed that I tailed her here. Sometimes she has bouts of depression and she took the news of your Dad's death pretty hard. I was just worried about her because she was falling apart this morning. I really didn't wanna make her mad."

Finally getting to what I really wanted to know "Did your Dad come with you too?"

"Nah. I never met my Dad. He died before I was born. Mom says he was an outlaw ahead of his time." That was enough for me to be sure too, he's Dad's son, our brother. Cause that the one thing that was an outlaw ahead of his time. I wasn't gonna say anything about it today. But I'm not gonna let it go either.

I'd put off going up to the casket to see him as long as I could. He was in his cut all dressed up to go away. It was the first time I'd seen him smile in years. I put the picture of him and Lilyan that I found inside of his cut near his heart "Your heart found its way home. You can rest in peace now Dad. I'll see you on the other side."

Thomas was taking it hard that it was time "Soon they'll be carrying him away."

"Dad is finally in peace now little brother."

Raising the casket up as the members were carrying him out. I led the walk through the clubhouse. They all raised their glasses up high for the man he was and the man he tried to be.

Looking over at Lilyan knowing dad was over her for good "He stopped loving her today."

**THE REAPER APPEARS! THE END!**

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**A/N~~~ I am writing a squeal to this story. So look for: Sons of Jackson. The first chapter will be posted by the time you finish reading this. It will answer a lot of the questions to this story that you have about the ending.**

**THANK YOU ALL FOR READING THIS STORY TO THE LAST CHAPTER!**   
**xoxo**   
**PG**


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